Explain to me the financial risk of SAH if partner is a high earner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.

All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.

Ha. My husband 100% believes I’m his intellectual peer. His peer in ambition and productivity? No. Intellect? Yes.

This... my DH is well aware that I scored higher on the SAT and went to a higher ranked school than he did (not by much). He chose a way more lucrative career path than I did, however, and I did want to be a SAHM which he knew when we married. I do not believe he thinks that somehow I have lost significant intellectual power simply because I'm at home with the kids instead of working in an office.
Now would he say I'm ambitious in terms of a career? Definitely not. I don't think every man really wants that dynamic in their marriage though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

Ew. I would not want to be with someone who is so dismissive of the work of others. That is a terrible thing to say.

I never thought if it that way, but I make less than what DH pays in taxes. I still out earn something like 90% of Americans and I have a rich intellectual life and financial security - why would I give that all up to be his complete dependent?

If you see no reason to, don’t. Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.

All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.

You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.

Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.

Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.

All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.

You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.

Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.

Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.

You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.

All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.

You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.

Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.

Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.

You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.

Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.

Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.

All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.

You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.

Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.

Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.

You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.

Although there is some truth to it but lets be clear that most well off SAHMs have more time to pursue intellectual stimulation, have hobbies and groom themselves then worker bees. Most men compare their wives with other women even if their wives are astronauts or brain surgeons. If fact, divorce and infidelity rate in marriages where accomplishment levels are higher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.

All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.

You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.

Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.

Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.

You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.

Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.

Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though.

Nobody needs to have a compelling reason to work outside of their wanting to work. Dads never have to justify why they’re doing it - why do moms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

Ew. I would not want to be with someone who is so dismissive of the work of others. That is a terrible thing to say.

I never thought if it that way, but I make less than what DH pays in taxes. I still out earn something like 90% of Americans and I have a rich intellectual life and financial security - why would I give that all up to be his complete dependent?

So, how do you feel about the staff who raise your kids and care for your house? Because they aren't as intellectual as you, are they worthless as are SAHP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.

All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.

You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.

Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.

Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.

You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.

Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.

Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though.

Nobody needs to have a compelling reason to work outside of their wanting to work. Dads never have to justify why they’re doing it - why do moms?

🧐


I’m not sure you’re as smart as you think you are.

[Anonymous]

In current system, women need to work. However, regardless of gender, most jobs aren't more than a way to make a living, not a source of stimulation or happiness. Imho humans don't need to be hamsters on the work wheel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.

All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.

You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.

Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.

Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.

You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.

Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.

Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though.

Communicating with mostly adults throughout the day, problem solving definitely makes me feel more intellectually challenged vs SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

Ew. I would not want to be with someone who is so dismissive of the work of others. That is a terrible thing to say.

I never thought if it that way, but I make less than what DH pays in taxes. I still out earn something like 90% of Americans and I have a rich intellectual life and financial security - why would I give that all up to be his complete dependent?

So, how do you feel about the staff who raise your kids and care for your house? Because they aren't as intellectual as you, are they worthless as are SAHP?

Kids go to school and after school activities. Qualified professionals are teaching them. It's not like I was homeschooling them. Staff would only drive them around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why isn't anyone talking about DEATH.

Husbands die all the time, from lots of different things, and unless you have some other way of paying the bills - someone has to pay the mortgage.

I'm acutely aware of dead husbands because my friend went through it. She had to scramble to find a job with decent salary and good benefits shortly after her husband passed, and it wasn't easy.

Death would be less financially destructive than divorce for many (most?) UMC women. There is social security, life insurance, and presumably, they get all of the marital assets.

This.

[Anonymous]

For a good percentage of women, jobs are a way to socialize, to avoid taking care of kids and household and a backup plan. Nothing wrong with it but no need to paint it as a higher calling or a nobel cause. You do it because you want to or need to and that's good enough explanation.

For women really making a difference, this is a useless discussion on a random forum for people with too much time on their hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a good percentage of women, jobs are a way to socialize, to avoid taking care of kids and household and a backup plan. Nothing wrong with it but no need to paint it as a higher calling or a nobel cause. You do it because you want to or need to and that's good enough explanation.

For women really making a difference, this is a useless discussion on a random forum for people with too much time on their hands.

What are jobs for men?