What are our chances of being able to adopt a healthy infant?

[Anonymous]

I would be interested to know what agencies in Florida (or national agencies) people have had experience with? So far we have just started to look at agencies in DC, but would like to do some research further afield if that will make things easier/quicker. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

It is very hard to adopt in MD/DC/VA as other states have much more liberal laws regarding adoption and expenses. People do successfully adopt, but it is far harder. Go with a bigger/national agency. Also, just because one person has had success with an agency does not mean you will. The problem is they want a lot of money up front and there is no guarantee of a child so they can keep your money and leave you waiting for years (this has happened to us and others we know). Do a combination of agency, attorney and private adoption if you can spend $50,000.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is very hard to adopt in MD/DC/VA as other states have much more liberal laws regarding adoption and expenses. People do successfully adopt, but it is far harder. Go with a bigger/national agency. Also, just because one person has had success with an agency does not mean you will. The problem is they want a lot of money up front and there is no guarantee of a child so they can keep your money and leave you waiting for years (this has happened to us and others we know). Do a combination of agency, attorney and private adoption if you can spend $50,000.

I don't think it's necessary to spend that much. Our adoptions were both around $30,000 with multiple attorneys, two agencies for one, three for another, social workers, birthmother expenses and counseling, travel, etc. Just choose your agency carefully, pay attention to online reviews (they are extremely important), and know the laws of both states involved inside and out. I don't recommend getting sucked in to the apparent ease of a Utah adoption. The laws regarding birthfather rights are so lax that I think sometimes adoptions are at risk. All of the adoptions that end up getting contested appear to be from Utah. You should be fine anywhere else. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is very hard to adopt in MD/DC/VA as other states have much more liberal laws regarding adoption and expenses. People do successfully adopt, but it is far harder. Go with a bigger/national agency. Also, just because one person has had success with an agency does not mean you will. The problem is they want a lot of money up front and there is no guarantee of a child so they can keep your money and leave you waiting for years (this has happened to us and others we know). Do a combination of agency, attorney and private adoption if you can spend $50,000.

I don't think it's necessary to spend that much. Our adoptions were both around $30,000 with multiple attorneys, two agencies for one, three for another, social workers, birthmother expenses and counseling, travel, etc. Just choose your agency carefully, pay attention to online reviews (they are extremely important), and know the laws of both states involved inside and out. I don't recommend getting sucked in to the apparent ease of a Utah adoption. The laws regarding birthfather rights are so lax that I think sometimes adoptions are at risk. All of the adoptions that end up getting contested appear to be from Utah. You should be fine anywhere else. Good luck.

+1 People adopt healthy infants all of the time, but those stories aren't nearly as dramatic and fun to tell as the stories about couples who spent thousands of dollars only to end up childless or couples who waited years for a child that never came. Including myself I can name 5 people I know that adopted healthy infants domestically in the price range of $8,000 - $30,000 (and that was BEFORE the tax break).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be interested to know what agencies in Florida (or national agencies) people have had experience with? So far we have just started to look at agencies in DC, but would like to do some research further afield if that will make things easier/quicker. Thanks.

Florida Agencies:
A Chosen Child
Heart of Adoptions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is very hard to adopt in MD/DC/VA as other states have much more liberal laws regarding adoption and expenses. People do successfully adopt, but it is far harder. Go with a bigger/national agency. Also, just because one person has had success with an agency does not mean you will. The problem is they want a lot of money up front and there is no guarantee of a child so they can keep your money and leave you waiting for years (this has happened to us and others we know). Do a combination of agency, attorney and private adoption if you can spend $50,000.

I don't think it's necessary to spend that much. Our adoptions were both around $30,000 with multiple attorneys, two agencies for one, three for another, social workers, birthmother expenses and counseling, travel, etc. Just choose your agency carefully, pay attention to online reviews (they are extremely important), and know the laws of both states involved inside and out. I don't recommend getting sucked in to the apparent ease of a Utah adoption. The laws regarding birthfather rights are so lax that I think sometimes adoptions are at risk. All of the adoptions that end up getting contested appear to be from Utah. You should be fine anywhere else. Good luck.

