Explain to me the financial risk of SAH if partner is a high earner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.

All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.

You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.

Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.

Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.

You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.

Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.

Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though.

Communicating with mostly adults throughout the day, problem solving definitely makes me feel more intellectually challenged vs SAHM

Right, then if you need that environment to be intellectually sharp life you don’t strongly value intellectual sharpness. I was always every bit as sharp as a SAHM as I was as an attorney because that’s one of my biggest values. If you can’t be an SAHM and also stay intellectually sharp that’s understandable, but it’s a you problem and you shouldn’t assume that other people have the same problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

Ew. I would not want to be with someone who is so dismissive of the work of others. That is a terrible thing to say.

I never thought if it that way, but I make less than what DH pays in taxes. I still out earn something like 90% of Americans and I have a rich intellectual life and financial security - why would I give that all up to be his complete dependent?

So, how do you feel about the staff who raise your kids and care for your house? Because they aren't as intellectual as you, are they worthless as are SAHP?

Our nanny and housekeeper are invaluable. I think the world of them. Our nanny certainly isn't raising our kids for us, but she's nonetheless critical to our family functioning as it does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.

All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.

You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.

Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.

Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.

You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.

Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.

Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though.

Nobody needs to have a compelling reason to work outside of their wanting to work. Dads never have to justify why they’re doing it - why do moms?

🧐


I’m not sure you’re as smart as you think you are.

Right back atcha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.

All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.

You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.

Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.

Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.

You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.

You assume everyone is nicely dressed for a corporate meeting? What a limited understanding you have of the many careers out there and how people dress. And you think you're some intellectual powerhouse because you have a jobby job that gives you pin money but makes no difference to your household? Stick to your circle and the things you know because your experience is nothing like mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.

All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.

You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.

Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.

Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.

You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.

Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.

Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though.

Communicating with mostly adults throughout the day, problem solving definitely makes me feel more intellectually challenged vs SAHM

So what do you think of teachers and people who primarily work with children during the day. Are they not intellectually challenged? This sounds like some cognitive issues you're having in stimulating your atrophied brain versus a universal problem everyone has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.

All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.

You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.

Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.

Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.

You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.

Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.

Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though.

Communicating with mostly adults throughout the day, problem solving definitely makes me feel more intellectually challenged vs SAHM

So what do you think of teachers and people who primarily work with children during the day. Are they not intellectually challenged? This sounds like some cognitive issues you're having in stimulating your atrophied brain versus a universal problem everyone has.

Why aren't you married to a teacher or other pink collar professional?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.

All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.

You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.

Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.

Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.

You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.

You assume everyone is nicely dressed for a corporate meeting? What a limited understanding you have of the many careers out there and how people dress. And you think you're some intellectual powerhouse because you have a jobby job that gives you pin money but makes no difference to your household? Stick to your circle and the things you know because your experience is nothing like mine.

The big boss at my firm is always in sweats ( we are pretty much completely remote). I have never seen her dress up. She is my Shero!

I remember dressing up for a client meeting and having to quickly take off my earnings once I turned on the video and realized she was very casual.

No or very light makeup, a bun and a sweatshirt-like top. That's her look.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.

All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.

You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.

Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.

Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.

You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.

Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.

Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though.

Communicating with mostly adults throughout the day, problem solving definitely makes me feel more intellectually challenged vs SAHM

So what do you think of teachers and people who primarily work with children during the day. Are they not intellectually challenged? This sounds like some cognitive issues you're having in stimulating your atrophied brain versus a universal problem everyone has.

Why aren't you married to a teacher or other pink collar professional?

Are you the same "SAHMs aren't intellectually stimulated poster?" If so this is the second blatant non sequitur I've seen from you in a very short span of time. It's getting cringey!

[Anonymous]

Getting back to the original question, for the SAHM with a $2m annual law partner the gravy train can stop on a dime. The law partner can make it hellish to get a good divorce attorney simply by having consultations with them so they can't take your case. He'll be able to afford excellent lawyers and experts who can hide his assets.

If he's smart, he'll be doing this on an ongoing basis. If he decides someone better has come along, he needs to have flexibility to proceed however he'd like. Does he just want a fling, does he want to dump you and move her in as a girlfriend, or does he want to marry her? If he has his ducks in a row legally and financially, he can make the decision based on the other woman and not based on any encumbrances with the original wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting back to the original question, for the SAHM with a $2m annual law partner the gravy train can stop on a dime. The law partner can make it hellish to get a good divorce attorney simply by having consultations with them so they can't take your case. He'll be able to afford excellent lawyers and experts who can hide his assets.

If he's smart, he'll be doing this on an ongoing basis. If he decides someone better has come along, he needs to have flexibility to proceed however he'd like. Does he just want a fling, does he want to dump you and move her in as a girlfriend, or does he want to marry her? If he has his ducks in a row legally and financially, he can make the decision based on the other woman and not based on any encumbrances with the original wife.

Not really. The wife just has to hire a forensic accountant and a decent lawyer. It’s not that hard to follow the money I’d he works for an established firm. If he owns his own business, things get trickier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

Ew. I would not want to be with someone who is so dismissive of the work of others. That is a terrible thing to say.

I never thought if it that way, but I make less than what DH pays in taxes. I still out earn something like 90% of Americans and I have a rich intellectual life and financial security - why would I give that all up to be his complete dependent?

So, how do you feel about the staff who raise your kids and care for your house? Because they aren't as intellectual as you, are they worthless as are SAHP?

Our nanny and housekeeper are invaluable. I think the world of them. Our nanny certainly isn't raising our kids for us, but she's nonetheless critical to our family functioning as it does.

