Women who say they get hit on everywhere they go

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Early 40s, relatively fit (but would want to lose 10lbs in deal world) with very pretty face and I dress well. I never get overtly hit on by other men. I assume because I’m married and wear a wedding ring and not giving vibes that I’m open to cheating?

I wouldn’t mind some flirting though. I travel a decent amount for work and feel like I could stray if I wanted but I don’t give off those vibes. Sigh. I would like to be overtly hit on…but only if I also found the guy attractive and fit. Not looking to cheat just some shameless flirting over drinks. Something to fantasize about later. I’m surprised by how chaste everyone seems at conferences. Clearly I’m doing something wrong.

I am not saying flirting is wrong, but I think a lot of men have been spooked by Me Too and now err on the side of extreme caution when it comes to dealing with women at work. Overall I actually think this is good, because I don't think the workplace is appropriate for flirting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a great smile and great figure. They hit on me anywhere. The funny part is when they are hitting on me and DH comes up, he almost 6’4”, 260 lbs and ripped.

But isn’t it a shame that they feel you are free game to harass, unless a man protector arrives in the scene?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Interesting. I do know that Southern California look. What’s an oligarch mistress look?

Something along the lines of this:

Who is the first guy ? I actually look exactly like her long legged perfect body Eastern European. Never get hit on in public. Men think I’m too expensive. Do get hit a lot in social and work settings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Who is the first guy ? I actually look exactly like her long legged perfect body Eastern European. Never get hit on in public. Men think I’m too expensive. Do get hit a lot in social and work settings

Some Egyptian rich guy. Xenia Deli is the woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Interesting. I do know that Southern California look. What’s an oligarch mistress look?

Something along the lines of this:

Who is the first guy ? I actually look exactly like her long legged perfect body Eastern European. Never get hit on in public. Men think I’m too expensive. Do get hit a lot in social and work settings

I often wondered what I would do if I was as beautiful as a model who dates celebrities and ultra rich men. Waste time on DCUM, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Interesting. I do know that Southern California look. What’s an oligarch mistress look?

Something along the lines of this:

Who is the first guy ? I actually look exactly like her long legged perfect body Eastern European. Never get hit on in public. Men think I’m too expensive. Do get hit a lot in social and work settings

I often wondered what I would do if I was as beautiful as a model who dates celebrities and ultra rich men. Waste time on DCUM, I guess.

I work from home, as a side gig from dating ultra rich men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a great smile and great figure. They hit on me anywhere. The funny part is when they are hitting on me and DH comes up, he almost 6’4”, 260 lbs and ripped.

But isn’t it a shame that they feel you are free game to harass, unless a man protector arrives in the scene?

I don't think getting hit on by itself is harassment, people can hit on you in a harassing manner which is completely different. If I am not wearing my ring, how would they know I am not single? Should every conversation with a woman start "are you single" or "are you open to be hitting on". That wouldn't be very suave, flirtatious or romantic, would it? DH was a lot more direct than that and I was with him when we first met in a romantic capacity.

DH is a good sport about it and comfortable in our relationship. No harm, no foul. There was one guy that wouldn't take the hint, tried to get a little to close to a me and a friend when were all out one night and DH had to intervene. I like the fact that he handled it with out killing the guy, making a big scene or getting arrested. That was the only "bad" experience.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I used to all the time! Now, at 42, almost never. I didn’t gain weight but likely factors include:

- often with children now, or DH
- lost my (formerly nice) boobs to nursing
- used to dress up all the time; now usually in athleisure. I still have great legs but they’re under leggings.
- just generally looking 40+ in the face, looking tired

This is me also. I’m 46 now but I used to be in my twenties and got hit on everywhere I went. In my twenties, I got ready everyday, did my hair and had a very nice figure. I got hit on all the time in my teens, college, grad school and before I had kids. Men would approach me on the street, work elevators, when I was at the grocery store, restaurants, bars, clubs.

Now I wear my hair in a ponytail most days and I have 1-3 kids with me. I’m friendly with many parents, a lot of them dads. I do not think they are hitting on me. I try not to be too friendly. There are a few moms who I feel don’t like me and I can’t think of anything I did wrong besides be friendly with their husbands. One woman in particular I like their entire family but I get along with her husband I guess too well. She has declined every invite I have made. I don’t want to overstep and invite the husband.

