My son brought a friend on vacation

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m amazed that so many posters are acting like a 19 year old “adult” is the same as a 30-40 something adult. Like they turn 18 and instantly know what to do and how to act and everything is proper and perfect.

Wtf planet are you people from? I was a disaster at 19. I probably wouldn’t have done what OP described but in lots of other ways I was figuring out how to be an adult, making mistakes left and right. And whether he was 6, 19, or 59 you need to communicate expectations or STFU.


Most people don't behave like a wild animal at 19. They're adults living away from home at college, they aren't 6 years old. I have a 4 year old who wouldn't pick through and take the nicest things for himself if someone offered to give him a couple, he would "leave some nice ones for them too". Because that's the way we raise our kids.

If you were raised by wolves, and you were a "disaster", then that's what you were. Don't normalize it. Most of us, even those who weren't parented all that well due to various issues, would not behave the way OP is describing.


I don’t the poster is normalizing it. She is suggesting that OP communicate, maybe even that OP and the posters have a little compassion.
Anonymous
Compassion is one thing. If your 19 year old has worse manners than the 10 year old kids on the trip, you have failed at parenting.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Compassion is one thing. If your 19 year old has worse manners than the 10 year old kids on the trip, you have failed at parenting.


Compassion for the kid who presumably doesn’t know better.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Got down plates *

Oh and to the weirdo who thinks he's some cute little Lenny from Of Mice and Men gathering precious seashells. The hell? My kids had nets of seashells. He pawed through them and took all the really big beautiful ones. How is that sweet or touching? He's a freaking greedy freeloader in every way. Poaching seashells that kids gathered is so lame, he's a grown ass man.


Somewhere at sometime, someone will be posting something like this:

A guy I’m friendly, but not best friends, with invited me to go in his family vacation. I was a little nervous but figured it would be fun and my parents encouraged me to try something new. My friend’s mom gave me the stink eye every time I opened my mouth. It’s like I went from expecting to feel welcomed to feeling like a burden. I could do no right in her (stink) eyes. If we went out for the day for golf, I know she was secretly wondering how someone like me could golf for a day. She seemed annoyed about everything from shells to cookies to hush puppies. I was soooo glad to get home to my loving and accepting family. Judging others really sucks the life out of someone - my poor friend.


I’m jealous of all the people on this thread who just cannot wrap their heads around someone just being an unpleasant, selfish person. You must have had the good fortune to never meet someone like OP’s guest — trust me, they are out there.


No,dear, I know many selfish people. That’s not the point. The point is this kid was an invited guest of her family. The fact that he was a selfish or annoying guest is too bad. He was still her guest.


And I treated him as such. Paid for all his activities and meals, he came everywhere we did and received no less than anyone else. I'm still allowed to not like him.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m amazed that so many posters are acting like a 19 year old “adult” is the same as a 30-40 something adult. Like they turn 18 and instantly know what to do and how to act and everything is proper and perfect.

Wtf planet are you people from? I was a disaster at 19. I probably wouldn’t have done what OP described but in lots of other ways I was figuring out how to be an adult, making mistakes left and right. And whether he was 6, 19, or 59 you need to communicate expectations or STFU.


Most people don't behave like a wild animal at 19. They're adults living away from home at college, they aren't 6 years old. I have a 4 year old who wouldn't pick through and take the nicest things for himself if someone offered to give him a couple, he would "leave some nice ones for them too". Because that's the way we raise our kids.

If you were raised by wolves, and you were a "disaster", then that's what you were. Don't normalize it. Most of us, even those who weren't parented all that well due to various issues, would not behave the way OP is describing.



We only have OP's description of what happened. Based on her responses, I'm not sure her descriptions are fair and unbiased, or an exaggeration of what really transpired. Seriously, all she needed to do was say something in the beginning. When we go out to dinner, my very thin 14 year old DC often orders the catch of the day. I don't stop him because he enjoys it and actually prefers that to the other things on the menu. When we grill, he prefers steak to burgers and doesn't eat hotdogs. We were invited to grill at a friend's when he was much younger and she asked what he wanted her to grill and he said steak would be good. I'm pretty sure she meant burgers or hotdogs. I intervene, because I was standing there, and said anything would be fine. I then explained that most kids wouldn't order steak or grilled salmon, so he needed to eat wherever the other kids were eating because the host assigned me certain items and I'd feel rude saying we'd bring steak and salmon (possibly implying what the host was providing wasn't good enough). I remind him if he's invited out to dinner by another family to keep his menu choices under a certain amount. I've tried sending money, but the families usually won't take money from a child or tween. Maybe the guest is ordering what he's used to ordering. All OP needed to do was say something. I remind DC each time because DC is not used to having restrictions and sometimes forgets. By 19 I'd expect not to have to remind him, but the only reason it comes up is because DC has friends who don't have the same means as we do. Maybe this friend just hasn't been in situations where he's on vacation with people with different means than his family, or with a family that has restrictions on food or sunscreen. The behavior OP described is inconsiderate, but the disgust she expresses toward a 19 year old guest makes me question whether there isn't a bit of exaggeration. She complains about him not jet skiing, but I'm sure if he did jet ski she would complain that he expected them to pay for him. Op set no ground rules as to who pays, got no information regarding what the friend and the son discussed regarding expenses on vacation, and then sat back and nitpicked everything he did while never once saying how things work in her family. Her son also didn't say anything to the friend. The pasta in a bowl discussion may also be exaggerated. I could see a 19 year old saying "you eat spaghetti from a plate, bowls are way easier." Then because OP dislikes the friend, that gets gets represented as a lecture on eating spaghetti on a plate. Never assume one sided accounts are accurate. OP's word choices (even in the original post) indicate a great deal of disgust/dislike toward the guest that seemed way out of the norm.
Anonymous
LOL I wish I was exaggerating, then my vacation wouldn't have sucked! He really was THIS annoying, I'm sorry that's hard to believe. I haven't seen him since yesterday when we finally left so I'm pretty over it but it's hilarious how polarizing this thread was.

