Friends who cannot seem to get away - what gives?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why is putting kids to bed sooo stressful? Really. "Go to bed".

You must be trolling, or you have very compliant--or older--kids.

NP. My kids have gone to bed well and STTN in their own room since 7 months for youngest, 9 months for oldest. We have a routine, we stick to the routine, and they go to bed nicely and stay in bed. Regardless of whether both parents, one parent or a babysitter or grandparent is doing the routine. So…yeah. If bedtime is a major problem, fix it. There are many guides and resources for parents who need help in this area.

I mean, mine do this too but bedtime isn’t “go to bed.” It still involves a fair amount of wrangling - bath, into pajamas, books, etc. If you have an infant and a toddler, or two toddlers, you aren’t saying “go to bed” and heading out the door.

Yeah, no one said otherwise. The point is YOUR SPOUSE does the wrangling while you enjoy a well-deserved night out. If one parent can’t handle bedtime, you either have kids with behavioral problems, or at least one completely inept parent. Again: resources abound, fix it.

Please never give a new mom advice again.

Hey, if head in the sand works for you…

Compassion and empathy serve me pretty well. Sometimes less direction, more listening is what’s needed.

+1.

I don't think any parent speaking only from their own experience with their kids plus their observations from a distance of their friends' kids is in a position to declare that "resources abound, fix it". Unless you are in a job or a role where you are directly observing lots and lots of kids/families (sleep consultant, etc.), you have no clue whether what worked for you worked because of you/your kids or because it is universal solution. To pretend you do is obnoxious.

All that said, there are obviously some parents who give up too soon and accept bad habits that could be cured. The problem is that, without knowing the specific family/kid, it is impossible for us internet strangers to say what is wrong with OP's friends.

[Anonymous]

Why would I want to waste a precious night away from my kids to hang out with a “friend” who is dismissive of the challenges of having small kids, judges me for struggling at all, and says crap like “resources abound, fix it.”

No thank you. I will save my nights off for dates with my husband or good friends who get why these nights are few and far between these days. And I’m always happy to host a friend at my place for drinks or dinner or whatever if she doesn’t mind coming over at 8 (after bedtime) and leaving by 10:30 (when I will pass out).