What is women’s obsession with “well-educated” men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kind of a tangent, but this thread has me wondering how common it is for people to sort of regress in their educational qualities. I know some people who seemed smart and curious in college who now seem dumb as stumps. They don't seem to spend a lot of time thinking anymore, aren't curious, don't seem to read much, aren't particularly witty, etc. It's like they got of school and just started plodding along from day to day in a narrowly focused career.

This is true. I suppose if your job is not intellectually stimulating and you don't have time for stimulating pursuits outside of work, commutes, kids, and home maintenance, I can see how this happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin-off of another thread where a late 30s woman was asking how to meet men, and of course mentions the “well-educated” criterion multiple times.

I just don’t get this. And I should preface this by saying I’m a guy with an Ivy degree. But would you ladies not consider someone who owns his own construction business or a few Subway franchises and earns $150,000 per year? (Or we could make it 15 Subway franchises and an income of $600,000 if that is your requirement.) This is not about income – that part I understand.

But why the obsession with “well-educated” men? Do you not understand that for many people, going to college/graduate school is a terrible life decision? I mean, there was a recent article about NYU film grads coming out of the Master’s program with $30,000/year jobs and $250,000 in debt. Surely women in their late 30s recognize that the dating market is not skewed in their favor. Why add yet *another* filter that further winnows down your available options?

Education is a proxy for intelligence for many people it seems. Maybe they just want to spice up their gene pool?

[Anonymous]

If she’s looking for someone to have children with, not just hang out with, it matters.

So much of the parenting experience in high school is about college. If my husband didn’t understand that we needed to do tours, possibly reach out within our alumni network (or he himself doesn’t have an alumni network…), help with applications etc. that just means that more is the work is on me. I chose my husband looking for a partner, not just a date.

Also, this is a small sample size but I have found men to be INCREDIBLY defensive about education. Men who don’t go to the Ivies put them down, belittle people who go there to an extent I’ve never heard anyone from the Ivies degrade someone who hasn’t (though they do degrade the other Ivies). I don’t want my kids hearing how REAL education means ________ and thereby learning to diminish their mothers accomplishments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin-off of another thread where a late 30s woman was asking how to meet men, and of course mentions the “well-educated” criterion multiple times.

I just don’t get this. And I should preface this by saying I’m a guy with an Ivy degree. But would you ladies not consider someone who owns his own construction business or a few Subway franchises and earns $150,000 per year? (Or we could make it 15 Subway franchises and an income of $600,000 if that is your requirement.) This is not about income – that part I understand.

But why the obsession with “well-educated” men? Do you not understand that for many people, going to college/graduate school is a terrible life decision? I mean, there was a recent article about NYU film grads coming out of the Master’s program with $30,000/year jobs and $250,000 in debt. Surely women in their late 30s recognize that the dating market is not skewed in their favor. Why add yet *another* filter that further winnows down your available options?

Education is a proxy for intelligence for many people it seems. Maybe they just want to spice up their gene pool?

Education and gene pool don’t travel together. The least educated immigrant from a poor family might give birth to the next Einstein, if she can get him into school. Her genes are fine.

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy, have a PhD, currently a professor. I can relate on some level to the desire to date/marry someone well-educated. When I was a teen/early 20s I dated everyone women with GEDs to those in graduate/professional school. It was difficult to discuss many topics with the less educated women. When I told one I was considering graduate school, she thought I already "had enough education." I love to read and that certainly wasn't something the less educated women I dated shared. One made fun of me because I like to read while on the toilet!

Obviously there are well read women, intelligent. etc. without much formal education. But education is an easy screening device.

Education level probably matters less as one get older.

[Anonymous]

I don't have time to read the 18 pages of posts and this has probably been covered ad nauseum, but just in case, the answer is earning potential. Not hard to figure out.

[Anonymous]

I have no education or income requirement. I am a passionate person and yes I like smart men, but I am also smart enough to know smart men can be high school educated or have a PhD. What turns me off is general stupidity or snobbery — thinking a PhD makes you smart or not going to college makes you stupid. I have a BA and make $160k. That's not a high income in this area, but I'm great at what I do and I'm proud at what I create. I have a high IQ and I have dated men with little education to PhDs, I have dated men who earned little and men who earned very well. Those external factors made no difference in our love or quality of our relationship. Income never factored into my choice of a mate. I am happy living modestly and expect that my partner isn't materialistic either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she’s looking for someone to have children with, not just hang out with, it matters.

So much of the parenting experience in high school is about college. If my husband didn’t understand that we needed to do tours, possibly reach out within our alumni network (or he himself doesn’t have an alumni network…), help with applications etc. that just means that more is the work is on me. I chose my husband looking for a partner, not just a date.

Also, this is a small sample size but I have found men to be INCREDIBLY defensive about education. Men who don’t go to the Ivies put them down, belittle people who go there to an extent I’ve never heard anyone from the Ivies degrade someone who hasn’t (though they do degrade the other Ivies). I don’t want my kids hearing how REAL education means ________ and thereby learning to diminish their mothers accomplishments.

