Unfriendly Classmate

[Anonymous]

I actually worry about the neighbor’s girl, since so much hate toward her just because people consider she’s rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't know the situation or why the other child is like this. If she's not actively being mean to your child, let it go.

Op here… ignoring another kid when they try to talk to you IS mean. I would not be pleased if my child did that. My DD has been visibly upset about it a couple of mornings.

For context, this girl doesn’t have special needs and seems to have several friends in the grade.

Trying to force conversion from someone who obviously has anxiety is cruel. You're the mean one.
The world doesn't need to make itself uncomfortable to make you feel good everybday.

Np. You're exaggerating. If a kid has anxiety, it's the parents job to teach that child how the world actually works. And how the world works is, people say hello.

And also, I think op should tell her kid to stop saying hi to this child.

Other child is rude. OPs child is missing social cues. But OP's child isn't cruel. Try to be a little more realistic here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfriendly = mean comments, bumping as you pass, whispering, glaring, getting others involved in being mean.

Neutral = doesn’t choose to interact with your kid. NOT A CRIME.

Friendly = friendly, but guess what, still human and imperfect, so maybe some bumps on the road here and there

Does-not-exist-OP-expectation-of-friendship = absolutely perfectly friendly at all times

You must’ve missed where I’ve said multiple times that there’s no expectation of friendship

You must have missed where NEUTRAL IS WHAT THIS KID IS, not “unfriendly.”

No, ignoring someone who says hi to you really is unfeiendly. I think you're trying to make it ok by saying it's neutral. But it's not neutral, it's literally unfriendly. If someone you know and see every day says hi, and you ignore them, you are being unfriendly. You cannot unilaterally change the definition of words.

You also don't get to decide what is and isn't friendly, nor when it is or isn't a problem.

We've seen posts on here where grandparents get mad that kids won't hug them and the universal answer is that kids should have autonomy over their bodies and they get to decide whether or not they will hug someone. The grandparents would say the kid is being rude, but they're wrong.

Also, continuing to say hello to someone who has no interest in talking to you could also be considered unfriendly. If a co-worker decides they want to chat with you every morning on your ride up to the 55th floor and you decide you just want some peace and quiet - who is the unfriendly one?

I didn't create the definition of the word friendly. It is universally accepted that returning a basic nicety is "friendly."

What you MEAN to say is that you don't give a crap whether people are friendly or not. Or that you don't think people need to be friendly. But your opinion doesn't change the fact that ignoring a "hello" from the classmate you see daily is an unfriendly response, by definition of the word.

I don't know if you're the only one trying to say it's considered friendly to ignore the person who says hi to you, or are there others? But I think the discussion has really gone off the rails when people are changing word definitions in order to win an argument.

I think maybe I'm going to tell toddlers to play unsupervised in the street at rush hour because it's safe. Who are you to decide what is and isn't safe or when it is or isn't a problem? I can call it safe regardless of the meaning of the word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't know the situation or why the other child is like this. If she's not actively being mean to your child, let it go.

Op here… ignoring another kid when they try to talk to you IS mean. I would not be pleased if my child did that. My DD has been visibly upset about it a couple of mornings.

For context, this girl doesn’t have special needs and seems to have several friends in the grade.

Trying to force conversion from someone who obviously has anxiety is cruel. You're the mean one.
The world doesn't need to make itself uncomfortable to make you feel good everybday.

Np. You're exaggerating. If a kid has anxiety, it's the parents job to teach that child how the world actually works. And how the world works is, people say hello.

And also, I think op should tell her kid to stop saying hi to this child.

Other child is rude. OPs child is missing social cues. But OP's child isn't cruel. Try to be a little more realistic here.

OPs chuld isn't cruel but OP lacks any emotion maturity or perspective on the world except as to how it makes her feel. Op is a selfish jackass who had the opportunity to model empathy but is Reilly forcing being a mean b*txh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfriendly = mean comments, bumping as you pass, whispering, glaring, getting others involved in being mean.

