Expectant father - go back to high stress biglaw job?

[Anonymous]

People acidly telling OP than anyone can easily live on a 300K HHI in the DMV area must have bought their family home in the before times and locked in a nice low rate or have family assistance or don’t mind a long commute to work from their faraway affordable suburb. OP, if that’s not you I believe thinking long term about your career prospects and earning potential is smart. You have to envision what kind of work life balance you want of course but you can work towards that while saving money. I’m a lawyer and have done biglaw, Fed and in house, both non profit and private sector work. As a lawyer you want to think about your long term salary potential. What would be the plan with going back to a law firm? If you are thinking about trying to make partner, then yes that is a significant commitment that would most likely mean you miss out a lot on your DCs most formative years. That was a no for me. However if you have a 2-5 year plan that will broaden your skills, expand future earning potential and give you a couple years to save as aggressively as you can for a down payment for a home, retirement and college funds then I would seriously consider that. Children are extremely expensive, public service is no longer a stable long term option and I think these times call for making strategic career choices that in the long term will increase your options even if it means a short term sacrifice.

[Anonymous]

If you can’t make it on 300k, that’s a you problem.

[Anonymous]

You’re mid 30s… what year associate would you return to biglaw as?

[Anonymous]

Honestly I would take the big law gig if I were you. The first couple years will be rough and your wife might want more flexibility, which your big law salary could afford her. Plus, tbh and maybe I will get flamed for this, babies and toddlers don't care that much if you are around. Yes you will miss the experience but if I had to choose, I would rather be around more for early elementary years than baby years.

You should leave now, save up big time your big law salary for next 3-4 years, then when govt is hiring again, take your pick of govt job if it becomes stable again. Or go in house or some other job with more flexibility. Then you will have your down payment and cushion, given your wife flexibility to stay home or part time during early years, and you will get to enjoy more family time when your kids are 4 or 5.

[Anonymous]

Chose family: that means spending time with them and being there for (both of) them. It is clear that relationships are more valuable than $.

(And better for your mental health as well)

[Anonymous]

It depends on the positions you will be asked to publicly take in the government. For the first time, like ever, big law is less soul crushing.

[Anonymous]

Ok, I guess I will play devil’s advocate and say that money is good and necessary. I have multiple kids who went to private schools due to mediocre options so have been paying tuition all along. And K-12 tuition is small compared to college. Sure, you will want time with your kids without high billable demands, but when they are all teenagers, can you afford to send them to the colleges they want to attend? Can you go to BigLaw then after being a government attorney for years with no client base?

If you’re only having 1-2 kids that you’ll
send to public schools, YMMV, and you’ll be able to save more for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice so far. I will not refer to myself as an "expectant father" again.

I should clarify that I don't work for the executive branch, hence the "relatively stable" aspect of my job. My practice area is pretty niche (not corporate) and not what most in-house place look for in an ex-biglaw attorney. But I'll keep searching. I'm gladdened to hear that others did it on far less, but I imagine buying a house in this area was easier 10-15 years ago.

20 years ago there was a housing bubble where houses were ridiculously expensive. That’s when we bought. We paid all of our bills and daycare on less than $200k. You need to get some perspective if you can’t figure it out on $300k.

As for what to do, I never regretted having work life balance and less money. We had a wonderful life and still do but the youngest is about to be off to college so life is changing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like the alternate angle above, but would otherwise go back to biglaw in a heartbeat.

Another suggestion - go in-house somewhere, either after a few years in biglaw or directly from government. I'm not knowledgeable enough to say if that's possible either way though, you didn't say which practice group you're in.

Not easy to do.

[Anonymous]

OP, I thought it was charming you referred to yourself as an expectant dad. Fathers also anticipate a big change and have stress. It doesn’t show and it is less acknowledged.

Many, not all, expectant moms have physical changes that announce what is to occur and get attention, some unwanted.

Good for you, OP, for revealing your status and reveling in it. You will be a great dad no matter which career path you pursue.

I am the mom and I was able to have flexibility and great earnings. Self-employment, timing, hard work, years f prep and luck. I know that isn’t a common path. Both the time and the money helped our child and our family have choices in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please never again say Expectant Father

Leave the guy alone.

We all know exactly what he meant.
I (a woman and a mother) took zero offense.

I respect that he is weighing this important decision, not running after maximum prestige, to shore up a fragile (and old fashioned) male ego.

He sounds like a good man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I guess I will play devil’s advocate and say that money is good and necessary. I have multiple kids who went to private schools due to mediocre options so have been paying tuition all along. And K-12 tuition is small compared to college. Sure, you will want time with your kids without high billable demands, but when they are all teenagers, can you afford to send them to the colleges they want to attend? Can you go to BigLaw then after being a government attorney for years with no client base?

If you’re only having 1-2 kids that you’ll
send to public schools, YMMV, and you’ll be able to save more for college.

Move to an area with good public schools—money problem solved (though of course, it won’t be a McMansiib). Weigh what you value thoughtfully.

[Anonymous]

Those are not the only two options? Can you go in house somewhere?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like the alternate angle above, but would otherwise go back to biglaw in a heartbeat.

Another suggestion - go in-house somewhere, either after a few years in biglaw or directly from government. I'm not knowledgeable enough to say if that's possible either way though, you didn't say which practice group you're in.

Not easy to do.

Agree, most govt isn’t really transferable to what in house needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those are not the only two options? Can you go in house somewhere?

In house might be a hard pivot depending on what his specialty is. It might not be one that in house needs.

He might be able to go to a smaller firm than biglaw though.