This. It comes down to good judgement for which you need to be able to retain and process large amounts of information. Raw CPU power is of course not the only important thing but it matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin-off of another thread where a late 30s woman was asking how to meet men, and of course mentions the “well-educated” criterion multiple times.

I just don’t get this. And I should preface this by saying I’m a guy with an Ivy degree. But would you ladies not consider someone who owns his own construction business or a few Subway franchises and earns $150,000 per year? (Or we could make it 15 Subway franchises and an income of $600,000 if that is your requirement.) This is not about income – that part I understand.

But why the obsession with “well-educated” men? Do you not understand that for many people, going to college/graduate school is a terrible life decision? I mean, there was a recent article about NYU film grads coming out of the Master’s program with $30,000/year jobs and $250,000 in debt. Surely women in their late 30s recognize that the dating market is not skewed in their favor. Why add yet *another* filter that further winnows down your available options?

Educated women seek educated men or vice versa. There is more to education than making a living.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If she’s looking for someone to have children with, not just hang out with, it matters.

So much of the parenting experience in high school is about college. If my husband didn’t understand that we needed to do tours, possibly reach out within our alumni network (or he himself doesn’t have an alumni network…), help with applications etc. that just means that more is the work is on me. I chose my husband looking for a partner, not just a date.

Also, this is a small sample size but I have found men to be INCREDIBLY defensive about education. Men who don’t go to the Ivies put them down, belittle people who go there to an extent I’ve never heard anyone from the Ivies degrade someone who hasn’t (though they do degrade the other Ivies). I don’t want my kids hearing how REAL education means ________ and thereby learning to diminish their mothers accomplishments.

Is this the 1950s? What do expect to accomplish by reaching out to your alumni network on behalf of your high school student? Either they are a legacy or they are not, either they are a legacy with a parent who donates or they are not. Your big sister from DG calling up admissions because she remembers you fondly and your kid would be a great fit isn't doing anything

[Anonymous]

Women mate economically horizontally and up, men mate horizontally and down. It isn't unique to this area or even to this country

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin-off of another thread where a late 30s woman was asking how to meet men, and of course mentions the “well-educated” criterion multiple times.

I just don’t get this. And I should preface this by saying I’m a guy with an Ivy degree. But would you ladies not consider someone who owns his own construction business or a few Subway franchises and earns $150,000 per year? (Or we could make it 15 Subway franchises and an income of $600,000 if that is your requirement.) This is not about income – that part I understand.

But why the obsession with “well-educated” men? Do you not understand that for many people, going to college/graduate school is a terrible life decision? I mean, there was a recent article about NYU film grads coming out of the Master’s program with $30,000/year jobs and $250,000 in debt. Surely women in their late 30s recognize that the dating market is not skewed in their favor. Why add yet *another* filter that further winnows down your available options?

There are women who prioritize education and there are women who prioritize money. Why is it hard to understand? There are men who value blonds, there are men who value brunettes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she’s looking for someone to have children with, not just hang out with, it matters.

So much of the parenting experience in high school is about college. If my husband didn’t understand that we needed to do tours, possibly reach out within our alumni network (or he himself doesn’t have an alumni network…), help with applications etc. that just means that more is the work is on me. I chose my husband looking for a partner, not just a date.

Also, this is a small sample size but I have found men to be INCREDIBLY defensive about education. Men who don’t go to the Ivies put them down, belittle people who go there to an extent I’ve never heard anyone from the Ivies degrade someone who hasn’t (though they do degrade the other Ivies). I don’t want my kids hearing how REAL education means ________ and thereby learning to diminish their mothers accomplishments.

Is this the 1950s? What do expect to accomplish by reaching out to your alumni network on behalf of your high school student? Either they are a legacy or they are not, either they are a legacy with a parent who donates or they are not. Your big sister from DG calling up admissions because she remembers you fondly and your kid would be a great fit isn't doing anything

Are you not in any alumni associations? I’m guessing no. They hold events for prospective students, they do interview prep, they help organize meetings between students and professors they might find interesting, and they have scholarships. Between my husband and myself we are in four. Our kids can only go to one school. Helping them figure out their best fit is a value add of the alumni network.

[Anonymous]

I agree that being well-educated is probably shorthand for intelligence. I'll admit that I'm a snob when it comes to having dated smart men, and marrying one. Some people want attractive women or handsome men. I didn't care how men looked but if they had little between the ears, I was not interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree that being well-educated is probably shorthand for intelligence. I'll admit that I'm a snob when it comes to having dated smart men, and marrying one. Some people want attractive women or handsome men. I didn't care how men looked but if they had little between the ears, I was not interested.

It's a marker for lifestyle, habits, customs, culture, ways to spend your time.

Intelligence exists across many SES strata but cultures differ, and culture matters.