Neutral = doesn’t choose to interact with your kid. NOT A CRIME.

Friendly = friendly, but guess what, still human and imperfect, so maybe some bumps on the road here and there

Does-not-exist-OP-expectation-of-friendship = absolutely perfectly friendly at all times

You must’ve missed where I’ve said multiple times that there’s no expectation of friendship

You must have missed where NEUTRAL IS WHAT THIS KID IS, not “unfriendly.”

No, ignoring someone who says hi to you really is unfeiendly. I think you're trying to make it ok by saying it's neutral. But it's not neutral, it's literally unfriendly. If someone you know and see every day says hi, and you ignore them, you are being unfriendly. You cannot unilaterally change the definition of words.

You also don't get to decide what is and isn't friendly, nor when it is or isn't a problem.

We've seen posts on here where grandparents get mad that kids won't hug them and the universal answer is that kids should have autonomy over their bodies and they get to decide whether or not they will hug someone. The grandparents would say the kid is being rude, but they're wrong.

Also, continuing to say hello to someone who has no interest in talking to you could also be considered unfriendly. If a co-worker decides they want to chat with you every morning on your ride up to the 55th floor and you decide you just want some peace and quiet - who is the unfriendly one?

I didn't create the definition of the word friendly. It is universally accepted that returning a basic nicety is "friendly."

What you MEAN to say is that you don't give a crap whether people are friendly or not. Or that you don't think people need to be friendly. But your opinion doesn't change the fact that ignoring a "hello" from the classmate you see daily is an unfriendly response, by definition of the word.

I don't know if you're the only one trying to say it's considered friendly to ignore the person who says hi to you, or are there others? But I think the discussion has really gone off the rails when people are changing word definitions in order to win an argument.

I think maybe I'm going to tell toddlers to play unsupervised in the street at rush hour because it's safe. Who are you to decide what is and isn't safe or when it is or isn't a problem? I can call it safe regardless of the meaning of the word.

I'm not the pp you quoted but I absolutely agree with her. It's a tell of your own personality that you think young children need to be forced to make other people feel comfortable even if that makes them hurt.

I'm sure you read the last sentence, rolled your eyes and thought "hurt? Oh stop exaggerating!" Thats because you lack empathy. People who lack empathy are mean. I didn't invent the word. We can't go around changing definitions. When you lack empathy, you're mean. Period.

And by the way, when half of your argument relies on strawman and other fallacies, most rational people think you're wrong.

[Anonymous]

This thread is explaining so much.

For the last few years I've really wondered what the deal is. So many people just do not perform BASIC social niceties. They do not nod or smile or say hello when they pass a neighbor on the street. They don't greet other parents at school. People do not introduce themselves. They do not make eye contact when they talk to you. They don't say hi to the cashier or the bus driver. They don't say "excuse me" if they bump into people on the street.

It's not every single person but it's a shocking number of people. Just like... normal social behavior. Not burdensome. I think it's honestly harder to behave this way than to just say hi to people and try to learn their names, put names with faces. I don't think of myself as a particularly social person -- I prefer spending my evenings and weekends at home or with my immediate family, I like sitting and reading alone, I don't linger to chat at school events. But I look at people, greet them, learn names.

The pretzels people are twisting themselves into justify what is basically anti-social behavior. It's okay that an 8 year old doesn't have this down yet -- I'm not mad at this girl for not saying hi. But people are comparing saying hello to someone to unwanted hugs. I'm a rape survivor and am extremely well versed in the concept of "a culture of consent." But this... is not it. You guys are just justifying being rude. That's it. The world would be nice for you and easier for everyone if we just agree to do these bare minimum things. Your social anxiety would actually decrease if you practiced doing these things and committed to making this effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is explaining so much.