I have a little of this issue. If I did what my instinct is I would talk with the Dad’s more than the moms of my kid’s friends. Maybe because I like them better or maybe because they are always nice to me. I dunno. The line between friendly and flirty is so easy for me to cross and I don’t want to be “that mom” so I just sort of keep away.

For example, I was talking to one of my kids’ friends dads after a graduation party the mom literally jumped in front of him to talk to me. (My DH was next to me the whole time too). It just felt awkward.

I try to keep it just friendly hellos at this point. I don’t think it is because I am super attractive, I just think I have zero social skills with men and know that women don’t like me in this setting. I’m fine at work in my majority female profession.

I can’t stand women who act like the one you just described. In reality a lot of women are like that. I chat with men more because they’re frankly just friendlier. It never gets flirty, ever. But when I try to chat with some women they are so, so cold it’s just bizarre. It’s like they’re threatened by an attractive woman’s very existence. There are a couple women at my child’s school like this. I try to be friendly and connect, and they just glare at me and give short non answers. It’s really baffling. Their husbands are always much nicer but again never flirty.

I’m the pp who said the one woman wants nothing to do with me. Her husband reminds me of one of my closest friends from my childhood. I was not flirty at all. I genuinely like him and probably talk and laugh too much with him when together. Wife is ice cold to me despite my trying to talk to her. She has declined every single one of my invitations.

Some of you folks are really full of yourselves. Not every set of women are going to be friends or even decent acquaintances. I have extended plenty of invitations that have not been accepted. I assume the other woman thinks we are not a good match, personality fit, schedules are off, etc. Never once did I think she was threatened by me and that she assumed I was after her husband.

And that very well may be your experience. But when a woman who is a 5 on the attractiveness scale sees a woman that’s a 10 happily chatting with her husband, and the 5 jumps in to shut that all down and is rude to the 10x then it’s pretty obvious what’s going on there. To pretend otherwise and that women don’t have a proclivity toward passive aggression is nonsense.

New poster here. You sounds like a woman who doesn't like other women. You can't be trusted and that's what the wives are reacting to.

I had a former friend like this. She would flirt with other people's boyfriends (we were single) and had a hard time fitting in with other women. She always thought it was because she was so much better than the other women and they were jealous. But that wasn't it. She came across as a snake. She couldn't trust her own mom. I think that's where it stemmed from.

Most women will approach other women at social events. They don't go up to other men or pay more attention to a man in groups. I think my former friend just never learned these social cues. Her comfort zone was grabbing a man's attention and putting down his girlfriend if she didn't like it.

DP- Sometimes the men just start talking to me. Should I not reply? I usually make a break for the women asap now because I have learned not to continue the conversation.

I get along with women fine when there are no men around. Add the men in and the social equation changes.

It's really hard to believe that a woman does really well with other women with no men around, but then other women hate her when men are around. For one thing, you'd have a solid group of friends and your novelty would wear off with the men.

You're giving signals to the men, whether you realize it or not. For example, too much eye contact with the men and not enough with the women. Not engaging the women when you're with mixed groups. I used to be extremely attractive when I was younger. Men would send me drinks and hit on me all the time. Yet somehow I was able to earn the trust of other women when we were in groups with men too. If you repeatedly run into this problem, then you're egging it on.

The hallmark of this type of woman is to feign innocence and annoyance "OMG I was just talking to him. She's just jealous." No, you weren't, and no she's not.

“Too much eye contact” should not be considered “egging it on.” So I guess you are right. I think the misogyny implied with the “rules” and “signals” you are stipulating are ridiculous. I’m not going to sleep with anyone’s DH or even hang out with them without their wives, but to have to moderate eye contact and making sure I give more time to women in mixed group is the opposite of equality in gender.

DP. Sounds like you have low EQ and are making up a bunch of stuff to compensate. Misogyny? Lol, ok.

This!

Yes high EQ women know to not talk to men at parties even when they come up to you and to not make eye contract with men.

To be well liked by women they must quickly slip away from any conversation with the opposite sex during mixed events.

Through this careful cultivation and adherence to gender roles, a women will be well liked by her peers and earn the label of “high EQ”

Now you're just making up stuff that no one said. Plenty of women (even really attractive ones) are able to talk to both men and women at parties without pissing off other women. You're trying to get male attention and you're making up excuses for why you can't help it and how any woman who see your for what you are is jealous or misogynistic or whatever.

