found empty bottles of alcohol in teen's daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh, our kids bring home their left-over party supplies after every party. They usually bring them to the next party, even if the next party isn’t for several weeks. I don’t think it’s a huge cause for concern yet. But definitely talk to her - and make sure you explain why you were in there to begin with so she doesn’t think you were ‘spying.’

Meh to 16 year olds carrying around alcohol?!?! This is for sure a cause for concern.

[Anonymous]

She might have had them in her backpack from the weekend and then stashed them in her closet bc she needed to use her bag and forgot about it. I’d honestly probably not say a word for a few days and check on her stash to see if it starts diminishing in the absense of social plans - it’ll give you a better idea if she’s drinking alone

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Thanks, I'm hoping this is it but do teens bring home cans of almost empty spiked seltzer cans? (think similar to diet coke cans). No way to really close them when they are open so I would think it they would be difficult to carry around. I'm trying not to overreact and again don't have a problem with her experimenting with drinking but would want it to be in a social setting not drinking alone. Hopefully I can find out more when we talk.

No - kids do not save these. She is drinking alone.
You are right to be concerned.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She might have had them in her backpack from the weekend and then stashed them in her closet bc she needed to use her bag and forgot about it. I’d honestly probably not say a word for a few days and check on her stash to see if it starts diminishing in the absense of social plans - it’ll give you a better idea if she’s drinking alone

I honestly don’t understand these odd scenarios people are creating. She didn’t go to parties or have friends over recently according to her mother. If there was a party why would she bring empty soda bottles home with her that are either empty or almost empty? Why not rinse them out at the party house, why would she take them home? If for some reason it was her responsibility to get rid of the bottles from the party why not recycle them after washing the alcohol out.

The only logical explanation is she’s drinking in her room. This is a potentially serious issue and it’s not helpful to wait to find out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:16 year old DD is usually responsible for her own laundry and room but with APs and exam week, I figured I would help sort her room out before prom weekend. I found bottles that look like regular seltzer but filled with vodka in them and 6-8 mostly empty spiked seltzers in her storage room. I would be less upset if she had friends over recently or a party but she has not. Does this mean she is drinking alone in her room randomly? That is terrifying to me and not sure where to proceed from here. Will clearly talk to her but not sure she will be honest. I can't believe I missed signs if she has a problem. She has numerous leadership roles at school, straight As, and wakes up early to go to school for various commitments. I've had zero indications of a drinking problem. Would appreciate any advice or steps to take other than just talking to her.

Are these cans or bottles with screw on tops? If cans, and they’re “mostly empty” then she probably is drinking in her room. It’s not that easy to transport mostly empty cans since you can’t cover/reseal them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here--thanks they are empty bottles or half drunken so not supplies for a coming party. I immediately thought that they may have been leftover from a gathering but she has not had once recently and i was in her room a few weeks ago and did not see them then.

I'm going to talk to her to see what she says. We have had open communication about alcohol, I'm aware that she drinks at parties and that is fine with me but drinking alone or on a regular basis is not.

They are party supplies. Teens will take half drunken bottles to a party and continue to pour from them -- absolutely! Why would you think they wouldn't? And they keep the empty bottles to re-fill later. And it doesn't matter how long ago the last party was -- they are keeping the alcohol on hand for the the next one. Teens are NOT throwing away alcohol.

Obviously just talk to her -- but as sure as I'm sitting here, they are party supplies.

Thanks, I'm hoping this is it but do teens bring home cans of almost empty spiked seltzer cans? (think similar to diet coke cans). No way to really close them when they are open so I would think it they would be difficult to carry around. I'm trying not to overreact and again don't have a problem with her experimenting with drinking but would want it to be in a social setting not drinking alone. Hopefully I can find out more when we talk.

I just posted asking if they were cans or bottles. now that I see you clarified they are cans and not bottles I’m afraid that she is in fact drinking in her room. People don’t generally transport and save/not discard open, mostly empty cans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here--thanks they are empty bottles or half drunken so not supplies for a coming party. I immediately thought that they may have been leftover from a gathering but she has not had once recently and i was in her room a few weeks ago and did not see them then.

I'm going to talk to her to see what she says. We have had open communication about alcohol, I'm aware that she drinks at parties and that is fine with me but drinking alone or on a regular basis is not.

