Women whose partner's make enough for them to stay home, why do you prefer working?

[Anonymous]

One of the best moms I know is a law partner. I always consider her super mom. She works hard, she earns great money, and she is an amazing mom. She is so type A and always organized. She doesnt cook or clean, but she makes enough to outsource it (sometimes her DH will cook but rarely).

One of the worst moms I know is a SAHM. She has 4 young kids and has never really worked since graduating HS. The kids are crazy (if we're talking manicured they are the opposite!), the house is a mess, she "homesteads" which is really just canning, and she occasionally gets sucked into MLMs.

Both people in my family. I certainly don't think the SAHM is a better mom than the law partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

I guess you are proving my point. There wasn’t a whole lot of raising kids/taking care of parents/managing household” even when the kids were home.

Kids are pretty independent and I’m not sitting playing candy land all day. My house doesn’t need much managing and my parents needed help sporadically.

So yea I didn’t find there was much to do all day

[Anonymous]

So I don't forget important things like how to use apostrophes correctly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I mean your not really “responsible for a human” ever second of the day.

The play independently, have play dates, go to preschool. Watch tv, nap. Even with Ty we m home there’s not a lot of “doing”.

I wish I lived to read, I could do that.

[Anonymous]

I'm type A bossy and it's good for my H and kids to terrorize and fights with other people. I also get to dress up for work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm type A bossy and it's good for my H and kids to terrorize and fights with other people. I also get to dress up for work.

LOL. This is the best answer yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

I guess you are proving my point. There wasn’t a whole lot of raising kids/taking care of parents/managing household” even when the kids were home.

Kids are pretty independent and I’m not sitting playing candy land all day. My house doesn’t need much managing and my parents needed help sporadically.

So yea I didn’t find there was much to do all day

I think I may be saying the opposite. There was a lot of that stuff to do, but my four year old just came with me. It wasn’t that different when he went to school. I’m just not talking constantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

I guess you are proving my point. There wasn’t a whole lot of raising kids/taking care of parents/managing household” even when the kids were home.

Kids are pretty independent and I’m not sitting playing candy land all day. My house doesn’t need much managing and my parents needed help sporadically.

So yea I didn’t find there was much to do all day

I think I may be saying the opposite. There was a lot of that stuff to do, but my four year old just came with me. It wasn’t that different when he went to school. I’m just not talking constantly.

Oh okay. I don’t really have that much to do. I’m not an errand runner some of my friend are maybe that’s you but besides groceries once a week I don’t have that much “running around “ to do,

What are you doing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

I guess you are proving my point. There wasn’t a whole lot of raising kids/taking care of parents/managing household” even when the kids were home.

Kids are pretty independent and I’m not sitting playing candy land all day. My house doesn’t need much managing and my parents needed help sporadically.

So yea I didn’t find there was much to do all day

I think I may be saying the opposite. There was a lot of that stuff to do, but my four year old just came with me. It wasn’t that different when he went to school. I’m just not talking constantly.

Like what? Sounds like you have all kinds of household chores and what not and you were just bringing the four year old along.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read the many pages of replies, but my DH is in biglaw and I'm an academic. I get a different type of joy out of the intellectual stimulation my work provides than being around my family. Not more, but complementary. I am a better mom and wife after a day of interacting with my students and collaborators. Admittedly I also take comfort in knowing I could support myself if I ever had to. We outsource plenty and have local involved grandparents, which also makes a big difference, and my schedule at this point in my career is very flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

I guess you are proving my point. There wasn’t a whole lot of raising kids/taking care of parents/managing household” even when the kids were home.

Kids are pretty independent and I’m not sitting playing candy land all day. My house doesn’t need much managing and my parents needed help sporadically.

So yea I didn’t find there was much to do all day

I think I may be saying the opposite. There was a lot of that stuff to do, but my four year old just came with me. It wasn’t that different when he went to school. I’m just not talking constantly.

Like what? Sounds like you have all kinds of household chores and what not and you were just bringing the four year old along.

I don’t know. Don’t you always just feel like there is stuff to do? Even if it isn’t errands or chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the many pages of replies, but my DH is in biglaw and I'm an academic. I get a different type of joy out of the intellectual stimulation my work provides than being around my family. Not more, but complementary. I am a better mom and wife after a day of interacting with my students and collaborators. Admittedly I also take comfort in knowing I could support myself if I ever had to. We outsource plenty and have local involved grandparents, which also makes a big difference, and my schedule at this point in my career is very flexible.

I could have written this. I'm also an academic, DH is a biglaw partner who pulls in close to $3M/year. We have a pretty low-key lifestyle and don't need my income. I'm not necessarily a better mom with regard to day-to-day stuff with my career, but I definitely feel like I am a good example to my girls. What's kept me in the work force are 1) feeling an obligation to the next generation of college students - imagine the message higher ed would send if the only professors on campus were men and dads, as if only men were intellectually capable of generating knowledge; 2) not wanting to throw away the rare benefits of tenure; and 3) feeling satisfaction with my work and joy in my colleagues.
As my girls get older, they have become really proud of me and are impressed that I've written books, which is a nice bonus. I also think that having girls has made my DH far more thoughtful about being an equal parent; he doesn't want a home situation where the girls are raised to believe that their most important job is to support their husband's career.
I think that mothering work is meaningful, but doesn't necessarily require a fancy college degree to do well. Along those lines, I also believe that people who have had the tremendous privilege of a great education, which is a societal good only made possible by the generosity of the larger community, should use it to better the world beyond one's immediate family and friends. I confess that when I meet well-educated moms who never re-entered the work force even after the kids were in middle school, I feel kind of bad for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

You don't think your day to day changed when you arent responsible for a human for most of the day? That's a huge difference to me!

I’m still ultimately responsible for all of my kids every day.
But yeah, it isn’t that different.
Now I go go book club on Thursday mornings on my own. I don’t have to bring stickers.
When I fold laundry, I listen to an audiobook instead of his little stories, and I have to match the socks myself.
I usually make dinner on my own without my little helper. (There’s too much going on after school to cook then.).

I mostly kind of miss him.

This sounds like a terrible book club! Kids?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone contributes to society, what's the difference between raising your children, caring for your parents and managing your household vs doing it for money as an employee?

For me it’s because once kids were in school there was not much “raising kids/caring for parents/managing household “ to do.

I’m always surprised when people say this. I don’t think that my day to day changed that much when my youngest went to school. I just didn’t have my little buddy with me anymore.

I guess I don’t go to the zoo as much, but it’s not like I was spending hours a day playing CandyLand with a four year old before he went to school.

I guess you are proving my point. There wasn’t a whole lot of raising kids/taking care of parents/managing household” even when the kids were home.

Kids are pretty independent and I’m not sitting playing candy land all day. My house doesn’t need much managing and my parents needed help sporadically.

So yea I didn’t find there was much to do all day

I think I may be saying the opposite. There was a lot of that stuff to do, but my four year old just came with me. It wasn’t that different when he went to school. I’m just not talking constantly.

Like what? Sounds like you have all kinds of household chores and what not and you were just bringing the four year old along.

I don’t know. Don’t you always just feel like there is stuff to do? Even if it isn’t errands or chores.

No. That’s abnormal. It sounds like a coping mechanism for anxiety