You can keep making excuses for why other women don't like you. You're hurting yourself by alienating the types of women who would actually be good friends to other women. If you have marry and have kids, then you'll hurt their social lives too because other moms won't want to do play dates with you. The men you'll attract aren't the good ones because the well-adjusted men want a wife who can fit into society and get along with people. Yes, women are people too and your inability to get along with other women is a big red flag.

Yes, this was said in this forum. Here is the quote:

For example, too much eye contact with the men and not enough with the women. Not engaging the women when you're with mixed groups. I used to be extremely attractive when I was younger. Men would send me drinks and hit on me all the time. Yet somehow I was able to earn the trust of other women when we were in groups with men too. If you repeatedly run into this problem, then you're egging it on.


The idea that my social connections to other women give my kids play dates when their SAHD is in charge of that cracks me up. Again, hello misogyny.

This is what I mean by low EQ. My husband was a SAHD while the kids were little and arranged play dates. Do you think he organized playdates with people who anything but warm to both of us? The entire seems to suggest you have a closer to link to the dad than the mom. Like why would a SAHD hang out with you if his wife alerted him to the fact you or kids were problematic?

Ha- no. I don’t know every one who my Dh organizes play dates with. It happens when I am at work.

You are also sort of dodging the point which is that PP said she believes women should not make eye contact with men at parties or make sure to give equal time to women and men when you are in mixed groups. I disagree and think we should at least attempt to break some gender barriers in mixed groups. You apparently agree. You believe it is the “way things should be” and if you don’t comply it is because people have emotional intelligence issues. I think that is internalized misogyny and an adherence to strict gender roles. You would like there to be consequences to me for not adhering to those rules. I guess I will get a scarlet letter. ;)

Seems like you get a thrill annoying women. This sounds very much like a “you” problem. You also keep throwing around the word misogyny but it seems clear you don’t have any concept of what you’re talking about.

You can’t say it can you?

You can’t say that you believe that women shouldn’t make eye contact with men or your man and that at a mixed company party (not a play date) a woman shouldn’t go talk to men more than women. Because that is what you are agreeing with.

And instead of saying that, you are trying to attack me as having a problem and not knowing what I am talking about. So, lay out what you think should happen if not making eye contact with men or talking to men more than women at a party isn’t the problem.

You realize it sucks, but none of you can bring yourself to say this because it IS crappy and sexist.

You are arguing with multiple posters. I didn’t make the comment about eye contact. But I will say: I don’t believe you for a minute when you try to tell us you are not seeking attention from the husbands in these scenarios. You absolutely are. Most of us know how to befriend men and women. Please talk to someone in real life, not the internet, if you actually care. I’m not wasting my time typing this all out since I don’t actually believe you care. You just want to keep saying the same you have been for pages.

Basically you can’t come up with a non sexist argument or can’t be troubled to think about it because it doesn’t exist. You aren’t really befriending the man in a couples situation anyway. You are “couple friends” and that means the men have to hang and the women have to hang and occasionally you can talk all together and even more rarely, you can talk cross couple/gender. Those are “the rules”. The rules are very sexist and are mainly put in place by women because the men just don’t care. If you buy into all that, you sound just like your post. If you don’t buy into it, you are apparently a low EQ woman, but funny, no one would dare call a man low EQ for the same behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get hit on/asked out/approached almost everywhere I go. “are you single?” “You are gorgeous” and to my kids “is that your MOM?”
It is embarrassing and awkward and makes me not want to leave the house. Also it is bizarre. I am 53 years old. I am shy and introverted and definitely not seeking attention.

What do you look like?

I think she is an anomaly. I live in Southern California and this is a typical boast of a certain segment of women devoted to being tan and very blonde well into their 60s. They tend to be petite with thin legs and look like cocktail hour starts daily at 4. They have the bag boys sling their groceries into the trunk despite being fit and clad in athletic attire.

I am the pp. I am a little bit tan. Not blonde. Long straight light brownish hair. Petite with legs are normal sized, more muscular than thin. Big boobs which I don’t hide but
also i don’t try to dress for attention. I am told that I am pretty but I honestly don’t see myself as all that attractive. I think I attract a certain type of guy or I somehow send signals that I don’t mean to. I really believe that when men are very forward, overly flirtatious, etc. it is more about them than it is about me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Interesting. I do know that Southern California look. What’s an oligarch mistress look?

