Coaches, do you stonewall parents on level discussions?

[Anonymous]

Our club has a policy in our annual contract that says that there will be no level discussions with parents except to confirm levels during move-ups. It also says in writing that athletes should not expect to be moved up with their peers and that some will play up, repeat, or move up with their age groups.

Regardless of if your DD deserves to move up, the team has said no. They’re never going to change their mind because they don’t care about how your DD feels, or at least they care more about keeping that younger kid in their pipeline. We went through this and it hurt and it really sucked to watch someone new waltz in and bump my kid. Ultimately we knew we had zero agency because there are more kids who want to do the sport at that club than there are spots.

Time for a new team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our club has a policy in our annual contract that says that there will be no level discussions with parents except to confirm levels during move-ups. It also says in writing that athletes should not expect to be moved up with their peers and that some will play up, repeat, or move up with their age groups.

Regardless of if your DD deserves to move up, the team has said no. They’re never going to change their mind because they don’t care about how your DD feels, or at least they care more about keeping that younger kid in their pipeline. We went through this and it hurt and it really sucked to watch someone new waltz in and bump my kid. Ultimately we knew we had zero agency because there are more kids who want to do the sport at that club than there are spots.

Time for a new team.

It happens sometimes at high schools also, where the younger sibling of a varsity kid will automatically make the freshman or jv squad even if they're skill's not all there.

[Anonymous]

Ever think 🤔 the coach and the program have your child’s best interest in mind?

This is what’s wrong with youth sports - parents - not trusting those in charge and letting go. If your child’s math teacher said they weren’t ready for algebra 2 and need more time in algebra 1, are you going to argue that you want your child to move up with her friends regardless?

Value a coaches input - it’s probably in the best interest of your child’s development.

[Anonymous]

Everyone who works with DCUM parents should get a gun and one freebie a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids coach is refusing to move my kid (12) up a level with her friends. This is a pretty high level group. I keep saying that I am not taking no for an answer and they stopped responding. The director of the program has already been brought into the discussion and they agreed with the coach. What are my next steps?

Who cares that they stopped responding? You should keep not taking no for an answer. Let us know how it goes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ever think 🤔 the coach and the program have your child’s best interest in mind?

This is what’s wrong with youth sports - parents - not trusting those in charge and letting go. If your child’s math teacher said they weren’t ready for algebra 2 and need more time in algebra 1, are you going to argue that you want your child to move up with her friends regardless?

Value a coaches input - it’s probably in the best interest of your child’s development.

Honestly, most clubs/teams are money makers and I do not believe they have my kids best interest in mind. You may want to protect your kid a bit more and not be so trusting.

OP is wrong though. You can’t tell a coach/director that you aren’t taking no for an answer. That’s crazy.

[Anonymous]

What sport?

[Anonymous]

OP, by definition, "elite" means only the best players.

You're wrong on every count here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So parents can't observe the performance and see that she should be with the higher level? I know what I saw, her skills are similar, and she wants to be with her friends. She needs the challenge.

I promise you parents are not the best judge of their own child's skill level. I have heard parents make similar rants when I am very familiar with the kid's skill level and that of the kids they are comparing. Your kid is not (currently) good enough.

[Anonymous]

Jesus, your kid will survive and make new friends. Suck it up, both of you.

[Anonymous]

Dude, just buy the team and fire their asses! That is an Alpha Move!

[Anonymous]

My son is a year older but is currently in this situation (he’s on the B team and most of his friends are on A team). Sure, he is disappointed, but is making the best of it.

Did the coach/program not explain the reasoning to you? If they didn’t, it is okay to ask a general “what does she most need to improve on?” Usually they will tell you. Focus on your own kid only, do not ask about teams, ask for changes, or discuss other kids.

[Anonymous]

OP what sport?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So parents can't observe the performance and see that she should be with the higher level? I know what I saw, her skills are similar, and she wants to be with her friends. She needs the challenge.

Travel baseball coach here.

I don't know if you're trolling but I have never seen a parent actually do what you describe.

No. Your judgement about your kid's ability is useless. Some parents can be objective, you are obviously not objective.
My guess is your kid is a solid player that won't hurt a team but when the baseball folks talk about wins above replacement... your kid is the replacement they are talking about.

The coach wants the best possible team and if your kid isn't making the cut, it's because the other players on that team are better than her.
Sure there are some close calls but in that case you:
A) Try to keep friends and siblings together
B) Give a tip for the kids with great parents that help out and make my life easier.
C) Avoid nightmare parents.

You are now checking the box for C. Your behavior just made sure that your kid loses every close call in that organization. You would be better off leaving and starting over and hoping noone calls your current club to find out about your kid and instead finds out about you. Sure you can rehabilitate yourself but it's a lot of work and if you were into hard work, your initial reaction to not making the cut wouldn't have been to do what you did, it would have been to ask what you do could improve to move up.

I am hoping you are trolling because this is so outrageous I don't know if you can actually outrun your reputation even if you became a saint at your next organization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So parents can't observe the performance and see that she should be with the higher level? I know what I saw, her skills are similar, and she wants to be with her friends. She needs the challenge.

Travel baseball coach here.

I don't know if you're trolling but I have never seen a parent actually do what you describe.

No. Your judgement about your kid's ability is useless. Some parents can be objective, you are obviously not objective.
My guess is your kid is a solid player that won't hurt a team but when the baseball folks talk about wins above replacement... your kid is the replacement they are talking about.

The coach wants the best possible team and if your kid isn't making the cut, it's because the other players on that team are better than her.
Sure there are some close calls but in that case you:
A) Try to keep friends and siblings together
B) Give a tip for the kids with great parents that help out and make my life easier.
C) Avoid nightmare parents.

You are now checking the box for C. Your behavior just made sure that your kid loses every close call in that organization. You would be better off leaving and starting over and hoping noone calls your current club to find out about your kid and instead finds out about you. Sure you can rehabilitate yourself but it's a lot of work and if you were into hard work, your initial reaction to not making the cut wouldn't have been to do what you did, it would have been to ask what you do could improve to move up.

I am hoping you are trolling because this is so outrageous I don't know if you can actually outrun your reputation even if you became a saint at your next organization.

+1 As a coach of high school aged kids, I’ve seen so much crazy from parents and you are waving the crazy flag high here. You have to realize that your behavior can be the difference from a bubble kid making or not making the team. Most parents are not capable of evaluating their kids abilities and value add on a team and they absolutely do not understand the team dynamics the way the coach does. Maybe there are positional needs you don’t understand. Maybe there are personality conflicts your kid isn’t telling you about. Best advice is to move on and find a new club and stay out of the coach’s face.