Friend group is blowing up due to rift between teen girls

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Other mom: how dare you exclude my child!
Also other mom: let's exclude OP!

OP: Justifying why her kid is excluding and being a mean girl.
Also OP: I'm being excluded and other mom is being mean.

Nahhh. "other mom" made a mountain over a molehill. The other mom is off her rocker.

Brunch granny weighs in with her quaint, old-timey idioms. We missed you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot to unpack here but what type of example are you setting for your daughter?

If she was mean to the other girl and purposely exclusionary just because she's weird/wears glasses/braces/whatever silly reason she needs to apologize.

OP here. No, she just is not friends with her any longer and has no desire to hang out with her. There isn't a silly reason - they grew apart. I talked with her about how to pull away more gracefully, but she's not just arbitrarily dropping someone due to wearing glasses.

It sounds like the other girl actually asked to hang out with your daughter and her new friends, and your daughter said no. Is that right?

That’s not “drifting away” from old friends due to a lack of shared interests. It is actually a little mean. Exclusion is one of the key types of relational aggression that girls engage in, I think.

So the other girl was trying to invite herself along and it didn't work. And y'all are blaming OP's DD?

I’m the PP you’re quoting. I’m not blaming anyone - though the OP did basically acknowledge that her DD was mean.

Put yourself in someone else’s shoes a minute. Say you had a long-time friend, and you invited her to your birthday party just a few weeks before. Then she asks if she can join you and your other friends to hang out - which she probably only knows you’re doing because you told her. Are you really going to say no?

Not everyone is going to be invited to everything every time. That’s just… life. It’s not the end of the world to learn that lesson. I bet the long time friend reached out, tried to invite herself, the OP’s kid didn’t know how to say no gracefully / tactfully. Because they’re kids! Maybe long time friend was an absolute weirdo at the bday party. This is the age where some kids mature way quicker than others.

Instead, long time friend’s mom brought a gun to a knife fight and kicked it up a huge notch. The long time friend getting an early dismissal from school over this is a huge red flag that the child is a bit socially immature. Tween / teen is an age where you have to let these kids figure it out (within reason, of course). A rude text isn’t going to kill anyone.

You're assuming that OP's DD was unintentionally tactless. Now reimagine the text exchange where she was intentionally cruel. Because OP dodging the million "what did she actually say" questions points to the second option much more than the first.

Why would OP come back? Never understood that comment, it’s not the gotcha you think it is.

OP did come back, multiple times. She just never answered the most important question. She said herself DD "should have been" nicer, and when asked what was actually said she dodged the question. It's not a "gotcha," it's a message board.

+1.

It's telling!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot to unpack here but what type of example are you setting for your daughter?

If she was mean to the other girl and purposely exclusionary just because she's weird/wears glasses/braces/whatever silly reason she needs to apologize.

OP here. No, she just is not friends with her any longer and has no desire to hang out with her. There isn't a silly reason - they grew apart. I talked with her about how to pull away more gracefully, but she's not just arbitrarily dropping someone due to wearing glasses.

It sounds like the other girl actually asked to hang out with your daughter and her new friends, and your daughter said no. Is that right?

That’s not “drifting away” from old friends due to a lack of shared interests. It is actually a little mean. Exclusion is one of the key types of relational aggression that girls engage in, I think.

So the other girl was trying to invite herself along and it didn't work. And y'all are blaming OP's DD?

I’m the PP you’re quoting. I’m not blaming anyone - though the OP did basically acknowledge that her DD was mean.

Put yourself in someone else’s shoes a minute. Say you had a long-time friend, and you invited her to your birthday party just a few weeks before. Then she asks if she can join you and your other friends to hang out - which she probably only knows you’re doing because you told her. Are you really going to say no?

Not everyone is going to be invited to everything every time. That’s just… life. It’s not the end of the world to learn that lesson. I bet the long time friend reached out, tried to invite herself, the OP’s kid didn’t know how to say no gracefully / tactfully. Because they’re kids! Maybe long time friend was an absolute weirdo at the bday party. This is the age where some kids mature way quicker than others.