Who is raising your kids? It should be you and your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a good percentage of women, jobs are a way to socialize, to avoid taking care of kids and household and a backup plan. Nothing wrong with it but no need to paint it as a higher calling or a nobel cause. You do it because you want to or need to and that's good enough explanation.

For women really making a difference, this is a useless discussion on a random forum for people with too much time on their hands.

What are jobs for men?

Same. Only they are expected by nature, body and society to hunt more and nurture less. Not fair but reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.

All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.

You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.

Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.

Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.

You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.

Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.

Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though.

Communicating with mostly adults throughout the day, problem solving definitely makes me feel more intellectually challenged vs SAHM

So what do you think of teachers and people who primarily work with children during the day. Are they not intellectually challenged? This sounds like some cognitive issues you're having in stimulating your atrophied brain versus a universal problem everyone has.

Why aren't you married to a teacher or other pink collar professional?

Why aren't you? When I married my husband I made more than him. Now the roles are reversed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting back to the original question, for the SAHM with a $2m annual law partner the gravy train can stop on a dime. The law partner can make it hellish to get a good divorce attorney simply by having consultations with them so they can't take your case. He'll be able to afford excellent lawyers and experts who can hide his assets.

If he's smart, he'll be doing this on an ongoing basis. If he decides someone better has come along, he needs to have flexibility to proceed however he'd like. Does he just want a fling, does he want to dump you and move her in as a girlfriend, or does he want to marry her? If he has his ducks in a row legally and financially, he can make the decision based on the other woman and not based on any encumbrances with the original wife.

Not really. The wife just has to hire a forensic accountant and a decent lawyer. It’s not that hard to follow the money I’d he works for an established firm. If he owns his own business, things get trickier.

Come on. he makes sure she can't find a decent lawyer by getting them all conflicted out. There aren't that many forensic accountants, and he just needs to make sure they know there's a lot more business if they play ball with him rather than her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are you all marrying that they’d do this to you?

When a man doesnt want to f..k you anymore he will dispose of you and your joint kids with him like trash. Remember it for the rest of your life that 80% of men would do that. Decide accordingly on career

The reality is that a man can decide he wants someone else based on factors that you have no control over. And he may commit to a new life and do a lot of shifting of assets years before you know anything. Many men do become resentful of a non-working spouse. As the "trophy" of a SAH wife is shifting to the "trophy" of a successful spouse, the position of SAH moms will continue to become more perilous. If it works, great. But if it stops, you can be a lot worse off than you could have imagined. And CS stops. If you have been completely out of the working world, to get a job that will give you a middle class income in DMV in your late 40s or 50s will be difficult. Age discrimination is real. There used to be some stigma of divorce. My ex's boss and his boss both had multiple marriages. The culture where DH spends most waking hours has more influence over time than the SAH wife does. And workplace affairs in law firms, etc are common. My ex really loved the thrill of the initial sneaking around he told me. Midlife crises are real and you can end up very harmed by them, your kids, too.

You think a high earning man is really going to respect a 200k career?

+1

My DH literally said “I pay more than that in taxes”

I think they would respect that the person has drive and ambition and accomplishments that have nothing to do with their role as a wife and mother.

Someone making millions of dollars likely won’t think someone with 200k really has drive, ambition and accomplishments. Sorry but that’s the truth.

I’m a working professional and I sure hope my husband values my role as a wife and mother way more than my paper pushing job.

My FIL is in the boat of making millions, while all of his kids each make under 200k a year. He and my MIL have advanced degrees, while his kids stopped at bachelor's degrees. He's still really proud of their career accomplishments. His kids, irrespective of gender, care more about spending time with family and on hobbies than working long hours and making lots of money. You could argue that men respect their adult kids more than their wives, but that's a different topic altogether.

All of this. There are just a lot of women on here who don't work are want to push the message that they're still their DH's intellectual peers. No one believes that except them. Sorry, but your DH's do not respect you as their intellectual peers. They respect that you "took one for the team and do shitty work so they don't have to". But those are different things.

You spend a lot of time worry about what other people's husbands think of their wives. What does it have to do with you? I can guarantee none of those women give you a thought in the world. You're spinning your wheels over nothing.

Apparently these other women do give it a thought if they publish such topics. The risks of not working are well described on this thread. We have no clue about you or your situation, or how special or secure you are in your marriage. We just had different experiences and shared it here.

Sorry your husband though you weren't his intellectual peer, or something. Choose better next time.

You lack sharpness to grasp what others are telling you. Men marry their intellectual peer, but grow resentful over time and stop considering SAHM as equal. Of course they watch wife wiping poop, cleaning, cooking, and planning vacation. Couple times/year planning a vacation. Do you really believe he is not tempted to compare you with his colleagues, nicely dressed for corporate meetings? Of course men compare and think about it.
Personally I am way happier working than when I was SAH. It's nice to have own social circle of adults.

Either you need to work to stay intellectually sharp, which means you don’t value intellectual things that much, or your husband is too stupid to realize that being intellectually sharp and doing childcare tasks are not mutually exclusive.

Either one is not a flex and certainly not a compelling reason to not be a SAHM. Glad you’re happy though.

Communicating with mostly adults throughout the day, problem solving definitely makes me feel more intellectually challenged vs SAHM

So what do you think of teachers and people who primarily work with children during the day. Are they not intellectually challenged? This sounds like some cognitive issues you're having in stimulating your atrophied brain versus a universal problem everyone has.

No, I think that someone who works with kindergarterners all day is not as intellectually challenged as a lawyer or professor. Those jobs are difficult and important and exhausting and require very dedicated, patient, and talented people. But they are not as INTELLECTUALLY challenging.