Expectant father - go back to high stress biglaw job?

[Anonymous]

It depends on the positions you will be asked to publicly take in the government. For the first time, like ever, big law is less soul crushing.

[Anonymous]

Ok, I guess I will play devil’s advocate and say that money is good and necessary. I have multiple kids who went to private schools due to mediocre options so have been paying tuition all along. And K-12 tuition is small compared to college. Sure, you will want time with your kids without high billable demands, but when they are all teenagers, can you afford to send them to the colleges they want to attend? Can you go to BigLaw then after being a government attorney for years with no client base?

If you’re only having 1-2 kids that you’ll
send to public schools, YMMV, and you’ll be able to save more for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice so far. I will not refer to myself as an "expectant father" again.

I should clarify that I don't work for the executive branch, hence the "relatively stable" aspect of my job. My practice area is pretty niche (not corporate) and not what most in-house place look for in an ex-biglaw attorney. But I'll keep searching. I'm gladdened to hear that others did it on far less, but I imagine buying a house in this area was easier 10-15 years ago.

20 years ago there was a housing bubble where houses were ridiculously expensive. That’s when we bought. We paid all of our bills and daycare on less than $200k. You need to get some perspective if you can’t figure it out on $300k.

As for what to do, I never regretted having work life balance and less money. We had a wonderful life and still do but the youngest is about to be off to college so life is changing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like the alternate angle above, but would otherwise go back to biglaw in a heartbeat.

Another suggestion - go in-house somewhere, either after a few years in biglaw or directly from government. I'm not knowledgeable enough to say if that's possible either way though, you didn't say which practice group you're in.

Not easy to do.

[Anonymous]

OP, I thought it was charming you referred to yourself as an expectant dad. Fathers also anticipate a big change and have stress. It doesn’t show and it is less acknowledged.

Many, not all, expectant moms have physical changes that announce what is to occur and get attention, some unwanted.

Good for you, OP, for revealing your status and reveling in it. You will be a great dad no matter which career path you pursue.

I am the mom and I was able to have flexibility and great earnings. Self-employment, timing, hard work, years f prep and luck. I know that isn’t a common path. Both the time and the money helped our child and our family have choices in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please never again say Expectant Father

Leave the guy alone.

We all know exactly what he meant.
I (a woman and a mother) took zero offense.

I respect that he is weighing this important decision, not running after maximum prestige, to shore up a fragile (and old fashioned) male ego.

He sounds like a good man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I guess I will play devil’s advocate and say that money is good and necessary. I have multiple kids who went to private schools due to mediocre options so have been paying tuition all along. And K-12 tuition is small compared to college. Sure, you will want time with your kids without high billable demands, but when they are all teenagers, can you afford to send them to the colleges they want to attend? Can you go to BigLaw then after being a government attorney for years with no client base?

If you’re only having 1-2 kids that you’ll
send to public schools, YMMV, and you’ll be able to save more for college.

Move to an area with good public schools—money problem solved (though of course, it won’t be a McMansiib). Weigh what you value thoughtfully.

[Anonymous]

Those are not the only two options? Can you go in house somewhere?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I like the alternate angle above, but would otherwise go back to biglaw in a heartbeat.

Another suggestion - go in-house somewhere, either after a few years in biglaw or directly from government. I'm not knowledgeable enough to say if that's possible either way though, you didn't say which practice group you're in.

Not easy to do.

Agree, most govt isn’t really transferable to what in house needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those are not the only two options? Can you go in house somewhere?

In house might be a hard pivot depending on what his specialty is. It might not be one that in house needs.

He might be able to go to a smaller firm than biglaw though.

[Anonymous]

Go back to biglaw. The wealth you create for your family will do a lot more for the kids long term than your being there a few extra hours a day. You will be able to afford private school, let them attend any college they want, get the best tutoring and supplementation if necessary, take them on incredible international vacations and expose them to all the world has to offer. You will still be there as a dad, you just will be working a lot more and won’t have much time for yourself and your hobbies.

I know all this because this is the path we chose and it has been worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, I guess I will play devil’s advocate and say that money is good and necessary. I have multiple kids who went to private schools due to mediocre options so have been paying tuition all along. And K-12 tuition is small compared to college. Sure, you will want time with your kids without high billable demands, but when they are all teenagers, can you afford to send them to the colleges they want to attend? Can you go to BigLaw then after being a government attorney for years with no client base?

If you’re only having 1-2 kids that you’ll
send to public schools, YMMV, and you’ll be able to save more for college.

Move to an area with good public schools—money problem solved (though of course, it won’t be a McMansiib). Weigh what you value thoughtfully.

If everyone is on board with public schools, great. Spouse was not accepting of that option. I am not talking about the most expensive elite schools but religious-based private schools, BTW. Again, this depends on how many kids you are planning to have.

[Anonymous]

You've got to bond with the baby and be around enough to feel comfortable feeding, changing diapers, handling meltdowns, and spend lots of time alone with your child. That's what you want. That's your priority. If you can do that with BL, then by all means.

[Anonymous]

At one point, we shared a nanny with a family where the DH was in biglaw. I remember him saying, regarding his infant, "I introduce myself to her every Saturday."

My husband was around to have both breakfast and dinner with our kids every day when they were young. That was priceless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please never again say Expectant Father

Leave the guy alone.

We all know exactly what he meant.
I (a woman and a mother) took zero offense.

I respect that he is weighing this important decision, not running after maximum prestige, to shore up a fragile (and old fashioned) male ego.

He sounds like a good man.

+100. Also a mom. Not sure who pissed in PPs Cheerios.