5PM Wedding-MIL wants to wear a hat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it a red baseball cap? Otherwise I doubt many people will care.

Agree. For the evening, it needs to be the black on black version!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Defined by whom?

Not the PP. But defined by etiquette standards. That the standards don't matter to some people now is another issue. But it is a standard that many people still adhere to.

And, again, OP stating that it's a 5pm wedding means she is in some way thinking she is adhering to standards -- or she's using that as an excuse so MIL can't wear a hat.

Is this wedding in the south?

How many people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fiancée and I are getting married at a 5PM wedding and his mother wants to wear a hat. I don’t want her to plus it’s an evening wedding!

Who cares? It’s a hat! She can wear what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elegant hats are frequently worn to British weddings with very elegant, formal suits and dresses. She's probably seen those.

At 5pm, it isn't a formal wedding, so a hat would be fine with the semi-formal suit or dress.

Why does the time matter for whether a hat is appropriate ?

Have to say, this is a delightful thread. Of all the things to worry about.

Do you really not know?

6:00 pm is the cut-off time for hats, unless they are cocktail hats.

I thought everyone knew that.

SOOO, OP, your MIL is correct.

I can't tell if this person is being sarcastic, or if this is actually a thing. I would think hats are historically worn becuase people used to wear them all the time in church, but in some cultures women continue to wear them to church. Or because it's an outdoor wedding and sunny.
Historically, evening weddings weren't as much a thing. Morning weddings with luncheons to follow were more traditional for various religious and cultural reasons.

PP here. You're not from the South, are you?

It's absolutely a thing.

Hats are for daytime attire, defined as an event before cocktail hour, which is 6:00.

Well, no wonder the south has been a backwater for so long if it’s been worried about such nonsense for generations.

There’s etiquette and then there’s etiquette and then there’s are stupid rules that someone made up just to be a twit.

Maybe MIL has thinning hair and it’s embarrassed by her bald spots, or she sensitive to the sun, or maybe she really does want to be the center of attention — I just don’t see any upside to die on this hill.

In the era of digital photography, you will likely have 1000 wedding photos, the ones where your MIL is wearing a hat that makes you go blind the rage, don’t look at those. No one else in the world will be looking at your wedding photos, even our kids don’t care about our wedding photos

This exchange is so odd to me. You are both in agreement. Let her wear the hat. But the South insulter seems to just want to be antagonistic even in agreement. No wonder we are so divided as a country.

[Anonymous]

For everyone being pedantic about "Oh, OP, you're not very classy if you think 5pm is a formal wedding blah blah blah"...be so for real. When is the last time you saw someone wear a hat to a cocktail/formal dress-code wedding at 5pm. (And I mean in America. Don't tell me about some British wedding you went to at 10am.)

OP, I think it's incredibly weird, but whatever. Choose your battles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she British?

NP here. British people wouldn't wear a hat to a 5pm wedding (hats are for earlier in the day). The odds are, she is inspired by British wedding fashion, but she is not British.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elegant hats are frequently worn to British weddings with very elegant, formal suits and dresses. She's probably seen those.

At 5pm, it isn't a formal wedding, so a hat would be fine with the semi-formal suit or dress.

Why does the time matter for whether a hat is appropriate ?

Have to say, this is a delightful thread. Of all the things to worry about.

Do you really not know?

6:00 pm is the cut-off time for hats, unless they are cocktail hats.

I thought everyone knew that.

SOOO, OP, your MIL is correct.

I can't tell if this person is being sarcastic, or if this is actually a thing. I would think hats are historically worn becuase people used to wear them all the time in church, but in some cultures women continue to wear them to church. Or because it's an outdoor wedding and sunny.
Historically, evening weddings weren't as much a thing. Morning weddings with luncheons to follow were more traditional for various religious and cultural reasons.

PP here. You're not from the South, are you?

It's absolutely a thing.

Hats are for daytime attire, defined as an event before cocktail hour, which is 6:00.

I grew up UMC in the South. No one wears hats to a 5pm wedding. No one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Defined by whom?

Not the PP. But defined by etiquette standards. That the standards don't matter to some people now is another issue. But it is a standard that many people still adhere to.

And, again, OP stating that it's a 5pm wedding means she is in some way thinking she is adhering to standards -- or she's using that as an excuse so MIL can't wear a hat.

You're citing outdated etiquette just to prove that OP is wrong. Most weddings these days start between 4-5pm and are cocktail or formal/black-tie optional attire. When is the last time you saw someone wear a hat to a wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you don't want her to wear a hat because it will ruin the photos tell her that. Say you're worried that the hat will throw off the photos. Or wear the hat and take off for the official photos. (Though this is hard to do.)

Or does it feel that MIL wants to be the center of attention with her British-style hat?

More info, OP. Otherwise, 5pm is not an inappropriate time for a hat.

Some of you are really dredging up old etiquette. It's not about "Oh, well, Emily Post said this in 1975." Part of etiquette is about fitting in, and no one in America wears hats to evening weddings!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you don't want her to wear a hat because it will ruin the photos tell her that. Say you're worried that the hat will throw off the photos. Or wear the hat and take off for the official photos. (Though this is hard to do.)

Or does it feel that MIL wants to be the center of attention with her British-style hat?

More info, OP. Otherwise, 5pm is not an inappropriate time for a hat.

Some of you are really dredging up old etiquette. It's not about "Oh, well, Emily Post said this in 1975." Part of etiquette is about fitting in, and no one in America wears hats to evening weddings!

To be fair, Brits don't even wear hats to evening weddings. People claiming that we do are also just using it to antagonize OP.

[Anonymous]

Most brides to varying degrees get to dictate what the mother of the bride and mother of the groom wear. (And we've seen MILs complain here about the restraints some DIL have put on them. She said no blue, which is the only color I look good in! Whatever.)

If this is hugely important to OP then fiancé should say to his mom that Larla would prefer she not wear a hat. A good MIL wouldn't wear the hat and be fine with it. A bad MIL would either wear the hat anyway, or not wear it and hold it against DIL for the rest of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Elegant hats are frequently worn to British weddings with very elegant, formal suits and dresses. She's probably seen those.

At 5pm, it isn't a formal wedding, so a hat would be fine with the semi-formal suit or dress.

Why does the time matter for whether a hat is appropriate ?

Have to say, this is a delightful thread. Of all the things to worry about.

Do you really not know?

6:00 pm is the cut-off time for hats, unless they are cocktail hats.

I thought everyone knew that.

SOOO, OP, your MIL is correct.

I can't tell if this person is being sarcastic, or if this is actually a thing. I would think hats are historically worn becuase people used to wear them all the time in church, but in some cultures women continue to wear them to church. Or because it's an outdoor wedding and sunny.
Historically, evening weddings weren't as much a thing. Morning weddings with luncheons to follow were more traditional for various religious and cultural reasons.

PP here. You're not from the South, are you?

It's absolutely a thing.

Hats are for daytime attire, defined as an event before cocktail hour, which is 6:00.

I grew up UMC in the South. No one wears hats to a 5pm wedding. No one.

You of course missed the point...

[Anonymous]

It's weird. Have your fiancé tell her it's inappropriate and if she insists, just pick your battles.

The issue is not whether she wants to wear a hat, it's whether your DH-to-be has your back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you don't want her to wear a hat because it will ruin the photos tell her that. Say you're worried that the hat will throw off the photos. Or wear the hat and take off for the official photos. (Though this is hard to do.)

Or does it feel that MIL wants to be the center of attention with her British-style hat?

More info, OP. Otherwise, 5pm is not an inappropriate time for a hat.

Some of you are really dredging up old etiquette. It's not about "Oh, well, Emily Post said this in 1975." Part of etiquette is about fitting in, and no one in America wears hats to evening weddings!

All you have to do is Google and you'll see that it is still currently okay to wear a hat up at 5pm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Defined by whom?

Not the PP. But defined by etiquette standards. That the standards don't matter to some people now is another issue. But it is a standard that many people still adhere to.

And, again, OP stating that it's a 5pm wedding means she is in some way thinking she is adhering to standards -- or she's using that as an excuse so MIL can't wear a hat.

You're citing outdated etiquette just to prove that OP is wrong. Most weddings these days start between 4-5pm and are cocktail or formal/black-tie optional attire. When is the last time you saw someone wear a hat to a wedding?

Two weeks ago, at a 1:00 pm afternoon wedding. The hats were lovely.