Instead, long time friend’s mom brought a gun to a knife fight and kicked it up a huge notch. The long time friend getting an early dismissal from school over this is a huge red flag that the child is a bit socially immature. Tween / teen is an age where you have to let these kids figure it out (within reason, of course). A rude text isn’t going to kill anyone.

Nobody is saying the other mom was right to do what she did. Nobody is saying the teens shouldn’t figure it out on their own.

I’m asking you, would you really say no to a friend (invited to your recent birthday party) who wanted to join you in hanging out with other friends? If you did, would it be mean?

Maybe it was a ticketed event. Maybe there were only so many seats in mom’s minivan. Maybe the friend group is going to make out with boys at the movie theatre and the other girl is still playing with her American girl dolls. Do you have teens or tweens? Girls mature at radically different rates than each other.

Yes, I have teens.

OP said “hanging out” twice, which makes me think there was room for another girl.

She also said, “It isn’t personal.” And then she said, “But she wasn't bullying. She was excluding. But they just don't have anything in common and she does not really like this girl.” That sounds kind of personal.

At any rate, it’s not about whether the girls are different, or more or less mature than each other, or anything else. It’s really just an opportunity to teach the DD about how to be nice. But instead, the OP seems much more focused on the fallout for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot to unpack here but what type of example are you setting for your daughter?

If she was mean to the other girl and purposely exclusionary just because she's weird/wears glasses/braces/whatever silly reason she needs to apologize.

OP here. No, she just is not friends with her any longer and has no desire to hang out with her. There isn't a silly reason - they grew apart. I talked with her about how to pull away more gracefully, but she's not just arbitrarily dropping someone due to wearing glasses.

It sounds like the other girl actually asked to hang out with your daughter and her new friends, and your daughter said no. Is that right?

That’s not “drifting away” from old friends due to a lack of shared interests. It is actually a little mean. Exclusion is one of the key types of relational aggression that girls engage in, I think.

So the other girl was trying to invite herself along and it didn't work. And y'all are blaming OP's DD?

I’m the PP you’re quoting. I’m not blaming anyone - though the OP did basically acknowledge that her DD was mean.

Put yourself in someone else’s shoes a minute. Say you had a long-time friend, and you invited her to your birthday party just a few weeks before. Then she asks if she can join you and your other friends to hang out - which she probably only knows you’re doing because you told her. Are you really going to say no?

Not everyone is going to be invited to everything every time. That’s just… life. It’s not the end of the world to learn that lesson. I bet the long time friend reached out, tried to invite herself, the OP’s kid didn’t know how to say no gracefully / tactfully. Because they’re kids! Maybe long time friend was an absolute weirdo at the bday party. This is the age where some kids mature way quicker than others.

Instead, long time friend’s mom brought a gun to a knife fight and kicked it up a huge notch. The long time friend getting an early dismissal from school over this is a huge red flag that the child is a bit socially immature. Tween / teen is an age where you have to let these kids figure it out (within reason, of course). A rude text isn’t going to kill anyone.

If you’re an adult, you’re the absolute weirdo.

Kids are allowed to have preferences! Would you really invite a friend over again if she was awful the last time?

Where does it say the other girl was “awful the last time”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Other mom: how dare you exclude my child!
Also other mom: let's exclude OP!

OP: Justifying why her kid is excluding and being a mean girl.
Also OP: I'm being excluded and other mom is being mean.

Nahhh. "other mom" made a mountain over a molehill. The other mom is off her rocker.

Brunch granny weighs in with her quaint, old-timey idioms. We missed you!

Stop trying to make brunch granny happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot to unpack here but what type of example are you setting for your daughter?

If she was mean to the other girl and purposely exclusionary just because she's weird/wears glasses/braces/whatever silly reason she needs to apologize.

OP here. No, she just is not friends with her any longer and has no desire to hang out with her. There isn't a silly reason - they grew apart. I talked with her about how to pull away more gracefully, but she's not just arbitrarily dropping someone due to wearing glasses.

