Is it disrespectful to ignore the dress code?

[Anonymous]

Yes I believe that it is EXTREMELY disrespectful to wear jeans 👖 to a formal event in a ballroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good ettiquette dictates people follow the dress code. It also means that the host should do everything to make that guest feel comfortable.

As a host I would actually feel sorry for that guest - could they not pull an outfit together? - they must feel uncomfortable and out of place.... but no, I wouldn't think about it deeper than that.

+1, I would wonder if the invitation wasn't clear or they didn't have clothes. I would assume they must be embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have formal clothing.
I am very casual and wear a uniform for work.
So do you want me to come casual or do you want me to skip?
What matters more, asthetics or friendships?

[Anonymous]

Black jeans and a glittery top. Jeans and a black turtleneck channel Steve Jobs.

Next time just don't invite the poors. Kidding but very casual person you don't ever dress businesslike?

[Anonymous]

Formal means formal for me. I would rather be overdressed than underdressed.

I normally clarify what formal means to the host and I also ask other invitees what they will be wearing. There are different kinds of formal, and since I am from an immigrant culture, I also have formal and dressy outfits from my own culture

[Anonymous]

Op here, I’m throwing the party for my dad’s bday. He’s turning 80. The invitation says “cocktail attire” but the hotel is fancy so most people are planning on formal. I dont want anyone to have to go out and buy clothes but there’s lots of wiggle room between “threw on jeans” and a cocktail dress.

This person in question is 40.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't care, but I also wouldn't specify a dress code for a birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Some people believe that by not adhering to social norms like dress codes or other trivial but commonly observed norms, they are asserting their independence or whatever. These people tend to have limited thinking (aka dumb), because why else would they care about showing others they are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here, I’m throwing the party for my dad’s bday. He’s turning 80. The invitation says “cocktail attire” but the hotel is fancy so most people are planning on formal. I dont want anyone to have to go out and buy clothes but there’s lots of wiggle room between “threw on jeans” and a cocktail dress.

This person in question is 40.

It's fine. If your dad is 80 and this person is a family member or important in his life, it is more important they are there. Just put them towards the back for pictures and it's solved.

It's possible they can't afford to or don't want to buy some clothing for one night. It's also possible they want on particularly annoy you. Either way I would just ignore it and go on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adults can have huge birthday blowouts and request formal attire if they want to. That’s not the issue. Yes, it is disrespectful not to at least make an effort of adhering to the dress code. Sounds like the guest is more of a frenemy who wants to stick it to the birthday boy/girl or is a narcissist who wants to make everything about them.

When I married it was in a hotel ballroom in the evening. I didn’t have a dress code, but had relatives show up in jeans. I knew that was likely all they had to wear and it didn’t bother me that they showed up dressed like that. I wasn’t expecting them to buy new clothes for my wedding.

My friend just had a 2nd wedding. There was no dress code but it was at a winery. Most guests wore suits and cocktail dresses. The groom's ex-uncle-in-law wore an apparently brand new crisp set of denim overalls with a new solid blue shirt and cufflinks that were shaped like tools. He clearly wanted to play a character part.

[Anonymous]

You do a group picture at some point and have them in the front and make sure to post it on social media, but without any negative comments.

[Anonymous]

It would bother me as a guest to ignore the dress code.

As the host, no, because even though it's socially acceptable for a host to specify a style... I really don't think I can dictate people's clothing choices. So I would grin and bear it and assume the guest had constraints such that they could not adhere to the suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adults can have huge birthday blowouts and request formal attire if they want to. That’s not the issue. Yes, it is disrespectful not to at least make an effort of adhering to the dress code. Sounds like the guest is more of a frenemy who wants to stick it to the birthday boy/girl or is a narcissist who wants to make everything about them.

When I married it was in a hotel ballroom in the evening. I didn’t have a dress code, but had relatives show up in jeans. I knew that was likely all they had to wear and it didn’t bother me that they showed up dressed like that. I wasn’t expecting them to buy new clothes for my wedding.

My friend just had a 2nd wedding. There was no dress code but it was at a winery. Most guests wore suits and cocktail dresses. The groom's ex-uncle-in-law wore an apparently brand new crisp set of denim overalls with a new solid blue shirt and cufflinks that were shaped like tools. He clearly wanted to play a character part.

Good for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes or no?

This is for a birthday party, invites say formal. It is at 7 pm in a hotel ballroom. Guest says she doesn’t want to dress up and is just gonna wear jeans.

If you were the host, would this bother you? What would you do?

Just ignore it. There are surely more important things in life to be concerned with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have formal clothing.
I am very casual and wear a uniform for work.
So do you want me to come casual or do you want me to skip?
What matters more, asthetics or friendships?

Really, you don’t have black pants and a blouse?