Nephew with celiac - what is fair/appropriate when visiting grandma?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound like my SIL, OP. My children have multiple allergies, including gluten and dairy. My SIL showed up at every single family gathering with a food that my child could not eat. She'd always say, "Oh, Larla can't eat the BUTTER on the green beans?" Everyone else respected my DC's allergies and brought food she could eat. But my SIL always wanted her kids "favorites."

My child could die if she eats certain foods. Everyone in the family understands and respects this, except for SIL., who found it a total PITA to bring an allergen-free food to a family holiday celebration.

My entire family eats GF foods. There are lots that are fine. They are indistinguishable from wheat-based foods: breads, pasta, cookies, cakes, etc.

As a PP said, it's really difficult to feed a child with multiple allergies. Be grateful you only have to feed your children GF foods for a few days. You have it easy, OP. Gratitude is the key to happiness.

deep sigh....eyes rolling

no kidding. Can't believe the sancimommies on this thread. Nothing OP has said indicates that she is like the SIL above, yet all these people are projecting every negative thing they can think of on her.

It's like this: when you hear about a two year old family member with a serious, chronic illness that requires special dietary needs, you accommodate those needs. It's a few days of dealing with it for your family. That kid is going to deal with it for the rest of his life.

Arguing about it makes you a selfish asshole. You haven't talked to the kid's doctors or specialists. You haven't gone through the patient education. You haven't read the bazillion pages of research that the kid's mom has read in order to understand the disease. If you argue about it, you are an asshole. That includes OP.

What if OP had posted this:

"Not sure how to handle this upcoming situation. My husband and I both work full time at pretty stressful jobs and because we have little kids and both our families live out of state, most of our vacations are to visit family. This summer we are supposed to visit his parents and his brother's family at their summer house on a lake in Maine, which is about two hours from where they all live (which is also the closest town with a Target, etc) but four hours drive from Manchester NH (the nearest airport with direct flights from DC). His brother and SIL have a newborn and a 2-year-old who was recently diagnosed with celiac. His parents lake house also has a small cabin with a kitchenette. We understand that because of the celiac thing that they want to keep the kitchen gluten free. However, they also want to stay in the cabin because of the baby--which means there is no space where we can make stuff like Eggos and PB&J sandwiches and hot dogs. Honestly, the thought of spending basically an entire day traveling with a 3-year-old and a 5-year-old to spend the only week I get to take off this summer with my in-laws already doesn't sound like much of a vacation, but whatever, its family, its what we have to do. But am I being unreasonable for thinking that since they have a completely separate kitchenette that we can keep my nephew out of, they should let us use it?"

I don't think that sounds like an asshole. I can't believe how judgy all you people are.

Are you OP? I don't think so because OP has said her youngest is 4. However, if you this is OP, the fact that the little one with celiac lives close to Grandma and visits more often than OP would make me feel more strongly about keeping the entire enviro

If the lake house is somewhere the toddler spends a lot of time, and the guest cottage is where they usually sleep, then keeping it gluten free makes even more sense. Grandma absolutely deserves the comfort of knowing that she's got a safe environment for the child.

The rest of the "woe is me, my job is so challenging, etc . . " makes me less likely to be sympathetic, rather than more sympathetic.

[Anonymous]

grandma's summer home ... She has fully cleansed ...

So maybe Grandma isn't making the best decision. It's still reasonable. When there is debate, the decision stands as reasonable. So then, what to do? It's simple Op, it's not your call. It's Grandma's house. All that matters is what Grandma wants to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

grandma's summer home ... She has fully cleansed ...

So maybe Grandma isn't making the best decision. It's still reasonable. When there is debate, the decision stands as reasonable. So then, what to do? It's simple Op, it's not your call. It's Grandma's house. All that matters is what Grandma wants to do.

Well then maybe Grandma should have come up with a plan that met everyone's needs...like not having this family get together in a location 1.5 hours from a Target and where everyone has to share kitchen facilities. Maybe they could have gone to Grandma's house and one family could have stayed in a hotel. There is just too much going on here.

[Anonymous]

What Grandma should have done is irrelevant. She's the boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

grandma's summer home ... She has fully cleansed ...

So maybe Grandma isn't making the best decision. It's still reasonable. When there is debate, the decision stands as reasonable. So then, what to do? It's simple Op, it's not your call. It's Grandma's house. All that matters is what Grandma wants to do.

Well then maybe Grandma should have come up with a plan that met everyone's needs...like not having this family get together in a location 1.5 hours from a Target and where everyone has to share kitchen facilities. Maybe they could have gone to Grandma's house and one family could have stayed in a hotel. There is just too much going on here.