It sounds like the other girl actually asked to hang out with your daughter and her new friends, and your daughter said no. Is that right?

That’s not “drifting away” from old friends due to a lack of shared interests. It is actually a little mean. Exclusion is one of the key types of relational aggression that girls engage in, I think.

So the other girl was trying to invite herself along and it didn't work. And y'all are blaming OP's DD?

I’m the PP you’re quoting. I’m not blaming anyone - though the OP did basically acknowledge that her DD was mean.

Put yourself in someone else’s shoes a minute. Say you had a long-time friend, and you invited her to your birthday party just a few weeks before. Then she asks if she can join you and your other friends to hang out - which she probably only knows you’re doing because you told her. Are you really going to say no?

Not everyone is going to be invited to everything every time. That’s just… life. It’s not the end of the world to learn that lesson. I bet the long time friend reached out, tried to invite herself, the OP’s kid didn’t know how to say no gracefully / tactfully. Because they’re kids! Maybe long time friend was an absolute weirdo at the bday party. This is the age where some kids mature way quicker than others.

Instead, long time friend’s mom brought a gun to a knife fight and kicked it up a huge notch. The long time friend getting an early dismissal from school over this is a huge red flag that the child is a bit socially immature. Tween / teen is an age where you have to let these kids figure it out (within reason, of course). A rude text isn’t going to kill anyone.

You're assuming that OP's DD was unintentionally tactless. Now reimagine the text exchange where she was intentionally cruel. Because OP dodging the million "what did she actually say" questions points to the second option much more than the first.

Why would OP come back? Never understood that comment, it’s not the gotcha you think it is.

OP did come back, multiple times. She just never answered the most important question. She said herself DD "should have been" nicer, and when asked what was actually said she dodged the question. It's not a "gotcha," it's a message board.

+1.

It's telling!

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot to unpack here but what type of example are you setting for your daughter?

If she was mean to the other girl and purposely exclusionary just because she's weird/wears glasses/braces/whatever silly reason she needs to apologize.

OP here. No, she just is not friends with her any longer and has no desire to hang out with her. There isn't a silly reason - they grew apart. I talked with her about how to pull away more gracefully, but she's not just arbitrarily dropping someone due to wearing glasses.

It sounds like the other girl actually asked to hang out with your daughter and her new friends, and your daughter said no. Is that right?

That’s not “drifting away” from old friends due to a lack of shared interests. It is actually a little mean. Exclusion is one of the key types of relational aggression that girls engage in, I think.

So the other girl was trying to invite herself along and it didn't work. And y'all are blaming OP's DD?

I’m the PP you’re quoting. I’m not blaming anyone - though the OP did basically acknowledge that her DD was mean.

Put yourself in someone else’s shoes a minute. Say you had a long-time friend, and you invited her to your birthday party just a few weeks before. Then she asks if she can join you and your other friends to hang out - which she probably only knows you’re doing because you told her. Are you really going to say no?

Not everyone is going to be invited to everything every time. That’s just… life. It’s not the end of the world to learn that lesson. I bet the long time friend reached out, tried to invite herself, the OP’s kid didn’t know how to say no gracefully / tactfully. Because they’re kids! Maybe long time friend was an absolute weirdo at the bday party. This is the age where some kids mature way quicker than others.

Instead, long time friend’s mom brought a gun to a knife fight and kicked it up a huge notch. The long time friend getting an early dismissal from school over this is a huge red flag that the child is a bit socially immature. Tween / teen is an age where you have to let these kids figure it out (within reason, of course). A rude text isn’t going to kill anyone.

If you’re an adult, you’re the absolute weirdo.

Kids are allowed to have preferences! Would you really invite a friend over again if she was awful the last time?

Where does it say the other girl was “awful the last time”?

They're just making stuff up at this point. Anything to support the idea that you don't have to tell your kid to behave kindly.

