Pregnant mom of four, not liking my husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together for 15 years and have four kids (11, 9, 7, and 3) and I’m currently pregnant with a surprise fifth. I still work full time and life is busy and exhausting.

Over the years he’s become really hard to be around — almost like another child. I manage his life on top of everything else, and it’s wearing me down. Deep down I still believe he’s my soulmate, which makes the disconnect confusing and painful.

My kids give me a distraction and keep me going. I’ve talk my mom, she’s the only person I have, but I don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone else, and I don’t really have friends, so I just needed somewhere anonymous to vent.

Lol

DCUM is so lame

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together for 15 years and have four kids (11, 9, 7, and 3) and I’m currently pregnant with a surprise fifth. I still work full time and life is busy and exhausting.

Over the years he’s become really hard to be around — almost like another child. I manage his life on top of everything else, and it’s wearing me down. Deep down I still believe he’s my soulmate, which makes the disconnect confusing and painful.

My kids give me a distraction and keep me going. I’ve talk my mom, she’s the only person I have, but I don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone else, and I don’t really have friends, so I just needed somewhere anonymous to vent.

I'm asking this seriously - have you ever been in therapy? I find it very odd that you have no friends and must be, what, at least 40? Were you homeschooled? If not, I assume you had friends in high school, in college (did you go to college?), in grad school, parents of your kids' friends, etc. How do you have no friends?! And you think your husband is your soul mate? That's a really childish thing to say. I adore my husband and I can't even fathom life without him and I would do anything to fight for my marriage but I don't think he's my soul mate. I think if I had lived in ID instead of VA I'd have met and married someone else. You sound very immature, I guess is what I'm getting it, which is a bit scary since you have five children.

+1

No friends? I'd get sick of my h too.

[Anonymous]

How would OP have time for friends with 4+ kids? I barely have any with 2 because I don’t like most people and I’m an introvert. I’m the primary caregiver so generally can’t meet up for dinners/drinks or on the weekend because that’s family time. It’s hard. OP’s DH is probably feeling the weight of having such a large family. It’s hard AF if you’re doing it right. He may need his own friends and alone time to be easier to be around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pregnancy is rough and feelings are amplified. This is a phase and will pass! I’d kindly encourage you to reconnect with friends - I suspect some frustration is from expecting your husband to fill some emotional needs that are really best met by girlfriends.

You also need to have married friends in particular so you can see that everyone's husbands are mostly mediocre and unpleasant.

😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s your question OP? What kind of comments are you looking for?

Just looking for reassurance. I would never leave him, don’t think I could be alone.

This was me 3.5 years ago. Surprise 5th. To small house.wFH spouse. Special needs child. We ended up moving to a new state. A lot of the anger was inertia lingering from the Covid years. But I had major ppd. Zero family support lots of tears angrily screaming “I never wanted five kids! I can’t do this!” Yea. No sugar coating it. 5 kids is very hard. My husband actually is a fantastic father though. It was just so much stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together for 15 years and have four kids (11, 9, 7, and 3) and I’m currently pregnant with a surprise fifth. I still work full time and life is busy and exhausting.

Over the years he’s become really hard to be around — almost like another child. I manage his life on top of everything else, and it’s wearing me down. Deep down I still believe he’s my soulmate, which makes the disconnect confusing and painful.

My kids give me a distraction and keep me going. I’ve talk my mom, she’s the only person I have, but I don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone else, and I don’t really have friends, so I just needed somewhere anonymous to vent.

You clearly liked him enough to get pregnant again. Talk to him.

Thats so funny you say that because in the Relationship section its very clear that even if a woman doesnt like her husband she should still be putting out because thats what marriage is and if she isnt then he has a right to cheat/divorce.

Its apparently called "withholding" if you dont have sex with your spouse, even if you dont like them.

OP stop having more kids. That's #1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together for 15 years and have four kids (11, 9, 7, and 3) and I’m currently pregnant with a surprise fifth. I still work full time and life is busy and exhausting.

Over the years he’s become really hard to be around — almost like another child. I manage his life on top of everything else, and it’s wearing me down. Deep down I still believe he’s my soulmate, which makes the disconnect confusing and painful.

My kids give me a distraction and keep me going. I’ve talk my mom, she’s the only person I have, but I don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone else, and I don’t really have friends, so I just needed somewhere anonymous to vent.

Having several young children, two jobs, a house and bills etc can make any couple dislike each other. What could we suggest, go back in time and get tubal ligation or vasectomy? In current situation all you two can do is to attend family counseling to learn how to work as a team to handle the family life you two created together. Alternative is becoming a single mom of five. I'm not trying to be mean, just giving it straight to help you understand your situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How was it a surprise?

This^. After four, there shouldn't be a room for a surprise. Get baby making parts tied and snipped in both mommy and daddy.

[Anonymous]

If you don't like talking to other humans including therapists then write your problems in a journal and ask AI for tips to make logistics better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Or they could be religious.

Islam is considered toughest religion but not a single man or woman in my family or friends would sign up for five children, no matter where they sit on religiosity spectrum. Education and economy are stricter teachers than religion. I can't imagine why any one following easier religions would agree to it, unless more orthodox or conservative beyond normal realm.

[Anonymous]

Oh boy, get help- lots. more childcare, household, outsourcing, etc. You're just stressed out- and would be with any husband.

Preserve your sanity and marriage at all costs. Throw money at it. Because EVERYTHING is cheaper than a divorce. And then get tubes tied or a vasectomy.

- severely struggling now divorced FT working mom of 4, whose husband became overwhelmed and bolted. Single motherhood sucks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Or they could be religious.

Islam is considered toughest religion but not a single man or woman in my family or friends would sign up for five children, no matter where they sit on religiosity spectrum. Education and economy are stricter teachers than religion. I can't imagine why any one following easier religions would agree to it, unless more orthodox or conservative beyond normal realm.

Catholics or Duggar-types.

[Anonymous]

Please get your tubes tied OP, or get him to have a vasectomy.

[Anonymous]

OP here.. thanks a lot for the kind words, encouragement.

We were done and four kids was our goal, but we did slip up. We have all the household help, money, or whatever else, so that isn’t the issue, I’m just annoying by him and his lack of ability to help himself, or I don’t know maybe it is pregnancy hormones.

[Anonymous]

Hi! Im your friend from SC! I have 4 kids similar ages and would love a 5th, have been considering it! I also cannot stand my husband at least half of the time. I sadly think it’s normal!

Hang in there and make sure to take good care of yourself. For us, we put the kids and husband before ourselves and get beaten down. For our husbands, they typically come first before wives and kids in their minds.

Unsure why, but this is how it seems. Marriage sucks but kids are great! Good luck girl!