Friends who cannot seem to get away - what gives?

[Anonymous]

This may be an unpopular post. I am not trying to be incendiary. But this has been burning my curiosity for a while, so here we go -- I truly want to understand.

I have a couple of friends who cannot seem to go out at night. They want to get together and text often and try to make plans during the day if they're working at home and kids are at daycare. But they cannot get out at night because it means leaving their kids home with their husband during dinner and bath.

I am genuinely curious: Why can't you leave your kids at home? Can't your spouse feed them and bathe them? What happens between the hours of 6-10 that is sacred? Why won't you give yourself a break? It is straining a few friendships with women who seem tethered to a routine that stifles them. Why?

[Anonymous]

They can't admit that if they come home at 10PM their toddler will be running around the living room on a sugar high with no clothes on and a full diaper while the husband has his feet up watching whatever game is on.

[Anonymous]

For me - if I’m already away from my kids for work, it’s hard to take even more time away otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They can't admit that if they come home at 10PM their toddler will be running around the living room on a sugar high with no clothes on and a full diaper while the husband has his feet up watching whatever game is on.

Seriously?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me - if I’m already away from my kids for work, it’s hard to take even more time away otherwise.

I get that -- but once every few weeks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For me - if I’m already away from my kids for work, it’s hard to take even more time away otherwise.

I get that -- but once every few weeks?

I’m not sure how old your friends’ kids are. Of course it got easier as my kids got older. This is the infant & toddlers board, and yes, it was hard for me then. If they work and then are gone 6-10 they’re giving up most of their time with their child that day.

[Anonymous]

I don’t want to. Simple. I could.

[Anonymous]

Some friends are worth evening visits. Some aren’t. Some plans are worth, it, some aren’t. I am an introvert who prefers being home in the evenings and going to bed early. It has nothing to do with my husband’s parenting skills or me not being able to be away with my kids.

I have a very social group at work, and we have long lunches and one-drink-at-4 bar trips and that’s enough for me. But I will make plans with friends in the evenings on occasion. I go on girls trips sometimes. But I like early bedtimes, TBH.

[Anonymous]

They just don’t want to for whatever reason. Why do you need those hours vs the daytime hours offered?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t want to. Simple. I could.

Do you not have long-term friendships?

[Anonymous]

Depends a A LOT on ages. We have two under two and are drowning. It takes both of us to get dinner together, keep both kids same, and do bedtimes.

Once the youngest is 4-6 months old, I’m confident I’ll be ready for a night out! But until then, sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They just don’t want to for whatever reason. Why do you need those hours vs the daytime hours offered?

Because daytime hours are work hours for most people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some friends are worth evening visits. Some aren’t. Some plans are worth, it, some aren’t. I am an introvert who prefers being home in the evenings and going to bed early. It has nothing to do with my husband’s parenting skills or me not being able to be away with my kids.

I have a very social group at work, and we have long lunches and one-drink-at-4 bar trips and that’s enough for me. But I will make plans with friends in the evenings on occasion. I go on girls trips sometimes. But I like early bedtimes, TBH.

"Worth" evening visits? Oh, yeeesh.

[Anonymous]

Because my kids don’t really like their father, he barely interacts with them. They would absolutely melt down if I left them alone with him in the evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because my kids don’t really like their father, he barely interacts with them. They would absolutely melt down if I left them alone with him in the evening.

I am so sorry. That seems horrid.