Honestly, even if OP's kid doesn't like this kid, even if she's weird af, even if she would destroy OP's kid's standing in her new social group in the first week of school if she was allowed to hang out with her - what kind of kid learns that their text sent another kid home in tears and . . . feels nothing? No apology from their own conscience, mom doesn't tell you to send an apology right now while I'm watching, no repercussions for hurting someone who has been a family friend for most of your life? Kids mess up. It's OP's refusal to correct her kid, and insistence that this is a side effect of "cool"ness, that is most strange. I'd expect my kid to apologize if she brought a stranger to tears, let alone one of my friends' kids who she has been friends with for years. Even if I thought the kid's tears were an over the top reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot to unpack here but what type of example are you setting for your daughter?

If she was mean to the other girl and purposely exclusionary just because she's weird/wears glasses/braces/whatever silly reason she needs to apologize.

OP here. No, she just is not friends with her any longer and has no desire to hang out with her. There isn't a silly reason - they grew apart. I talked with her about how to pull away more gracefully, but she's not just arbitrarily dropping someone due to wearing glasses.

It sounds like the other girl actually asked to hang out with your daughter and her new friends, and your daughter said no. Is that right?

That’s not “drifting away” from old friends due to a lack of shared interests. It is actually a little mean. Exclusion is one of the key types of relational aggression that girls engage in, I think.

So the other girl was trying to invite herself along and it didn't work. And y'all are blaming OP's DD?

I’m the PP you’re quoting. I’m not blaming anyone - though the OP did basically acknowledge that her DD was mean.

Put yourself in someone else’s shoes a minute. Say you had a long-time friend, and you invited her to your birthday party just a few weeks before. Then she asks if she can join you and your other friends to hang out - which she probably only knows you’re doing because you told her. Are you really going to say no?

Not everyone is going to be invited to everything every time. That’s just… life. It’s not the end of the world to learn that lesson. I bet the long time friend reached out, tried to invite herself, the OP’s kid didn’t know how to say no gracefully / tactfully. Because they’re kids! Maybe long time friend was an absolute weirdo at the bday party. This is the age where some kids mature way quicker than others.

Instead, long time friend’s mom brought a gun to a knife fight and kicked it up a huge notch. The long time friend getting an early dismissal from school over this is a huge red flag that the child is a bit socially immature. Tween / teen is an age where you have to let these kids figure it out (within reason, of course). A rude text isn’t going to kill anyone.

If you’re an adult, you’re the absolute weirdo.

Kids are allowed to have preferences! Would you really invite a friend over again if she was awful the last time?

DP.

I wouldn't.

But my mother wouldn't excuse it on the kids growing apart. 😆

I have had to have a similar conversation with a fellow parent and mom friend. Her daughter was upset, and couldn't explain why she was so upset to her mother.

I had to say word for word what my kid had said so that the mother would understand why her kid was so upset.

My kid was wrong for saying what she said( it was brutal description for a kid, but the perfect description of what was happening if an adult were doing what the girl was doing).

I am still friends with the mom, but the girls are not. They can't stand each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot to unpack here but what type of example are you setting for your daughter?

If she was mean to the other girl and purposely exclusionary just because she's weird/wears glasses/braces/whatever silly reason she needs to apologize.

OP here. No, she just is not friends with her any longer and has no desire to hang out with her. There isn't a silly reason - they grew apart. I talked with her about how to pull away more gracefully, but she's not just arbitrarily dropping someone due to wearing glasses.

It sounds like the other girl actually asked to hang out with your daughter and her new friends, and your daughter said no. Is that right?

That’s not “drifting away” from old friends due to a lack of shared interests. It is actually a little mean. Exclusion is one of the key types of relational aggression that girls engage in, I think.

So the other girl was trying to invite herself along and it didn't work. And y'all are blaming OP's DD?

I’m the PP you’re quoting. I’m not blaming anyone - though the OP did basically acknowledge that her DD was mean.

Put yourself in someone else’s shoes a minute. Say you had a long-time friend, and you invited her to your birthday party just a few weeks before. Then she asks if she can join you and your other friends to hang out - which she probably only knows you’re doing because you told her. Are you really going to say no?

Not everyone is going to be invited to everything every time. That’s just… life. It’s not the end of the world to learn that lesson. I bet the long time friend reached out, tried to invite herself, the OP’s kid didn’t know how to say no gracefully / tactfully. Because they’re kids! Maybe long time friend was an absolute weirdo at the bday party. This is the age where some kids mature way quicker than others.

Instead, long time friend’s mom brought a gun to a knife fight and kicked it up a huge notch. The long time friend getting an early dismissal from school over this is a huge red flag that the child is a bit socially immature. Tween / teen is an age where you have to let these kids figure it out (within reason, of course). A rude text isn’t going to kill anyone.

Nobody is saying the other mom was right to do what she did. Nobody is saying the teens shouldn’t figure it out on their own.

I’m asking you, would you really say no to a friend (invited to your recent birthday party) who wanted to join you in hanging out with other friends? If you did, would it be mean?

Maybe it was a ticketed event. Maybe there were only so many seats in mom’s minivan. Maybe the friend group is going to make out with boys at the movie theatre and the other girl is still playing with her American girl dolls. Do you have teens or tweens? Girls mature at radically different rates than each other.

Yes, I have teens.

OP said “hanging out” twice, which makes me think there was room for another girl.

She also said, “It isn’t personal.” And then she said, “But she wasn't bullying. She was excluding. But they just don't have anything in common and she does not really like this girl.” That sounds kind of personal.

At any rate, it’s not about whether the girls are different, or more or less mature than each other, or anything else. It’s really just an opportunity to teach the DD about how to be nice. But instead, the OP seems much more focused on the fallout for herself.

This reminds me of a Supernanny episode.

Mother: Larla pinched Larlette!
Outraged Larla: I didn't pinch her! I hit her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot to unpack here but what type of example are you setting for your daughter?

If she was mean to the other girl and purposely exclusionary just because she's weird/wears glasses/braces/whatever silly reason she needs to apologize.

OP here. No, she just is not friends with her any longer and has no desire to hang out with her. There isn't a silly reason - they grew apart. I talked with her about how to pull away more gracefully, but she's not just arbitrarily dropping someone due to wearing glasses.

It sounds like the other girl actually asked to hang out with your daughter and her new friends, and your daughter said no. Is that right?

That’s not “drifting away” from old friends due to a lack of shared interests. It is actually a little mean. Exclusion is one of the key types of relational aggression that girls engage in, I think.

So the other girl was trying to invite herself along and it didn't work. And y'all are blaming OP's DD?

I’m the PP you’re quoting. I’m not blaming anyone - though the OP did basically acknowledge that her DD was mean.

Put yourself in someone else’s shoes a minute. Say you had a long-time friend, and you invited her to your birthday party just a few weeks before. Then she asks if she can join you and your other friends to hang out - which she probably only knows you’re doing because you told her. Are you really going to say no?

Not everyone is going to be invited to everything every time. That’s just… life. It’s not the end of the world to learn that lesson. I bet the long time friend reached out, tried to invite herself, the OP’s kid didn’t know how to say no gracefully / tactfully. Because they’re kids! Maybe long time friend was an absolute weirdo at the bday party. This is the age where some kids mature way quicker than others.

Instead, long time friend’s mom brought a gun to a knife fight and kicked it up a huge notch. The long time friend getting an early dismissal from school over this is a huge red flag that the child is a bit socially immature. Tween / teen is an age where you have to let these kids figure it out (within reason, of course). A rude text isn’t going to kill anyone.

Nobody is saying the other mom was right to do what she did. Nobody is saying the teens shouldn’t figure it out on their own.

I’m asking you, would you really say no to a friend (invited to your recent birthday party) who wanted to join you in hanging out with other friends? If you did, would it be mean?

