Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.
You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.
Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.
The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.
You totally missed the point.
No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.
You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.
Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.
Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?
Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?
If so you’re a garbage parent and person.
You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.
So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?
did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.
Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?
I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.
In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.
So what happened when the Dad asked the family court to intervene and stop the move?
Courts give dad visitation and have them split plane costs. Mom refuses to let the kids visit and courts just reprimand mom and tell her to do better. She still refuses and court still just tells her to allow visits. When he’s out there judge gives additional visits which she refuses.
Courts rarely do anything.
Maybe in this instance but I seriously doubt you have knowledge of what "the courts" routinely do. Lawyers practising in this area disagree with you which should tell you that you're wrong.
Actually I do. A lawyer can say what ever they want but lawyers are usually a big money grab and not helpful or make things worse. Tell me what would a judge do?
How do you know? Because your BF told you while trying to make himself look better?
Not all men are bad. Why does mom get a free pass for her behavior? It’s ok she cheated?
She was not mother of the year and kids are pretty messed up now as adults.
oh brother, so this isn't even relevant any more. Also, I'm assuming their dad's absence had a lot to do with that. I have very strong doubts that he did everything he could to raise his kids.
He didn't. He gave up on them and made no attempt to move to be closer to them, ever.
Why is it his responsibility to move to follow her? It was her responsibility to not cheat and stay in the area and allow visits as ordered.
Dads absence as a stable parent probably had a lot to do with it as dad would have been a stronger parent. Mom did the absolute minimum and regularly offered to take the kids including when one was going down the wrong path.
Even if he moved, what good would that do if she refused contact. How would he pay child support? Kids would lose out on health insurance. She’d lose out on her life long portion of his pension.
It's his responsibility as a dad to put his kids first. He didn't.
You keep talking about what the mom would miss out on, like potentially reduced child support when he got a new job, or her share of his pension. Why would anyone care what happens to her? It's about the kids. He should have done whatever it took to get his time with them, which would have been awarded to him if he had. Including adjusted child support on his new income that he had to take to maintain the relationship.
But he wasn't willing to do what it took, and now he has to accept that he screwed up his kids for life.
He's a pathetic loser and so are you for defending him.
Actually she didn't put her kids first She cheated on Dad, moved them cross country and refused visits. That's on her.
What happens to her impacts the kids so anyone decent would care.
You simply cannot walk away from military life and no judge is going to reduce the child support because he walked away from his career even if it is for the right reasons. Be real. He wasn't going to get an equal job.
Why is it up to him to always do the right thing, which he did? What about Mom? Why does she get a free pass on all this? Moms can greatly hurt their kids and aren't always good parents.
Your ex may be a terrible person but lots of good dad's around. And, his other kids are thriving and doing well and he's a very involved Dad, so you really think he changed that much? Doubtful given when he was married he did all those things for the first set of kids.
He didn't do the right thing, and being a good dad to some of his kids while abandoning the others? That's a horrible, terrible dad. Don't be surprised if your kids figure out later their dad is a POS.
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.
You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.
Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.
The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.
You totally missed the point.
No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.
You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.
Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.
Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?
Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?
If so you’re a garbage parent and person.
You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.
So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?
did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.
Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?
I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.
In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.
OMG, has this actually happened to you or are you just speculating based on nothing? Dad can most certainly petition the court and make her move back. I had to ask permission to move 40 miles which is what is most often the case. If she moved before the divorce is finalized, the judge will not look fondly on her antics and can and probably will order her to move back so the children have access to their father. But hey, best to go on an angry tirade against mothers with no concept of the law I guess.
OMG, no it has not happened to me. I am married to my childrens father, who is retired military, so I have seen cases like this happen. Honestly, from what I have seen (but not experienced myself) is "it depends." I've seen it go in many ways, and I wasn't always privy to all factors in the situation so I can't necessarily explain why.
One thing to take into consideration is military members can deploy at ANY time. There were several times that my own husband only got a few weeks notice to deploy overseas, and one time where he literally only got 3 days notice that he was leaving.
In a situation where the service member is likely to deploy (or perhaps even already knows of an upcoming deployment) it is absurd to require the mom to stay in a strange town, with no local family/support, and exH/dad overseas for an entire year.
And then what happens when the military member has PCS orders (military moves him to a new duty station?) The courts can't force his ex wife to move with him--and it would be pretty much impossible, even if ex wife agreed to it, for overseas locations like Korea or Okinawa.
So then what the hell is your point??? Honest question? Is mom the bad guy for wanting to move to a town where she might have some support while he is deployed or do you find that acceptable? I can't tell from your posts because they contradict each other.
Calm down. There is no contradiction. I'm just explaining how things are. Many posters here seem to be making arguments on what military members and their ex spouses should/could do that are not necessarily based in reality.
DP, and you're right, it's not simple or easy when you're in the military. But that doesn't excuse the dad who never fought for his kids and stayed in the military until he got his pension. It's true that in the short-medium term the dad is going to have a hard time. But that dad just completely abandoned his kids permanently.
PP you quoted here.
Hmmm again I'd have to say "it depends." I don't know the poster you are talking about and what the specifics of their situation are. But if a military member already has 16-17 years in, it would be foolish to just give up the retirement.
If dad has 12 years in, signs re-enlistment papers, then shortly after he and mom divorce....he still has to serve those 4 years. When he is "free" of those years, he'll only have 4 more years till retirement.
In the meantime, mom has potentially moved and remarried-and I'll tell you, more often than not, she has remarried another military member. The kids could be living with mom and her new husband on Guam. If you just get out of the military, try to go to court for custody when you now have no job (and will be spending your time "training" for a new career) and no established housing, how likely do you think it will be that a judge will rip your kids away from the mom and step dad that they have been living with the last 4 years? Away from the secure housing, DOD schools, and friends they have established?
Even if it’s within a few month you think dad can just up and move. And if new boyfriend keeps moving, dad should just quit each job and move. 12 years in is crazy to get out as you lose out on the life long benefits.
Interesting how moms generally hold all the power, can do what they want and this poster thinks the world should revolves around them and their poor choices. Mom can destroy a marriage and take away the kids and it’s fine. Dad should quit his job and follow her and yet somehow manage to work to support himself, her and the kids.
