Boyfriend dog sitting for ex

[Anonymous]

Much easier than dating a divorced person co-parenting kids with an ex.

[Anonymous]

I went through this once. They had not lived together. He had poor boundaries, in general, and this was just another example of that. He concealed the fact that he had been approached and agreed to dog sit by ex until I saw the dog. To me, it was not ok. But clearly he didn’t care enough about my opinion to discuss it.
Needless to say, he is an ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is the “leave the ex in the past” crowd? To me, it’d be less about the dog and more about the level of contact/“friendship”.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like an opening to discuss his relationship with her as an ex. From there you can decide if there’s anything for you to worry about

This. The cheating with her in his last relationship would be a huge red flag for me. Talk to him and figure out if it's just a nice gesture or if it's something more.

Also, this took me back 30ish years ago when I went over my boyfriend (of 2 years)'s house and there was a dog bowl in his kitchen. He had failed to mention his ex-girlfriend had been "stopping by" with her dog (!) to hang out while her father and brother did some contracting work on my boyfriend's house (I did not even realize he'd hired his ex's family; it was such a non-event to him). It was among the final straws for me of him not setting boundaries with his ex. She was newly single and clearly trying to get back with him (to me). I was paranoid (to him). We broke up, she tried to move in and pick up where they left off, and he told me I was right, but that was sad consolation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went through this once. They had not lived together. He had poor boundaries, in general, and this was just another example of that. He concealed the fact that he had been approached and agreed to dog sit by ex until I saw the dog. To me, it was not ok. But clearly he didn’t care enough about my opinion to discuss it.
Needless to say, he is an ex.

7:12 here. You said it much more succinctly than I did. Weird that so many of us have similar stories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I shared very few details. he was with her for 5 years they used to live together. I don’t know if the dog was around then. After they ended he had a new relationship and cheated with her once according to him.

Because of this history I just feel uncomfortable about it all.

Yeah. End that relationship. Seems sloppy.

OP here again. To answer earlier questions we’ve been together a year. I’m not a troll. I’m sorry I didn’t give all details up front. I was ticked off and just trying to post quickly.

This is what happens when you get in a relationship with someone who has cheated in the past. You'll never fully trust him. Not sure what advice to give you. These are the consequences of your own decisions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today I visited my boyfriend and there was a dog at his house. he says his ex needed dog sitting for the next couple of weeks.

This makes me uncomfortable. How would you approach this?

Why? Do you not like dogs? Does the dog watch while you bang? Put the dog out of the room when that happens.

[Anonymous]

OP you really need to know more about the dog. Honestly. If this was "their" dog, it's similar to a custody situation. He misses the dog.

You clearly aren't a dog person. And you haven't bothered to get to know him well enough. You don't know what this dog means to him.

If it's not "their" dog that they shared when they lived together than yes it's a huge red flag.

[Anonymous]

You’re all being ridiculous. He’s dog sitting. Which, by definition, means that the ex isn’t there. So what’s the problem?

[Anonymous]

The problem:

The guy is enmeshed enough with ex to be her dog sitter.

OP learned this by meeting dog, not receiving an honest convo/update by boyfriend.

Boyfriend has cheated with this ex in the past.

If he hasn’t reframed any of this to OP he is clearly fine with above.

I don’t know if folks ok with this are inexperienced at relationships or just obtuse, but these are all red flags of a guy with blurred lines and poor boundaries.

I once went on a first date with a guy in my early 30’s who “shared custody” of a dog with an ex-girlfriend. I noped the hell out of there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem:

The guy is enmeshed enough with ex to be her dog sitter.

OP learned this by meeting dog, not receiving an honest convo/update by boyfriend.

Boyfriend has cheated with this ex in the past.

If he hasn’t reframed any of this to OP he is clearly fine with above.

I don’t know if folks ok with this are inexperienced at relationships or just obtuse, but these are all red flags of a guy with blurred lines and poor boundaries.

I once went on a first date with a guy in my early 30’s who “shared custody” of a dog with an ex-girlfriend. I noped the hell out of there.