Lenny SUCKED. Period. Like I would have come to DCUM to make up stories while on an awesome vacation. I want to send him with all of you next year and see how you like it.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:LOL I wish I was exaggerating, then my vacation wouldn't have sucked! He really was THIS annoying, I'm sorry that's hard to believe. I haven't seen him since yesterday when we finally left so I'm pretty over it but it's hilarious how polarizing this thread was.

Lenny SUCKED. Period. Like I would have come to DCUM to make up stories while on an awesome vacation. I want to send him with all of you next year and see how you like it.


If you’re upset at someone using up your sunblock, you’re just an unhappy person.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m amazed that so many posters are acting like a 19 year old “adult” is the same as a 30-40 something adult. Like they turn 18 and instantly know what to do and how to act and everything is proper and perfect.

Wtf planet are you people from? I was a disaster at 19. I probably wouldn’t have done what OP described but in lots of other ways I was figuring out how to be an adult, making mistakes left and right. And whether he was 6, 19, or 59 you need to communicate expectations or STFU.


Most people don't behave like a wild animal at 19. They're adults living away from home at college, they aren't 6 years old. I have a 4 year old who wouldn't pick through and take the nicest things for himself if someone offered to give him a couple, he would "leave some nice ones for them too". Because that's the way we raise our kids.

If you were raised by wolves, and you were a "disaster", then that's what you were. Don't normalize it. Most of us, even those who weren't parented all that well due to various issues, would not behave the way OP is describing.



We only have OP's description of what happened. Based on her responses, I'm not sure her descriptions are fair and unbiased, or an exaggeration of what really transpired. Seriously, all she needed to do was say something in the beginning. When we go out to dinner, my very thin 14 year old DC often orders the catch of the day. I don't stop him because he enjoys it and actually prefers that to the other things on the menu. When we grill, he prefers steak to burgers and doesn't eat hotdogs. We were invited to grill at a friend's when he was much younger and she asked what he wanted her to grill and he said steak would be good. I'm pretty sure she meant burgers or hotdogs. I intervene, because I was standing there, and said anything would be fine. I then explained that most kids wouldn't order steak or grilled salmon, so he needed to eat wherever the other kids were eating because the host assigned me certain items and I'd feel rude saying we'd bring steak and salmon (possibly implying what the host was providing wasn't good enough). I remind him if he's invited out to dinner by another family to keep his menu choices under a certain amount. I've tried sending money, but the families usually won't take money from a child or tween. Maybe the guest is ordering what he's used to ordering. All OP needed to do was say something. I remind DC each time because DC is not used to having restrictions and sometimes forgets. By 19 I'd expect not to have to remind him, but the only reason it comes up is because DC has friends who don't have the same means as we do. Maybe this friend just hasn't been in situations where he's on vacation with people with different means than his family, or with a family that has restrictions on food or sunscreen. The behavior OP described is inconsiderate, but the disgust she expresses toward a 19 year old guest makes me question whether there isn't a bit of exaggeration. She complains about him not jet skiing, but I'm sure if he did jet ski she would complain that he expected them to pay for him. Op set no ground rules as to who pays, got no information regarding what the friend and the son discussed regarding expenses on vacation, and then sat back and nitpicked everything he did while never once saying how things work in her family. Her son also didn't say anything to the friend. The pasta in a bowl discussion may also be exaggerated. I could see a 19 year old saying "you eat spaghetti from a plate, bowls are way easier." Then because OP dislikes the friend, that gets gets represented as a lecture on eating spaghetti on a plate. Never assume one sided accounts are accurate. OP's word choices (even in the original post) indicate a great deal of disgust/dislike toward the guest that seemed way out of the norm.