Grandma is not, presumably, forcing anyone to come. She made a plan, invited people, and people said yes. While the gluten free thing might not have been known at the time the invite went out, the middle of nowhere part and the sharing the house part almost certainly were. Some people think a rural lake in Maine is a delightful vacation, and some people don't, but that's a whole other issue.

At this point, however, having committed to a trip to a location that 1.5 hours from Target, the OP needs a solution that works in that context.

I would vote for OP's original suggestion of keeping some gluten foods in their room with the door closed at all times. Maybe bring a door lock so kids don't wander in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - interesting how split the responses are. A few more details: the place is VERY remote - 4 hour drive from major airport, and we are flying/driving. So no hotels nearby, and no Whole Foods or Wegmans either - the GF substitutes will be the ones available at the Super Target 1.5 hours away. My kids eat lots of fruit and veggies, but aren't big meat eaters, meat being the obvious meal that doesn't normally come with something with gluten (bun, crust, breading, etc). I would suck it up for a weekend without even thinking about it and let them be hungry or eat junk (although even that often has gluten = no ice cream cones!) but 5 days seems like a lot.

I was intentionally vague about whose family this was because I didn't want this to devolve into an in-law issue, but the child belongs to DH's brother, so it isn't that easy to have a 'mom to mom' conversation, and DH just doesn't want to deal.

Whether or not the kid is that sensitive to gluten is not a question for me to ask - the parents had an awful time getting him diagnosed and before they figured it out he wasn't eating and they were worried about failure to thrive, so I certainly don't want to take their concerns about contamination lightly; it is just that they are also monopolizing both kitchens (TBC, the guest cabin just has a kitchenette with a microwave, but we could live with that just to make sandwiches, cereal, nuggets, etc).

I think my takeaway is most people don't think I'm unreasonable in asking, or having DH ask, whether the parents would prefer we keep gluten products in the main house but in our rooms and away from their child, or whether they would like to give us the cabin. Interested in more opinions, though. Thanks all!

You're flyng and driving 4 hours after that with a grocery store 1.5 hours away for gluten free? BIL and MIL etc have decided main house and cabin will be gluten free. Therefore IL's and BIL/SIL can be/should be responsible for all the food for the 5 days. They want to control both kitchens and you don't get the cabin so give them a list of gluten free stuff to buy for your family.

Perhaps the caution is also based on the remote nature of the place. What about your toothpaste?

[Anonymous]

Suck it up, your kids will be fine. If they get hungry enough they will eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went gluten free for awhile (elimination diet) It was also expensive.
Shouldn't this thread be moved to SN? After all, OP is being asked to completely change her family's cooking and diet for a "vacation" and a "possible" contamination issue. I think many of the posters are forgetting what travelling with young children is like. Kids do not always love travelling and tend to cling to the familiar and be fussy. And BTW, my kids just returned from overseas and yes, they brought their own PB&J with them. It saves on high overseas costs and availability. It was not their favorite food, but that what they ate. However, they are not 4 years old.

OP doesn't cook.

OP microwaves Kraft Mac N Cheese and Tyson's Chicken Wings for Aden and Grace because they can't eat anything that isn't processed.

FFS, people - OP here and I haven't gotten defensive yet but here goes. I am an excellent cook. I have traveled extensively and lived in Asia. We eat an incredibly diverse range of foods. I also have a close relative who is senior faculty at the single best university nutrition department in the country and I take my nutrition and feeding guidance from her. Children have incredibly sensitive taste buds that deaden over time. This is why my older one pronounced iceberg lettuce "too spicy" when he was little. My kids are exposed to all kinds of food and praised for trying new things but I save my battles for things that I think are more important at this age like manners, courtesy, and bedtime. When we travel abroad I want them to explore and see and experience without being hysterical because they are hungry or were forced to eat something out of their comfort zone. This has never been an issue until the surprise with the GF week in the woods.

Thanks to all with suggestions on how to middle through

Since MIL and SIL are planning the food and meals do as I just suggested and let them stock the house. Whole foods can ship ? Give them a list of stuff and let them absorb the extra costs. Also suggest some recipes your chidren might like. FYI Beer has gluten. http://allrecipes.com/recipes/741/healthy-recipes/gluten-free/?page=5

No gross bean brownies or cauliflower pizza. http://allrecipes.com/recipes/741/healthy-recipes/gluten-free/?page=2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand if the child is that sensitive and sickly to have to have an almost sterile GF environment, how they are getting to this remote cabin that OP and family have to fly and take a car for 4 hours.

Wouldn't the airplane be too risky then? Does the child go to the playground? Any stores?

It seems like the gluten family can't have it both ways: either the child is ok to fly, travel, go to daycare, go to playground, etc and is therefore ok to leave the house and have gluten crumbs around them, or the child is too sensitive and too ill to be around any gluten for possible contamination and can't travel at all and be around any food.
Which begs the question why in the world is his family risking this child's health to even leave the house and travel with a newborn to boot in the first place?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:GF mom.

