An insane surrogacy story
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Anonymous
FFS it isn't policing. The surrogate agreed to do certain things, like getting medically appropriate care and refraining from high risk activities in exchange for payment. It is no different than how NFL players agree to avoid risky activities like skiing and skydiving as part of their contracts. |
Anonymous
(DP). I don't think anyone would disagree that hiring young women to incubate babies for cash payment is... gross. But I don't see how to draw a line here. For every Cindy Bi nightmare story, there is probably another story where it worked out so beautifully and wonderfully and the parents have the child they always dreamed of and the surrogate used the money to lift herself out of poverty / pay off student loans / get out of a bad relationship, etc. I carried my own children and don't have a dog in this fight, but it really is interesting to ponder how far rich people should be allowed to go in terms of controlling another person for payment, how much autonomy "poor" young women should have on decisions about their body and how you can "contractualize" pregnancy. |
Anonymous
Bi has retained counsel. If the article contains untruths or is defamatory, she could sue. But truth is an absolute defense. Wired typically has rigorous publication practices, and given the litigation already, my guess is that they rigorously fact-checked the article. Of course, you are absolutely correct that articles should be read with a skeptical eye, and there is always more to the story. |
Anonymous
Literally all other highly educated countries have managed to draw the line just fine, and that line bans commercial surrogacy outright. I think in the US the majority of surrogacy stories are closer to this one. We just never hear the stories of the surrogates. I do not believe there are a lot of beautiful stories. It isn’t unlike the history of adoption in this country. For years it was celebrated as this beautiful golden story, but when you start digging, many of those golden stories turn out to be dark stories of oppression and exploitation. Someone up above referenced Gretchen Sisson’s book Relinquished, which was excellent. In a few years, someone else will write another book about surrogacy and it will be equally dark. |
Anonymous
She don’t want to lose her size 0, and tiny waisted body. |
Anonymous
I hear you but it's not quite an equal comparison. In adoption, if the pregnant woman has no means to support a child, the situation certainly does lend itself to exploitation. In surrogacy, the GC is making a choice to do this. It's not like her creditors are calling her and threatening to take her home if she doesn't serve as a surrogate. She's entering into a contract and can say "no" at any time. |
Anonymous
*didn’t |
Anonymous
But the behavior Bi wanted to control include driving a car, sleeping with her young son in the bed, and taking a new job with different insurance. |
Anonymous
Pick up on the context clues provided by the journalist. She was on some kind of hardcore Psychiatric medicines that cant be taken while pregnant. |
Anonymous
This would seem to be a pretty good reason for her not to have a child, whether by natural means, a genetic child by surrogacy, or by adoption. |
Anonymous
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For the record, I don’t think most American surrogates are poor. They are usually women who had easy pregnancies and births and see it as nbd to do another one, help a family and make money in the process. A win win for everyone involved — that is, until something goes wrong. I only point this out because everyone seems to be equating “surrogate” with “poor person.”
And let’s also remember that gay men use surrogates too and it works well for a lot of families who have no other way of having biological kids. I would hate to think a loving gay couple couldn’t work with a surrogate and have a bio kid, with the right protection in place for both sides of the agreement. |
Anonymous
+1 agree with this. Truly poor women simply can’t afford to have extra pregnancies, at least not in the US. You need, at a minimum, a job that won’t fire you for being pregnant or an independent source of support, such as a breadwinner spouse. You also need the ability to access health care. The contracts are simply not written such that you can rely on surrogacy as your sole source of family income. If you miscarry, that’s it. I’d venture that most surrogates are lower middle class women looking to make a little extra to retire old debts or save toward something nice for the family. Well off enough that they can afford to invest time for a non-guaranteed amount of money, but not so well off that they would never entertain the inconvenience. I think like most people they are probably overly optimistic about their contracts working out, probably can’t even envision just how sociopathic a bipolar rich VC woman could be, and don’t have the resources to hire an attorney to review every agreement they sign. I don’t support banning surrogacy, but I really do think we need to recognize the power imbalance and information imbalance in these arrangements and regulate the crap out of them, with all presumptions and disclosures to the surrogate. |
Anonymous
Whatever you need to tell yourself to whitewash the exploitation of women through surrogacy, which is otherwise recognized worldwide. You are telling yourself a myth, not unlike the myth of the saintly relinquishing mother in adoptive circles. Doesn’t it bother you even the slightest that the country with the worst maternal health outcomes is also literally the only one that permits commercial surrogacy? Do you consider yourself otherwise in favor of women’s health and safety? Doesn’t it bother you at all that this is seen as explicit exploitation globally? As for gay men, well that is just business as as usual: when the desires of men conflict with the health and wellbeing of women, men prevail. Men being gay doesn’t give them a free pass to exploit women. |
Anonymous
Surrogacy isn’t going anywhere in the US. Your perspective is irrelevant. |
Anonymous
Other countries permit altruistic surrogacy, so there is obviously some general consensus that it is not an absurdly risky and unreasonable thing to do. Thus, it is not as black and white as you would like it to be. Are you saying I can’t be in favor of women’s health while also seeing there are positive outcomes possible for surrogacy? I don’t think it is worth engaging with such rigid thinking. |