I don't see a way to exaggerate "he ate a whole bag of cookies, just himself". Unless you're suggesting that the OP lied outright. And he apparently did that several times. That's just not what normal people do. And by 19, it's far too late to start trying to parent someone. Especially when you aren't even their parent.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:LOL I wish I was exaggerating, then my vacation wouldn't have sucked! He really was THIS annoying, I'm sorry that's hard to believe. I haven't seen him since yesterday when we finally left so I'm pretty over it but it's hilarious how polarizing this thread was.

Lenny SUCKED. Period. Like I would have come to DCUM to make up stories while on an awesome vacation. I want to send him with all of you next year and see how you like it.


If you’re upset at someone using up your sunblock, you’re just an unhappy person.


HE USED A WHOLE BRAND NEW CAN ON HIMSELF!! Like I cracked off the plastic, sprayed my kids, handed to him and it came back empty! That's not "mad someone used my sunblock." That's son disgustingly wasteful. Not to mention selfish since he didn't leave any for the rest of us to use or reapply. Honestly, maybe he drank it, who knows. Maybe he put it in his hair. I still haven't figured out how a human sprays out an entire spraycan on themselves in minutes.
Anonymous
I am now laughing remembering when he walked into my room asking had I seen his red swimsuit because he evidently came into his room and thought I was gathering his laundry to do. Or the time we packed 7 leftover pieces of pieces for the 3 guys to eat at the beach and HE ATE THEM ALL lol. Y'all think I'm exaggerating and I didn't even mention half of it.
Anonymous
And yet you said nothing.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:LOL I wish I was exaggerating, then my vacation wouldn't have sucked! He really was THIS annoying, I'm sorry that's hard to believe. I haven't seen him since yesterday when we finally left so I'm pretty over it but it's hilarious how polarizing this thread was.

Lenny SUCKED. Period. Like I would have come to DCUM to make up stories while on an awesome vacation. I want to send him with all of you next year and see how you like it.


If you’re upset at someone using up your sunblock, you’re just an unhappy person.


HE USED A WHOLE BRAND NEW CAN ON HIMSELF!! Like I cracked off the plastic, sprayed my kids, handed to him and it came back empty! That's not "mad someone used my sunblock." That's son disgustingly wasteful. Not to mention selfish since he didn't leave any for the rest of us to use or reapply. Honestly, maybe he drank it, who knows. Maybe he put it in his hair. I still haven't figured out how a human sprays out an entire spraycan on themselves in minutes.


The Alba kind only has 4 applications in it (if you’re using it properly).

You allowed his actions to upset you. You could have ignored it and had a good time but you chose to be miserable. Some people are like that. It’s ok. But don’t blame him.

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I’m amazed that so many posters are acting like a 19 year old “adult” is the same as a 30-40 something adult. Like they turn 18 and instantly know what to do and how to act and everything is proper and perfect.

Wtf planet are you people from? I was a disaster at 19. I probably wouldn’t have done what OP described but in lots of other ways I was figuring out how to be an adult, making mistakes left and right. And whether he was 6, 19, or 59 you need to communicate expectations or STFU.

I’m amazed at so many posters are acting like a 19 year old teen is the same as a 5 year old. Come on people, 19 is way too old to have this type of behavior. Once you hit double digits you should behave better than this!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:LOL I wish I was exaggerating, then my vacation wouldn't have sucked! He really was THIS annoying, I'm sorry that's hard to believe. I haven't seen him since yesterday when we finally left so I'm pretty over it but it's hilarious how polarizing this thread was.

Lenny SUCKED. Period. Like I would have come to DCUM to make up stories while on an awesome vacation. I want to send him with all of you next year and see how you like it.


If you’re upset at someone using up your sunblock, you’re just an unhappy person.


HE USED A WHOLE BRAND NEW CAN ON HIMSELF!! Like I cracked off the plastic, sprayed my kids, handed to him and it came back empty! That's not "mad someone used my sunblock." That's son disgustingly wasteful. Not to mention selfish since he didn't leave any for the rest of us to use or reapply. Honestly, maybe he drank it, who knows. Maybe he put it in his hair. I still haven't figured out how a human sprays out an entire spraycan on themselves in minutes.


The Alba kind only has 4 applications in it (if you’re using it properly).

You allowed his actions to upset you. You could have ignored it and had a good time but you chose to be miserable. Some people are like that. It’s ok. But don’t blame him.



Everything I have r3ad about spray on says you must apply it as thick as paint.
Anonymous
The way OP mixes legitimately awful behavior with things that aren’t a big deal (like using a lot of spray sunscreen, when it actually takes a huge amount to follow the instructions properly, especially if someone is very large) makes her come across as petty and mean-spirited. Particularly when she focuses on his size right away and calls him a “third-tier friend.” If OP had left off all the personal attacks on the kid- ones that make it clear she finds obese people disgusting and worthless- I think she’d be getting a lot more sympathy.
post reply Forum Index » Tweens and Teens
Message Quick Reply
Go to: