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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A lot to unpack here but what type of example are you setting for your daughter?

If she was mean to the other girl and purposely exclusionary just because she's weird/wears glasses/braces/whatever silly reason she needs to apologize.[/quote]

OP here. No, she just is not friends with her any longer and has no desire to hang out with her. There isn't a silly reason - they grew apart. I talked with her about how to pull away more gracefully, but she's not just arbitrarily dropping someone due to wearing glasses.[/quote]

[b]It sounds like the other girl actually asked to hang out with your daughter and her new friends, and your daughter said no[/b]. Is that right?

That’s not “drifting away” from old friends due to a lack of shared interests. It is actually a little mean. Exclusion is one of the key types of relational aggression that girls engage in, I think. [/quote]

So the other girl was trying to invite herself along and it didn't work.  And y'all are blaming OP's DD?[/quote]

I’m the PP you’re quoting. I’m not blaming anyone - though the OP did basically acknowledge that her DD was mean.

Put yourself in someone else’s shoes a minute. Say you had a long-time friend, and you invited her to your birthday party just a few weeks before. Then she asks if she can join you and your other friends to hang out - which she probably only knows you’re doing because you told her. Are you really going to say no? [/quote]

Not everyone is going to be invited to everything every time. That’s just… life. It’s not the end of the world to learn that lesson.  I bet the long time friend reached out, tried to invite herself, the OP’s kid didn’t know how to say no gracefully / tactfully. Because they’re kids! Maybe long time friend was an absolute weirdo at the bday party. This is the age where some kids mature way quicker than others.

Instead, long time friend’s mom brought a gun to a knife fight and kicked it up a huge notch. The long time friend getting an early dismissal from school over this is a huge red flag that the child is a bit socially immature. Tween / teen is an age where you have to let these kids figure it out (within reason, of course). A rude text isn’t going to kill anyone. [/quote]

Nobody is saying the other mom was right to do what she did. Nobody is saying the teens shouldn’t figure it out on their own.

I’m asking you, would you really say no to a friend (invited to your recent birthday party) who wanted to join you in hanging out with other friends? If you did, would it be mean? 
[/quote]

Maybe it was a ticketed event. Maybe there were only so many seats in mom’s minivan. Maybe the friend group is going to make out with boys at the movie theatre and the other girl is still playing with her American girl dolls. Do you have teens or tweens? Girls mature at radically different rates than each other. [/quote]

Yes, I have teens.

OP said “hanging out” twice, which makes me think there was room for another girl.

She also said, “It isn’t personal.” And then she said, [b]“But she wasn't bullying. She was excluding.[/b] But they just don't have anything in common and she does not really like this girl.” That sounds kind of personal.

At any rate, it’s not about whether the girls are different, or more or less mature than each other, or anything else. It’s really just an opportunity to teach the DD about how to be nice. But instead, the OP seems much more focused on the fallout for herself. [/quote]

This reminds me of a Supernanny episode.

Mother: Larla pinched Larlette!
Outraged Larla: I didn't pinch her! I hit her!

:lol:  :lol:  :lol: [/quote]

:lol: [/quote]

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