What are our chances of being able to adopt a healthy infant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be careful also with the private lawyer route. I went to a free clinic at Jefferson Hospital in Phila. for pregnancy testing when I was in college. After meeting with the doctor ( PG was confirmed), I met with a SW as a matter of clinic policy( comprehensive services). Despite the fact that I had not so much as even mentioned that I was interested in giving my baby up for adoption, as soon as the SW found out that I was a soon to be college grad, and that the father was a collge grad and neitehr of us used drugs ( I thought she was asking these questions to see what my social supports were), OUT came the card for the " nice lawyer I know". This SW called me every week until I had a misscarriage a few weeks later, at which point she promptly hung up the phone. This was in the 1990's.

Think carefully if this is the kind of industry you want to support before you contact a "private" lawyer. I thought how unethical and sleezy.

That is very sleezy but not fully private adoption. That social worker was probably getting some type of referral fee. Some states, not all, as Maryland does not allow, attorney or third party matches. You advertise in newspapers and online and do word of mouth telling everyone you know. We got our child via online advertising as several of our friends have. Agencies can be equally scummy too.

[Anonymous]

This can be a valid argument. We are an older couple. We ended up using a surrogate because we were in our late 40's at the time we were considering adoption. ....We knew that if we didn't match the first time or if a match fell through and we had to match a second time that my spouse would age out and we could be eliminated.

This happened to us! We were so shocked when the agency told us we were too old. We were 38 at the time. We chose surrogacy. Worked out perfectly for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be careful also with the private lawyer route. I went to a free clinic at Jefferson Hospital in Phila. for pregnancy testing when I was in college. After meeting with the doctor ( PG was confirmed), I met with a SW as a matter of clinic policy( comprehensive services). Despite the fact that I had not so much as even mentioned that I was interested in giving my baby up for adoption, as soon as the SW found out that I was a soon to be college grad, and that the father was a collge grad and neitehr of us used drugs ( I thought she was asking these questions to see what my social supports were), OUT came the card for the " nice lawyer I know". This SW called me every week until I had a misscarriage a few weeks later, at which point she promptly hung up the phone. This was in the 1990's.

Think carefully if this is the kind of industry you want to support before you contact a "private" lawyer. I thought how unethical and sleezy.

That is very sleezy but not fully private adoption. That social worker was probably getting some type of referral fee. Some states, not all, as Maryland does not allow, attorney or third party matches. You advertise in newspapers and online and do word of mouth telling everyone you know. We got our child via online advertising as several of our friends have. Agencies can be equally scummy too.

OP has stated they have money, so paying for scummy behavior is not an issue.
In any case, when you adopt you are part of an unregulated industry that has its dark side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing I'd like you to consider is having the adopted child being the only one in the family of a different race. We have 5 children, two of whom are adopted, and both are hispanic. We specifically wanted the second adopted child to "match" the first so they would each have someone who looked like them (a little bit) in the family. They're already different by virtue of being adopted.

The other thing I'd like you to consider is that many medical issues are chronic as long as the child stays in their foster/orphanage environment. Once their water supply changes or they're not sharing close quarters with other children, what medical documents say on paper is a permanent medical condition may diminish or disappear entirely. Our son, for example, was presented as having severe respiratory issues that require lengthy and frequent hospitalization. Because we knew we were having other children, we didn't want one parent to be stuck in a hospital multiple times a year, so he was - on paper - not a good fit for our family. However upon closer inspection, he simply had untreated asthma. He went from spending close to a month in the hospital 4-7 times a year to taking daily asthma treatments, to now having a few inhalers around the house, which he needs less than once a month.

Lastly, we adopted an "older" child, who was only 3. We hear older child and think like 11 or something. But even a 3 year old is considered "older." Please consider the preschooler set.

We are interested in adopting a child between newborn and in the preschool set. Ay advice on how to do this would be welcome. Most postings seem to be about adopting newborns so we are not sure if we need to follow a different path to look into preschooler adoptions. We are not inclined to foster bc of the possibility of not getting the child in the end. We have a bio toddler who we need to consider first in this process.

[Anonymous]

Preschoolers become available for adoption through the foster care system. They are called special needs adoptions. As such they cost less