What are our chances of being able to adopt a healthy infant?
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Anonymous
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We are starting the process of exploring adoption. I hear so many stories of how hard it is to adopt, but I know it is all based on individual circumstances. Before we even start the journey I am wondering if any BTDT parents can give me some feedback on what we can expect based on our particular situation.
DH and I are both 37. We are financially comfortable (HHI $300K) and have a stable marriage. We have a happy, healthy, charming 3-year-old biological child who we adore and who would be a great older sibling. I work part time and DH has a fairly flexible job. We live in a nice neighborhood with great schools. We are not perfect of course but I think we are good parents and I think we would look good on paper to prospective birth parents. We are considering adoption because I have a medical condition that causes me a lot of physical pain. It is well-managed by medication but it would be very difficult to go off of the meds for the duration of a pregnancy. The condition is not life threatening or progressive--it just is what it is and I have a 99% normal life as long as I am on the meds. For various reasons, we are hoping to adopt a very young infant. We are open to any race, domestic or international. We are so ready to welcome a new baby with open arms and give him/her a wonderful home. We are willing to pay the high end of adoption fees, birth mom expenses, etc. Is it realistic to think that we could adopt a healthy infant? How long would it take? Is my medical condition going to be an automatic disqualifier? Also we are Jewish -- do you think some birth moms might be less likely to chose us bc that may less familiar to them? Thanks in advance for any info. |
Anonymous
| I am persuing International adoption as a single woman. Pretty much impossible to get an infant internationally (from Russia- at least- where I am seeking.) My understanding is with domestic adoption you are much more likely to get an infant as opposed to an older child- BUT you also run the risk (though-a slight one) of the birth mom changing her mind. In Maryland- she has 30-days. Good luck! |
Anonymous
| They would be good but it is hit or miss. I found that being Jewish was a turn off as you mentioned and it took us longer than average to adopt. Go with a big agency and one that has national exposure and dabble in some private too. And, you can try with a private attorney in FL, CA or a few other states, if you are willing to spend $50-70,000. The more you are willing to spend, the higher your chances but just know sometimes paying more gives you more headaches (i.e. pay a lot of birthparent expenses and sometimes post adoption they continue to expect help with rent, bills, etc). |
Anonymous
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Just curious -- and honestly ignorant. If you adopt a child and he/she isn't Jewish or you don't know, is the baby considered Jewish?
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Anonymous
| Single poster again (and Jewish) and the child would be Jewish- of course! |
Anonymous
| OP, I think that if you find the right agency, your chances of adopting domestically are about a hundred per cent. Look all over the country for a good agency. You aren't stuck in MD, DC, or VA where the laws suck and the wait lists are long. It could take a little longer because of the religious thing but no one ever asked us about religion and we adopted two healthy newborns (both biracial). We're agnostics-- I was raised Jewish. We only waited six weeks for the first one: a beautiful boy. Just do your research and brace yourselves. It isn't easy but you will be parents in the end. |
Anonymous
| I think every situation is different and you never really know what is a plus or a minus in terms of criteria for being selected. I agree with a PP - don't limit yourself to the DC area. We adopted a healthy infant 2.5 years ago and didn't end up waiting very long at all. We hired an attorney who served as a consultant for us. At his suggestion we joined an agency in Florida - two months later he told us about our DD. in her case the agency was choosing the adoptive parents and the fact that we're Jewish actually helped! So like I said, you really never know. |
Anonymous
| We adopted in Florida, too. |
Anonymous
If the child's birthmother are jewish, then yes. If not you convert baby. |
Anonymous
| OP - Have you ever just considered a surrogate? Just curious. |
Anonymous
OP here. I have, very seriously. But I think it would be harder because I would quite possibly have to go off my meds to harvest the eggs, and it could end up being a lot more expensive -- I've been told to budget up to $50K for adoption and $100K for adoption. We could scrape it together but that's money that could go into both kids' college funds. And also I guess I don't see the need to take such extreme measures to bring a baby into the world when there are already babies here who need loving homes. NOOOO judgment on anyone who chooses surrogacy -- it's a wonderful thing, and to be honest we haven't totally written it off, depending on what we determine are our chances with adoption. We're just at the beginning of this whole process. I'm encouraged by the responses on here, though. |
Anonymous
| Understand there aren't babies who need loving homes - there are far more homes than babies. You can get lucky and adopt easily or it could be a very long and difficult process. I would adopt over stopping your medications. The financial costs are astounding and it sucks as that money is far better spent on college funds (I've said that many times) but I'm far more grateful for my child than having that money at this point and we are still doing the college fund. Its impossible to determine your chances. Often it is just pure luck of the right timing. Hope you have a good, easy and quick experience. |
Anonymous
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We are a gay couple living in MD, WE just used adoptions together to adopt a healthy infant ( baby girl). From start to finish it was about 15 months total wait time.
We were open to any race, gender and some easily fixable medical conditions and an open adoption. We said no to excessive alcohol use and drug use. We did feel a but nickle and dimed by adoptions together, There are set prices for things but theres so much stuff they don't tell you. There are a few classes you have to take and they charge for those. When its time for court, if you dont want to hire a lawyer and want to do it yourself they make you take another class through them, which you have to pay extra for. We also only had 8 days notice we were getting our daughter, but had to pay for a full 30 days of interim care. Having said that, they are great people to work with and very responsive. Good luck with your choice OP |
Anonymous
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I don't understand the Jewish questions?
Wouldn't the baby be whatever you are? Our birth Mother said she was muslim but we are raising our daughter as a Christian, The birth mother knows this and doesn't have a problem with it. I would never have said our baby was or is a Muslim? |
Anonymous
OP here. Under Jewish law the child would not be recognized as Jewish if you did not do a conversion. It's not difficult to do, I believe the biggest thing is that the child has to be bathed in the mikvah (ritual bath). However, we are reform so I don't even know if I would really need to do the conversion to raise the child Jewish. Guess we'll speak the our rabbi when/if the time comes. |