For us, we spent far more than $30,000 on two agencies who did nothing for us, a facilitator, several attorneys to finally get lucky many year later and adopt privately (using completely different attorney's) without the help of any of them. Do stay away from Utah in less you get consenting birthfathers. The issue with Utah is parental consent. Regardless of where you adopt, do your best to get parental consent as it gives far more stability to the adoption. Consider yourself very fortunate if you did not have any issues adopting. Not everyone is that lucky.

[Anonymous]

I know someone who domestically adopted two healthy caucasian infants (on two separate occasions) privately through a private attorney in DC named Mark McDermott...They paid an average amount and stated that the experience was positive overall. You can also use donor egg with a gestational carrier or a surrogate, although these fees may be higher than an adoption (but more of a guaranteed baby). Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I wish you had not mentioned money, it really sounds like you are out to purchase. What is your medical condition? Is it related to mental health, or someting cronic like ms or aids? I also think you are starting to be on the older side, not that that is a problem, but combined with the health issue. And of course the speed in which you started talking about money. You are also very specific about getting an infant

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish you had not mentioned money, it really sounds like you are out to purchase. What is your medical condition? Is it related to mental health, or someting cronic like ms or aids? I also think you are starting to be on the older side, not that that is a problem, but combined with the health issue. And of course the speed in which you started talking about money. You are also very specific about getting an infant

If anyone considering adoption doesn't consider money, they are naïve or stupid. Like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the Jewish questions?

Wouldn't the baby be whatever you are?

Our birth Mother said she was muslim but we are raising our daughter as a Christian, The birth mother knows this and doesn't have a problem with it. I would never have said our baby was or is a Muslim?

OP here. Under Jewish law the child would not be recognized as Jewish if you did not do a conversion. It's not difficult to do, I believe the biggest thing is that the child has to be bathed in the mikvah (ritual bath). However, we are reform so I don't even know if I would really need to do the conversion to raise the child Jewish. Guess we'll speak the our rabbi when/if the time comes.

That's the least of your concerns, now, I'm going to guess! It's not difficult to convert a baby to Judaism. No worries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish you had not mentioned money, it really sounds like you are out to purchase. What is your medical condition? Is it related to mental health, or someting cronic like ms or aids? I also think you are starting to be on the older side, not that that is a problem, but combined with the health issue. And of course the speed in which you started talking about money. You are also very specific about getting an infant

I did not interpret OP's post this way AT ALL! I believe that you want to have a bone to pick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who domestically adopted two healthy caucasian infants (on two separate occasions) privately through a private attorney in DC named Mark McDermott...They paid an average amount and stated that the experience was positive overall. You can also use donor egg with a gestational carrier or a surrogate, although these fees may be higher than an adoption (but more of a guaranteed baby). Good luck!

Jennifer Fairfax is much better as an attorney. Mr. McDermott was not very helpful for us except to send us monthly bills.

[Anonymous]

We have two beautiful girls - both adopted as infants domestically. Each adoption was different - just like each birth is different. For the first, we used an agency which made us feel secure about the whole process but in the end, we did not like the agency much and felt like fhey just kept charging for various services and slowing us down unnecessarily. So, for the second, we went straight to a private attorney. Cost was $30k - 35k for each. Having done domestic infant adoption twice, we are big fans and encourage people to go this route. The more open you are re: race and gender, the faster it will happen. And you should definitely consider Texas and South Carolina. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP, you might call Peter Wiernicki in Rockville - very highly regarded member of the adoption bar (national group of attorneys involved in adoption). He does not place infants but can give you some suggestions and direction. Also, note that state law governs adoption, and you, the adoptive parents, may choose: your home state, the state where the baby is born or (if different) the state where the agency is located. What does that mean? If, for example, you finalize in Maryland, the birthmother has 30 days to change her mind, but in Florida, she may terminate her parental rights 48 hours after birth.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
+1 People adopt healthy infants all of the time, but those stories aren't nearly as dramatic and fun to tell as the stories about couples who spent thousands of dollars only to end up childless or couples who waited years for a child that never came. Including myself I can name 5 people I know that adopted healthy infants domestically in the price range of $8,000 - $30,000 (and that was BEFORE the tax break).

I think those who adopt perfectly healthy infants with biological parents who are perfectly healthy with no mental health issues is actually rare. Most people are not going to describe the health background of the biological parents and they may never mentioned their adopted child's issues to prevent judgement.