Who is wrong here?

[Anonymous]

A long talk about how you didn’t look nice? We need more info here. What were you wearing and what were they wearing? Also it’s his fault if they all dress up and he didn’t tell you.

[Anonymous]

Trash talking you behind your back? Dump this loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

Or just... take people as they come? I can't imagine setting a dress code for a family event in my home.

No, we’re going to continue with collared shirts and belts for holidays. No jeans, no tshirts. Church clothes for church. It’s important to me. Doesn’t have to be to you. I 100% realize how snotty this sounds, but it’s the norm for our friends, too. Someone can chose or not chose to marry into a family like this. I think my DC will be end up marrying into this someday, based on their current friend’s families.

DP. Not only is it snotty, you would be TA if you didn't tell her first that it was a dressy affair. If your DS didn't tell her, he's a prime A @sshole.

So you lose in either situation. Well done. Of course you assume that everyone in your circle is up with moneyed white people preppy vibe.

[Anonymous]

Wondering how your BF was dressed and
Why he didn’t advise of the dress code

Ughhh.

End the relationship

[Anonymous]

First question: did you look nice?

[Anonymous]

My family dresses up for holidays. If someone brought a boyfriend wearing a wife beater tank top and some short jean shorts, it would het talked about. I think the idea that all clothing options are appropriate in every situation is nonsense. This is why so many places now have dress codes as people have zero idea of dressing for the occasion. If you are meeting your new SOs family for the first time at a holiday dinner, you could maybe putjust a minimum of effort into choosing appropriate clothes or ask your SO what is appropriate for their family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family dresses up for holidays. If someone brought a boyfriend wearing a wife beater tank top and some short jean shorts, it would het talked about. I think the idea that all clothing options are appropriate in every situation is nonsense. This is why so many places now have dress codes as people have zero idea of dressing for the occasion. If you are meeting your new SOs family for the first time at a holiday dinner, you could maybe putjust a minimum of effort into choosing appropriate clothes or ask your SO what is appropriate for their family.

My guess is she looked totally fine and he's negging her.

[Anonymous]

DUMP. HIM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family dresses up for holidays. If someone brought a boyfriend wearing a wife beater tank top and some short jean shorts, it would het talked about. I think the idea that all clothing options are appropriate in every situation is nonsense. This is why so many places now have dress codes as people have zero idea of dressing for the occasion. If you are meeting your new SOs family for the first time at a holiday dinner, you could maybe putjust a minimum of effort into choosing appropriate clothes or ask your SO what is appropriate for their family.

My guess is she looked totally fine and he's negging her.

Yeah we still don't know what she wore! But either way, the way he approached her about it is asinine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family dresses up for holidays. If someone brought a boyfriend wearing a wife beater tank top and some short jean shorts, it would het talked about. I think the idea that all clothing options are appropriate in every situation is nonsense. This is why so many places now have dress codes as people have zero idea of dressing for the occasion. If you are meeting your new SOs family for the first time at a holiday dinner, you could maybe putjust a minimum of effort into choosing appropriate clothes or ask your SO what is appropriate for their family.

My guess is she looked totally fine and he's negging her.

This. OP said they had a "long talk" about how she didn't look nice and her family was talking sht. That's totally different from a 2 second "hey, my mom prefers people to dress up so please don't wear pajamas again, I'd be happy to take you shopping" conversation.

[Anonymous]

Huge red flag.

You just had a preview of what a lifelong relationship would be with him and his family. And it won’t just be him. It will always be him and his family (just like it’s you and your family ).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

We usually dress up a bit for Thanksgiving and Christmas. If any girlfriend or boyfriend or friend came in jeans, I would welcome them and make them feel comfortable, included and appreciated.

Some of us have actual good manners. Some of us just like to play dress-up “classy.”

[Anonymous]

He should be your ex-boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

OP, what did you wear?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

If your DS wasn't a mamas boy he would tell you to stuff it.