For the last few years I've really wondered what the deal is. So many people just do not perform BASIC social niceties. They do not nod or smile or say hello when they pass a neighbor on the street. They don't greet other parents at school. People do not introduce themselves. They do not make eye contact when they talk to you. They don't say hi to the cashier or the bus driver. They don't say "excuse me" if they bump into people on the street.

It's not every single person but it's a shocking number of people. Just like... normal social behavior. Not burdensome. I think it's honestly harder to behave this way than to just say hi to people and try to learn their names, put names with faces. I don't think of myself as a particularly social person -- I prefer spending my evenings and weekends at home or with my immediate family, I like sitting and reading alone, I don't linger to chat at school events. But I look at people, greet them, learn names.

The pretzels people are twisting themselves into justify what is basically anti-social behavior. It's okay that an 8 year old doesn't have this down yet -- I'm not mad at this girl for not saying hi. But people are comparing saying hello to someone to unwanted hugs. I'm a rape survivor and am extremely well versed in the concept of "a culture of consent." But this... is not it. You guys are just justifying being rude. That's it. The world would be nice for you and easier for everyone if we just agree to do these bare minimum things. Your social anxiety would actually decrease if you practiced doing these things and committed to making this effort.

Alot of unnecessary words. Just say "I don't care how other people feel. I just want everyone to put my needs first. Make me feel good!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfriendly = mean comments, bumping as you pass, whispering, glaring, getting others involved in being mean.

Neutral = doesn’t choose to interact with your kid. NOT A CRIME.

Friendly = friendly, but guess what, still human and imperfect, so maybe some bumps on the road here and there

Does-not-exist-OP-expectation-of-friendship = absolutely perfectly friendly at all times

You must’ve missed where I’ve said multiple times that there’s no expectation of friendship

You must have missed where NEUTRAL IS WHAT THIS KID IS, not “unfriendly.”

No, ignoring someone who says hi to you really is unfeiendly. I think you're trying to make it ok by saying it's neutral. But it's not neutral, it's literally unfriendly. If someone you know and see every day says hi, and you ignore them, you are being unfriendly. You cannot unilaterally change the definition of words.

You also don't get to decide what is and isn't friendly, nor when it is or isn't a problem.

We've seen posts on here where grandparents get mad that kids won't hug them and the universal answer is that kids should have autonomy over their bodies and they get to decide whether or not they will hug someone. The grandparents would say the kid is being rude, but they're wrong.

Also, continuing to say hello to someone who has no interest in talking to you could also be considered unfriendly. If a co-worker decides they want to chat with you every morning on your ride up to the 55th floor and you decide you just want some peace and quiet - who is the unfriendly one?

I didn't create the definition of the word friendly. It is universally accepted that returning a basic nicety is "friendly."

What you MEAN to say is that you don't give a crap whether people are friendly or not. Or that you don't think people need to be friendly. But your opinion doesn't change the fact that ignoring a "hello" from the classmate you see daily is an unfriendly response, by definition of the word.

I don't know if you're the only one trying to say it's considered friendly to ignore the person who says hi to you, or are there others? But I think the discussion has really gone off the rails when people are changing word definitions in order to win an argument.

I think maybe I'm going to tell toddlers to play unsupervised in the street at rush hour because it's safe. Who are you to decide what is and isn't safe or when it is or isn't a problem? I can call it safe regardless of the meaning of the word.

I'm not the pp you quoted but I absolutely agree with her. It's a tell of your own personality that you think young children need to be forced to make other people feel comfortable even if that makes them hurt.

I'm sure you read the last sentence, rolled your eyes and thought "hurt? Oh stop exaggerating!" Thats because you lack empathy. People who lack empathy are mean. I didn't invent the word. We can't go around changing definitions. When you lack empathy, you're mean. Period.

And by the way, when half of your argument relies on strawman and other fallacies, most rational people think you're wrong.

Where did I say that? I said the other child is not being friendly. I didn't say I think she should be forced to do anything. It's not mean or unempathetic to point out that it's unfriendly to ignore someone when they say hi. Ignoring a daily acquaintance is unfriendly. The child is being unfriendly. Accept it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is explaining so much.

For the last few years I've really wondered what the deal is. So many people just do not perform BASIC social niceties. They do not nod or smile or say hello when they pass a neighbor on the street. They don't greet other parents at school. People do not introduce themselves. They do not make eye contact when they talk to you. They don't say hi to the cashier or the bus driver. They don't say "excuse me" if they bump into people on the street.

It's not every single person but it's a shocking number of people. Just like... normal social behavior. Not burdensome. I think it's honestly harder to behave this way than to just say hi to people and try to learn their names, put names with faces. I don't think of myself as a particularly social person -- I prefer spending my evenings and weekends at home or with my immediate family, I like sitting and reading alone, I don't linger to chat at school events. But I look at people, greet them, learn names.

The pretzels people are twisting themselves into justify what is basically anti-social behavior. It's okay that an 8 year old doesn't have this down yet -- I'm not mad at this girl for not saying hi. But people are comparing saying hello to someone to unwanted hugs. I'm a rape survivor and am extremely well versed in the concept of "a culture of consent." But this... is not it. You guys are just justifying being rude. That's it. The world would be nice for you and easier for everyone if we just agree to do these bare minimum things. Your social anxiety would actually decrease if you practiced doing these things and committed to making this effort.

Alot of unnecessary words. Just say "I don't care how other people feel. I just want everyone to put my needs first. Make me feel good!"

That's not even remotely what I said. Stay mad, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s a girl at DD’s bus stop (they usually are the only ones there in the morning) and they are in the same grade. They are 8 turning 9 and this girl will not even acknowledge my daughter. At first I chalked it up to her being a little shy and my DD is a bit more outgoing.

But as the year goes on, the more I get annoyed by it. I’ve seen my DD wave hi, say good morning and this girl straight up ignores her. She stands at the top of her driveway, while my DD stands on the curb. It’s starting to make my DD feel uncomfortable. She keeps saying “Larla just doesn’t like me”

My question is… the mom of this girl is VERY vocal about kids not being friendly/kind/etc in our grade. It’s a frequent topic of hers… the hypocrisy is starting to grate on me. Would you say something the next time she brings this up?

Your daughter has been waving at a girl who ignores her.for years and you think the other child has a problem? Wow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s a girl at DD’s bus stop (they usually are the only ones there in the morning) and they are in the same grade. They are 8 turning 9 and this girl will not even acknowledge my daughter. At first I chalked it up to her being a little shy and my DD is a bit more outgoing.

But as the year goes on, the more I get annoyed by it. I’ve seen my DD wave hi, say good morning and this girl straight up ignores her. She stands at the top of her driveway, while my DD stands on the curb. It’s starting to make my DD feel uncomfortable. She keeps saying “Larla just doesn’t like me”

My question is… the mom of this girl is VERY vocal about kids not being friendly/kind/etc in our grade. It’s a frequent topic of hers… the hypocrisy is starting to grate on me. Would you say something the next time she brings this up?

Your daughter has been waving at a girl who ignores her.for years and you think the other child has a problem? Wow

Time to work on your reading comprehension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is explaining so much.

For the last few years I've really wondered what the deal is. So many people just do not perform BASIC social niceties. They do not nod or smile or say hello when they pass a neighbor on the street. They don't greet other parents at school. People do not introduce themselves. They do not make eye contact when they talk to you. They don't say hi to the cashier or the bus driver. They don't say "excuse me" if they bump into people on the street.

It's not every single person but it's a shocking number of people. Just like... normal social behavior. Not burdensome. I think it's honestly harder to behave this way than to just say hi to people and try to learn their names, put names with faces. I don't think of myself as a particularly social person -- I prefer spending my evenings and weekends at home or with my immediate family, I like sitting and reading alone, I don't linger to chat at school events. But I look at people, greet them, learn names.

The pretzels people are twisting themselves into justify what is basically anti-social behavior. It's okay that an 8 year old doesn't have this down yet -- I'm not mad at this girl for not saying hi. But people are comparing saying hello to someone to unwanted hugs. I'm a rape survivor and am extremely well versed in the concept of "a culture of consent." But this... is not it. You guys are just justifying being rude. That's it. The world would be nice for you and easier for everyone if we just agree to do these bare minimum things. Your social anxiety would actually decrease if you practiced doing these things and committed to making this effort.

Alot of unnecessary words. Just say "I don't care how other people feel. I just want everyone to put my needs first. Make me feel good!"

I'm not the person you're responding to but wow you have a very different view of the world than those of who understand basic human interaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfriendly = mean comments, bumping as you pass, whispering, glaring, getting others involved in being mean.

Neutral = doesn’t choose to interact with your kid. NOT A CRIME.

Friendly = friendly, but guess what, still human and imperfect, so maybe some bumps on the road here and there

Does-not-exist-OP-expectation-of-friendship = absolutely perfectly friendly at all times

You must’ve missed where I’ve said multiple times that there’s no expectation of friendship

You must have missed where NEUTRAL IS WHAT THIS KID IS, not “unfriendly.”

No, ignoring someone who says hi to you really is unfeiendly. I think you're trying to make it ok by saying it's neutral. But it's not neutral, it's literally unfriendly. If someone you know and see every day says hi, and you ignore them, you are being unfriendly. You cannot unilaterally change the definition of words.

You also don't get to decide what is and isn't friendly, nor when it is or isn't a problem.

We've seen posts on here where grandparents get mad that kids won't hug them and the universal answer is that kids should have autonomy over their bodies and they get to decide whether or not they will hug someone. The grandparents would say the kid is being rude, but they're wrong.

Also, continuing to say hello to someone who has no interest in talking to you could also be considered unfriendly. If a co-worker decides they want to chat with you every morning on your ride up to the 55th floor and you decide you just want some peace and quiet - who is the unfriendly one?

I didn't create the definition of the word friendly. It is universally accepted that returning a basic nicety is "friendly."

What you MEAN to say is that you don't give a crap whether people are friendly or not. Or that you don't think people need to be friendly. But your opinion doesn't change the fact that ignoring a "hello" from the classmate you see daily is an unfriendly response, by definition of the word.

I don't know if you're the only one trying to say it's considered friendly to ignore the person who says hi to you, or are there others? But I think the discussion has really gone off the rails when people are changing word definitions in order to win an argument.

I think maybe I'm going to tell toddlers to play unsupervised in the street at rush hour because it's safe. Who are you to decide what is and isn't safe or when it is or isn't a problem? I can call it safe regardless of the meaning of the word.

I'm not the pp you quoted but I absolutely agree with her. It's a tell of your own personality that you think young children need to be forced to make other people feel comfortable even if that makes them hurt.

I'm sure you read the last sentence, rolled your eyes and thought "hurt? Oh stop exaggerating!" Thats because you lack empathy. People who lack empathy are mean. I didn't invent the word. We can't go around changing definitions. When you lack empathy, you're mean. Period.

And by the way, when half of your argument relies on strawman and other fallacies, most rational people think you're wrong.

Where did I say that? I said the other child is not being friendly. I didn't say I think she should be forced to do anything. It's not mean or unempathetic to point out that it's unfriendly to ignore someone when they say hi. Ignoring a daily acquaintance is unfriendly. The child is being unfriendly. Accept it.

Sounds like the neighbor's daughter has it figured out.
It's called minding your own business. You should try it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unfriendly = mean comments, bumping as you pass, whispering, glaring, getting others involved in being mean.

