Expectant father - go back to high stress biglaw job?
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Anonymous
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Currently work a great (and relatively stable) job as a government attorney with baby on the way. Spouse works too, and our HHI is around $300K. Starting to realize we cannot afford a future mortgage, student loans, and childcare in 1-2 years.
Should I quit my job and take an offer to go back to my previous life as a biglaw lawyer? It would essentially double our HHI, but I balk at the idea of being on call virtually all the time while raising a child. Being a dad has always been my #1 priority, so you'd think it's an easy choice. But I also feel like I'll regret choosing a low-stress job and not being able to provide the nice things for my family, like a nice house and annual vacations. I'm mid-30s and feel like it will be "too late" to go back to biglaw in 2-3 years time. Someone slap some sense into me. |
Anonymous
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Wait until baby is 1 year old. Then decide. It's a hard first year for both new parents.
If you are not enjoying your current lifestyle as enough, you are probably going to have to head back to BigLaw. Kids are likely to take your wife's career trajectory off-track. Even if you don't think so, her coworkers are nice, and discrimination is illegal. Ask me how I know. So she probably will be in a worse place to do it. Alternate angle...get transferred to a region where your salary is worth more and life is calmer. Maybe near family if you can get help with raising your kids. |
Anonymous
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Is your govt attorney job pleasant and stable at the moment??? That seems unlikely.
In the “before” times I would say don’t do it but now I don’t know… |
Anonymous
| Nobody ever regrets the time they spend with their kids. You can absolutely live in a 2 bedroom condo and raise a happy and healthy child. You don't need some huge house. |
Anonymous
| Keep the gov job. |
Anonymous
| No child ever recalls fondly how much their parent works. They recall the time home with family, going to their events, etc. |
Anonymous
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I like the alternate angle above, but would otherwise go back to biglaw in a heartbeat.
Another suggestion - go in-house somewhere, either after a few years in biglaw or directly from government. I'm not knowledgeable enough to say if that's possible either way though, you didn't say which practice group you're in. |
Anonymous
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Dial back your expenses, let your wife stay home, stay in a career with reasonable hours. Focus your life on investing in the people who will love you in your old age and mourn your passing.
Big law colleagues and clients will not give a f*ck, and your child may resent that you were mentally and physically absent during her childhood. |
Anonymous
| You can’t afford to live on $300K a year? Come on. |
Anonymous
| Don’t be ridiculous. $300k/year is plenty of money on which to raise a family. You can make some compromises like living in a smaller/older home. Time with your young family is irreplaceable. |
Anonymous
| Can't afford life on $300K? Go bang your head into a brick walla few times and then come back here and discuss. |
Anonymous
| Ugh. I just can't with the "I can't provide nice things with an HHI of $300k." We make just a bit less than that. I am a lawyer who lasted just over a year in BigLaw and hated every minute of it. Went to a smaller firm with "better work life balance," and it was, but still not enough for me. Now in a non-firm job and have been the whole time we have had children (now teens). We don't have a beach house or fancy cars and we don't vacation in Europe multiple times per year, but my kids have plenty of nice things and DH and I are both very actively involved parents. If being a dad is your #1 priority, focus on the stuff that matters. Hint: it is not the material stuff. (DH and I both grew up with much more money than we have now but dads we barely saw. We chose differently.) |
Anonymous
| We had 3 kids in day care and grade school and HHI was less than $300k, with the higher earner a fed salary. We have a mortgage that we can afford on one salary in the DMV area and they have college funds. Student loans were paid off just a few years ago. It’s doable. Keep the govt job and be there for ur wife and kids. |
Anonymous
| Please never again say Expectant Father |
Anonymous
| Do not go back to big law. Go in house at a company with strong stock. |