Reply to Friend group is blowing up due to rift between teen girls

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A lot to unpack here but what type of example are you setting for your daughter?

If she was mean to the other girl and purposely exclusionary just because she's weird/wears glasses/braces/whatever silly reason she needs to apologize.[/quote]

OP here. No, she just is not friends with her any longer and has no desire to hang out with her. There isn't a silly reason - they grew apart. I talked with her about how to pull away more gracefully, but she's not just arbitrarily dropping someone due to wearing glasses.[/quote]

[b]It sounds like the other girl actually asked to hang out with your daughter and her new friends, and your daughter said no[/b]. Is that right?

That’s not “drifting away” from old friends due to a lack of shared interests. It is actually a little mean. Exclusion is one of the key types of relational aggression that girls engage in, I think. [/quote]

So the other girl was trying to invite herself along and it didn't work.  And y'all are blaming OP's DD?[/quote]

I’m the PP you’re quoting. I’m not blaming anyone - though the OP did basically acknowledge that her DD was mean.

Put yourself in someone else’s shoes a minute. Say you had a long-time friend, and you invited her to your birthday party just a few weeks before. Then she asks if she can join you and your other friends to hang out - which she probably only knows you’re doing because you told her. Are you really going to say no? [/quote]

Not everyone is going to be invited to everything every time. That’s just… life. It’s not the end of the world to learn that lesson.  I bet the long time friend reached out, tried to invite herself, the OP’s kid didn’t know how to say no gracefully / tactfully. Because they’re kids![b] Maybe long time friend was an absolute weirdo at the bday party. [/b]This is the age where some kids mature way quicker than others.

Instead, long time friend’s mom brought a gun to a knife fight and kicked it up a huge notch. The long time friend getting an early dismissal from school over this is a huge red flag that the child is a bit socially immature. Tween / teen is an age where you have to let these kids figure it out (within reason, of course). A rude text isn’t going to kill anyone. [/quote]

If you’re an adult, you’re the absolute weirdo.[/quote]

Kids are allowed to have preferences! Would you really invite a friend over again if she was awful the last time? [/quote]

Where does it say the other girl was “awful the last time”? [/quote]

They're just making stuff up at this point.  Anything to support the idea that you don't have to tell your kid to behave kindly.

Honestly, even if OP's kid doesn't like this kid, even if she's weird af, even if she would destroy OP's kid's standing in her new social group in the first week of school if she was allowed to hang out with her - what kind of kid learns that their text sent another kid home in tears and . . . feels nothing?  No apology from their own conscience, mom doesn't tell you to send an apology right now while I'm watching, no repercussions for hurting someone who has been a family friend for most of your life?  Kids mess up.  It's OP's refusal to correct her kid, and insistence that this is a side effect of "cool"ness, that is most strange.  I'd expect my kid to apologize if she brought a stranger to tears, let alone one of my friends' kids who she has been friends with for years.  Even if I thought the kid's tears were an over the top reaction.[/quote]

+1.

[/quote]

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