This is COMPLETELY untrue. Your husband never tried to use any of his power.
Court documents say otherwise.
Post them. I'm a lawyer, I'll tell you what they really say.
You are not or you’d know nothing happens to moms
I absolutely am, that's how I know you're full of crap. Dads who want time with their kids, get it. And any divorce lawyer in the US will tell you that.
Yes, they can get court-ordered time, the problem, and clearly, you aren't getting it, is that if MOM refuses the court-ordered time, there are no consequences and that time is not legally enforced. He had holidays, summers, and weekly phone calls... the order wasn't the issue. Every time he bought the plane tickets that they both agreed on in terms of dates, times, and airports, she'd not put them on the plane. Every time he'd call, she's refuse to let the kids talk to him. She'd refuse to give him their cell phone numbers. She'd refuse the cell phone he got them. Every time he went to court, he'd get a one day visit while in the area ordered, and she'd refuse that too. Judge would ask her to reimburse him for the extra fees/plane tickets and she never would.
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.
You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.
Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.
The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.
You totally missed the point.
No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.
You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.
Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.
Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?
Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?
If so you’re a garbage parent and person.
You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.
So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?
did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.
Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?
I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.
In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.
So what happened when the Dad asked the family court to intervene and stop the move?
Courts give dad visitation and have them split plane costs. Mom refuses to let the kids visit and courts just reprimand mom and tell her to do better. She still refuses and court still just tells her to allow visits. When he’s out there judge gives additional visits which she refuses.
Courts rarely do anything.
Maybe in this instance but I seriously doubt you have knowledge of what "the courts" routinely do. Lawyers practising in this area disagree with you which should tell you that you're wrong.
Actually I do. A lawyer can say what ever they want but lawyers are usually a big money grab and not helpful or make things worse. Tell me what would a judge do?
How do you know? Because your BF told you while trying to make himself look better?
Not all men are bad. Why does mom get a free pass for her behavior? It’s ok she cheated?
She was not mother of the year and kids are pretty messed up now as adults.
oh brother, so this isn't even relevant any more. Also, I'm assuming their dad's absence had a lot to do with that. I have very strong doubts that he did everything he could to raise his kids.
He didn't. He gave up on them and made no attempt to move to be closer to them, ever.
Why is it his responsibility to move to follow her? It was her responsibility to not cheat and stay in the area and allow visits as ordered.
Dads absence as a stable parent probably had a lot to do with it as dad would have been a stronger parent. Mom did the absolute minimum and regularly offered to take the kids including when one was going down the wrong path.
Even if he moved, what good would that do if she refused contact. How would he pay child support? Kids would lose out on health insurance. She’d lose out on her life long portion of his pension.
It's his responsibility as a dad to put his kids first. He didn't.
You keep talking about what the mom would miss out on, like potentially reduced child support when he got a new job, or her share of his pension. Why would anyone care what happens to her? It's about the kids. He should have done whatever it took to get his time with them, which would have been awarded to him if he had. Including adjusted child support on his new income that he had to take to maintain the relationship.
But he wasn't willing to do what it took, and now he has to accept that he screwed up his kids for life.
He's a pathetic loser and so are you for defending him.
Actually she didn't put her kids first She cheated on Dad, moved them cross country and refused visits. That's on her.
What happens to her impacts the kids so anyone decent would care.
You simply cannot walk away from military life and no judge is going to reduce the child support because he walked away from his career even if it is for the right reasons. Be real. He wasn't going to get an equal job.
Why is it up to him to always do the right thing, which he did? What about Mom? Why does she get a free pass on all this? Moms can greatly hurt their kids and aren't always good parents.
Your ex may be a terrible person but lots of good dad's around. And, his other kids are thriving and doing well and he's a very involved Dad, so you really think he changed that much? Doubtful given when he was married he did all those things for the first set of kids.
He didn't do the right thing, and being a good dad to some of his kids while abandoning the others? That's a horrible, terrible dad. Don't be surprised if your kids figure out later their dad is a POS.
He didn't abandon them. Mom cheated, took the kids and refused to allow Dad any contact. That's not abandonment. You will do anything to justify your actions to your ex and assume all men are bad as that is what you've had to tell yourself to refuse your kids their Dad. Very clear.
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.
You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.
Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.
The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.
You totally missed the point.
No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.
You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.
Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.
Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?
Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?
If so you’re a garbage parent and person.
You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.
So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?
did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.
Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?
I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.
In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.
OMG, has this actually happened to you or are you just speculating based on nothing? Dad can most certainly petition the court and make her move back. I had to ask permission to move 40 miles which is what is most often the case. If she moved before the divorce is finalized, the judge will not look fondly on her antics and can and probably will order her to move back so the children have access to their father. But hey, best to go on an angry tirade against mothers with no concept of the law I guess.
OMG, no it has not happened to me. I am married to my childrens father, who is retired military, so I have seen cases like this happen. Honestly, from what I have seen (but not experienced myself) is "it depends." I've seen it go in many ways, and I wasn't always privy to all factors in the situation so I can't necessarily explain why.
One thing to take into consideration is military members can deploy at ANY time. There were several times that my own husband only got a few weeks notice to deploy overseas, and one time where he literally only got 3 days notice that he was leaving.
In a situation where the service member is likely to deploy (or perhaps even already knows of an upcoming deployment) it is absurd to require the mom to stay in a strange town, with no local family/support, and exH/dad overseas for an entire year.
And then what happens when the military member has PCS orders (military moves him to a new duty station?) The courts can't force his ex wife to move with him--and it would be pretty much impossible, even if ex wife agreed to it, for overseas locations like Korea or Okinawa.
So then what the hell is your point??? Honest question? Is mom the bad guy for wanting to move to a town where she might have some support while he is deployed or do you find that acceptable? I can't tell from your posts because they contradict each other.
Calm down. There is no contradiction. I'm just explaining how things are. Many posters here seem to be making arguments on what military members and their ex spouses should/could do that are not necessarily based in reality.
DP, and you're right, it's not simple or easy when you're in the military. But that doesn't excuse the dad who never fought for his kids and stayed in the military until he got his pension. It's true that in the short-medium term the dad is going to have a hard time. But that dad just completely abandoned his kids permanently.
PP you quoted here.
Hmmm again I'd have to say "it depends." I don't know the poster you are talking about and what the specifics of their situation are. But if a military member already has 16-17 years in, it would be foolish to just give up the retirement.
If dad has 12 years in, signs re-enlistment papers, then shortly after he and mom divorce....he still has to serve those 4 years. When he is "free" of those years, he'll only have 4 more years till retirement.
In the meantime, mom has potentially moved and remarried-and I'll tell you, more often than not, she has remarried another military member. The kids could be living with mom and her new husband on Guam. If you just get out of the military, try to go to court for custody when you now have no job (and will be spending your time "training" for a new career) and no established housing, how likely do you think it will be that a judge will rip your kids away from the mom and step dad that they have been living with the last 4 years? Away from the secure housing, DOD schools, and friends they have established?
Even if it’s within a few month you think dad can just up and move. And if new boyfriend keeps moving, dad should just quit each job and move. 12 years in is crazy to get out as you lose out on the life long benefits.
Interesting how moms generally hold all the power, can do what they want and this poster thinks the world should revolves around them and their poor choices. Mom can destroy a marriage and take away the kids and it’s fine. Dad should quit his job and follow her and yet somehow manage to work to support himself, her and the kids.
This is COMPLETELY untrue. Your husband never tried to use any of his power.
Court documents say otherwise.
Post them. I'm a lawyer, I'll tell you what they really say.
You are not or you’d know nothing happens to moms
I absolutely am, that's how I know you're full of crap. Dads who want time with their kids, get it. And any divorce lawyer in the US will tell you that.
Yes, they can get court-ordered time, the problem, and clearly, you aren't getting it, is that if MOM refuses the court-ordered time, there are no consequences and that time is not legally enforced. He had holidays, summers, and weekly phone calls... the order wasn't the issue. Every time he bought the plane tickets that they both agreed on in terms of dates, times, and airports, she'd not put them on the plane. Every time he'd call, she's refuse to let the kids talk to him. She'd refuse to give him their cell phone numbers. She'd refuse the cell phone he got them. Every time he went to court, he'd get a one day visit while in the area ordered, and she'd refuse that too. Judge would ask her to reimburse him for the extra fees/plane tickets and she never would.
There is no accountability for this stuff.
See, again, for you, it's all about the money. Not the time. Why didn't he fly there to pick them up and call the cops when she wouldn't hand them over? That's what my clients have done when the situation was that contentious. Of course that sucks for the dads. But the ones who love their kids do it.
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.
You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.
Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.
The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.
You totally missed the point.
No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.
You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.
Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.
Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?
Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?
If so you’re a garbage parent and person.
You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.
So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?
did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.
Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?
I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.
In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.
So what happened when the Dad asked the family court to intervene and stop the move?
Courts give dad visitation and have them split plane costs. Mom refuses to let the kids visit and courts just reprimand mom and tell her to do better. She still refuses and court still just tells her to allow visits. When he’s out there judge gives additional visits which she refuses.
Courts rarely do anything.
Maybe in this instance but I seriously doubt you have knowledge of what "the courts" routinely do. Lawyers practising in this area disagree with you which should tell you that you're wrong.
Actually I do. A lawyer can say what ever they want but lawyers are usually a big money grab and not helpful or make things worse. Tell me what would a judge do?
How do you know? Because your BF told you while trying to make himself look better?
Not all men are bad. Why does mom get a free pass for her behavior? It’s ok she cheated?
She was not mother of the year and kids are pretty messed up now as adults.
oh brother, so this isn't even relevant any more. Also, I'm assuming their dad's absence had a lot to do with that. I have very strong doubts that he did everything he could to raise his kids.
He didn't. He gave up on them and made no attempt to move to be closer to them, ever.
Why is it his responsibility to move to follow her? It was her responsibility to not cheat and stay in the area and allow visits as ordered.
Dads absence as a stable parent probably had a lot to do with it as dad would have been a stronger parent. Mom did the absolute minimum and regularly offered to take the kids including when one was going down the wrong path.
Even if he moved, what good would that do if she refused contact. How would he pay child support? Kids would lose out on health insurance. She’d lose out on her life long portion of his pension.
It's his responsibility as a dad to put his kids first. He didn't.
You keep talking about what the mom would miss out on, like potentially reduced child support when he got a new job, or her share of his pension. Why would anyone care what happens to her? It's about the kids. He should have done whatever it took to get his time with them, which would have been awarded to him if he had. Including adjusted child support on his new income that he had to take to maintain the relationship.
But he wasn't willing to do what it took, and now he has to accept that he screwed up his kids for life.
He's a pathetic loser and so are you for defending him.
Actually she didn't put her kids first She cheated on Dad, moved them cross country and refused visits. That's on her.
What happens to her impacts the kids so anyone decent would care.
You simply cannot walk away from military life and no judge is going to reduce the child support because he walked away from his career even if it is for the right reasons. Be real. He wasn't going to get an equal job.
Why is it up to him to always do the right thing, which he did? What about Mom? Why does she get a free pass on all this? Moms can greatly hurt their kids and aren't always good parents.
Your ex may be a terrible person but lots of good dad's around. And, his other kids are thriving and doing well and he's a very involved Dad, so you really think he changed that much? Doubtful given when he was married he did all those things for the first set of kids.
He didn't do the right thing, and being a good dad to some of his kids while abandoning the others? That's a horrible, terrible dad. Don't be surprised if your kids figure out later their dad is a POS.
He didn't abandon them. Mom cheated, took the kids and refused to allow Dad any contact. That's not abandonment. You will do anything to justify your actions to your ex and assume all men are bad as that is what you've had to tell yourself to refuse your kids their Dad. Very clear.
Younger kids fully know the situation.
You have it all wrong. I don't have an ex. I am married to my kids' dad.
Someday, when your kids have kids, you might be surprised when they realize your husband didn't do what they would do to see their kids. They may very well see him in a new light. And all your yammering about their evil horrible mom may look at stupid to them as it does to everyone around you.