Something along the lines of this:

Who is the first guy ? I actually look exactly like her long legged perfect body Eastern European. Never get hit on in public. Men think I’m too expensive. Do get hit a lot in social and work settings

I often wondered what I would do if I was as beautiful as a model who dates celebrities and ultra rich men. Waste time on DCUM, I guess.

I know a woman like this. She’s very odd. It’s like she’s not the protagonist in her own life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get hit on everywhere I go, but I get enough comments and compliments from strangers of the kind I would describe as "getting hit on" even if they're fleeting moments on the street and no one is asking me out or asking for my number. I'm not a great beauty, but I have a good figure, pretty hair, and a "pretty enough" face. Nowadays a lot of the comments are not the crude, obvious leering kind, but more restrained comments. I'll give a few examples:
-older, dapper Black gentleman in a hat, downtown. Gives me an appreciative look as we walk towards each other, smiles, tips his hat, says "that's a very pretty dress you're wearing." I get a fair bit of that kind of interaction: guy checks me out, nods or smiles, says "nice coat", "great hair", "beautiful dress" etc.. Maybe I just dress really well and gusy in the area are very fashion aware...
- as I jog by, random guy checks me out and says "nice form, keep it up"
-younger guy asks me to dance and, while dancing, bashfully says "respectfully, you seem like an older woman, but you are very good looking" (this one really cracked me up)
- the friendly manager at a regular work lunch spot (now closed) who, almost every time I went would make some part of my lunch "on the house" (this was a running joke with my work colleagues who'd go with me and never got anything for free; they used to call him my "boyfriend")

I don't want to be rude, because I genuinely don't want to hurt your feelings, but I feel like you need a wake-up call.

All of these examples are classic attention seeking behavior... not men complimenting you out of nowhere.
In all of these examples, you project to those men that they were welcome to talk to you.

The vast majority of women will wear at least one or both AirPods (or something similar) while jogging/running in order to avoid unwanted attention or hearing come-ons from men who are total STRANGERS to them.

If you can hear these comments, it's because you're actively listening for them — the same goes with making eye contact with every guy that's walking toward you.

What you're doing is classic attention-seeking behavior.

I understand why you do it though, truly.
As we age, it's difficult to come to terms with not feeling as attractive as we once were (especially for women whose value has always been tied to their looks).

However, most women eventually move past the need for constant attention because it broadcasts to men how desperately you crave their attention and validation still.

That's why they do it. 😕

You absolutely hit the nail on the head.
This one was in desperate need of a come-to-Jesus moment.

I was going to write something similar, but my version would've been far less considerate of her feelings and much more brutal.
You definitely put it more eloquently than I ever could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get hit on everywhere I go, but I get enough comments and compliments from strangers of the kind I would describe as "getting hit on" even if they're fleeting moments on the street and no one is asking me out or asking for my number. I'm not a great beauty, but I have a good figure, pretty hair, and a "pretty enough" face. Nowadays a lot of the comments are not the crude, obvious leering kind, but more restrained comments. I'll give a few examples:
-older, dapper Black gentleman in a hat, downtown. Gives me an appreciative look as we walk towards each other, smiles, tips his hat, says "that's a very pretty dress you're wearing." I get a fair bit of that kind of interaction: guy checks me out, nods or smiles, says "nice coat", "great hair", "beautiful dress" etc.. Maybe I just dress really well and gusy in the area are very fashion aware...
- as I jog by, random guy checks me out and says "nice form, keep it up"
-younger guy asks me to dance and, while dancing, bashfully says "respectfully, you seem like an older woman, but you are very good looking" (this one really cracked me up)
- the friendly manager at a regular work lunch spot (now closed) who, almost every time I went would make some part of my lunch "on the house" (this was a running joke with my work colleagues who'd go with me and never got anything for free; they used to call him my "boyfriend")

I don't want to be rude, because I genuinely don't want to hurt your feelings, but I feel like you need a wake-up call.

All of these examples are classic attention seeking behavior... not men complimenting you out of nowhere.
In all of these examples, you project to those men that they were welcome to talk to you.

The vast majority of women will wear at least one or both AirPods (or something similar) while jogging/running in order to avoid unwanted attention or hearing come-ons from men who are total STRANGERS to them.

If you can hear these comments, it's because you're actively listening for them — the same goes with making eye contact with every guy that's walking toward you.

