First sleep over for my daughter, and the mom was drinking wine.

[Anonymous]

It sure seems to me that many of the daily/frequent wine drinkers are very defensive. Any questioning or criticism about drinking and bam! Me thinks thou dost protest too much.

[Anonymous]

I think when you reach around 40, or maybe the late 30s, then you do need to be more careful about alcohol intake. As President Bush said, he realized that too much of his social life revolved around alcohol, and he wasn't entirely comfortable with that. I can see that point of view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. For a variety of reasons, I don't drink at all. I have an almost six-year-old and if she went to a sleepover like the OP described, I would prefer that the adults not drink at all, and I feel appreciative of those parents who typically would have a glass of wine, but forego it out of consideration for the "variety of sensibilities" (as one PP phrased it) that might be represented by the other parents. But I know that, in the words of another PP, "having a glass of wine is not a big deal to most people" and is a common part of socializing. I find myself trying to downplay that I don't drink, though, because of the comments it draws. At get-togethers (large, small, with and without kids), people often seem disappointed and sometimes even put off if I don't drink when everyone else is drinking, as if I am refusing to "join in the group" and snubbing their overtures at socializing. I try to not to draw attention to it -- just say "no thank you" to alcohol and drink soda or sparkling water. After reading some of the posts in this thread, I'd be interested in what people are really thinking? Do you feel like I am being judgmental by not drinking? Or a prude or "stick in the mud?" Or maybe people are sometimes just a bit surprised that I don't drink, and I am misinterpreting and being overly sensitive about their surprised reaction? I wonder what is the percentage of "non-drinkers" in this area. . . I definitely feel in the minority, but wonder by just how much.

In my group we'd assume you're pregnant.

Wow. Have you given some thought to your relationship and attitudes about drinking? This is pretty extreme i.e everyone will drink unless physically restricted.

I'd assume pregnant too. we went to a wedding and everyone was drinking but two - turned out they were both preggers

Does anyone but me see this as alarming?

Not in the least. It's exactly how my social circle runs. And none of us are "heavy" drinkers. Ooh wait, or am I in denial? Maybe one glass puts us all over the edge to self destruction. Oh no!

Of course, you don't have to answer, but given the progressive nature of alcoholism, I'd be curious how old most of your friends are? Under 40? Even if not heavy drinkers, that's a pretty strong statement to say that the only reason any of you wouldn't be drinking is because of pregnancy.

mid 30s. And if we are out together in the evening, yes more often than not we all have 1 glass of wine. I see nothing wrong with this. Nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sure seems to me that many of the daily/frequent wine drinkers are very defensive. Any questioning or criticism about drinking and bam! Me thinks thou dost protest too much.

Oh please, the same is true for the non-drinkers in this thread. We're all defending our POV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You just never know about people and I think that is underlying this thread. That story about the dad trying to put out his house fire with a hose at midday in Bethesda and almost having his 3 babies die of smoke inhalation was startling to me. You never really know how other people behave in their homes or how they will react in an emergency. He was/is Homeland Security, you'd think that they would be good in a crisis. I also questioned that guy's hiring of a nanny that he couldn't communicate with, not so great in an emergency. As your kids get older they spend more time in the care of others who may be pretty cavelier about their safety and it's likely that the standard of care might not reach the one that you would provide. I think that people are reacting so defensively since many of them drink nightly (even if a limited amount) around their own kids. What would that mean if they should change it for visitors?

I'm the person who sends my kids (8 and 10 years old) with their friends to the basement to watch movies. And I drink a glass of wine with dinner.