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.
You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.
Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.
The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.
You totally missed the point.
No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.
You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.
Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.
Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?
Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?
If so you’re a garbage parent and person.
You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.
So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?
did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.
Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?
I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.
In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.
OMG, has this actually happened to you or are you just speculating based on nothing? Dad can most certainly petition the court and make her move back. I had to ask permission to move 40 miles which is what is most often the case. If she moved before the divorce is finalized, the judge will not look fondly on her antics and can and probably will order her to move back so the children have access to their father. But hey, best to go on an angry tirade against mothers with no concept of the law I guess.
OMG, no it has not happened to me. I am married to my childrens father, who is retired military, so I have seen cases like this happen. Honestly, from what I have seen (but not experienced myself) is "it depends." I've seen it go in many ways, and I wasn't always privy to all factors in the situation so I can't necessarily explain why.
One thing to take into consideration is military members can deploy at ANY time. There were several times that my own husband only got a few weeks notice to deploy overseas, and one time where he literally only got 3 days notice that he was leaving.
In a situation where the service member is likely to deploy (or perhaps even already knows of an upcoming deployment) it is absurd to require the mom to stay in a strange town, with no local family/support, and exH/dad overseas for an entire year.
And then what happens when the military member has PCS orders (military moves him to a new duty station?) The courts can't force his ex wife to move with him--and it would be pretty much impossible, even if ex wife agreed to it, for overseas locations like Korea or Okinawa.
So then what the hell is your point??? Honest question? Is mom the bad guy for wanting to move to a town where she might have some support while he is deployed or do you find that acceptable? I can't tell from your posts because they contradict each other.
Calm down. There is no contradiction. I'm just explaining how things are. Many posters here seem to be making arguments on what military members and their ex spouses should/could do that are not necessarily based in reality.
DP, and you're right, it's not simple or easy when you're in the military. But that doesn't excuse the dad who never fought for his kids and stayed in the military until he got his pension. It's true that in the short-medium term the dad is going to have a hard time. But that dad just completely abandoned his kids permanently.
PP you quoted here.
Hmmm again I'd have to say "it depends." I don't know the poster you are talking about and what the specifics of their situation are. But if a military member already has 16-17 years in, it would be foolish to just give up the retirement.
If dad has 12 years in, signs re-enlistment papers, then shortly after he and mom divorce....he still has to serve those 4 years. When he is "free" of those years, he'll only have 4 more years till retirement.
In the meantime, mom has potentially moved and remarried-and I'll tell you, more often than not, she has remarried another military member. The kids could be living with mom and her new husband on Guam. If you just get out of the military, try to go to court for custody when you now have no job (and will be spending your time "training" for a new career) and no established housing, how likely do you think it will be that a judge will rip your kids away from the mom and step dad that they have been living with the last 4 years? Away from the secure housing, DOD schools, and friends they have established?
Even if it’s within a few month you think dad can just up and move. And if new boyfriend keeps moving, dad should just quit each job and move. 12 years in is crazy to get out as you lose out on the life long benefits.
Interesting how moms generally hold all the power, can do what they want and this poster thinks the world should revolves around them and their poor choices. Mom can destroy a marriage and take away the kids and it’s fine. Dad should quit his job and follow her and yet somehow manage to work to support himself, her and the kids.
This is COMPLETELY untrue. Your husband never tried to use any of his power.
Court documents say otherwise.
Post them. I'm a lawyer, I'll tell you what they really say.
You are not or you’d know nothing happens to moms
I absolutely am, that's how I know you're full of crap. Dads who want time with their kids, get it. And any divorce lawyer in the US will tell you that.
Yes, they can get court-ordered time, the problem, and clearly, you aren't getting it, is that if MOM refuses the court-ordered time, there are no consequences and that time is not legally enforced. He had holidays, summers, and weekly phone calls... the order wasn't the issue. Every time he bought the plane tickets that they both agreed on in terms of dates, times, and airports, she'd not put them on the plane. Every time he'd call, she's refuse to let the kids talk to him. She'd refuse to give him their cell phone numbers. She'd refuse the cell phone he got them. Every time he went to court, he'd get a one day visit while in the area ordered, and she'd refuse that too. Judge would ask her to reimburse him for the extra fees/plane tickets and she never would.
There is no accountability for this stuff.
See, again, for you, it's all about the money. Not the time. Why didn't he fly there to pick them up and call the cops when she wouldn't hand them over? That's what my clients have done when the situation was that contentious. Of course that sucks for the dads. But the ones who love their kids do it.
I'm so glad there is an actual lawyer telling this fool that he sold her a bill of goods. thank you
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.
You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.
Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.
The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.
You totally missed the point.
No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.
You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.
Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.
Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?
Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?
If so you’re a garbage parent and person.
You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.
So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?
did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.
Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?
I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.
In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.
OMG, has this actually happened to you or are you just speculating based on nothing? Dad can most certainly petition the court and make her move back. I had to ask permission to move 40 miles which is what is most often the case. If she moved before the divorce is finalized, the judge will not look fondly on her antics and can and probably will order her to move back so the children have access to their father. But hey, best to go on an angry tirade against mothers with no concept of the law I guess.
OMG, no it has not happened to me. I am married to my childrens father, who is retired military, so I have seen cases like this happen. Honestly, from what I have seen (but not experienced myself) is "it depends." I've seen it go in many ways, and I wasn't always privy to all factors in the situation so I can't necessarily explain why.
One thing to take into consideration is military members can deploy at ANY time. There were several times that my own husband only got a few weeks notice to deploy overseas, and one time where he literally only got 3 days notice that he was leaving.
In a situation where the service member is likely to deploy (or perhaps even already knows of an upcoming deployment) it is absurd to require the mom to stay in a strange town, with no local family/support, and exH/dad overseas for an entire year.
And then what happens when the military member has PCS orders (military moves him to a new duty station?) The courts can't force his ex wife to move with him--and it would be pretty much impossible, even if ex wife agreed to it, for overseas locations like Korea or Okinawa.
So then what the hell is your point??? Honest question? Is mom the bad guy for wanting to move to a town where she might have some support while he is deployed or do you find that acceptable? I can't tell from your posts because they contradict each other.