What you're doing is classic attention-seeking behavior.

I understand why you do it though, truly.
As we age, it's difficult to come to terms with not feeling as attractive as we once were (especially for women whose value has always been tied to their looks).

However, most women eventually move past the need for constant attention because it broadcasts to men how desperately you crave their attention and validation still.

That's why they do it. 😕

You absolutely hit the nail on the head.
This one was in desperate need of a come-to-Jesus moment.

I was going to write something similar, but my version would've been far less considerate of her feelings and much more brutal.
You definitely put it more eloquently than I ever could.

Disagree completely. Attractive women get this type of attention. Unattractive women do not. The attention and compliments do not mean you are getting “hit on.” These guys are respectfully and indirectly broadcasting their interest. This is because YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE. It is flattering.
There is no need to come to Jesus wtf
You sound jealous - does it make you feel better to put down others for feeling good about themselves? Maybe it is you that needs to come to Jesus. Or go get a haircut or some makeup or something

[Anonymous]

Disagree completely. Attractive women get this type of attention. Unattractive women do not. The attention and compliments do not mean you are getting “hit on.” These guys are respectfully and indirectly broadcasting their interest. This is because YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE. It is flattering.
There is no need to come to Jesus wtf
You sound jealous - does it make you feel better to put down others for feeling good about themselves? Maybe it is you that needs to come to Jesus. Or go get a haircut or some makeup or something.

Your mistake is that you believe you receive attention from men mainly because you are attractive, not simply because you are a woman. Think for a moment.

Every day, women who are not deemed attractive receive attention from men. Have you ever been to a bar on or near a military base on a weekend night? Almost every woman in the bar receives a huge amount of attention, and I am sure these women ascribe the attention to their attractiveness rather than simply being a woman who is near men at that moment.

Most women overestimate their attractiveness based on the bias that men would not approach them if they were not attractive; instead of the non-biased estimate that men who want sex will approach women (attractive or not) to get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Interesting. I do know that Southern California look. What’s an oligarch mistress look?

Something along the lines of this:

Who is the first guy ? I actually look exactly like her long legged perfect body Eastern European. Never get hit on in public. Men think I’m too expensive. Do get hit a lot in social and work settings

I often wondered what I would do if I was as beautiful as a model who dates celebrities and ultra rich men. Waste time on DCUM, I guess.

NP I’m so Eastern European with another “perfect body” (eye roll, there is no one type there) and I can tell you what I have been doing since age 15: playing it down, wearing tomboy clothes, hair in a ponytail, almost never heels, and very little makeup. Otherwise, you get the attention you don’t want and you don’t get the attention/ connection you do want. Met DH at 32 when I finally decided to settle down; I had a lot of fun until then but never with men who were after only one single thing. DH is average looking but he is the absolute best guy ever and he always looks at me like he’s the luckiest guy on the planet.

If you are a beautiful woman, you have to wise up very early on and filter filter filter… I’m not complaining, but it is truly too easy to start building your self worth based on looks and then fall for someone who focuses and compliments you on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Disagree completely. Attractive women get this type of attention. Unattractive women do not. The attention and compliments do not mean you are getting “hit on.” These guys are respectfully and indirectly broadcasting their interest. This is because YOU ARE ATTRACTIVE. It is flattering.
There is no need to come to Jesus wtf
You sound jealous - does it make you feel better to put down others for feeling good about themselves? Maybe it is you that needs to come to Jesus. Or go get a haircut or some makeup or something.

Your mistake is that you believe you receive attention from men mainly because you are attractive, not simply because you are a woman. Think for a moment.

Every day, women who are not deemed attractive receive attention from men. Have you ever been to a bar on or near a military base on a weekend night? Almost every woman in the bar receives a huge amount of attention, and I am sure these women ascribe the attention to their attractiveness rather than simply being a woman who is near men at that moment.

Most women overestimate their attractiveness based on the bias that men would not approach them if they were not attractive; instead of the non-biased estimate that men who want sex will approach women (attractive or not) to get it.

First of all, almost every woman has something special about her.

Second of all, tell me you are not a woman without telling me you are not a woman. We know how men react if our attractiveness is display v hidden or even camouflaged in a way that makes us look unattractive.

I hope your life improves so much that you don’t have to look for a way to feel good about yourself by dragging down anonymous women online.