Neutral = doesn’t choose to interact with your kid. NOT A CRIME.

Friendly = friendly, but guess what, still human and imperfect, so maybe some bumps on the road here and there

Does-not-exist-OP-expectation-of-friendship = absolutely perfectly friendly at all times

You must’ve missed where I’ve said multiple times that there’s no expectation of friendship

You must have missed where NEUTRAL IS WHAT THIS KID IS, not “unfriendly.”

No, ignoring someone who says hi to you really is unfeiendly. I think you're trying to make it ok by saying it's neutral. But it's not neutral, it's literally unfriendly. If someone you know and see every day says hi, and you ignore them, you are being unfriendly. You cannot unilaterally change the definition of words.

This. Some of these posters should read up on the psychological effects of the silent treatment. Ignoring someone is a form of rejection and is how many people express anger or resentment. It's considered dysfunctional.

I'm not saying that means the 8 yr old should be forced to say hi to anyone, these kids are young and still learning, just saying that the idea that refusing to say hi to someone who has greeted you could be seen as a "neutral" behavior is not an argument that most psychologists would agree with. It is a hurtful behavior and it's normal for OP's DD to feel hurt by it. I get what people are saying about learning not to care -- I agree people do need to learn not to take it personally. But silent treatment is a dysfunctional behavior and being hurt by the silent treatment is a normal reaction.

Oh my god, one neighbor not saying hi once a day is not “the silent treatment”. You are so melodramatic!,

Someone refusing to acknowledge you every day is definitionally the silent treatment, I don't know what you are talking about. I don't think I'm being dramatic or melodramatic, just noting that feelings of rejection when someone ignores you are normal.

Lady, the studies about the psychological effects of the silent treatment are not talking about one kid not saying hi back to another one at the bus stop. Come on.

If it happens once or twice, agree. If it is every day and is intentional, yes, it is the silent treatment.

"The silent treatment refers to the act of intentionally withdrawing from an interaction, refusing to engage further, and shutting the other person out for extended periods of time. When this happens, the person on the receiving end feels invisible, like they don’t matter. Although there are many reasons someone might use the silent treatment, it often has negative consequences and can become abusive."

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/silent-treatment/

But when I mentioned the silent treatment, I wasn't even saying "this falls within the technical definition." I mentioned it because it explains why something like this would cause anxiety in OP's DD, and why OP would feel it was rude. Being ignored makes people feel worthless.

You sound crazier and crazier every time you post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is explaining so much.

For the last few years I've really wondered what the deal is. So many people just do not perform BASIC social niceties. They do not nod or smile or say hello when they pass a neighbor on the street. They don't greet other parents at school. People do not introduce themselves. They do not make eye contact when they talk to you. They don't say hi to the cashier or the bus driver. They don't say "excuse me" if they bump into people on the street.

It's not every single person but it's a shocking number of people. Just like... normal social behavior. Not burdensome. I think it's honestly harder to behave this way than to just say hi to people and try to learn their names, put names with faces. I don't think of myself as a particularly social person -- I prefer spending my evenings and weekends at home or with my immediate family, I like sitting and reading alone, I don't linger to chat at school events. But I look at people, greet them, learn names.

The pretzels people are twisting themselves into justify what is basically anti-social behavior. It's okay that an 8 year old doesn't have this down yet -- I'm not mad at this girl for not saying hi. But people are comparing saying hello to someone to unwanted hugs. I'm a rape survivor and am extremely well versed in the concept of "a culture of consent." But this... is not it. You guys are just justifying being rude. That's it. The world would be nice for you and easier for everyone if we just agree to do these bare minimum things. Your social anxiety would actually decrease if you practiced doing these things and committed to making this effort.

Has it ever occurred to you that societal norms (yes, even including what you are calling "social niceties") change over time?

This is not 1950, Marge, we don't say hi to everyone we see walking down the street. Sorrynotsorry. It's 2023, the world is different.