Would you be okay with your daughter dating a boy from a different race?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not saying that a white woman could not make a suitable partner for my son; I'm saying I don't want one to do so. It's very possible that white ILs can be absolutely accepting of the relationship, but I'd rather not take a chance and see how it all shakes out. Pandering to ILs for acceptance does not sit well with me and my son is too good to have to prove himself to anyone in that way.

The lack of self-awareness is just stunning. In one breath, you worry about in-laws being accepting, and in the next display the very lack of acceptance about which you worry. Unbelievable.

And if you think marrying a black woman will insulate your son from having to pander and prove himself to judgmental, narrow-minded inlaws, you're nuts. If you need examples of how those types of folks are found in all races and colors, take a look at the numerous examples in this thread. Or just look in a mirror.

I'm sorry if my reality is different from yours, but unless you are a minority in America, you simply can't relate. That's not a bad thing...it just means you shouldn't take offense about things that do not concern you personally.

It's not about pandering to ILs for me. It's about having cohesion in my family; a continuation of culture, traditions, values, etc.

Then why did you write "Pandering to ILs for acceptance does not sit well with me . . ."?

Also, "It's a black thing, you wouldn't understand" is the last refuge of someone who has no actual support for her position.

AMEN!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not saying that a white woman could not make a suitable partner for my son; I'm saying I don't want one to do so. It's very possible that white ILs can be absolutely accepting of the relationship, but I'd rather not take a chance and see how it all shakes out. Pandering to ILs for acceptance does not sit well with me and my son is too good to have to prove himself to anyone in that way.

The lack of self-awareness is just stunning. In one breath, you worry about in-laws being accepting, and in the next display the very lack of acceptance about which you worry. Unbelievable.

And if you think marrying a black woman will insulate your son from having to pander and prove himself to judgmental, narrow-minded inlaws, you're nuts. If you need examples of how those types of folks are found in all races and colors, take a look at the numerous examples in this thread. Or just look in a mirror.

I'm sorry if my reality is different from yours, but unless you are a minority in America, you simply can't relate. That's not a bad thing...it just means you shouldn't take offense about things that do not concern you personally.

It's not about pandering to ILs for me. It's about having cohesion in my family; a continuation of culture, traditions, values, etc.

Then why did you write "Pandering to ILs for acceptance does not sit well with me . . ."?

Also, "It's a black thing, you wouldn't understand" is the last refuge of someone who has no actual support for her position.

AMEN!

+1!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not saying that a white woman could not make a suitable partner for my son; I'm saying I don't want one to do so. It's very possible that white ILs can be absolutely accepting of the relationship, but I'd rather not take a chance and see how it all shakes out. Pandering to ILs for acceptance does not sit well with me and my son is too good to have to prove himself to anyone in that way.

The lack of self-awareness is just stunning. In one breath, you worry about in-laws being accepting, and in the next display the very lack of acceptance about which you worry. Unbelievable.

And if you think marrying a black woman will insulate your son from having to pander and prove himself to judgmental, narrow-minded inlaws, you're nuts. If you need examples of how those types of folks are found in all races and colors, take a look at the numerous examples in this thread. Or just look in a mirror.

I'm sorry if my reality is different from yours, but unless you are a minority in America, you simply can't relate. That's not a bad thing...it just means you shouldn't take offense about things that do not concern you personally.

It's not about pandering to ILs for me. It's about having cohesion in my family; a continuation of culture, traditions, values, etc.

Then why did you write "Pandering to ILs for acceptance does not sit well with me . . ."?

Also, "It's a black thing, you wouldn't understand" is the last refuge of someone who has no actual support for her position.

AMEN!

+1!!!

Let me guess...responses by white people? I'm sorry, but it's true and this thread is evidence of that fact. I have plenty of support for my position and have explained it throughout this thread. You just don't agree with it and have closed your ears to it. That's not my problem.

[Anonymous]

*BTW, I should've said it's *not only* about pandering to ILs. It's much more complex than that, but it is a factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It just did not happen when I was growing up, and where I was growing up. It seems more prevalent now. Does your child date someone from a different race? Are you okay with it, honestly. Does it make a difference what the other race is (i.e., are you okay if it's one race, but not so okay if it's another)? Has your child ever asked you point blank what your feelings are on the issue?

The problem with this thread is that there 2-4 serial posters who are race baiting.