Please tell me what level of supervision you feel is more appropriate for this age group?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. For a variety of reasons, I don't drink at all. I have an almost six-year-old and if she went to a sleepover like the OP described, I would prefer that the adults not drink at all, and I feel appreciative of those parents who typically would have a glass of wine, but forego it out of consideration for the "variety of sensibilities" (as one PP phrased it) that might be represented by the other parents. But I know that, in the words of another PP, "having a glass of wine is not a big deal to most people" and is a common part of socializing. I find myself trying to downplay that I don't drink, though, because of the comments it draws. At get-togethers (large, small, with and without kids), people often seem disappointed and sometimes even put off if I don't drink when everyone else is drinking, as if I am refusing to "join in the group" and snubbing their overtures at socializing. I try to not to draw attention to it -- just say "no thank you" to alcohol and drink soda or sparkling water. After reading some of the posts in this thread, I'd be interested in what people are really thinking? Do you feel like I am being judgmental by not drinking? Or a prude or "stick in the mud?" Or maybe people are sometimes just a bit surprised that I don't drink, and I am misinterpreting and being overly sensitive about their surprised reaction? I wonder what is the percentage of "non-drinkers" in this area. . . I definitely feel in the minority, but wonder by just how much.

In my group we'd assume you're pregnant.

Wow. Have you given some thought to your relationship and attitudes about drinking? This is pretty extreme i.e everyone will drink unless physically restricted.

I'd assume pregnant too. we went to a wedding and everyone was drinking but two - turned out they were both preggers

Does anyone but me see this as alarming?

Not in the least. It's exactly how my social circle runs. And none of us are "heavy" drinkers. Ooh wait, or am I in denial? Maybe one glass puts us all over the edge to self destruction. Oh no!

Of course, you don't have to answer, but given the progressive nature of alcoholism, I'd be curious how old most of your friends are? Under 40? Even if not heavy drinkers, that's a pretty strong statement to say that the only reason any of you wouldn't be drinking is because of pregnancy.

mid 30s. And if we are out together in the evening, yes more often than not we all have 1 glass of wine. I see nothing wrong with this. Nothing.

I'm not an alarmist type and don't see a problem with one glass of wine if that's really all the parent has when other kids come over to spend the night. I'll caution you though that sometimes it's almost scary to me how some of my friends developed a problem over the years. At the time, I couldn't see it, but when I look back, there were a few who always seemed to have just a little more than the rest of us. Or they'd come up with a reason for having a little wine, etc. Or they'd be just a little sloppy at a party around the pool. Just my 2 cents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. For a variety of reasons, I don't drink at all. I have an almost six-year-old and if she went to a sleepover like the OP described, I would prefer that the adults not drink at all, and I feel appreciative of those parents who typically would have a glass of wine, but forego it out of consideration for the "variety of sensibilities" (as one PP phrased it) that might be represented by the other parents. But I know that, in the words of another PP, "having a glass of wine is not a big deal to most people" and is a common part of socializing. I find myself trying to downplay that I don't drink, though, because of the comments it draws. At get-togethers (large, small, with and without kids), people often seem disappointed and sometimes even put off if I don't drink when everyone else is drinking, as if I am refusing to "join in the group" and snubbing their overtures at socializing. I try to not to draw attention to it -- just say "no thank you" to alcohol and drink soda or sparkling water. After reading some of the posts in this thread, I'd be interested in what people are really thinking? Do you feel like I am being judgmental by not drinking? Or a prude or "stick in the mud?" Or maybe people are sometimes just a bit surprised that I don't drink, and I am misinterpreting and being overly sensitive about their surprised reaction? I wonder what is the percentage of "non-drinkers" in this area. . . I definitely feel in the minority, but wonder by just how much.

In my group we'd assume you're pregnant.

Wow. Have you given some thought to your relationship and attitudes about drinking? This is pretty extreme i.e everyone will drink unless physically restricted.

I'd assume pregnant too. we went to a wedding and everyone was drinking but two - turned out they were both preggers

Does anyone but me see this as alarming?

Not in the least. It's exactly how my social circle runs. And none of us are "heavy" drinkers. Ooh wait, or am I in denial? Maybe one glass puts us all over the edge to self destruction. Oh no!

Of course, you don't have to answer, but given the progressive nature of alcoholism, I'd be curious how old most of your friends are? Under 40? Even if not heavy drinkers, that's a pretty strong statement to say that the only reason any of you wouldn't be drinking is because of pregnancy.