Okay, "enmeshed enough to be her dog sitter" is wild. Y'all leave your dogs with a stranger from Rover. It's not that deep.

The issue here is the lack of communication upfront/beforehand. "Hey, babe. Larla is going on vacation for a few weeks and she wondered if I could watch Brutus, since he's a tank, pulls on walks, and can be a bit of an ass sometimes but we get along. You good with that?" makes this a non-issue. That he didn't bother to communicate like an adult about it upfront is a red flag, as is his "oh yeah, it's Larla's dog" blasé response when caught and called out. Then you add on the bonus of "previously cheated on his rebound relationship with this particular ex" and it becomes a problem.

But none of that is about the dog. My ex took care of my dogs when I took our kid college shopping a few weekends ago. It meant nothing more than "he knows where the food is and where the poop goes and I don't have to pay him". Why would you have an issue with someone having time with a previously-shared pet without the ex around? That's controlling af.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Sorry I shared very few details. he was with her for 5 years they used to live together. I don’t know if the dog was around then. After they ended he had a new relationship and cheated with her once according to him.

Because of this history I just feel uncomfortable about it all.

Yeah. End that relationship. Seems sloppy.

OP here again. To answer earlier questions we’ve been together a year. I’m not a troll. I’m sorry I didn’t give all details up front. I was ticked off and just trying to post quickly.

You sound toxic and honestly he should break up with you for that. Your insecurity and paranoid nature are puerile and off-putting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem:

The guy is enmeshed enough with ex to be her dog sitter.

OP learned this by meeting dog, not receiving an honest convo/update by boyfriend.

Boyfriend has cheated with this ex in the past.

If he hasn’t reframed any of this to OP he is clearly fine with above.

I don’t know if folks ok with this are inexperienced at relationships or just obtuse, but these are all red flags of a guy with blurred lines and poor boundaries.

I once went on a first date with a guy in my early 30’s who “shared custody” of a dog with an ex-girlfriend. I noped the hell out of there.

Okay, "enmeshed enough to be her dog sitter" is wild. Y'all leave your dogs with a stranger from Rover. It's not that deep.

The issue here is the lack of communication upfront/beforehand. "Hey, babe. Larla is going on vacation for a few weeks and she wondered if I could watch Brutus, since he's a tank, pulls on walks, and can be a bit of an ass sometimes but we get along. You good with that?" makes this a non-issue. That he didn't bother to communicate like an adult about it upfront is a red flag, as is his "oh yeah, it's Larla's dog" blasé response when caught and called out. Then you add on the bonus of "previously cheated on his rebound relationship with this particular ex" and it becomes a problem.

But none of that is about the dog. My ex took care of my dogs when I took our kid college shopping a few weekends ago. It meant nothing more than "he knows where the food is and where the poop goes and I don't have to pay him". Why would you have an issue with someone having time with a previously-shared pet without the ex around? That's controlling af.

No, he doesn’t need to seek her permission. He can inform, but he doesn’t need to ask…

[Anonymous]

OP here with update. I woke up to a random breakup text this morning. Coincidence? I think not. Always trust your gut.

He was shady in multiple ways. He never mentioned his cheating incidence until very late in our relationship, then this dog pops up without even speaking to me about it. There were also times where he got calls from her late at night recently.

All of it is poor boundaries and crappy behavior. There’s no excuse for it, and I’m glad he dumped me because after processing it all last night I realized I was done with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with update. I woke up to a random breakup text this morning. Coincidence? I think not. Always trust your gut.

He was shady in multiple ways. He never mentioned his cheating incidence until very late in our relationship, then this dog pops up without even speaking to me about it. There were also times where he got calls from her late at night recently.

All of it is poor boundaries and crappy behavior. There’s no excuse for it, and I’m glad he dumped me because after processing it all last night I realized I was done with him.

Good, he saved you the trouble of breaking up with him. You deserve better. I don’t know you, but I’m assuming you deserve better. Go live your best life without a cheating SOB.