Reply to Women who say they get hit on everywhere they go

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Women who say they get hit on everywhere they go"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I used to all the time! Now, at 42, almost never. I didn’t gain weight but likely factors include:

- often with children now, or DH
- lost my (formerly nice) boobs to nursing 
- used to dress up all the time; now usually in athleisure. I still have great legs but they’re under leggings. 
- just generally looking 40+ in the face, looking tired [/quote]

This is me also. I’m 46 now but I used to be in my twenties and got hit on everywhere I went. In my twenties, I got ready everyday, did my hair and had a very nice figure. I got hit on all the time in my teens, college, grad school and before I had kids. Men would approach me on the street, work elevators, when I was at the grocery store, restaurants, bars, clubs.

Now I wear my hair in a ponytail most days and I have 1-3 kids with me. I’m friendly with many parents, a lot of them dads. I do not think they are hitting on me. I try not to be too friendly. There are a few moms who I feel don’t like me and I can’t think of anything I did wrong besides be friendly with their husbands. One woman in particular I like their entire family but I get along with her husband I guess too well. She has declined every invite I have made. I don’t want to overstep and invite the husband.[/quote]

I have a little of this issue.  If I did what my instinct is I would talk with the Dad’s more than the moms of my kid’s friends. Maybe because I like them better or maybe because they are always nice to me. I dunno. The line between friendly and flirty is so easy for me to cross and I don’t want to be “that mom” so I just sort of keep away.

For example, I was talking to one of my kids’ friends dads after a graduation party the mom literally jumped in front of him to talk to me.  (My DH was next to me the whole time too). It just felt awkward.

I try to keep it just friendly hellos at this point. I don’t think it is because I am super attractive, I just think I have zero social skills with men and know that women don’t like me in this setting.  I’m fine at work in my majority female profession.
[/quote]

I can’t stand women who act like the one you just described. In reality a lot of women are like that. I chat with men more because they’re frankly just friendlier. It never gets flirty, ever. But when I try to chat with some women they are so, so cold it’s just bizarre. It’s like they’re threatened by an attractive woman’s very existence. There are a couple women at my child’s school like this. I try to be friendly and connect, and they just glare at me and give short non answers. It’s really baffling. Their husbands are always much nicer but again never flirty. [/quote]

I’m the pp who said the one woman wants nothing to do with me. Her husband reminds me of one of my closest friends from my childhood. I was not flirty at all. I genuinely like him and probably talk and laugh too much with him when together. Wife is ice cold to me despite my trying to talk to her. She has declined every single one of my invitations.[/quote]

Some of you folks are really full of yourselves.  Not every set of women are going to be friends or even decent acquaintances.  I have extended plenty of invitations that have not been accepted.  I assume the other woman thinks we are not a good match, personality fit, schedules are off, etc.  Never once did I think she was threatened by me and that she assumed I was after her husband.  
[/quote]

And that very well may be your experience. But when a woman who is a 5 on the attractiveness scale sees a woman that’s a 10 happily chatting with her husband, and the 5 jumps in to shut that all down and is rude to the 10x then it’s pretty obvious what’s going on there. To pretend otherwise and that women don’t have a proclivity toward passive aggression is nonsense. [/quote]

New poster here. You sounds like a woman who doesn't like other women. You can't be trusted and that's what the wives are reacting to.

I had a former friend like this. She would flirt with other people's boyfriends (we were single) and had a hard time fitting in with other women. She always thought it was because she was so much better than the other women and they were jealous. But that wasn't it. She came across as a snake. She couldn't trust her own mom. I think that's where it stemmed from.

Most women will approach other women at social events. They don't go up to other men or pay more attention to a man in groups. I think my former friend just never learned these social cues. Her comfort zone was grabbing a man's attention and putting down his girlfriend if she didn't like it. [/quote]

DP- Sometimes the men just start talking to me. Should I not reply? I usually make a break for the women asap now because I have learned not to continue the conversation.

I get along with women fine when there are no men around. Add the men in and the social equation changes. [/quote]

It's really hard to believe that a woman does really well with other women with no men around, but then other women hate her when men are around. For one thing, you'd have a solid group of friends and your novelty would wear off with the men.

You're giving signals to the men, whether you realize it or not. For example, too much eye contact with the men and not enough with the women. Not engaging the women when you're with mixed groups. I used to be extremely attractive when I was younger. Men would send me drinks and hit on me all the time. Yet somehow I was able to earn the trust of other women when we were in groups with men too. If you repeatedly run into this problem, then you're egging it on.