Pasta - try Barilla, that's our favorite and I think the most like regular pasta. Just remember the gentle boil and stir. Spaghetti is the hardest because it tends to clump - if We're making that I actually break it in half and stir with tongs to pull it apart.

Bread - this is probably one of the hardest ones, and most mass produced aren't great. We actually got a bread maker to make our own. The really good GF breads tend to be from smaller, GF bakeries. Can you live without bread for the week?

Nuggets - I think we've done apple gate and they were OK, but honestly I generally make my own, though that's more for my non-GF kid anyway.

What other foods do your kids eat? I've found that focusing on naturally GF foods can really be easier. Do they eat rice or potatoes? What about corn tortillas?

Thanks PP. I'll try Barilla. What coating do you use for your own nuggets? I can try that at home first. Do you have a soy sauce you like?

The older one is more adventurous and will probably be OK - hot dog, hamburger, nachos, French fries... The 4YO eats almost nothing I can think of that doesn't have some gluten. Meal staples are grilled cheese, turkey sandwiches, pb& j, nuggets, variants of pizza, grilled chicken with a specific marinade (this is a possibility for replacement)... Plain white rice, I guess. No tortillas, no potatoes other than fried. Eggs rarely and only if made just so. [and before I get more grief about their diets, they eat plenty of fruit, cheese, yogurt, etc. we just need dinner!]

Your kids are way too picky. You've let this go on way too long. Our pediatrician warns that, for picky eaters, "Fix it by 5 or it won't change."

Actually my ped said the opposite. When I ask her about my picky eaters she brushes it off and says I shouldn't stress or worry about it. My 5 yo eats similar to OP's. My 8 yo started branching out a lot starting a it age 7.

And frankly, I wouldn't go GF for a week, so I wouldn't ask my kids to. We'd be skipping this vacation with DH's full support. And he'd have some words for his mother too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:GF mom.

Pasta - try Barilla, that's our favorite and I think the most like regular pasta. Just remember the gentle boil and stir. Spaghetti is the hardest because it tends to clump - if We're making that I actually break it in half and stir with tongs to pull it apart.

Bread - this is probably one of the hardest ones, and most mass produced aren't great. We actually got a bread maker to make our own. The really good GF breads tend to be from smaller, GF bakeries. Can you live without bread for the week?

Nuggets - I think we've done apple gate and they were OK, but honestly I generally make my own, though that's more for my non-GF kid anyway.

What other foods do your kids eat? I've found that focusing on naturally GF foods can really be easier. Do they eat rice or potatoes? What about corn tortillas?

Thanks PP. I'll try Barilla. What coating do you use for your own nuggets? I can try that at home first. Do you have a soy sauce you like?

The older one is more adventurous and will probably be OK - hot dog, hamburger, nachos, French fries... The 4YO eats almost nothing I can think of that doesn't have some gluten. Meal staples are grilled cheese, turkey sandwiches, pb& j, nuggets, variants of pizza, grilled chicken with a specific marinade (this is a possibility for replacement)... Plain white rice, I guess. No tortillas, no potatoes other than fried. Eggs rarely and only if made just so. [and before I get more grief about their diets, they eat plenty of fruit, cheese, yogurt, etc. we just need dinner!]

Your kids are way too picky. You've let this go on way too long. Our pediatrician warns that, for picky eaters, "Fix it by 5 or it won't change."

Actually my ped said the opposite. When I ask her about my picky eaters she brushes it off and says I shouldn't stress or worry about it. My 5 yo eats similar to OP's. My 8 yo started branching out a lot starting a it age 7.

And frankly, I wouldn't go GF for a week, so I wouldn't ask my kids to. We'd be skipping this vacation with DH's full support. And he'd have some words for his mother too.

Some words about how she was protecting her 2yo grandson? What a peach! Don't go, fine; politely decline. But take your "words" and keep them to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand if the child is that sensitive and sickly to have to have an almost sterile GF environment, how they are getting to this remote cabin that OP and family have to fly and take a car for 4 hours.

Wouldn't the airplane be too risky then? Does the child go to the playground? Any stores?

It seems like the gluten family can't have it both ways: either the child is ok to fly, travel, go to daycare, go to playground, etc and is therefore ok to leave the house and have gluten crumbs around them, or the child is too sensitive and too ill to be around any gluten for possible contamination and can't travel at all and be around any food.
Which begs the question why in the world is his family risking this child's health to even leave the house and travel with a newborn to boot in the first place?

+1

This. I have a child with Celiac and another with nut allergies. This grandma is being over the top! If I were OP, I wouldn't go. A person with Celiac can absolutely eat from the same kitchen where gluten-containing foods were prepared. It's not difficult AT ALL to keep foods separate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:GF mom.

