Who is wrong here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

If your DS wasn't a mamas boy he would tell you to stuff it.

He still might!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huge red flag.

You just had a preview of what a lifelong relationship would be with him and his family. And it won’t just be him. It will always be him and his family (just like it’s you and your family ).

+1
It matters less what she was actually wearing when the real story is that his family is telling him what she should be doing and he's going along with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

I’m a dressy person. It would never cross my mind to tell someone they aren’t well-dressed enough for my preferences. It is red flag territory, but I guess those who hold the flags don’t often realize it.

This. Your bf sounds like a controlling ahole and his family sucks. I’d run. Oh and I say this as someone from a very wealthy family who could give two sh*ts how someone dresses for Thanksgiving or a backyard picnic as long as they are happy, healthy and presentable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

If you think you have a right to dictate your son’s girlfriend’s dress wear in your house then you suck too.

[Anonymous]

My father’s family laughed for DECADES about a girlfriend he had in the 60s. Pushing the limits of a fashion that was designed to push the limits, her skirts were so short that their conservative family ended up looking at the ceiling frequently during her visits. As awkward as it was for them, they never said a word to make her uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

OP, several posters have asked what you wore. Until we know that, we don't know who is wrong. Also, did you notice you were dressed very differently from everyone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family.

“We’re a snobby, shallow family” is probably more accurate.
I’m one of those guys who tries to maintain a decent standard regarding my dress, i.e., a collared shirt (polo, Oxford, etc.) whenever leaving home, a belt even with jeans, and no t-shirts, sweats, or sneakers outside the gym unless actually running.
But that’s a standard I observe for myself, and I’d never criticize a guest’s dress.
You sound insufferable and insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: We usually dress up a bit for Thanksgiving and Christmas. If any girlfriend or boyfriend or friend came in jeans, I would welcome them and make them feel comfortable, included and appreciated.

Some of us have actual good manners. Some of us just like to play dress-up “classy.”

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event.

Dress code??
What’s next? A grooming standard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: As awkward as it was for them, they never said a word to make her uncomfortable.

+1

[Anonymous]

This past week I saw a woman dressed in skin-tight leggings that showed every contour. Very inappropriate way to dress in public, even if it's common today. A lot of people were never taught to dress appropriately for various occasions, clearly.

Nevertheless, it was rude and disrespectful of him. If he didn't think you dressed appropriately when you first met his family, he needed to break up with you. I'd break up with him over how he handled this issue. At best he is tactless. Big red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

You sound pretentious. Your poor son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

Or just... take people as they come? I can't imagine setting a dress code for a family event in my home.

No, we’re going to continue with collared shirts and belts for holidays. No jeans, no tshirts. Church clothes for church. It’s important to me. Doesn’t have to be to you. I 100% realize how snotty this sounds, but it’s the norm for our friends, too. Someone can chose or not chose to marry into a family like this. I think my DC will be end up marrying into this someday, based on their current friend’s families.

and your kids could reject this bull shite and skip your holidays. I can’t fathom judging someone’s appropriateness based on something so dumb. You are incredibly rigid about something trivial. This speaks volumes about you. I can imagine you’d be a horrible mil because of your controlling nature. Anyone this controlling on such a trivial issue has to be a nightmare to deal with day to day.

[Anonymous]

I love to dress up but would never force anyone outside my immediate family to dress up. A girfriend or boyfriend is not immediate family.

This is odd, but honestly, OP, you will never find a perfect boyfriend or perfect family. You just need to carefully assess what flaws you can live with and what flaws you cannot live with. Personally, moral character would be more important to me than whether or not people want guests to dress up for family picnics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

Or just... take people as they come? I can't imagine setting a dress code for a family event in my home.

Seriously! Those poor girlfriends.