Who is wrong here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

Or just... take people as they come? I can't imagine setting a dress code for a family event in my home.

No, we’re going to continue with collared shirts and belts for holidays. No jeans, no tshirts. Church clothes for church. It’s important to me. Doesn’t have to be to you. I 100% realize how snotty this sounds, but it’s the norm for our friends, too. Someone can chose or not chose to marry into a family like this. I think my DC will be end up marrying into this someday, based on their current friend’s families.

Not only snooty but downright insufferable. I would never spend my time with people like you. Please tell people what your dress code is before they accept the invitation to anything you host, so they can decline.

[Anonymous]

Dump him. He is a loser on so many levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

Oh boy…so until you die you will lord over all with a dress code? Just no, absolutely no! White trash striver or gross southerner alert!

We enjoy dressing up but under no circumstances would DH or I or any of my adult children ever make anyone uncomfortable under or over dressing to our house. How insanely rude and ill mannered!

[Anonymous]

I think whether he was a jerk depends on what you were wearing. If you showed up to Thanksgiving at someone else’s home in sweats, pj pants, holes in jeans, a lot of cleavage, booty shorts etc then yeah, that’s inappropriate. Pull out the nice jeans, khakis, cute dress or whatever when you go to someone’s home, especially for a holiday meal. This isn’t Friday night Netflix on the couch.

Without knowing what you were wearing compared with what others were wearing it’s hard to say if he was the jerk. Actually he was he jerk for not telling you before Thanksgiving g if his family usually dresses up or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

Or just... take people as they come? I can't imagine setting a dress code for a family event in my home.

No, we’re going to continue with collared shirts and belts for holidays. No jeans, no tshirts. Church clothes for church. It’s important to me. Doesn’t have to be to you. I 100% realize how snotty this sounds, but it’s the norm for our friends, too. Someone can chose or not chose to marry into a family like this. I think my DC will be end up marrying into this someday, based on their current friend’s families.

Someone can also CHOOSE to marry into a family that's less snotty about clothing but knows how to spell.

[Anonymous]

A long talk about how you didn’t look nice? We need more info here. What were you wearing and what were they wearing? Also it’s his fault if they all dress up and he didn’t tell you.

[Anonymous]

Trash talking you behind your back? Dump this loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

Or just... take people as they come? I can't imagine setting a dress code for a family event in my home.

No, we’re going to continue with collared shirts and belts for holidays. No jeans, no tshirts. Church clothes for church. It’s important to me. Doesn’t have to be to you. I 100% realize how snotty this sounds, but it’s the norm for our friends, too. Someone can chose or not chose to marry into a family like this. I think my DC will be end up marrying into this someday, based on their current friend’s families.

DP. Not only is it snotty, you would be TA if you didn't tell her first that it was a dressy affair. If your DS didn't tell her, he's a prime A @sshole.

So you lose in either situation. Well done. Of course you assume that everyone in your circle is up with moneyed white people preppy vibe.

[Anonymous]

Wondering how your BF was dressed and
Why he didn’t advise of the dress code

Ughhh.

End the relationship

[Anonymous]

First question: did you look nice?

[Anonymous]

My family dresses up for holidays. If someone brought a boyfriend wearing a wife beater tank top and some short jean shorts, it would het talked about. I think the idea that all clothing options are appropriate in every situation is nonsense. This is why so many places now have dress codes as people have zero idea of dressing for the occasion. If you are meeting your new SOs family for the first time at a holiday dinner, you could maybe putjust a minimum of effort into choosing appropriate clothes or ask your SO what is appropriate for their family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family dresses up for holidays. If someone brought a boyfriend wearing a wife beater tank top and some short jean shorts, it would het talked about. I think the idea that all clothing options are appropriate in every situation is nonsense. This is why so many places now have dress codes as people have zero idea of dressing for the occasion. If you are meeting your new SOs family for the first time at a holiday dinner, you could maybe putjust a minimum of effort into choosing appropriate clothes or ask your SO what is appropriate for their family.

My guess is she looked totally fine and he's negging her.

[Anonymous]

DUMP. HIM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family dresses up for holidays. If someone brought a boyfriend wearing a wife beater tank top and some short jean shorts, it would het talked about. I think the idea that all clothing options are appropriate in every situation is nonsense. This is why so many places now have dress codes as people have zero idea of dressing for the occasion. If you are meeting your new SOs family for the first time at a holiday dinner, you could maybe putjust a minimum of effort into choosing appropriate clothes or ask your SO what is appropriate for their family.

My guess is she looked totally fine and he's negging her.

Yeah we still don't know what she wore! But either way, the way he approached her about it is asinine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family dresses up for holidays. If someone brought a boyfriend wearing a wife beater tank top and some short jean shorts, it would het talked about. I think the idea that all clothing options are appropriate in every situation is nonsense. This is why so many places now have dress codes as people have zero idea of dressing for the occasion. If you are meeting your new SOs family for the first time at a holiday dinner, you could maybe putjust a minimum of effort into choosing appropriate clothes or ask your SO what is appropriate for their family.

My guess is she looked totally fine and he's negging her.

This. OP said they had a "long talk" about how she didn't look nice and her family was talking sht. That's totally different from a 2 second "hey, my mom prefers people to dress up so please don't wear pajamas again, I'd be happy to take you shopping" conversation.