Maybe it was a ticketed event. Maybe there were only so many seats in mom’s minivan. Maybe the friend group is going to make out with boys at the movie theatre and the other girl is still playing with her American girl dolls. Do you have teens or tweens? Girls mature at radically different rates than each other.

Yes, I have teens.

OP said “hanging out” twice, which makes me think there was room for another girl.

She also said, “It isn’t personal.” And then she said, “But she wasn't bullying. She was excluding. But they just don't have anything in common and she does not really like this girl.” That sounds kind of personal.

At any rate, it’s not about whether the girls are different, or more or less mature than each other, or anything else. It’s really just an opportunity to teach the DD about how to be nice. But instead, the OP seems much more focused on the fallout for herself.

This reminds me of a Supernanny episode.

Mother: Larla pinched Larlette!
Outraged Larla: I didn't pinch her! I hit her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot to unpack here but what type of example are you setting for your daughter?

If she was mean to the other girl and purposely exclusionary just because she's weird/wears glasses/braces/whatever silly reason she needs to apologize.

OP here. No, she just is not friends with her any longer and has no desire to hang out with her. There isn't a silly reason - they grew apart. I talked with her about how to pull away more gracefully, but she's not just arbitrarily dropping someone due to wearing glasses.

It sounds like the other girl actually asked to hang out with your daughter and her new friends, and your daughter said no. Is that right?

That’s not “drifting away” from old friends due to a lack of shared interests. It is actually a little mean. Exclusion is one of the key types of relational aggression that girls engage in, I think.

So the other girl was trying to invite herself along and it didn't work. And y'all are blaming OP's DD?

I’m the PP you’re quoting. I’m not blaming anyone - though the OP did basically acknowledge that her DD was mean.

Put yourself in someone else’s shoes a minute. Say you had a long-time friend, and you invited her to your birthday party just a few weeks before. Then she asks if she can join you and your other friends to hang out - which she probably only knows you’re doing because you told her. Are you really going to say no?

Not everyone is going to be invited to everything every time. That’s just… life. It’s not the end of the world to learn that lesson. I bet the long time friend reached out, tried to invite herself, the OP’s kid didn’t know how to say no gracefully / tactfully. Because they’re kids! Maybe long time friend was an absolute weirdo at the bday party. This is the age where some kids mature way quicker than others.

Instead, long time friend’s mom brought a gun to a knife fight and kicked it up a huge notch. The long time friend getting an early dismissal from school over this is a huge red flag that the child is a bit socially immature. Tween / teen is an age where you have to let these kids figure it out (within reason, of course). A rude text isn’t going to kill anyone.

There's no graceful tactful way to say no to that because it's a rude thing to do, to invite yourself along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot to unpack here but what type of example are you setting for your daughter?

If she was mean to the other girl and purposely exclusionary just because she's weird/wears glasses/braces/whatever silly reason she needs to apologize.

OP here. No, she just is not friends with her any longer and has no desire to hang out with her. There isn't a silly reason - they grew apart. I talked with her about how to pull away more gracefully, but she's not just arbitrarily dropping someone due to wearing glasses.

It sounds like the other girl actually asked to hang out with your daughter and her new friends, and your daughter said no. Is that right?

That’s not “drifting away” from old friends due to a lack of shared interests. It is actually a little mean. Exclusion is one of the key types of relational aggression that girls engage in, I think.

So the other girl was trying to invite herself along and it didn't work. And y'all are blaming OP's DD?

I’m the PP you’re quoting. I’m not blaming anyone - though the OP did basically acknowledge that her DD was mean.

Put yourself in someone else’s shoes a minute. Say you had a long-time friend, and you invited her to your birthday party just a few weeks before. Then she asks if she can join you and your other friends to hang out - which she probably only knows you’re doing because you told her. Are you really going to say no?

Not everyone is going to be invited to everything every time. That’s just… life. It’s not the end of the world to learn that lesson. I bet the long time friend reached out, tried to invite herself, the OP’s kid didn’t know how to say no gracefully / tactfully. Because they’re kids! Maybe long time friend was an absolute weirdo at the bday party. This is the age where some kids mature way quicker than others.

