What are our chances of being able to adopt a healthy infant?

[Anonymous]

"I wish you had not mentioned money, it really sounds like you are out to purchase. "

OP is realistic that money is part of the process. That is not "fishy" - it is acknowleding reality and that the adoption agencies do not work for free. And it's not ridiculous of OP to want to go thru the baby stage again. 4 months to 2 years is a wonderful wonderful time (the first 3 months are terrible IMHO) so if you can relive that special time with your next child too, why not try to do so?

[Anonymous]

OP, you really need to go to this expo, which is in 2 weeks:
http://freddiemacfoundation.org/expo/

When we were considering adoption, this was a fantastic treasure trove of information, almost too much to handle, but there were all sorts of agencies, both public and private, who performed just about any type of adoption, there were excellent workshops, including an amazing one by the aforementioned Peter Wiernicki, who is an amazing encyclopedia of adoption information. We ended up not adopting, but going with a surrogate (we are bad candidates for adoption), but this gave us the information we needed to get started with adoptions if that had been the right path for us.

It's unfortunate that it's only 4 hours. Get there as early as you can to make sure you make the most of the information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish you had not mentioned money, it really sounds like you are out to purchase. What is your medical condition? Is it related to mental health, or someting cronic like ms or aids? I also think you are starting to be on the older side, not that that is a problem, but combined with the health issue. And of course the speed in which you started talking about money. You are also very specific about getting an infant

Sadly, adoption is about money. There are no attorney's or agencies that will work for free. It would be nice that adoption would be "free" or at a low cost but its turned into a business and businesses are out to make money. There are some decent birth parents, like ours, who don't want/need expenses but often it is pushed by the agencies and attorney's to encourage placement.

Almost everyone has health issues. I do but they no way impact my parenting or ability to maintain our home/family. It doesn't matter what the health issues is and most people at some point have health issues. If you don't, you will.

Most adoptions are infants or very young children. Early nurturing and bonding is very important. So, what is the big deal of the OP wanting a newborn? Is this about you or the OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you might call Peter Wiernicki in Rockville - very highly regarded member of the adoption bar (national group of attorneys involved in adoption). He does not place infants but can give you some suggestions and direction. Also, note that state law governs adoption, and you, the adoptive parents, may choose: your home state, the state where the baby is born or (if different) the state where the agency is located. What does that mean? If, for example, you finalize in Maryland, the birthmother has 30 days to change her mind, but in Florida, she may terminate her parental rights 48 hours after birth.

Good luck!

I agree. Peter is the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am persuing International adoption as a single woman. Pretty much impossible to get an infant internationally (from Russia- at least- where I am seeking.) My understanding is with domestic adoption you are much more likely to get an infant as opposed to an older child- BUT you also run the risk (though-a slight one) of the birth mom changing her mind. In Maryland- she has 30-days. Good luck!

My in-laws adopted a healthy 15 mo old girl [so I guess slightly older than what you would typically consider an infant] from Russia last year. She was passed over three times by others before they took her. She is Eurasian with definite Asian features, and the theory is that most adopting from Russia want a white baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you really need to go to this expo, which is in 2 weeks:
http://freddiemacfoundation.org/expo/

When we were considering adoption, this was a fantastic treasure trove of information, almost too much to handle, but there were all sorts of agencies, both public and private, who performed just about any type of adoption, there were excellent workshops, including an amazing one by the aforementioned Peter Wiernicki, who is an amazing encyclopedia of adoption information. We ended up not adopting, but going with a surrogate (we are bad candidates for adoption), but this gave us the information we needed to get started with adoptions if that had been the right path for us.

It's unfortunate that it's only 4 hours. Get there as early as you can to make sure you make the most of the information.

PP posted the 2011 link. This year the adoption expo is on December 1.

[Anonymous]

Could someone explain the role of an adoption attorney? I have seen various names recommended in the area but am not sure whether they work with prospective birth mothers and find children or do they just do the paperwork/legalities once you have found a child?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you so much for all of this wonderful information! DCUM can be so great sometimes. Other than the PP who suggested that I am trying to buy a baby -- I'm glad others did not take it that way. For the PP who asked about my condition, I don't want to get into specifics bc I think it would be pretty identifying considering what I've already posted, and I'm not ready to discuss our plans for adding to our family with just anyone. I think I put the pertinent info in my original post though. It's not a mental health issue, it's a physical problem that causes chronic pain but no long term risk of disability or anything like that, and it is well-managed with meds. Think along the lines of a bad skin condition or something like that.

