First sleep over for my daughter, and the mom was drinking wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. For a variety of reasons, I don't drink at all. I have an almost six-year-old and if she went to a sleepover like the OP described, I would prefer that the adults not drink at all, and I feel appreciative of those parents who typically would have a glass of wine, but forego it out of consideration for the "variety of sensibilities" (as one PP phrased it) that might be represented by the other parents. But I know that, in the words of another PP, "having a glass of wine is not a big deal to most people" and is a common part of socializing. I find myself trying to downplay that I don't drink, though, because of the comments it draws. At get-togethers (large, small, with and without kids), people often seem disappointed and sometimes even put off if I don't drink when everyone else is drinking, as if I am refusing to "join in the group" and snubbing their overtures at socializing. I try to not to draw attention to it -- just say "no thank you" to alcohol and drink soda or sparkling water. After reading some of the posts in this thread, I'd be interested in what people are really thinking? Do you feel like I am being judgmental by not drinking? Or a prude or "stick in the mud?" Or maybe people are sometimes just a bit surprised that I don't drink, and I am misinterpreting and being overly sensitive about their surprised reaction? I wonder what is the percentage of "non-drinkers" in this area. . . I definitely feel in the minority, but wonder by just how much.

In my group we'd assume you're pregnant.

Wow. Have you given some thought to your relationship and attitudes about drinking? This is pretty extreme i.e everyone will drink unless physically restricted.

Pretty much everyone I know will accept a glass of wine/beer unless they're physically restricted. I truly don't know where all of you strange "1 glass=alcoholic" people live. Just glad it's not in my area of Alexandria (yes, suburb).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. For a variety of reasons, I don't drink at all. I have an almost six-year-old and if she went to a sleepover like the OP described, I would prefer that the adults not drink at all, and I feel appreciative of those parents who typically would have a glass of wine, but forego it out of consideration for the "variety of sensibilities" (as one PP phrased it) that might be represented by the other parents. But I know that, in the words of another PP, "having a glass of wine is not a big deal to most people" and is a common part of socializing. I find myself trying to downplay that I don't drink, though, because of the comments it draws. At get-togethers (large, small, with and without kids), people often seem disappointed and sometimes even put off if I don't drink when everyone else is drinking, as if I am refusing to "join in the group" and snubbing their overtures at socializing. I try to not to draw attention to it -- just say "no thank you" to alcohol and drink soda or sparkling water. After reading some of the posts in this thread, I'd be interested in what people are really thinking? Do you feel like I am being judgmental by not drinking? Or a prude or "stick in the mud?" Or maybe people are sometimes just a bit surprised that I don't drink, and I am misinterpreting and being overly sensitive about their surprised reaction? I wonder what is the percentage of "non-drinkers" in this area. . . I definitely feel in the minority, but wonder by just how much.

In my group we'd assume you're pregnant.

Wow. Have you given some thought to your relationship and attitudes about drinking? This is pretty extreme i.e everyone will drink unless physically restricted.

I'd assume pregnant too. we went to a wedding and everyone was drinking but two - turned out they were both preggers

Does anyone but me see this as alarming?

Not in the least. It's exactly how my social circle runs. And none of us are "heavy" drinkers. Ooh wait, or am I in denial? Maybe one glass puts us all over the edge to self destruction. Oh no!

[Anonymous]

It's really not that having one glass of wine or 1 drink is a problem. But its also how unaccepting people are of those who choose not to drink, for whatever reason. Too often, nondrinkers are subtly (or not so subtly) mocked or derided for not drinking, or else it is assumed there must be a physical reason (illness, medication, pregnancy) or an addiction issue. Which is kind of sad, really. Why is not drinking treated with the same kind of respect as not eating meat? Or passing on dessert? Or not drinking coffee?

[Anonymous]

well in my case (the wedding example), everyone did get hammered except for the two pregnant women. So maybe we are all drunks ... but it was a damn fun wedding. Kids were all with babysitters, had hotel rooms, great band and open bar, so the drinks were flowing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really not that having one glass of wine or 1 drink is a problem. But its also how unaccepting people are of those who choose not to drink, for whatever reason. Too often, nondrinkers are subtly (or not so subtly) mocked or derided for not drinking, or else it is assumed there must be a physical reason (illness, medication, pregnancy) or an addiction issue. Which is kind of sad, really. Why is not drinking treated with the same kind of respect as not eating meat? Or passing on dessert? Or not drinking coffee?

And I often feel as if people are disappointed if I only have one glass/drink. Somehow that college mentality of being a 'wuss' for not drinking or drinking enough has carried over into many adults' mentality. not drinking=no fun

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:well in my case (the wedding example), everyone did get hammered except for the two pregnant women. So maybe we are all drunks ... but it was a damn fun wedding. Kids were all with babysitters, had hotel rooms, great band and open bar, so the drinks were flowing!

Again though, you're implication is it was fun because everyone got hammered. In 10-15 years, will you sit down with your teenage kids and say: "Look, it really is more fun if you drink. If nobody got drunk, it can't be a great party. Oh, and if you don't drink, you're gonna be a party pooper and people won't like being at a party with you as much. In fact, you may not make as many friends. You might even find that you lose friends". Because essentially, that seems to be your belief system (consciously or unconsciously)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
How do folks not see parenting as a job that requires you to be responsible just like other jobs that require responsibility? I don't get it. I really don't. And no, I didn't write 17 pages of posts arguing against 'THE WINE'!!! And especially when you are acting as a 'parent' to other people's children? Parenting is a job from which you are never 'off duty'.

I see the care of school - aged children in the after-dinner hours as not a "job" in the same way that supervising the same amount of toddlers would be. It simply isn't as mentally taxing. Now, I am speaking of supervising my own children, or children whom I know to be fairly mature (for their age) and responsible; and if they are at my house for a sleepover, I know them fairly well. And the location is a very very familiar area. It is well known to me, and to the children. It is child-proofed to a degree reasonable for school aged children. This doesn't mean that I have put away all the choking hazards; it means that I expect school aged children not to put choking hazards into their mouths. This doesn't mean that I have locked up the household cleaners. This means that I expect school aged children, left in the basement playroom with no immediate adult supervision, will watch a move and not go exploring into the bathroom, find the can of drano, and start drinking it.

So when my son, age 8, has a sleepover with 3 of his buddies from school -- all of whom have played at our house numerous times before -- I don't feel the need to be hypervigilantly observant of their every move, nor do I need the lightning quick reflexes required of someone performing, say, brain surgery. We eat dinner, I feed them pizza and I have a few sliecs, I sip a glass of wine (as is my wont) and then I send them down to the basement to watch some movies. I don't feel like I am "on the clock". I'm just hanging out at home, and we have some kids over. Eventually I tell them to go to bed. If I'm not too sloshed, I remind them to bruch their teeth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How do folks not see parenting as a job that requires you to be responsible just like other jobs that require responsibility? I don't get it. I really don't. And no, I didn't write 17 pages of posts arguing against 'THE WINE'!!! And especially when you are acting as a 'parent' to other people's children? Parenting is a job from which you are never 'off duty'.

I see the care of school - aged children in the after-dinner hours as not a "job" in the same way that supervising the same amount of toddlers would be. It simply isn't as mentally taxing. Now, I am speaking of supervising my own children, or children whom I know to be fairly mature (for their age) and responsible; and if they are at my house for a sleepover, I know them fairly well. And the location is a very very familiar area. It is well known to me, and to the children. It is child-proofed to a degree reasonable for school aged children. This doesn't mean that I have put away all the choking hazards; it means that I expect school aged children not to put choking hazards into their mouths. This doesn't mean that I have locked up the household cleaners. This means that I expect school aged children, left in the basement playroom with no immediate adult supervision, will watch a move and not go exploring into the bathroom, find the can of drano, and start drinking it.

So when my son, age 8, has a sleepover with 3 of his buddies from school -- all of whom have played at our house numerous times before -- I don't feel the need to be hypervigilantly observant of their every move, nor do I need the lightning quick reflexes required of someone performing, say, brain surgery. We eat dinner, I feed them pizza and I have a few sliecs, I sip a glass of wine (as is my wont) and then I send them down to the basement to watch some movies. I don't feel like I am "on the clock". I'm just hanging out at home, and we have some kids over. Eventually I tell them to go to bed. If I'm not too sloshed, I remind them to bruch their teeth.

This, this, this, and this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How do folks not see parenting as a job that requires you to be responsible just like other jobs that require responsibility? I don't get it. I really don't. And no, I didn't write 17 pages of posts arguing against 'THE WINE'!!! And especially when you are acting as a 'parent' to other people's children? Parenting is a job from which you are never 'off duty'.

I see the care of school - aged children in the after-dinner hours as not a "job" in the same way that supervising the same amount of toddlers would be. It simply isn't as mentally taxing. Now, I am speaking of supervising my own children, or children whom I know to be fairly mature (for their age) and responsible; and if they are at my house for a sleepover, I know them fairly well. And the location is a very very familiar area. It is well known to me, and to the children. It is child-proofed to a degree reasonable for school aged children. This doesn't mean that I have put away all the choking hazards; it means that I expect school aged children not to put choking hazards into their mouths. This doesn't mean that I have locked up the household cleaners. This means that I expect school aged children, left in the basement playroom with no immediate adult supervision, will watch a move and not go exploring into the bathroom, find the can of drano, and start drinking it.

So when my son, age 8, has a sleepover with 3 of his buddies from school -- all of whom have played at our house numerous times before -- I don't feel the need to be hypervigilantly observant of their every move, nor do I need the lightning quick reflexes required of someone performing, say, brain surgery. We eat dinner, I feed them pizza and I have a few sliecs, I sip a glass of wine (as is my wont) and then I send them down to the basement to watch some movies. I don't feel like I am "on the clock". I'm just hanging out at home, and we have some kids over. Eventually I tell them to go to bed. If I'm not too sloshed, I remind them to bruch their teeth.

This, this, this, and this.

This is irresponsible and I would not want my children to play at your house at 8, 10 and most certainly not at 16.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How do folks not see parenting as a job that requires you to be responsible just like other jobs that require responsibility? I don't get it. I really don't. And no, I didn't write 17 pages of posts arguing against 'THE WINE'!!! And especially when you are acting as a 'parent' to other people's children? Parenting is a job from which you are never 'off duty'.

I see the care of school - aged children in the after-dinner hours as not a "job" in the same way that supervising the same amount of toddlers would be. It simply isn't as mentally taxing. Now, I am speaking of supervising my own children, or children whom I know to be fairly mature (for their age) and responsible; and if they are at my house for a sleepover, I know them fairly well. And the location is a very very familiar area. It is well known to me, and to the children. It is child-proofed to a degree reasonable for school aged children. This doesn't mean that I have put away all the choking hazards; it means that I expect school aged children not to put choking hazards into their mouths. This doesn't mean that I have locked up the household cleaners. This means that I expect school aged children, left in the basement playroom with no immediate adult supervision, will watch a move and not go exploring into the bathroom, find the can of drano, and start drinking it.

So when my son, age 8, has a sleepover with 3 of his buddies from school -- all of whom have played at our house numerous times before -- I don't feel the need to be hypervigilantly observant of their every move, nor do I need the lightning quick reflexes required of someone performing, say, brain surgery. We eat dinner, I feed them pizza and I have a few sliecs, I sip a glass of wine (as is my wont) and then I send them down to the basement to watch some movies. I don't feel like I am "on the clock". I'm just hanging out at home, and we have some kids over. Eventually I tell them to go to bed. If I'm not too sloshed, I remind them to bruch their teeth.

This, this, this, and this.

I mostly agree with the attitude, though I do think some adult needs to be perfectly sober just in case something comes up and you have to drive someplace in a hurry.

[Anonymous]

I have a two year old, and I weep just thinking about dealing with all of you parents later on. Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
How do folks not see parenting as a job that requires you to be responsible just like other jobs that require responsibility? I don't get it. I really don't. And no, I didn't write 17 pages of posts arguing against 'THE WINE'!!! And especially when you are acting as a 'parent' to other people's children? Parenting is a job from which you are never 'off duty'.

I see the care of school - aged children in the after-dinner hours as not a "job" in the same way that supervising the same amount of toddlers would be. It simply isn't as mentally taxing. Now, I am speaking of supervising my own children, or children whom I know to be fairly mature (for their age) and responsible; and if they are at my house for a sleepover, I know them fairly well. And the location is a very very familiar area. It is well known to me, and to the children. It is child-proofed to a degree reasonable for school aged children. This doesn't mean that I have put away all the choking hazards; it means that I expect school aged children not to put choking hazards into their mouths. This doesn't mean that I have locked up the household cleaners. This means that I expect school aged children, left in the basement playroom with no immediate adult supervision, will watch a move and not go exploring into the bathroom, find the can of drano, and start drinking it.

So when my son, age 8, has a sleepover with 3 of his buddies from school -- all of whom have played at our house numerous times before -- I don't feel the need to be hypervigilantly observant of their every move, nor do I need the lightning quick reflexes required of someone performing, say, brain surgery. We eat dinner, I feed them pizza and I have a few sliecs, I sip a glass of wine (as is my wont) and then I send them down to the basement to watch some movies. I don't feel like I am "on the clock". I'm just hanging out at home, and we have some kids over. Eventually I tell them to go to bed. If I'm not too sloshed, I remind them to bruch their teeth.

This, this, this, and this.

This is irresponsible and I would not want my children to play at your house at 8, 10 and most certainly not at 16.

I think it is really typical and it's remiss not to acknowledge that. Many people see hosting other kids as kind of free babysitting for their kid esp if you throw in movies. There is less supervision than you would think, maybe less than if kids weren't over. Someone mentioned it way back about having 4 year olds eating popcorn and watching movies in another part of the house from the adults, which is a choking hazzard. It may well be ok for 8 year olds, maybe not for 6s and definitely not for 4s in my book. If it really is a glass of wine with dinner I don't think you are necessarily impaired but it's not the greatest behavior to model while eating with the other kids. I tend not to drink most nights and don't drink more than a glass unless spouse isn't drinking. Feel like I'm really in the minority. I used to drink a lot more when younger and pre-kids. Now, in my 40s it tends to make me tired.

You just never know about people and I think that is underlying this thread. That story about the dad trying to put out his house fire with a hose at midday in Bethesda and almost having his 3 babies die of smoke inhalation was startling to me. You never really know how other people behave in their homes or how they will react in an emergency. He was/is Homeland Security, you'd think that they would be good in a crisis. I also questioned that guy's hiring of a nanny that he couldn't communicate with, not so great in an emergency. As your kids get older they spend more time in the care of others who may be pretty cavelier about their safety and it's likely that the standard of care might not reach the one that you would provide. I think that people are reacting so defensively since many of them drink nightly (even if a limited amount) around their own kids. What would that mean if they should change it for visitors?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I mostly agree with the attitude, though I do think some adult needs to be perfectly sober just in case something comes up and you have to drive someplace in a hurry.

Then you don't *really* agree, do you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. For a variety of reasons, I don't drink at all. I have an almost six-year-old and if she went to a sleepover like the OP described, I would prefer that the adults not drink at all, and I feel appreciative of those parents who typically would have a glass of wine, but forego it out of consideration for the "variety of sensibilities" (as one PP phrased it) that might be represented by the other parents. But I know that, in the words of another PP, "having a glass of wine is not a big deal to most people" and is a common part of socializing. I find myself trying to downplay that I don't drink, though, because of the comments it draws. At get-togethers (large, small, with and without kids), people often seem disappointed and sometimes even put off if I don't drink when everyone else is drinking, as if I am refusing to "join in the group" and snubbing their overtures at socializing. I try to not to draw attention to it -- just say "no thank you" to alcohol and drink soda or sparkling water. After reading some of the posts in this thread, I'd be interested in what people are really thinking? Do you feel like I am being judgmental by not drinking? Or a prude or "stick in the mud?" Or maybe people are sometimes just a bit surprised that I don't drink, and I am misinterpreting and being overly sensitive about their surprised reaction? I wonder what is the percentage of "non-drinkers" in this area. . . I definitely feel in the minority, but wonder by just how much.

In my group we'd assume you're pregnant.

Wow. Have you given some thought to your relationship and attitudes about drinking? This is pretty extreme i.e everyone will drink unless physically restricted.

I'd assume pregnant too. we went to a wedding and everyone was drinking but two - turned out they were both preggers

Does anyone but me see this as alarming?

Not in the least. It's exactly how my social circle runs. And none of us are "heavy" drinkers. Ooh wait, or am I in denial? Maybe one glass puts us all over the edge to self destruction. Oh no!

Of course, you don't have to answer, but given the progressive nature of alcoholism, I'd be curious how old most of your friends are? Under 40? Even if not heavy drinkers, that's a pretty strong statement to say that the only reason any of you wouldn't be drinking is because of pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. For a variety of reasons, I don't drink at all. I have an almost six-year-old and if she went to a sleepover like the OP described, I would prefer that the adults not drink at all, and I feel appreciative of those parents who typically would have a glass of wine, but forego it out of consideration for the "variety of sensibilities" (as one PP phrased it) that might be represented by the other parents. But I know that, in the words of another PP, "having a glass of wine is not a big deal to most people" and is a common part of socializing. I find myself trying to downplay that I don't drink, though, because of the comments it draws. At get-togethers (large, small, with and without kids), people often seem disappointed and sometimes even put off if I don't drink when everyone else is drinking, as if I am refusing to "join in the group" and snubbing their overtures at socializing. I try to not to draw attention to it -- just say "no thank you" to alcohol and drink soda or sparkling water. After reading some of the posts in this thread, I'd be interested in what people are really thinking? Do you feel like I am being judgmental by not drinking? Or a prude or "stick in the mud?" Or maybe people are sometimes just a bit surprised that I don't drink, and I am misinterpreting and being overly sensitive about their surprised reaction? I wonder what is the percentage of "non-drinkers" in this area. . . I definitely feel in the minority, but wonder by just how much.

In my group we'd assume you're pregnant.

Wow. Have you given some thought to your relationship and attitudes about drinking? This is pretty extreme i.e everyone will drink unless physically restricted.

Pretty much everyone I know will accept a glass of wine/beer unless they're physically restricted. I truly don't know where all of you strange "1 glass=alcoholic" people live. Just glad it's not in my area of Alexandria (yes, suburb).

You had an alcoholic beverage? Alcoholic!

PP may be the same DCUM poster who responds to every whiff of domestic strife with a "Hire a Lawyer!!!"