OP, back to your original question, I was asked point blank by my teenager what my feelings were if she were to date a person of another race. It caught me off guard, and I deflected asking questions about whether she had someone in mind, whether she thought it would be a problem, etc., etc. I never did answer her question, and I feel bad that I have not. I'm still working through the response. I do want to be supportive, and I know that whatever the race of the boy she becomes attracted to, the boy will be handsome, and smart, and polite, because that is what she is attracted to. But I grew up in a different time in a different place, and this type of thing just did not happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not saying that a white woman could not make a suitable partner for my son; I'm saying I don't want one to do so. It's very possible that white ILs can be absolutely accepting of the relationship, but I'd rather not take a chance and see how it all shakes out. Pandering to ILs for acceptance does not sit well with me and my son is too good to have to prove himself to anyone in that way.

The lack of self-awareness is just stunning. In one breath, you worry about in-laws being accepting, and in the next display the very lack of acceptance about which you worry. Unbelievable.

And if you think marrying a black woman will insulate your son from having to pander and prove himself to judgmental, narrow-minded inlaws, you're nuts. If you need examples of how those types of folks are found in all races and colors, take a look at the numerous examples in this thread. Or just look in a mirror.

I'm sorry if my reality is different from yours, but unless you are a minority in America, you simply can't relate. That's not a bad thing...it just means you shouldn't take offense about things that do not concern you personally.

It's not about pandering to ILs for me. It's about having cohesion in my family; a continuation of culture, traditions, values, etc.

Then why did you write "Pandering to ILs for acceptance does not sit well with me . . ."?

Also, "It's a black thing, you wouldn't understand" is the last refuge of someone who has no actual support for her position.

AMEN!

+1!!!

Let me guess...responses by white people? I'm sorry, but it's true and this thread is evidence of that fact. I have plenty of support for my position and have explained it throughout this thread. You just don't agree with it and have closed your ears to it. That's not my problem.

And yet, our "default" responses about your negative attitude are as a result of being "butt-hurt". riiiiiiiight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not saying that a white woman could not make a suitable partner for my son; I'm saying I don't want one to do so. It's very possible that white ILs can be absolutely accepting of the relationship, but I'd rather not take a chance and see how it all shakes out. Pandering to ILs for acceptance does not sit well with me and my son is too good to have to prove himself to anyone in that way.

The lack of self-awareness is just stunning. In one breath, you worry about in-laws being accepting, and in the next display the very lack of acceptance about which you worry. Unbelievable.

And if you think marrying a black woman will insulate your son from having to pander and prove himself to judgmental, narrow-minded inlaws, you're nuts. If you need examples of how those types of folks are found in all races and colors, take a look at the numerous examples in this thread. Or just look in a mirror.

I'm sorry if my reality is different from yours, but unless you are a minority in America, you simply can't relate. That's not a bad thing...it just means you shouldn't take offense about things that do not concern you personally.

It's not about pandering to ILs for me. It's about having cohesion in my family; a continuation of culture, traditions, values, etc.

Then why did you write "Pandering to ILs for acceptance does not sit well with me . . ."?

Also, "It's a black thing, you wouldn't understand" is the last refuge of someone who has no actual support for her position.

AMEN!

+1!!!

Let me guess...responses by white people? I'm sorry, but it's true and this thread is evidence of that fact. I have plenty of support for my position and have explained it throughout this thread. You just don't agree with it and have closed your ears to it. That's not my problem.

And yet, our "default" responses about your negative attitude are as a result of being "butt-hurt". riiiiiiiight.

I have no negative attitude. Why are you so pissed about my personal opinion? Have you expressed similar outrage by other posters on this thread like:

-the white people who've said they wouldn't be comfortable with a non-white DIL/SIL
-the Jewish people who've said they wouldn't be comfortable with a non-Jewish DIL/SIL
-the Irish Catholic people who've said they wouldn't be comfortable with a non-Jewish DIL/SIL

Why are you only choosing to take offense when black people dare to say something similar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I'm not saying that a white woman could not make a suitable partner for my son; I'm saying I don't want one to do so. It's very possible that white ILs can be absolutely accepting of the relationship, but I'd rather not take a chance and see how it all shakes out. Pandering to ILs for acceptance does not sit well with me and my son is too good to have to prove himself to anyone in that way.

The lack of self-awareness is just stunning. In one breath, you worry about in-laws being accepting, and in the next display the very lack of acceptance about which you worry. Unbelievable.

And if you think marrying a black woman will insulate your son from having to pander and prove himself to judgmental, narrow-minded inlaws, you're nuts. If you need examples of how those types of folks are found in all races and colors, take a look at the numerous examples in this thread. Or just look in a mirror.

I'm sorry if my reality is different from yours, but unless you are a minority in America, you simply can't relate. That's not a bad thing...it just means you shouldn't take offense about things that do not concern you personally.

It's not about pandering to ILs for me. It's about having cohesion in my family; a continuation of culture, traditions, values, etc.

Then why did you write "Pandering to ILs for acceptance does not sit well with me . . ."?

Also, "It's a black thing, you wouldn't understand" is the last refuge of someone who has no actual support for her position.