[Anonymous]

Do adoption agencies give preferential treatment to potential parents who throw money at them differently from those that do not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do adoption agencies give preferential treatment to potential parents who throw money at them differently from those that do not?

No, the agency won't give you better treatment. More more will buy you more resources and services and those may or may not come from the agency one ultimately adopts from.

For example, you may be able to advertise more widely or work with multiple agencies or facilitators if cost is no option. Doing so of course raises your exposure and being presented to expectant moms which in turn may reduce your wait time to be placed with a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do adoption agencies give preferential treatment to potential parents who throw money at them differently from those that do not?

It enables you to pursue multiple avenues at once and see which one pans out, rather than putting all your eggs in one basket. So it's not preferential treatment from one individual place, but overall your chances are higher of getting a baby quicker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do adoption agencies give preferential treatment to potential parents who throw money at them differently from those that do not?

It enables you to pursue multiple avenues at once and see which one pans out, rather than putting all your eggs in one basket. So it's not preferential treatment from one individual place, but overall your chances are higher of getting a baby quicker.

This is true, but there are some agencies, like American Adoptions (whom I would consider using) who go on a tiered system where the more you can spend the quicker you are moved through. I think others vary. Some that are a flat fee, no, others that are a floating fee with expenses, then the more you can pay with expenses, the better your chances are.

It does often feel like you are buying a child but most of the money goes to the agencies, attorney, facilitator or "professionals" and not to the birthparents. But, sometimes you do what you need to do to become a parent (with keeping with the ethics of adoption). OP - do what you need to do. We went reasonably priced at first and it was my biggest regret as it too us far longer than if we would have put the higher amounts forward. In the end, we did a very reasonable private adoption but overall spent a lot of money which was given to agency's, a facilitator and attorney's who basically did nothing for us but false promises. Do multiple agencies and do private. It doesn't matter which way you take to get your child as long as at some point, your child finds you. And, if it takes longer, its ok as your special child just hasn't found you yet.

Hope your medical issues improve and your adoption goes smoothly quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wish you had not mentioned money, it really sounds like you are out to purchase. What is your medical condition? Is it related to mental health, or someting cronic like ms or aids? I also think you are starting to be on the older side, not that that is a problem, but combined with the health issue. And of course the speed in which you started talking about money. You are also very specific about getting an infant

You sound very insensitive! Most people want an infant (which is why it is hard to adopt one) in order to avoid many of the emotional problems that come with older children (an unfortunate reality). While older children need homes too, and it is great that people adopt them, in my experience as a social worker in this field, it is sometimes so difficult to parent these older kids, and the whole family suffers as a result (adopted kid included). OP mentioned having $, great that they have it because adoption costs alot! And most birth parents prefer a family that can support their kid comfortably (many kids agre placed due to lack of finances). Think before you comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
+1 People adopt healthy infants all of the time, but those stories aren't nearly as dramatic and fun to tell as the stories about couples who spent thousands of dollars only to end up childless or couples who waited years for a child that never came. Including myself I can name 5 people I know that adopted healthy infants domestically in the price range of $8,000 - $30,000 (and that was BEFORE the tax break).

I think those who adopt perfectly healthy infants with biological parents who are perfectly healthy with no mental health issues is actually rare. Most people are not going to describe the health background of the biological parents and they may never mentioned their adopted child's issues to prevent judgement.

Do you have any basis or source for this statement? Or do you just know a couple of adopted children who have physical or mental health issues? B/c I know plenty of seemingly-healthy people who have had biological kids who end up having problems too. It's not always something obviously hereditary. Sometimes it's just luck of the draw no matter how you come by your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think those who adopt perfectly healthy infants with biological parents who are perfectly healthy with no mental health issues is actually rare. Most people are not going to describe the health background of the biological parents and they may never mentioned their adopted child's issues to prevent judgement.

Do you have any basis or source for this statement? Or do you just know a couple of adopted children who have physical or mental health issues? B/c I know plenty of seemingly-healthy people who have had biological kids who end up having problems too. It's not always something obviously hereditary. Sometimes it's just luck of the draw no matter how you come by your children.

I think pp is right. An agency is not focused on finding parents, but finding babies and doing the placements. If there is something in the background that the adoptive parents should know, they have no legal obligation to necessarily disclose.
Likewise they will disclose on some selected pieces of information on the prospective parents to potential birth mothers, so it works both ways.