Best friend divorcing

[Anonymous]

How old is your friend?

If she’s in her 40’s or 50’s step one is to get her health under control. See a therapist, go to the doctor, etc. she could be going through menopause and she definitely sounds depressed.

Are any of the children still at home?

She should start planning her exit in a way that makes sense. Maybe she won’t even want to once she gets better, but there’s a lot of planning that needs to happen before she has a conversation with her husband about ending the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Mid 40s and yes two children still at home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your friend?

If she’s in her 40’s or 50’s step one is to get her health under control. See a therapist, go to the doctor, etc. she could be going through menopause and she definitely sounds depressed.

Are any of the children still at home?

She should start planning her exit in a way that makes sense. Maybe she won’t even want to once she gets better, but there’s a lot of planning that needs to happen before she has a conversation with her husband about ending the marriage.

Exactly. Perimenopause often hits people harder, who are vulnerable to anxiety and depression. My anxiety was under control until I hit peri, and then it spiraled into hell. Luckily my husband is supportive.

[Anonymous]

Your friend seems to have mental health issues and be quite selfish. She married him knowing she wasn't really in love with him, had kids knowing she wasn't in love with him, and is now having to face the consequences of her own actions and acting like this was an unexpected outcome. I realize you don't want anyone talking bad about her, but come on. She needs to get her mental health in order before she blows up her kids lives anymore by her selfish actions.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to stop being dramatic. Who likes someone who will make their life difficult in a divorce? She needs to make up her mind on whether she is going to feign being a matyr or not.

She married someone she didn't love, had a good enough life with them and now needs some drama for her midlife crisis. Please.

[Anonymous]

I think she didn’t realize what love felt like until she did and then she realized how much was missing in her life. I know that sounds crazy but it’s honest.

[Anonymous]

Just listen. Call her. Let her know you are thinking of her. But just let her talk for now.

My childhood BFF went through an ugly divorce. There were some periods when she was unrecognizably a mess. I tried to call her most days, and I listened a lot...sometimes to her saying things that didn't make a lot of sense. A few times I did intervene with advice and perspective, letting her know I was concerned about a decision she was making. But I didn't do it often, and I reserved it for big issues where it was clear she was going to go through with a decision.

This sounds like a very painful situation in which your friend is already judging herself a lot. So just be her friend right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she didn’t realize what love felt like until she did and then she realized how much was missing in her life. I know that sounds crazy but it’s honest.

So did she cheat? Or how did she realize what love felt like? Stop enabling this nonsense fantasy. She is done with her marriage. OK, and so are many many people. All this crap about love this and love that when she has no idea what love is sounds childish. As you encourage her childishness, be ready to keep being the one she will keep whining to when she is divorced and realizes that the grass is not greener on the other side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she didn’t realize what love felt like until she did and then she realized how much was missing in her life. I know that sounds crazy but it’s honest.

So did she cheat? Or how did she realize what love felt like? Stop enabling this nonsense fantasy. She is done with her marriage. OK, and so are many many people. All this crap about love this and love that when she has no idea what love is sounds childish. As you encourage her childishness, be ready to keep being the one she will keep whining to when she is divorced and realizes that the grass is not greener on the other side.

Spoken like a man that wants to keep women trapped in unhappy relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think she didn’t realize what love felt like until she did and then she realized how much was missing in her life. I know that sounds crazy but it’s honest.

So did she cheat? Or how did she realize what love felt like? Stop enabling this nonsense fantasy. She is done with her marriage. OK, and so are many many people. All this crap about love this and love that when she has no idea what love is sounds childish. As you encourage her childishness, be ready to keep being the one she will keep whining to when she is divorced and realizes that the grass is not greener on the other side.

Spoken like a man that wants to keep women trapped in unhappy relationships.

Spoken like a woman who sucks the life out of everyone by whining and always being the victim.

Hooray to her husband! He will find an adult to grow old with Let the whiny cry baby join you and OP and keep playing " Woe is me"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she may be depressed. She has lots of money to address quality of life issues.

Many people never fall in love like you see in the movies and a lot of that is hormonal and fades anyway. I think she's a bit old/the marriage is so long-term that it's not wise to divorce unless she really wants to date or otherwise really shake things up.

This divorce will affect grandparenting. That may be quite saddening.

This should be literally the last thing on her mind when divorcing

Oh really? You don't think it affects other family members? Somebody who stayed married maybe 30 years longer than they needed to for the kids, throwing in the towel?

It doesn't sound like an abusive or toxic marriage and these people are not far from retirement at C-Suite levels.

Split holidays, acrimony between adult kids, new partners, all sorts of stuff can flow from this decision.

I dont care if it "affects" other family members. Grandparents can F right off. Sounds like you're a real Karen interfering with other peoples relationships.

Actually I don't give advice to anybody in real life. I just listen to people complain about the fallout from their stalling and fractured families. I save my true thoughts for DCUM where there are zero interpersonal consequences except being called a Karen by outraged randos.

[Anonymous]

DH will likely end up with some cute young thing in her late 30s and start working on Family #2.

Your friend needs to think carefully about her options.

Why no couples counseling?

[Anonymous]

Also she needs to get a J-O-B. Just to get a little perspective about the real world. Being a SAHW and ruminating all day just doesn’t work for some people.

[Anonymous]

Do not any circumstances reach out to her!!!! Omg! You could destroy her entire life and financial security. What’s wrong with you?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not any circumstances reach out to her!!!! Omg! You could destroy her entire life and financial security. What’s wrong with you?!

Meant to say “do not reach out to HIM.”