Instead, long time friend’s mom brought a gun to a knife fight and kicked it up a huge notch. The long time friend getting an early dismissal from school over this is a huge red flag that the child is a bit socially immature. Tween / teen is an age where you have to let these kids figure it out (within reason, of course). A rude text isn’t going to kill anyone.

If you’re an adult, you’re the absolute weirdo.

Kids are allowed to have preferences! Would you really invite a friend over again if she was awful the last time?

Where does it say the other girl was “awful the last time”?

They're just making stuff up at this point. Anything to support the idea that you don't have to tell your kid to behave kindly.

Honestly, even if OP's kid doesn't like this kid, even if she's weird af, even if she would destroy OP's kid's standing in her new social group in the first week of school if she was allowed to hang out with her - what kind of kid learns that their text sent another kid home in tears and . . . feels nothing? No apology from their own conscience, mom doesn't tell you to send an apology right now while I'm watching, no repercussions for hurting someone who has been a family friend for most of your life? Kids mess up. It's OP's refusal to correct her kid, and insistence that this is a side effect of "cool"ness, that is most strange. I'd expect my kid to apologize if she brought a stranger to tears, let alone one of my friends' kids who she has been friends with for years. Even if I thought the kid's tears were an over the top reaction.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot to unpack here but what type of example are you setting for your daughter?

If she was mean to the other girl and purposely exclusionary just because she's weird/wears glasses/braces/whatever silly reason she needs to apologize.

OP here. No, she just is not friends with her any longer and has no desire to hang out with her. There isn't a silly reason - they grew apart. I talked with her about how to pull away more gracefully, but she's not just arbitrarily dropping someone due to wearing glasses.

It sounds like the other girl actually asked to hang out with your daughter and her new friends, and your daughter said no. Is that right?

That’s not “drifting away” from old friends due to a lack of shared interests. It is actually a little mean. Exclusion is one of the key types of relational aggression that girls engage in, I think.

So the other girl was trying to invite herself along and it didn't work. And y'all are blaming OP's DD?

I’m the PP you’re quoting. I’m not blaming anyone - though the OP did basically acknowledge that her DD was mean.

Put yourself in someone else’s shoes a minute. Say you had a long-time friend, and you invited her to your birthday party just a few weeks before. Then she asks if she can join you and your other friends to hang out - which she probably only knows you’re doing because you told her. Are you really going to say no?

Not everyone is going to be invited to everything every time. That’s just… life. It’s not the end of the world to learn that lesson. I bet the long time friend reached out, tried to invite herself, the OP’s kid didn’t know how to say no gracefully / tactfully. Because they’re kids! Maybe long time friend was an absolute weirdo at the bday party. This is the age where some kids mature way quicker than others.

Instead, long time friend’s mom brought a gun to a knife fight and kicked it up a huge notch. The long time friend getting an early dismissal from school over this is a huge red flag that the child is a bit socially immature. Tween / teen is an age where you have to let these kids figure it out (within reason, of course). A rude text isn’t going to kill anyone.

There's no graceful tactful way to say no to that because it's a rude thing to do, to invite yourself along.

Right, and the "old friend" did just that, per the OP...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope my real friends (not "our kids know each other so we're a tight mom clique" friends) will punch me in the throat if I ever tell a story about how cool my DD has become that hinges on everyone agreeing with my definition of the difference between exclusionary and bullying.

I hope my real friends punch me in the throat if I start bellyaching in the group chat about how my kid has no resilience and start begging for head pats for raising a loser.

Is this OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Other mom: how dare you exclude my child!
Also other mom: let's exclude OP!

OP: Justifying why her kid is excluding and being a mean girl.
Also OP: I'm being excluded and other mom is being mean.

Nahhh. "other mom" made a mountain over a molehill. The other mom is off her rocker.

Brunch granny weighs in with her quaint, old-timey idioms. We missed you!

Stop trying to make brunch granny happen.

Then stop talking like an 80 year old meemaw.