Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m amazed that so many posters are acting like a 19 year old “adult” is the same as a 30-40 something adult. Like they turn 18 and instantly know what to do and how to act and everything is proper and perfect.
Wtf planet are you people from? I was a disaster at 19. I probably wouldn’t have done what OP described but in lots of other ways I was figuring out how to be an adult, making mistakes left and right. And whether he was 6, 19, or 59 you need to communicate expectations or STFU.
Most people don't behave like a wild animal at 19. They're adults living away from home at college, they aren't 6 years old. I have a 4 year old who wouldn't pick through and take the nicest things for himself if someone offered to give him a couple, he would "leave some nice ones for them too". Because that's the way we raise our kids.
If you were raised by wolves, and you were a "disaster", then that's what you were. Don't normalize it. Most of us, even those who weren't parented all that well due to various issues, would not behave the way OP is describing.
We only have OP's description of what happened. Based on her responses, I'm not sure her descriptions are fair and unbiased, or an exaggeration of what really transpired. Seriously, all she needed to do was say something in the beginning. When we go out to dinner, my very thin 14 year old DC often orders the catch of the day. I don't stop him because he enjoys it and actually prefers that to the other things on the menu. When we grill, he prefers steak to burgers and doesn't eat hotdogs. We were invited to grill at a friend's when he was much younger and she asked what he wanted her to grill and he said steak would be good. I'm pretty sure she meant burgers or hotdogs. I intervene, because I was standing there, and said anything would be fine. I then explained that most kids wouldn't order steak or grilled salmon, so he needed to eat wherever the other kids were eating because the host assigned me certain items and I'd feel rude saying we'd bring steak and salmon (possibly implying what the host was providing wasn't good enough). I remind him if he's invited out to dinner by another family to keep his menu choices under a certain amount. I've tried sending money, but the families usually won't take money from a child or tween. Maybe the guest is ordering what he's used to ordering. All OP needed to do was say something. I remind DC each time because DC is not used to having restrictions and sometimes forgets. By 19 I'd expect not to have to remind him, but the only reason it comes up is because DC has friends who don't have the same means as we do. Maybe this friend just hasn't been in situations where he's on vacation with people with different means than his family, or with a family that has restrictions on food or sunscreen. The behavior OP described is inconsiderate, but the disgust she expresses toward a 19 year old guest makes me question whether there isn't a bit of exaggeration. She complains about him not jet skiing, but I'm sure if he did jet ski she would complain that he expected them to pay for him. Op set no ground rules as to who pays, got no information regarding what the friend and the son discussed regarding expenses on vacation, and then sat back and nitpicked everything he did while never once saying how things work in her family. Her son also didn't say anything to the friend. The pasta in a bowl discussion may also be exaggerated. I could see a 19 year old saying "you eat spaghetti from a plate, bowls are way easier." Then because OP dislikes the friend, that gets gets represented as a lecture on eating spaghetti on a plate. Never assume one sided accounts are accurate. OP's word choices (even in the original post) indicate a great deal of disgust/dislike toward the guest that seemed way out of the norm.