AMEN!

+1!!!

Let me guess...responses by white people? I'm sorry, but it's true and this thread is evidence of that fact. I have plenty of support for my position and have explained it throughout this thread. You just don't agree with it and have closed your ears to it. That's not my problem.

And yet, our "default" responses about your negative attitude are as a result of being "butt-hurt". riiiiiiiight.

I have no negative attitude. Why are you so pissed about my personal opinion? Have you expressed similar outrage by other posters on this thread like:

-the white people who've said they wouldn't be comfortable with a non-white DIL/SIL
-the Jewish people who've said they wouldn't be comfortable with a non-Jewish DIL/SIL
-the Irish Catholic people who've said they wouldn't be comfortable with a non-Jewish DIL/SIL

Why are you only choosing to take offense when black people dare to say something similar?

You are the angry one spewing venom on this thread.

[Anonymous]

PP, please stop posting.

You are coming across as the Angry Black Woman.

You have made your point, repeatedly, and very well. I agree with you. I am not the PP you are tussling with. She also needs to go home and take her meds. Or maybe just stop dieting and go for that Big Mac today.

You two have hijacked this thread with your childish rants.

There, I said what everyone else was thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, please stop posting.

You are coming across as the Angry Black Woman.

You have made your point, repeatedly, and very well. I agree with you. I am not the PP you are tussling with. She also needs to go home and take her meds. Or maybe just stop dieting and go for that Big Mac today.

You two have hijacked this thread with your childish rants.

There, I said what everyone else was thinking.

I was the direct pp who quoted the angry woman. I did not post all the replies to her. She has pissed off and is arguing with multiple posters.

What a clever response... Go take your meds and eat a Big Mac? Who do YOU think you are?

[Anonymous]

Bottom line- You do not know me, I do not know you.

Black or white we are people discussing on an anonymous board about how some would limit who they would choose to be a part of their family based solely on skin color.

How is that not sad? I can understand wanting something for your child but to assume you know how you would feel about an individual and not just a skin color entering your family seems well, small minded.

There is one thing I know about life, and that is it will always surprise you. It don't think it is wise for anyone to go about their lives with blinders on to other possibilities assuming they know how they would feel/react in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, please stop posting.

You are coming across as the Angry Black Woman.

You have made your point, repeatedly, and very well. I agree with you. I am not the PP you are tussling with. She also needs to go home and take her meds. Or maybe just stop dieting and go for that Big Mac today.

You two have hijacked this thread with your childish rants.

There, I said what everyone else was thinking.

Hmmm..nothing that I've posted has been in anger, so not sure why the need to go there with the ABW stuff.

I know I've made my point. The point of a discussion board is to ask and answer questions. If you don't like the exchange, feel free to bypass the thread. I, for one, am okay with someone taking issue with something I wrote and calling me on it so that I can explain my POV further. The back and forth is the very essence of the OP's question, so not sure how you see this as hi-jacking and/or going off topic. And the childish part?...Sure.

BTW, there have been several black Moms posting in this thread, not just one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, please stop posting.

You are coming across as the Angry Black Woman.

You have made your point, repeatedly, and very well. I agree with you. I am not the PP you are tussling with. She also needs to go home and take her meds. Or maybe just stop dieting and go for that Big Mac today.

You two have hijacked this thread with your childish rants.

There, I said what everyone else was thinking.

Hmmm..nothing that I've posted has been in anger, so not sure why the need to go there with the ABW stuff.

I know I've made my point. The point of a discussion board is to ask and answer questions. If you don't like the exchange, feel free to bypass the thread. I, for one, am okay with someone taking issue with something I wrote and calling me on it so that I can explain my POV further. The back and forth is the very essence of the OP's question, so not sure how you see this as hi-jacking and/or going off topic. And the childish part?...Sure.

BTW, there have been several black Moms posting in this thread, not just one.

I am the bi-racial PP and I agree that this type of dialougue needs to happen.

Sure, this thread has gone off the rails at times - but that is ok. We cannot run for the hills every time a discussion (especially about race) gets uncomfrotable and tense.

I learn a lot from folks in these types of discussions because I keep an open mind about other's POV and I hope that other people are open enough to learn from me.

Personally, I have lived racism from both AA's and Whites. I hate to say it, but it is a common discussion topic in our home and not because we want it to be.

[Anonymous]

Of course I would.

[Anonymous]

I would be okay with my white daughter dating an Asian American guy. I would be okay with her dating a Latino guy.

I would not be okay with her dating a Muslim guy, a Jewish guy, or a fundie/evangelical Christian guy, regardless of race. I would not be okay with her dating a guy who is from the Middle East or Central Asia. I would not be okay with her dating an Indian guy. I would not be okay with her dating an African American guy.