What is women’s obsession with “well-educated” men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin-off of another thread where a late 30s woman was asking how to meet men, and of course mentions the “well-educated” criterion multiple times.

I just don’t get this. And I should preface this by saying I’m a guy with an Ivy degree. But would you ladies not consider someone who owns his own construction business or a few Subway franchises and earns $150,000 per year? (Or we could make it 15 Subway franchises and an income of $600,000 if that is your requirement.) This is not about income – that part I understand.

But why the obsession with “well-educated” men? Do you not understand that for many people, going to college/graduate school is a terrible life decision? I mean, there was a recent article about NYU film grads coming out of the Master’s program with $30,000/year jobs and $250,000 in debt. Surely women in their late 30s recognize that the dating market is not skewed in their favor. Why add yet *another* filter that further winnows down your available options?

BC people are not dating to date, they are dating to find a life partner. Usually that means someone you can have same-level conversations with, who will understand your references, share your priorities, and want the same things for your children.

DH and I started dating in HS but knew each other for years before that. We have the same upbringing, have the same feelings about raising children, rarely argue, and have great conversations. Our morals, values, and ethics are pretty similar. That was all set by our parents before I went to college. He never went. I have a Phd. He’s an svp for a national construction firm. When we dated in HS, I was in the RMIB program and he went to Edison. He now makes 4x what I make.

I agree with the OP. A degree doesn’t mean intellectual or educated. In my case, it means I’m a good test taker and knew how to play the education game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why you are confused by this. I guess Ivy Tower and all… My sister and I are the only ones that went to college out of my cousins and aunts and uncles on one side. There is big difference between them and me. Yes, they own successful auto body shops or some do more menial labor because they weren’t as lucky, but it’s not about money. They don’t like to travel to Europe or go to museums. They prefer different activities. The restaurants they frequent are different. They don’t like to read like I do. I love them. But it’s really obtuse to not understand why some one educated would like a peer that values education.

+1

My DH works in a trade profession (so not white collar) and is an extremely down to earth person. Which I love about him! But he does have a degree from what some would consider an elite college and was valedictorian of his high school class and that was also part of what drew me to him. He is smart and interested in the world and reads a lot and likes to travel and speaks a foreign language, and all of those are things that line up with my own interests. We have lots to talk about even though we've been together for over a decade and I'm often interested to hear about what he's reading or thinking about, what his take is on current events, etc.

Meanwhile, I know people from my home town who are great people and I enjoy spending time with them. But they either didn't go to college or just eked out a degree from a local school and were never very academic. I would not have wanted to marry someone like that. I am just very intellectually engaged and curious and I think it makes sense for me to be with someone like that. It has also helped in terms of parenting because we both really value education as parents and it's really good to be on the same page in that respect.

[Anonymous]

I don’t consider getting a degree from “an Ivy” well-educated.

I think being well informed on many topics well-educated.

I like people that can compliment my weaknesses, like art and music.

[Anonymous]

I agree OP. Neither my spouse or i have degrees. We live ineastern moco, our one kid goes to a Christian private, we travel, have newish cars, can afford to take care of our pets, eat out etc…..I actually wonder the same thing about people looking for nannies. They want newborn nannies with degrees. It doesn’t take a degree to love and care for a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a spin-off of another thread where a late 30s woman was asking how to meet men, and of course mentions the “well-educated” criterion multiple times.

I just don’t get this. And I should preface this by saying I’m a guy with an Ivy degree. But would you ladies not consider someone who owns his own construction business or a few Subway franchises and earns $150,000 per year? (Or we could make it 15 Subway franchises and an income of $600,000 if that is your requirement.) This is not about income – that part I understand.

But why the obsession with “well-educated” men? Do you not understand that for many people, going to college/graduate school is a terrible life decision? I mean, there was a recent article about NYU film grads coming out of the Master’s program with $30,000/year jobs and $250,000 in debt. Surely women in their late 30s recognize that the dating market is not skewed in their favor. Why add yet *another* filter that further winnows down your available options?

BC people are not dating to date, they are dating to find a life partner. Usually that means someone you can have same-level conversations with, who will understand your references, share your priorities, and want the same things for your children.

DH and I started dating in HS but knew each other for years before that. We have the same upbringing, have the same feelings about raising children, rarely argue, and have great conversations. Our morals, values, and ethics are pretty similar. That was all set by our parents before I went to college. He never went. I have a Phd. He’s an svp for a national construction firm. When we dated in HS, I was in the RMIB program and he went to Edison. He now makes 4x what I make.

I agree with the OP. A degree doesn’t mean intellectual or educated. In my case, it means I’m a good test taker and knew how to play the education game.

. Someone who has never had to navigate the dating world as an adult shouldn't chime in on what women should be looking for.

[Anonymous]

Well-educated, like well-read, means having similar values and an interest in certain topics. And frankly the way some people flaunt their ignorance these days is a huge turn off. You don’t have to have a fancy degree to be educated but I am so over the “education is elitist” BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree OP. Neither my spouse or i have degrees. We live ineastern moco, our one kid goes to a Christian private, we travel, have newish cars, can afford to take care of our pets, eat out etc…..I actually wonder the same thing about people looking for nannies. They want newborn nannies with degrees. It doesn’t take a degree to love and care for a baby.

Another person who has no business chiming in on the discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well-educated, like well-read, means having similar values and an interest in certain topics. And frankly the way some people flaunt their ignorance these days is a huge turn off. You don’t have to have a fancy degree to be educated but I am so over the “education is elitist” BS.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Education is one of the new status symbols. Newer generations are less materialistic but not less status-seeking.

It’s not a symbol. Higher education actually DOES carry higher status.

I don’t know what distinction you think you’re making

[Anonymous]

Do you men not understand that different women have different tastes and that’s okay?

This is the most condescending crap I have read in a while, Mr. Ivy League Man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is incel-speak for “how dare women have standards.”

That's exactly what it is

[Anonymous]

It's a proxy for income. I have a PhD, and my friends from grad school make $150-400k.

I've also noticed some foreign cultures (east asian, indian) value graduate education in a man very highly.

[Anonymous]

Consider me uneducated. I have a college degree from a decent school. I no longer read the paper, watch the news, or look at online news sites. It’s all just so depressing.

People arguing about the Covid vaccine, children being shot accidentally in their front yard, people upset that Covid benefits are ending, unemployment is rising yet businesses can’t hire workers, taliban is taking over, govt threatening to shut down.

Nope would much rather watch mindless Netflix and read trashy novels

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the women on this forum are well educated and they are seeking someone like them.

This. My education has shaped my life and is part of my identity. My whole social circle is the same. Is that a "good" thing? Who's to say. But it is how it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well-educated, like well-read, means having similar values and an interest in certain topics. And frankly the way some people flaunt their ignorance these days is a huge turn off. You don’t have to have a fancy degree to be educated but I am so over the “education is elitist” BS.

This! I have a degree from a state university, and not one of the ones that impresses people. But I took school very seriously, wrote an honors thesis, took hard classes on purpose, and really loved school. I wanted a partner with a similar attitude about learning. I don't care if they went to an Ivy or have a graduate degree, but I wanted someone well-educated in the sense that, like me, they value education and went and got an education however it was available to them.