Calm down. There is no contradiction. I'm just explaining how things are. Many posters here seem to be making arguments on what military members and their ex spouses should/could do that are not necessarily based in reality.
DP, and you're right, it's not simple or easy when you're in the military. But that doesn't excuse the dad who never fought for his kids and stayed in the military until he got his pension. It's true that in the short-medium term the dad is going to have a hard time. But that dad just completely abandoned his kids permanently.
PP you quoted here.
Hmmm again I'd have to say "it depends." I don't know the poster you are talking about and what the specifics of their situation are. But if a military member already has 16-17 years in, it would be foolish to just give up the retirement.
If dad has 12 years in, signs re-enlistment papers, then shortly after he and mom divorce....he still has to serve those 4 years. When he is "free" of those years, he'll only have 4 more years till retirement.
In the meantime, mom has potentially moved and remarried-and I'll tell you, more often than not, she has remarried another military member. The kids could be living with mom and her new husband on Guam. If you just get out of the military, try to go to court for custody when you now have no job (and will be spending your time "training" for a new career) and no established housing, how likely do you think it will be that a judge will rip your kids away from the mom and step dad that they have been living with the last 4 years? Away from the secure housing, DOD schools, and friends they have established?
Even if it’s within a few month you think dad can just up and move. And if new boyfriend keeps moving, dad should just quit each job and move. 12 years in is crazy to get out as you lose out on the life long benefits.
Interesting how moms generally hold all the power, can do what they want and this poster thinks the world should revolves around them and their poor choices. Mom can destroy a marriage and take away the kids and it’s fine. Dad should quit his job and follow her and yet somehow manage to work to support himself, her and the kids.
This is COMPLETELY untrue. Your husband never tried to use any of his power.
Court documents say otherwise.
Post them. I'm a lawyer, I'll tell you what they really say.
You are not or you’d know nothing happens to moms
I absolutely am, that's how I know you're full of crap. Dads who want time with their kids, get it. And any divorce lawyer in the US will tell you that.
Yes, they can get court-ordered time, the problem, and clearly, you aren't getting it, is that if MOM refuses the court-ordered time, there are no consequences and that time is not legally enforced. He had holidays, summers, and weekly phone calls... the order wasn't the issue. Every time he bought the plane tickets that they both agreed on in terms of dates, times, and airports, she'd not put them on the plane. Every time he'd call, she's refuse to let the kids talk to him. She'd refuse to give him their cell phone numbers. She'd refuse the cell phone he got them. Every time he went to court, he'd get a one day visit while in the area ordered, and she'd refuse that too. Judge would ask her to reimburse him for the extra fees/plane tickets and she never would.
There is no accountability for this stuff.
See, again, for you, it's all about the money. Not the time. Why didn't he fly there to pick them up and call the cops when she wouldn't hand them over? That's what my clients have done when the situation was that contentious. Of course that sucks for the dads. But the ones who love their kids do it.
I'm so glad there is an actual lawyer telling this fool that he sold her a bill of goods. thank you
I'm just astonished that he was willing to petition the court for reimbursement of plane flights, but willing to do what it took to get his owed time. Imagine being that focused on money that that lost about what really matters.
18 pages later, it turns out that this general post asking a provocative question is actually about one poster's really specific experience, which they have extrapolated to all other divorces with children. These totally black and white beliefs about how things work are definitely indicators of mental health problems. That kind of rigidity and hostility is so toxic and threatening, I can totally understand why the ex and children would limit contact.
Anonymous wrote:18 pages later, it turns out that this general post asking a provocative question is actually about one poster's really specific experience, which they have extrapolated to all other divorces with children. These totally black and white beliefs about how things work are definitely indicators of mental health problems. That kind of rigidity and hostility is so toxic and threatening, I can totally understand why the ex and children would limit contact.
Really, so you think it's ok for a mom to cheat and withhold the kids and yet, it's always dad's fault. At what point should adults take responsibility of their actions. You always believe that Dad's are in the wrong and reality is no matter how hard they try nothing will please you. This is how you justify blocking contact from a good father.
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.
You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.
Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.
The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.
You totally missed the point.
No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.
You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.
Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.
Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?
Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?
If so you’re a garbage parent and person.
You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.
So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?
did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.
Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?
I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.
In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.
OMG, has this actually happened to you or are you just speculating based on nothing? Dad can most certainly petition the court and make her move back. I had to ask permission to move 40 miles which is what is most often the case. If she moved before the divorce is finalized, the judge will not look fondly on her antics and can and probably will order her to move back so the children have access to their father. But hey, best to go on an angry tirade against mothers with no concept of the law I guess.
OMG, no it has not happened to me. I am married to my childrens father, who is retired military, so I have seen cases like this happen. Honestly, from what I have seen (but not experienced myself) is "it depends." I've seen it go in many ways, and I wasn't always privy to all factors in the situation so I can't necessarily explain why.
One thing to take into consideration is military members can deploy at ANY time. There were several times that my own husband only got a few weeks notice to deploy overseas, and one time where he literally only got 3 days notice that he was leaving.
In a situation where the service member is likely to deploy (or perhaps even already knows of an upcoming deployment) it is absurd to require the mom to stay in a strange town, with no local family/support, and exH/dad overseas for an entire year.
And then what happens when the military member has PCS orders (military moves him to a new duty station?) The courts can't force his ex wife to move with him--and it would be pretty much impossible, even if ex wife agreed to it, for overseas locations like Korea or Okinawa.
So then what the hell is your point??? Honest question? Is mom the bad guy for wanting to move to a town where she might have some support while he is deployed or do you find that acceptable? I can't tell from your posts because they contradict each other.
Calm down. There is no contradiction. I'm just explaining how things are. Many posters here seem to be making arguments on what military members and their ex spouses should/could do that are not necessarily based in reality.
DP, and you're right, it's not simple or easy when you're in the military. But that doesn't excuse the dad who never fought for his kids and stayed in the military until he got his pension. It's true that in the short-medium term the dad is going to have a hard time. But that dad just completely abandoned his kids permanently.
PP you quoted here.