35. That's why I said, "in my group." We just all like wine. Most of us also like Diet Coke. Come on at me all you caffeine and aspartame haters!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here. For a variety of reasons, I don't drink at all. I have an almost six-year-old and if she went to a sleepover like the OP described, I would prefer that the adults not drink at all, and I feel appreciative of those parents who typically would have a glass of wine, but forego it out of consideration for the "variety of sensibilities" (as one PP phrased it) that might be represented by the other parents. But I know that, in the words of another PP, "having a glass of wine is not a big deal to most people" and is a common part of socializing. I find myself trying to downplay that I don't drink, though, because of the comments it draws. At get-togethers (large, small, with and without kids), people often seem disappointed and sometimes even put off if I don't drink when everyone else is drinking, as if I am refusing to "join in the group" and snubbing their overtures at socializing. I try to not to draw attention to it -- just say "no thank you" to alcohol and drink soda or sparkling water. After reading some of the posts in this thread, I'd be interested in what people are really thinking? Do you feel like I am being judgmental by not drinking? Or a prude or "stick in the mud?" Or maybe people are sometimes just a bit surprised that I don't drink, and I am misinterpreting and being overly sensitive about their surprised reaction? I wonder what is the percentage of "non-drinkers" in this area. . . I definitely feel in the minority, but wonder by just how much.

In my group we'd assume you're pregnant.

Wow. Have you given some thought to your relationship and attitudes about drinking? This is pretty extreme i.e everyone will drink unless physically restricted.

I'd assume pregnant too. we went to a wedding and everyone was drinking but two - turned out they were both preggers

Does anyone but me see this as alarming?

Not in the least. It's exactly how my social circle runs. And none of us are "heavy" drinkers. Ooh wait, or am I in denial? Maybe one glass puts us all over the edge to self destruction. Oh no!

Of course, you don't have to answer, but given the progressive nature of alcoholism, I'd be curious how old most of your friends are? Under 40? Even if not heavy drinkers, that's a pretty strong statement to say that the only reason any of you wouldn't be drinking is because of pregnancy.

35. That's why I said, "in my group." We just all like wine. Most of us also like Diet Coke. Come on at me all you caffeine and aspartame haters!

I can't fault you on that--I drink two cups of Whole Foods coffee every morning, half a Diet Coke most days at work, then another mug of coffee (with cream and sugar) ever night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sure seems to me that many of the daily/frequent wine drinkers are very defensive. Any questioning or criticism about drinking and bam! Me thinks thou dost protest too much.

Interesting. Because it seems to be that the teetotalers here are very rigid and strangely judgmental - so much so that I'm wondering if many of them are related to alcoholics or something. Or maybe they're recovering addicts of some sort. They are seem very strangely angry and worked up and ready to attack.

I don't know why the OP would ever leave a six-year-old with virtual strangers. That seems stranger to me that going crazy over a glass of wine. Slumber parties for six-year-old children seems very trashy in the first place. OP needs to read Protecting the Gift instead of worrying about wine. It's completely inappropriate to have slumber parties with strangers at that young age. Anything could happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sure seems to me that many of the daily/frequent wine drinkers are very defensive. Any questioning or criticism about drinking and bam! Me thinks thou dost protest too much.

Interesting. Because it seems to be that the teetotalers here are very rigid and strangely judgmental - so much so that I'm wondering if many of them are related to alcoholics or something. Or maybe they're recovering addicts of some sort. They are seem very strangely angry and worked up and ready to attack.

I don't know why the OP would ever leave a six-year-old with virtual strangers. That seems stranger to me that going crazy over a glass of wine. Slumber parties for six-year-old children seems very trashy in the first place. OP needs to read Protecting the Gift instead of worrying about wine. It's completely inappropriate to have slumber parties with strangers at that young age. Anything could happen.