It is not fine for a 16 year old to be drinking. Now that you have found her stash, you understand why. I am sorry, but you are going to have to get your head out of your behind quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here--thanks they are empty bottles or half drunken so not supplies for a coming party. I immediately thought that they may have been leftover from a gathering but she has not had once recently and i was in her room a few weeks ago and did not see them then.

I'm going to talk to her to see what she says. We have had open communication about alcohol, I'm aware that she drinks at parties and that is fine with me but drinking alone or on a regular basis is not.

It is not fine for a 16 year old to be drinking. Now that you have found her stash, you understand why. I am sorry, but you are going to have to get your head out of your behind quickly.

+100

[Anonymous]

OP, given what you described you are right to be concerned she is drinking alone. It sounds like she is drinking for stress release during exams or to fall asleep. If that is not an indication of a current problem it may predict the start of one. It’s not okay, whatever these other posters say, particularly if you have any family history of addiction. You need to talk to her in a non-confrontational and compassionate way and possibly get her help
for a drinking problem that is worse than either of you want to admit. Trust your gut. There is a reason your first thought was that she is drinking alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She might have had them in her backpack from the weekend and then stashed them in her closet bc she needed to use her bag and forgot about it. I’d honestly probably not say a word for a few days and check on her stash to see if it starts diminishing in the absense of social plans - it’ll give you a better idea if she’s drinking alone

How do you even carry almost empty cans of alcohol in your backpack? That makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

I would worry that she’s filling up water bottles with vodka and taking it to school. I know that has been a problem in APS.

[Anonymous]

I have an almost 16 year old and can not fathom having the attitude you do about teen drinking, OP. This is a problem for her, clearly. You can either brush it off or deal with it. Do you want to risk ignoring that she's developing a serious, life-altering addiction just because you hope these were party supplies and don't want to upset her? There is a difference in having open communication about alcohol and condoning it, which is what it appears you are doing. You have very little time here to act, I would do it immediately. I hope you can talk to her, this should terrify you.

[Anonymous]

I was a teenager in the early 2010s and am now the guardian of 2 teenagers (my much younger siblings) - experience on both sides of this one, because I definitely drank as a teen but never alone and never at home, but as a guardian I want the kids to drink less than I did if at all. I try to be realistic & not reactionary - teen drinking will probably happen, but it should be rare enough to not be habit-forming, if it is done in ways that break the law it is essential to understand the potential consequences, and ideally don't drink around people you don't really trust (large parties are a really risky setting).

If it were me, I would find the fact that it is half-empty cans -- not bottles -- to be the most worrying factor. Those are difficult & impractical to transport once open, so I really would worry that she's drinking alone in her room. All teenage drinking is risky, but drinking alone is often considered a stronger red flag for current or developing alcoholism. Especially if she's drinking to deal with stress or to help her sleep, these would be reasons that worry me far more than if she's drinking with friends at parties because "it's fun" or it's "what people do" or similar. Realistically, neither is great... but the first set of reasons is more likely to lead to an emotional (and potentially later a physical) dependence on alcohol, which is particularly dangerous.

OP I would really advise you to do your best to have an open & non-judgmental talk with her about what is going on and why. Once you understand the situation with your DD you can select any next steps as appropriate to deal with however serious the problem is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a kid in recovery I can tell you first hand that it's not too young and kids suffering drink alone all the time. Our kid did the exact thing at the same age and it was a lot worse than we thought. It doesn't matter what their grades are, it doesn't matter if they are in sports.

Get your kid treatment and forget everything else until they are healthy. Like any addiction, they will hide it, they will blame others (it's my friends, it's from a party etc. We kept finding bottles all the time, and until we sought treatment did we finally learn about how bad it was and it got worse. Eventually they took their treatment seriously after we put up firm boundaries.

Thankfully our kid is living a sober life today and there were times when it didn't look like this was possible after multiple visits to the ER.

+1 I had a freshmen college female roommate that was an alcoholic. She drank alone, in her closet. And vodka all the time. It wasn’t partying- it was that she did it alone, daily. You never would know from her outward appearance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would worry that she’s filling up water bottles with vodka and taking it to school. I know that has been a problem in APS.

+1