Hmmm again I'd have to say "it depends." I don't know the poster you are talking about and what the specifics of their situation are. But if a military member already has 16-17 years in, it would be foolish to just give up the retirement.
If dad has 12 years in, signs re-enlistment papers, then shortly after he and mom divorce....he still has to serve those 4 years. When he is "free" of those years, he'll only have 4 more years till retirement.
In the meantime, mom has potentially moved and remarried-and I'll tell you, more often than not, she has remarried another military member. The kids could be living with mom and her new husband on Guam. If you just get out of the military, try to go to court for custody when you now have no job (and will be spending your time "training" for a new career) and no established housing, how likely do you think it will be that a judge will rip your kids away from the mom and step dad that they have been living with the last 4 years? Away from the secure housing, DOD schools, and friends they have established?
Even if it’s within a few month you think dad can just up and move. And if new boyfriend keeps moving, dad should just quit each job and move. 12 years in is crazy to get out as you lose out on the life long benefits.
Interesting how moms generally hold all the power, can do what they want and this poster thinks the world should revolves around them and their poor choices. Mom can destroy a marriage and take away the kids and it’s fine. Dad should quit his job and follow her and yet somehow manage to work to support himself, her and the kids.
This is COMPLETELY untrue. Your husband never tried to use any of his power.
Court documents say otherwise.
Post them. I'm a lawyer, I'll tell you what they really say.
You are not or you’d know nothing happens to moms
I absolutely am, that's how I know you're full of crap. Dads who want time with their kids, get it. And any divorce lawyer in the US will tell you that.
Yes, they can get court-ordered time, the problem, and clearly, you aren't getting it, is that if MOM refuses the court-ordered time, there are no consequences and that time is not legally enforced. He had holidays, summers, and weekly phone calls... the order wasn't the issue. Every time he bought the plane tickets that they both agreed on in terms of dates, times, and airports, she'd not put them on the plane. Every time he'd call, she's refuse to let the kids talk to him. She'd refuse to give him their cell phone numbers. She'd refuse the cell phone he got them. Every time he went to court, he'd get a one day visit while in the area ordered, and she'd refuse that too. Judge would ask her to reimburse him for the extra fees/plane tickets and she never would.
There is no accountability for this stuff.
See, again, for you, it's all about the money. Not the time. Why didn't he fly there to pick them up and call the cops when she wouldn't hand them over? That's what my clients have done when the situation was that contentious. Of course that sucks for the dads. But the ones who love their kids do it.
I'm so glad there is an actual lawyer telling this fool that he sold her a bill of goods. thank you
I'm just astonished that he was willing to petition the court for reimbursement of plane flights, but willing to do what it took to get his owed time. Imagine being that focused on money that that lost about what really matters.
What are you talking about? The petition was to uphold visitation. The reimbursement for plane tickets came when she was filing for more child support because he got remarried, but she ended up getting less because she cannot get child support from his new wife. She also got less because a child was over age 18. He absolutely should be reimbursed. But he never was.
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.
You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.
Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.
The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.
You totally missed the point.
No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.
You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.
Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.
Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?
Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?
If so you’re a garbage parent and person.
You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.
So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?
did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.
Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?
I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.
In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.
OMG, has this actually happened to you or are you just speculating based on nothing? Dad can most certainly petition the court and make her move back. I had to ask permission to move 40 miles which is what is most often the case. If she moved before the divorce is finalized, the judge will not look fondly on her antics and can and probably will order her to move back so the children have access to their father. But hey, best to go on an angry tirade against mothers with no concept of the law I guess.
OMG, no it has not happened to me. I am married to my childrens father, who is retired military, so I have seen cases like this happen. Honestly, from what I have seen (but not experienced myself) is "it depends." I've seen it go in many ways, and I wasn't always privy to all factors in the situation so I can't necessarily explain why.
One thing to take into consideration is military members can deploy at ANY time. There were several times that my own husband only got a few weeks notice to deploy overseas, and one time where he literally only got 3 days notice that he was leaving.
In a situation where the service member is likely to deploy (or perhaps even already knows of an upcoming deployment) it is absurd to require the mom to stay in a strange town, with no local family/support, and exH/dad overseas for an entire year.
And then what happens when the military member has PCS orders (military moves him to a new duty station?) The courts can't force his ex wife to move with him--and it would be pretty much impossible, even if ex wife agreed to it, for overseas locations like Korea or Okinawa.
So then what the hell is your point??? Honest question? Is mom the bad guy for wanting to move to a town where she might have some support while he is deployed or do you find that acceptable? I can't tell from your posts because they contradict each other.
Calm down. There is no contradiction. I'm just explaining how things are. Many posters here seem to be making arguments on what military members and their ex spouses should/could do that are not necessarily based in reality.
DP, and you're right, it's not simple or easy when you're in the military. But that doesn't excuse the dad who never fought for his kids and stayed in the military until he got his pension. It's true that in the short-medium term the dad is going to have a hard time. But that dad just completely abandoned his kids permanently.
PP you quoted here.
Hmmm again I'd have to say "it depends." I don't know the poster you are talking about and what the specifics of their situation are. But if a military member already has 16-17 years in, it would be foolish to just give up the retirement.
If dad has 12 years in, signs re-enlistment papers, then shortly after he and mom divorce....he still has to serve those 4 years. When he is "free" of those years, he'll only have 4 more years till retirement.
In the meantime, mom has potentially moved and remarried-and I'll tell you, more often than not, she has remarried another military member. The kids could be living with mom and her new husband on Guam. If you just get out of the military, try to go to court for custody when you now have no job (and will be spending your time "training" for a new career) and no established housing, how likely do you think it will be that a judge will rip your kids away from the mom and step dad that they have been living with the last 4 years? Away from the secure housing, DOD schools, and friends they have established?
Even if it’s within a few month you think dad can just up and move. And if new boyfriend keeps moving, dad should just quit each job and move. 12 years in is crazy to get out as you lose out on the life long benefits.
Interesting how moms generally hold all the power, can do what they want and this poster thinks the world should revolves around them and their poor choices. Mom can destroy a marriage and take away the kids and it’s fine. Dad should quit his job and follow her and yet somehow manage to work to support himself, her and the kids.