Related to alcoholics? Do you really know anyone who isn't?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sure seems to me that many of the daily/frequent wine drinkers are very defensive. Any questioning or criticism about drinking and bam! Me thinks thou dost protest too much.

Interesting. Because it seems to be that the teetotalers here are very rigid and strangely judgmental - so much so that I'm wondering if many of them are related to alcoholics or something. Or maybe they're recovering addicts of some sort. They are seem very strangely angry and worked up and ready to attack.

I don't know why the OP would ever leave a six-year-old with virtual strangers. That seems stranger to me that going crazy over a glass of wine. Slumber parties for six-year-old children seems very trashy in the first place. OP needs to read Protecting the Gift instead of worrying about wine. It's completely inappropriate to have slumber parties with strangers at that young age. Anything could happen.

Related to alcoholics? Do you really know anyone who isn't?!

Uh, yes! Me.

And my husband.

We are not related to any alcoholics or any heavy drinkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think when you reach around 40, or maybe the late 30s, then you do need to be more careful about alcohol intake. As President Bush said, he realized that too much of his social life revolved around alcohol, and he wasn't entirely comfortable with that. I can see that point of view.

Me, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sure seems to me that many of the daily/frequent wine drinkers are very defensive. Any questioning or criticism about drinking and bam! Me thinks thou dost protest too much.

Interesting. Because it seems to be that the teetotalers here are very rigid and strangely judgmental - so much so that I'm wondering if many of them are related to alcoholics or something. Or maybe they're recovering addicts of some sort. They are seem very strangely angry and worked up and ready to attack.

I don't know why the OP would ever leave a six-year-old with virtual strangers. That seems stranger to me that going crazy over a glass of wine. Slumber parties for six-year-old children seems very trashy in the first place. OP needs to read Protecting the Gift instead of worrying about wine. It's completely inappropriate to have slumber parties with strangers at that young age. Anything could happen.

Related to alcoholics? Do you really know anyone who isn't?!

Uh, yes! Me.

And my husband.

We are not related to any alcoholics or any heavy drinkers.

If you have no one in either of your families, including your grandparents, siblings, cousins, that's remarkable. I'm very happy for you and your children (genetically).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why the OP would ever leave a six-year-old with virtual strangers. That seems stranger to me that going crazy over a glass of wine. Slumber parties for six-year-old children seems very trashy in the first place. OP needs to read Protecting the Gift instead of worrying about wine. It's completely inappropriate to have slumber parties with strangers at that young age. Anything could happen.

How old are your children? Because the reality is that 6 year olds do have bday slumber parties in this area and that as kids get older it is not as likely that you know all of the families well. She was not leaving her with some people from a corner, this was a friend from school and other friends from school. Anything could happen, there is always a risk, at 6, at 8, at 10, etc. OP, I know that you weren't able to stay, but it was nice of the parents to socialize a bit so that other parents might feel more comfortable. Another option is always to pick your kiddo up at 10 or so. I agree that 6 is too young PP but it is very common both in the city and the burbs, public and private. My kids are 6 and 7 and have not done sleepovers, think the first invite was when one was 4. It's all part of the "getting older younger". In Protecting the Gift he is all about trusting your instincts. OP is trying to get a sense of social norms and listen to her insticts, think he would support that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think when you reach around 40, or maybe the late 30s, then you do need to be more careful about alcohol intake. As President Bush said, he realized that too much of his social life revolved around alcohol, and he wasn't entirely comfortable with that. I can see that point of view.

Me, too.

Interesting. I'm 38 and think that my early 20s to early 30s (before marriage and kids) revolved around alcohol waaaaaaaaaay more than now. It was a rare weekend that didn't involve going to a bar, club, party, etc. Lived in Chicago and that's how we all rolled, and I know the same is true of friends in other major cities. Not the same for friends who married young and lived in the 'burbs, but they were quiter types before marriage.

Now, Dh and I overall drink waaaay less, but drink more frequently, but much more responsibly, as we have a glass of wine with dinner most evenings.