Pasta - try Barilla, that's our favorite and I think the most like regular pasta. Just remember the gentle boil and stir. Spaghetti is the hardest because it tends to clump - if We're making that I actually break it in half and stir with tongs to pull it apart.

Bread - this is probably one of the hardest ones, and most mass produced aren't great. We actually got a bread maker to make our own. The really good GF breads tend to be from smaller, GF bakeries. Can you live without bread for the week?

Nuggets - I think we've done apple gate and they were OK, but honestly I generally make my own, though that's more for my non-GF kid anyway.

What other foods do your kids eat? I've found that focusing on naturally GF foods can really be easier. Do they eat rice or potatoes? What about corn tortillas?

Thanks PP. I'll try Barilla. What coating do you use for your own nuggets? I can try that at home first. Do you have a soy sauce you like?

The older one is more adventurous and will probably be OK - hot dog, hamburger, nachos, French fries... The 4YO eats almost nothing I can think of that doesn't have some gluten. Meal staples are grilled cheese, turkey sandwiches, pb& j, nuggets, variants of pizza, grilled chicken with a specific marinade (this is a possibility for replacement)... Plain white rice, I guess. No tortillas, no potatoes other than fried. Eggs rarely and only if made just so. [and before I get more grief about their diets, they eat plenty of fruit, cheese, yogurt, etc. we just need dinner!]

Your kids are way too picky. You've let this go on way too long. Our pediatrician warns that, for picky eaters, "Fix it by 5 or it won't change."

Actually my ped said the opposite. When I ask her about my picky eaters she brushes it off and says I shouldn't stress or worry about it. My 5 yo eats similar to OP's. My 8 yo started branching out a lot starting a it age 7.

And frankly, I wouldn't go GF for a week, so I wouldn't ask my kids to. We'd be skipping this vacation with DH's full support. And he'd have some words for his mother too.

Some words about how she was protecting her 2yo grandson? What a peach! Don't go, fine; politely decline. But take your "words" and keep them to yourself.

Not a chance. My MIL would be told exactly why we wouldn't be coming. No sugar coating. But she'd never be so unreasonable in the first place. She'd give the Celiac family the cabin and be done with it. She wouldn't alter her 50 year old delicious recipes or GF her kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:GF mom.

Pasta - try Barilla, that's our favorite and I think the most like regular pasta. Just remember the gentle boil and stir. Spaghetti is the hardest because it tends to clump - if We're making that I actually break it in half and stir with tongs to pull it apart.

Bread - this is probably one of the hardest ones, and most mass produced aren't great. We actually got a bread maker to make our own. The really good GF breads tend to be from smaller, GF bakeries. Can you live without bread for the week?

Nuggets - I think we've done apple gate and they were OK, but honestly I generally make my own, though that's more for my non-GF kid anyway.

What other foods do your kids eat? I've found that focusing on naturally GF foods can really be easier. Do they eat rice or potatoes? What about corn tortillas?

Thanks PP. I'll try Barilla. What coating do you use for your own nuggets? I can try that at home first. Do you have a soy sauce you like?

The older one is more adventurous and will probably be OK - hot dog, hamburger, nachos, French fries... The 4YO eats almost nothing I can think of that doesn't have some gluten. Meal staples are grilled cheese, turkey sandwiches, pb& j, nuggets, variants of pizza, grilled chicken with a specific marinade (this is a possibility for replacement)... Plain white rice, I guess. No tortillas, no potatoes other than fried. Eggs rarely and only if made just so. [and before I get more grief about their diets, they eat plenty of fruit, cheese, yogurt, etc. we just need dinner!]

Your kids are way too picky. You've let this go on way too long. Our pediatrician warns that, for picky eaters, "Fix it by 5 or it won't change."

Actually my ped said the opposite. When I ask her about my picky eaters she brushes it off and says I shouldn't stress or worry about it. My 5 yo eats similar to OP's. My 8 yo started branching out a lot starting a it age 7.

And frankly, I wouldn't go GF for a week, so I wouldn't ask my kids to. We'd be skipping this vacation with DH's full support. And he'd have some words for his mother too.

Some words about how she was protecting her 2yo grandson? What a peach! Don't go, fine; politely decline. But take your "words" and keep them to yourself.

Not a chance. My MIL would be told exactly why we wouldn't be coming. No sugar coating. But she'd never be so unreasonable in the first place. She'd give the Celiac family the cabin and be done with it. She wouldn't alter her 50 year old delicious recipes or GF her kitchen.

Troll.

This is a toddler's medical condition, not some insufferable cousin who's imposing their dietary habits on the rest of the family.

[Anonymous]

I understand completely about the terror the grandmother and family are going through. But it would not be a "vacation" for me to take my family there. It sounds more like a sick visit to the hospital. If it were my only week of vacation, I would pass.