This is COMPLETELY untrue. Your husband never tried to use any of his power.
Court documents say otherwise.
Post them. I'm a lawyer, I'll tell you what they really say.
You are not or you’d know nothing happens to moms
I absolutely am, that's how I know you're full of crap. Dads who want time with their kids, get it. And any divorce lawyer in the US will tell you that.
Yes, they can get court-ordered time, the problem, and clearly, you aren't getting it, is that if MOM refuses the court-ordered time, there are no consequences and that time is not legally enforced. He had holidays, summers, and weekly phone calls... the order wasn't the issue. Every time he bought the plane tickets that they both agreed on in terms of dates, times, and airports, she'd not put them on the plane. Every time he'd call, she's refuse to let the kids talk to him. She'd refuse to give him their cell phone numbers. She'd refuse the cell phone he got them. Every time he went to court, he'd get a one day visit while in the area ordered, and she'd refuse that too. Judge would ask her to reimburse him for the extra fees/plane tickets and she never would.
There is no accountability for this stuff.
See, again, for you, it's all about the money. Not the time. Why didn't he fly there to pick them up and call the cops when she wouldn't hand them over? That's what my clients have done when the situation was that contentious. Of course that sucks for the dads. But the ones who love their kids do it.
I'm so glad there is an actual lawyer telling this fool that he sold her a bill of goods. thank you
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.
You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.
Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.
The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.
You totally missed the point.
No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.
You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.
Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.
Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?
Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?
If so you’re a garbage parent and person.
You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.
So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?
did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.
Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?
I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.
In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.
OMG, has this actually happened to you or are you just speculating based on nothing? Dad can most certainly petition the court and make her move back. I had to ask permission to move 40 miles which is what is most often the case. If she moved before the divorce is finalized, the judge will not look fondly on her antics and can and probably will order her to move back so the children have access to their father. But hey, best to go on an angry tirade against mothers with no concept of the law I guess.
OMG, no it has not happened to me. I am married to my childrens father, who is retired military, so I have seen cases like this happen. Honestly, from what I have seen (but not experienced myself) is "it depends." I've seen it go in many ways, and I wasn't always privy to all factors in the situation so I can't necessarily explain why.
One thing to take into consideration is military members can deploy at ANY time. There were several times that my own husband only got a few weeks notice to deploy overseas, and one time where he literally only got 3 days notice that he was leaving.
In a situation where the service member is likely to deploy (or perhaps even already knows of an upcoming deployment) it is absurd to require the mom to stay in a strange town, with no local family/support, and exH/dad overseas for an entire year.
And then what happens when the military member has PCS orders (military moves him to a new duty station?) The courts can't force his ex wife to move with him--and it would be pretty much impossible, even if ex wife agreed to it, for overseas locations like Korea or Okinawa.
So then what the hell is your point??? Honest question? Is mom the bad guy for wanting to move to a town where she might have some support while he is deployed or do you find that acceptable? I can't tell from your posts because they contradict each other.
Calm down. There is no contradiction. I'm just explaining how things are. Many posters here seem to be making arguments on what military members and their ex spouses should/could do that are not necessarily based in reality.
DP, and you're right, it's not simple or easy when you're in the military. But that doesn't excuse the dad who never fought for his kids and stayed in the military until he got his pension. It's true that in the short-medium term the dad is going to have a hard time. But that dad just completely abandoned his kids permanently.
PP you quoted here.
Hmmm again I'd have to say "it depends." I don't know the poster you are talking about and what the specifics of their situation are. But if a military member already has 16-17 years in, it would be foolish to just give up the retirement.
If dad has 12 years in, signs re-enlistment papers, then shortly after he and mom divorce....he still has to serve those 4 years. When he is "free" of those years, he'll only have 4 more years till retirement.
In the meantime, mom has potentially moved and remarried-and I'll tell you, more often than not, she has remarried another military member. The kids could be living with mom and her new husband on Guam. If you just get out of the military, try to go to court for custody when you now have no job (and will be spending your time "training" for a new career) and no established housing, how likely do you think it will be that a judge will rip your kids away from the mom and step dad that they have been living with the last 4 years? Away from the secure housing, DOD schools, and friends they have established?
Even if it’s within a few month you think dad can just up and move. And if new boyfriend keeps moving, dad should just quit each job and move. 12 years in is crazy to get out as you lose out on the life long benefits.
Interesting how moms generally hold all the power, can do what they want and this poster thinks the world should revolves around them and their poor choices. Mom can destroy a marriage and take away the kids and it’s fine. Dad should quit his job and follow her and yet somehow manage to work to support himself, her and the kids.
This is COMPLETELY untrue. Your husband never tried to use any of his power.
Court documents say otherwise.
Post them. I'm a lawyer, I'll tell you what they really say.
You are not or you’d know nothing happens to moms
I absolutely am, that's how I know you're full of crap. Dads who want time with their kids, get it. And any divorce lawyer in the US will tell you that.
Yes, they can get court-ordered time, the problem, and clearly, you aren't getting it, is that if MOM refuses the court-ordered time, there are no consequences and that time is not legally enforced. He had holidays, summers, and weekly phone calls... the order wasn't the issue. Every time he bought the plane tickets that they both agreed on in terms of dates, times, and airports, she'd not put them on the plane. Every time he'd call, she's refuse to let the kids talk to him. She'd refuse to give him their cell phone numbers. She'd refuse the cell phone he got them. Every time he went to court, he'd get a one day visit while in the area ordered, and she'd refuse that too. Judge would ask her to reimburse him for the extra fees/plane tickets and she never would.
There is no accountability for this stuff.
See, again, for you, it's all about the money. Not the time. Why didn't he fly there to pick them up and call the cops when she wouldn't hand them over? That's what my clients have done when the situation was that contentious. Of course that sucks for the dads. But the ones who love their kids do it.
I'm so glad there is an actual lawyer telling this fool that he sold her a bill of goods. thank you
They clearly are not a lawyer.