The hallmark of this type of woman is to feign innocence and annoyance "OMG I was just talking to him. She's just jealous." No, you weren't, and no she's not.[/quote]

“Too much eye contact” should not be considered “egging it on.” So I guess you are right.  I think the misogyny implied with the “rules” and “signals” you are stipulating are ridiculous.  I’m not going to sleep with anyone’s DH or even hang out with them without their wives, but to have to moderate eye contact and making sure I give more time to women in mixed group is the opposite of equality in gender. 
[/quote]

DP. Sounds like you have low EQ and are  making up a bunch of stuff to compensate. Misogyny? Lol, ok.[/quote]

This![/quote]

Yes high EQ women know to not talk to men at parties even when they come up to you and to not make eye contract with men.

To be well liked by women  they must quickly slip away from any conversation with the opposite sex during mixed events.

Through this careful cultivation and adherence to gender roles, a women will be well liked by her peers and earn the label of “high EQ”
[/quote]

Now you're just making up stuff that no one said. Plenty of women (even really attractive ones) are able to talk to both men and women at parties without pissing off other women. You're trying to get male attention and you're making up excuses for why you can't help it and how any woman who see your for what you are is jealous or misogynistic or whatever.

You can keep making excuses for why other women don't like you. You're hurting yourself by alienating the types of women who would actually be good friends to other women. If you have marry and have kids, then you'll hurt their social lives too because other moms won't want to do play dates with you. The men you'll attract aren't the good ones because the well-adjusted men want a wife who can fit into society and get along with people. Yes, women are people too and your inability to get along with other women is a big red flag.[/quote]

Yes, this was said in this forum. Here is the quote:

[b] For example, too much eye contact with the men and not enough with the women. Not engaging the women when you're with mixed groups.[/b] I used to be extremely attractive when I was younger. Men would send me drinks and hit on me all the time. Yet somehow I was able to earn the trust of other women when we were in groups with men too.[b] If you repeatedly run into this problem, then you're egging it on.[/b]

The idea that my social connections to other women give my kids play dates when their SAHD is in charge of that cracks me up. Again, hello misogyny. 
[/quote]

This is what I mean by low EQ. My husband was a SAHD while the kids were little and arranged play dates. Do you think he organized playdates with people who anything but warm to both of us?  The entire seems to suggest you have a closer to link to the dad than the mom. Like why would a SAHD hang out with you if his wife alerted him to the fact you or kids were problematic?[/quote]

Ha- no.  I don’t know every one who my Dh organizes play dates with.  It happens when I am at work.

You are also sort of dodging the point which is that PP said  she believes women should not make eye contact with men at parties or make sure to give equal time to women and men when you are in mixed groups. I disagree and think we should at least attempt to break some gender barriers in mixed groups.  You apparently agree. You believe it is the “way things should be” and if you don’t comply it is because people have emotional intelligence issues.  I think that is internalized misogyny and an adherence to strict gender roles. You would like there to be consequences to me for not adhering to those rules.  I guess I will get a scarlet letter. ;)
[/quote]

Seems like you get a thrill annoying women. This sounds very much like a “you” problem. You also keep throwing around the word misogyny but it seems clear you don’t have any concept of what you’re talking about. [/quote]

You can’t say it can you?

You can’t say that you believe that women shouldn’t make eye contact with men or your man and that at a mixed company party (not a play date) a woman shouldn’t go talk to men more than women. Because that is what you are agreeing with.

And instead of saying that, you are trying to attack me as having a problem and not knowing what I am talking about. So, lay out what you think should happen if not making eye contact with men or talking to men more than women at a party isn’t the problem.

You realize it sucks, but none of you can bring yourself to say this because it IS crappy and sexist.[/quote]

You are arguing with multiple posters. I didn’t make the comment about eye contact. But I will say: I don’t believe you for a minute when you try to tell us you are not seeking attention from the husbands in these scenarios.  You absolutely are. Most of us know how to befriend men and women.  Please talk to someone in real life, not the internet, if you actually care. I’m not wasting my time typing this all out since I don’t actually believe you care. You just want to keep saying the same you have been for pages. [/quote]

Basically you can’t come up with a non sexist argument or can’t be troubled to think about it because it doesn’t exist.  You aren’t really befriending the man in a couples situation anyway. You are “couple friends” and that means the men have to hang and the women have to hang and occasionally you can talk all together and even more rarely, you can talk cross couple/gender.  Those are “the rules”.  The rules are very sexist and are mainly put in place by women because the men just don’t care. If you buy into all that, you sound just like your post.  If you don’t buy into it, you are apparently a low EQ woman, but funny, no one would dare call a man low EQ for the same behavior.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics