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Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
First sleep over for my daughter, and the mom was drinking wine.
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Anonymous
Seriously. Has everyone on this thread lost their minds or something? "WHY the wine? WHY WHY WHY?? Why not just skip it?! Can't you skip it for ONE NIGHT?! Do you need it? WHY?!" Um, because having a glass of wine is not a big deal to most people, and it's a nice invitation to the other moms to come in and socialize in the evening? And honestly, until this thread, it would never have occurred to me that my drinking one glass of wine could freak out another mom so much. If you have a problem with drinking, fine, don't drink, but a glass of wine is not a big deal or a signal of a big problem to the vast majority of the world. |
Anonymous
Would you make the same argument if you boss had a problem with you having wine at lunch? Or what if you pediatrician had wine (JUST ONE GLASS) at lunch before seeing your child (maybe it was their birthday)? Is it ok for cops to have a glass of wine during their breaks (night shift can be stressful)? If one glass of wine has no impact on thinking or peformance, why is it not ok in any circumstance and thought of the same way as say, coffee? Why are some moms having such a hard time acknowledging that one glass of wine can and does have a physiological impact (even if you are not consciously aware of it)? |
Anonymous
THIS. If any other person in a position of responsibility were to drink "on the job" most of even the "pro-wine" posters would have a problem with it. Even if it was just one glass. But b/c they don't see their roles as parents as "jobs" (although it clearly is both a lifestyle choice AND a job..a 24/7 one at that) they think that being asked to not drink "while on duty" is an imposition. But parenting is a responsibility and a job and a duty and all that. And b/c it is, I don't drink very much (although I love my wine as much as everyone else...if you had known me in college, you wouldn't recognize me now!) |
Anonymous
| Seriously I want to know - are most of the OMG WINE!! posts coming from one poster? Because there is a striking similarity in the arguments and wording that seems unusual if it's really 17 pages of dozens of different individuals. (For example, the argument above about police officers etc having a glass of wine was made a few pages back, only with different occupations.) Most of the posters who weren't freaked out about the invitation to have a glass of wine have not made identical statements again and again and again. Have we all been arguing with one seriously paranoid poster who thinks we're all alcoholics? |
Anonymous
Because in the examples above people are working and are now generally expected not to drink on the job (not true in the 80s!). So, question... if a glass of wine has such a physiological impact that it would impair someone's ability to perform their job as a parent .... do you never enjoy a glass of wine or two (or a beer, or a marguerita as to not descriminate against wine) with your husband in your home and still expect that one of you will be capable of taking care of your child? Do all of you always have a designated parenter identified? Wow, I am learning so much on DCUM today. |
Anonymous
I don't think so. I've posted three times I think (this is the third). I'm not OMG Wine, but I am the person who said (I think in both posts) that if a close friend were to have a glass of wine while my kid(s) were over, I'd be fine with that, but that a person hosting children for something like a birthday party is being presumptuous in drinking casually around children she doesn't know intimately. The whole "why would you leave your child with someone you don't know" argument is a decent point, but I think a bit unrealistic. These birthday sleepovers do start to happen and you don't always know the parents that well. Maybe you wouldn't allow your kid to participate at 6, but how about 8? And I think some parents, for their own reasons, aren't as comfortable around wine as you (and I) are. So for that reason, I personally would not drink wine (or anything) when I was hosting children for something like a birthday party sleepover if their parents were not there. I also think it's reasonable to expect that others wouldn't presume that casual wine drinking was okay with me just because it's something that seems like a big deal to others. I think this has less to do with OMG WINE! than it has to do with being considerate, when you are watching others' kids, of the sensibilities that everyone brings to the table. If someone doesn't know you that well, and you're drinking wine while hosting a sleepover for little kids that their child is being invited to, they leave wondering if your one glass of wine will lead to drinking all night, etc. It's not that the wine is going to cause you to do something irresponsible, necessarily, but it's the fact that the other mom doesn't know that. I think there are many people who feel the same way, and most of us have acknowledged that we're moderate drinkers, ourselves. So really, to try to make this out like one or a few histrionic posters are saying that you may NEVER drink while parenting is the proverbial straw man argument. Many of us are saying that there is a time and place for it, and while you're hosting a group of other people's children over night in your home, is not the time. |
Anonymous
In my house, yes, pretty much. On special occasions, we may both drink at the same time, but one of us limits our drinking to just one. And may I add, that I believe that how society perceives parents who drink around their kids (by 'drink' I mean have more than 1 drink) is going to change, just as how society now views drinking by others "on the job". How do folks not see parenting as a job that requires you to be responsible just like other jobs that require responsibility? I don't get it. I really don't. And no, I didn't write 17 pages of posts arguing against 'THE WINE'!!! And especially when you are acting as a 'parent' to other people's children? Parenting is a job from which you are never 'off duty'. |
Anonymous
|
"How do folks not see parenting as a job that requires you to be responsible just like other jobs that require responsibility? I don't get it. I really don't. And no, I didn't write 17 pages of posts arguing against 'THE WINE'!!! And especially when you are acting as a 'parent' to other people's children? Parenting is a job from which you are never 'off duty'."
I think people do see that. Where we (a new poster, BTW) differ is in the belief that a glass of wine or beer inhibits our ability to parent and supervise well. I am down and out with a terrible head cold today--I am dizzy and tired and feel like crap, much worse and less alert than when I have had a glass, and yet I am still sitting here taking pretty damned good care of my (now sleeping) child. We don't have to be "perfect" all the time to be effective and safe parents. Why can't you see that a totalitarian view on alcohol is not necessary for good parenting. |
Anonymous
| New poster here. For a variety of reasons, I don't drink at all. I have an almost six-year-old and if she went to a sleepover like the OP described, I would prefer that the adults not drink at all, and I feel appreciative of those parents who typically would have a glass of wine, but forego it out of consideration for the "variety of sensibilities" (as one PP phrased it) that might be represented by the other parents. But I know that, in the words of another PP, "having a glass of wine is not a big deal to most people" and is a common part of socializing. I find myself trying to downplay that I don't drink, though, because of the comments it draws. At get-togethers (large, small, with and without kids), people often seem disappointed and sometimes even put off if I don't drink when everyone else is drinking, as if I am refusing to "join in the group" and snubbing their overtures at socializing. I try to not to draw attention to it -- just say "no thank you" to alcohol and drink soda or sparkling water. After reading some of the posts in this thread, I'd be interested in what people are really thinking? Do you feel like I am being judgmental by not drinking? Or a prude or "stick in the mud?" Or maybe people are sometimes just a bit surprised that I don't drink, and I am misinterpreting and being overly sensitive about their surprised reaction? I wonder what is the percentage of "non-drinkers" in this area. . . I definitely feel in the minority, but wonder by just how much. |
Anonymous
| Maybe in the future it should specifically state on the invitation that "refreshments will be served for parents, including a glass of wine if you would like, when you drop your child off at the party" That way the paranoid ones can keep their kids at home. |
Anonymous
While not a complete 'nondrinker' I am a 'very rare drinker'. The vast majority of the time when others are drinking, I do not (for a variety of reasons). And I feel just as you do. I think we are very, very much in the minority. If it matters, I am in Bethesda and I have one child in private school and one child in public. I'm not sure its that my social circle drinks more than others. While its very hard to tell, if I had to make a choice, I'd say the private school parents drink more (or actually, they binge drink more). But its a tough call. |
Anonymous
In my group we'd assume you're pregnant. |
Anonymous
Wow. Have you given some thought to your relationship and attitudes about drinking? This is pretty extreme i.e everyone will drink unless physically restricted. |
Anonymous
I'd assume pregnant too. we went to a wedding and everyone was drinking but two - turned out they were both preggers |
Anonymous
Does anyone but me see this as alarming? |