Says the gullible girlfriend who is blind to the fact that she is dating a deadbeat. Mkkkkaaayyyy
Anonymous wrote:18 pages later, it turns out that this general post asking a provocative question is actually about one poster's really specific experience, which they have extrapolated to all other divorces with children. These totally black and white beliefs about how things work are definitely indicators of mental health problems. That kind of rigidity and hostility is so toxic and threatening, I can totally understand why the ex and children would limit contact.
Really, so you think it's ok for a mom to cheat and withhold the kids and yet, it's always dad's fault. At what point should adults take responsibility of their actions. You always believe that Dad's are in the wrong and reality is no matter how hard they try nothing will please you. This is how you justify blocking contact from a good father.
Anonymous wrote:18 pages later, it turns out that this general post asking a provocative question is actually about one poster's really specific experience, which they have extrapolated to all other divorces with children. These totally black and white beliefs about how things work are definitely indicators of mental health problems. That kind of rigidity and hostility is so toxic and threatening, I can totally understand why the ex and children would limit contact.
Really, so you think it's ok for a mom to cheat and withhold the kids and yet, it's always dad's fault. At what point should adults take responsibility of their actions. You always believe that Dad's are in the wrong and reality is no matter how hard they try nothing will please you. This is how you justify blocking contact from a good father.
HE.WAS.NOT.A.GOOD.FATHER!!!!
How would you know? Mom was a lousy mom, wife and partner.
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.
You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.
Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.
The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.
You totally missed the point.
No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.
You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.
Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.
Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?
Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?
If so you’re a garbage parent and person.
You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.
So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?
did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.
Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?
I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.
In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.
OMG, has this actually happened to you or are you just speculating based on nothing? Dad can most certainly petition the court and make her move back. I had to ask permission to move 40 miles which is what is most often the case. If she moved before the divorce is finalized, the judge will not look fondly on her antics and can and probably will order her to move back so the children have access to their father. But hey, best to go on an angry tirade against mothers with no concept of the law I guess.
OMG, no it has not happened to me. I am married to my childrens father, who is retired military, so I have seen cases like this happen. Honestly, from what I have seen (but not experienced myself) is "it depends." I've seen it go in many ways, and I wasn't always privy to all factors in the situation so I can't necessarily explain why.
One thing to take into consideration is military members can deploy at ANY time. There were several times that my own husband only got a few weeks notice to deploy overseas, and one time where he literally only got 3 days notice that he was leaving.
In a situation where the service member is likely to deploy (or perhaps even already knows of an upcoming deployment) it is absurd to require the mom to stay in a strange town, with no local family/support, and exH/dad overseas for an entire year.
And then what happens when the military member has PCS orders (military moves him to a new duty station?) The courts can't force his ex wife to move with him--and it would be pretty much impossible, even if ex wife agreed to it, for overseas locations like Korea or Okinawa.
So then what the hell is your point??? Honest question? Is mom the bad guy for wanting to move to a town where she might have some support while he is deployed or do you find that acceptable? I can't tell from your posts because they contradict each other.
Calm down. There is no contradiction. I'm just explaining how things are. Many posters here seem to be making arguments on what military members and their ex spouses should/could do that are not necessarily based in reality.
DP, and you're right, it's not simple or easy when you're in the military. But that doesn't excuse the dad who never fought for his kids and stayed in the military until he got his pension. It's true that in the short-medium term the dad is going to have a hard time. But that dad just completely abandoned his kids permanently.
PP you quoted here.
Hmmm again I'd have to say "it depends." I don't know the poster you are talking about and what the specifics of their situation are. But if a military member already has 16-17 years in, it would be foolish to just give up the retirement.
If dad has 12 years in, signs re-enlistment papers, then shortly after he and mom divorce....he still has to serve those 4 years. When he is "free" of those years, he'll only have 4 more years till retirement.
In the meantime, mom has potentially moved and remarried-and I'll tell you, more often than not, she has remarried another military member. The kids could be living with mom and her new husband on Guam. If you just get out of the military, try to go to court for custody when you now have no job (and will be spending your time "training" for a new career) and no established housing, how likely do you think it will be that a judge will rip your kids away from the mom and step dad that they have been living with the last 4 years? Away from the secure housing, DOD schools, and friends they have established?
Even if it’s within a few month you think dad can just up and move. And if new boyfriend keeps moving, dad should just quit each job and move. 12 years in is crazy to get out as you lose out on the life long benefits.
Interesting how moms generally hold all the power, can do what they want and this poster thinks the world should revolves around them and their poor choices. Mom can destroy a marriage and take away the kids and it’s fine. Dad should quit his job and follow her and yet somehow manage to work to support himself, her and the kids.
This is COMPLETELY untrue. Your husband never tried to use any of his power.
Court documents say otherwise.
Post them. I'm a lawyer, I'll tell you what they really say.
You are not or you’d know nothing happens to moms
I absolutely am, that's how I know you're full of crap. Dads who want time with their kids, get it. And any divorce lawyer in the US will tell you that.
Yes, they can get court-ordered time, the problem, and clearly, you aren't getting it, is that if MOM refuses the court-ordered time, there are no consequences and that time is not legally enforced. He had holidays, summers, and weekly phone calls... the order wasn't the issue. Every time he bought the plane tickets that they both agreed on in terms of dates, times, and airports, she'd not put them on the plane. Every time he'd call, she's refuse to let the kids talk to him. She'd refuse to give him their cell phone numbers. She'd refuse the cell phone he got them. Every time he went to court, he'd get a one day visit while in the area ordered, and she'd refuse that too. Judge would ask her to reimburse him for the extra fees/plane tickets and she never would.
There is no accountability for this stuff.
See, again, for you, it's all about the money. Not the time. Why didn't he fly there to pick them up and call the cops when she wouldn't hand them over? That's what my clients have done when the situation was that contentious. Of course that sucks for the dads. But the ones who love their kids do it.
I'm so glad there is an actual lawyer telling this fool that he sold her a bill of goods. thank you
They clearly are not a lawyer.
Says the gullible girlfriend who is blind to the fact that she is dating a deadbeat. Mkkkkaaayyyy
He paid for everything, including her needs so how is he a deadbeat? Your posts make no sense. Mom was a deadbeat as she refused to use the child support on the kids and all the extra money he sent never went to what she requested it for.
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