Does anyone live in a community that is “too much” socially?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What line of work are most of these people in? It sounds a lot like a bedroom community where the dads all commute to Big City to work similar industries. You should live in a university town. Academics aren't like this, they are much more diverse in origin and tend to have lived all over before settling into a tenured position.

Ha, I posted about living on the fringes of a social neighborhood and I live a short walk from a major university and we chose it for that reason. Our neighborhood when we moved in 12 years ago was almost entirely older academics, low-key lawyers and doctors at the university hospital who had to be within call radius. Now it's just a few academics and mostly tech bros, finance types, real estate developers, and people with mysteriously large amounts of income and free time and no apparent employment.

A lot of families skew much younger than they used to- we were in our early 30s when we had our first kid and that was typical of our area. Now nice, 3000 sq ft tudors and craftsmen are regularly replaced with 6000 sq ft modern farmhouse new builds and being bought by 30 year olds who already have 3 kids. There is a ton of young, generational wealth changing neighborhoods quickly. I think that alters the social scene dramatically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My neighborhood is similar. Gossip is strong but never malicious which makes it more insidious because it's done with a guise of concern. I genuinely don't think many in the groups always enjoy being included but they don't want to be left out either and once that dynamic is present, it's not serving you and you need to bow out. It's heaven for some kids and for some adults which is the silver lining but often it's not the same across the family so some kids/adults going along out of duty are miserable.

Slight detour but this brand of gossip is the most insidious, in my opinion. At least if someone just straight up talks $h*t, they are being up front about it. It isn't a good quality but it's honest.

People who love to gossip but always couch it as "oh I'm just worried about this person" or "I'm just concerned about the kids" are much harder to deal with because they won't even admit to themselves that they are gossiping. They think they are performing a service of some kind. They are also *much* more likely to meddle in other people's business in ways that create problems and then to later claim they were "trying to help." There is zero culpability with gossips like this. They are dangerous.

I was just so worried about you, I had to broadcast your personal business to a bunch of acquaintances!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone want this? The only thing you have in common with all these people is you are all parents living on the same block. That doesn't make a friendship. I guess I'm just very picky.

Because it's great for kids and teens to have friends they live near. Idk, the whole neighborhood scene was so important to me growing up, I would have hated not having it. The adults in our neighborhood were really social as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone want this? The only thing you have in common with all these people is you are all parents living on the same block. That doesn't make a friendship. I guess I'm just very picky.

Because it's great for kids and teens to have friends they live near. Idk, the whole neighborhood scene was so important to me growing up, I would have hated not having it. The adults in our neighborhood were really social as well.

It's weird that people think proximity is the main ingredient for friendships. That probably works in lower elementary. By age 10, personalities and interests are apparent and two neighbors who have nothing in common aren't going to be friends just because it's a short walk to each other's house. It's great when nearby kids can be good friends, but it's not something you should expect or take for granted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Independence and anonymity is like a warm blanket.

+100 I'm so thankful I live in a quiet neighborhood where people have their own things going on.

[Anonymous]

Falls CHurch CIty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone want this? The only thing you have in common with all these people is you are all parents living on the same block. That doesn't make a friendship. I guess I'm just very picky.

Because it's great for kids and teens to have friends they live near. Idk, the whole neighborhood scene was so important to me growing up, I would have hated not having it. The adults in our neighborhood were really social as well.

It's weird that people think proximity is the main ingredient for friendships. That probably works in lower elementary. By age 10, personalities and interests are apparent and two neighbors who have nothing in common aren't going to be friends just because it's a short walk to each other's house. It's great when nearby kids can be good friends, but it's not something you should expect or take for granted.

Umm no proximity is a strong if not the strongest predictor of friendships.
https://steemit.com/steemiteducation/@aceaeterna/psychology-of-interpersonal-relationships-proximity#:~:text=Proximity%20is%20the%20strongest%20indicator,a%20factor%20in%20interpersonal%20attraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our neighborhood is very social. We are more quiet, and honestly are busy with work and raising our kids.

There are lots of neighborhood events and parties around various holidays. We briefly attend the biggest event each year, maybe for 20 minutes, but do not bother going to any others. We do not give out our mobile phone numbers, so no group texts. Our classic home telephone, which we provide if asked, goes straight to an answering machine.

To each his or her own.

You remind me of a family in my neighborhood. Mom is always trying to work herself and the family into wealthier circles. She gets bounced and the family starts showing up at neighborhood events again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our neighborhood is very social. We are more quiet, and honestly are busy with work and raising our kids.

There are lots of neighborhood events and parties around various holidays. We briefly attend the biggest event each year, maybe for 20 minutes, but do not bother going to any others. We do not give out our mobile phone numbers, so no group texts. Our classic home telephone, which we provide if asked, goes straight to an answering machine.

To each his or her own.

You remind me of a family in my neighborhood. Mom is always trying to work herself and the family into wealthier circles. She gets bounced and the family starts showing up at neighborhood events again.

how does this remind you of this person? they sound completely different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone want this? The only thing you have in common with all these people is you are all parents living on the same block. That doesn't make a friendship. I guess I'm just very picky.

Because it's great for kids and teens to have friends they live near. Idk, the whole neighborhood scene was so important to me growing up, I would have hated not having it. The adults in our neighborhood were really social as well.

It's weird that people think proximity is the main ingredient for friendships. That probably works in lower elementary. By age 10, personalities and interests are apparent and two neighbors who have nothing in common aren't going to be friends just because it's a short walk to each other's house. It's great when nearby kids can be good friends, but it's not something you should expect or take for granted.

Umm no proximity is a strong if not the strongest predictor of friendships.
https://steemit.com/steemiteducation/@aceaeterna/psychology-of-interpersonal-relationships-proximity#:~:text=Proximity%20is%20the%20strongest%20indicator,a%20factor%20in%20interpersonal%20attraction.

Are you a bot? All those studies are from the 1950s-1970s before kids had most of their free time scheduled and before it was commonplace to commute to a private school instead of sending kids to the nearest public. It doesn't work like that in most UMC places nowadays. All the kids on the block are in their structured weekend activities, travel sport, often go to different schools too, and generally do not hang out together nearly as much as good friends do. Nice fantasy, but it's just not realistic these days.

[Anonymous]

We had a “honeymoon period” like this when several families with elementary school aged kids all moved in during Covid (with social period the year or two after). Eventually, there was drama. Now certain families are close, and certain kids hang out. It was fun while it lasted. Never reached the point of trips to Napa — more like wine nights or backyard family parties on a frequent basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone want this? The only thing you have in common with all these people is you are all parents living on the same block. That doesn't make a friendship. I guess I'm just very picky.

Because it's great for kids and teens to have friends they live near. Idk, the whole neighborhood scene was so important to me growing up, I would have hated not having it. The adults in our neighborhood were really social as well.

It's weird that people think proximity is the main ingredient for friendships. That probably works in lower elementary. By age 10, personalities and interests are apparent and two neighbors who have nothing in common aren't going to be friends just because it's a short walk to each other's house. It's great when nearby kids can be good friends, but it's not something you should expect or take for granted.

Umm no proximity is a strong if not the strongest predictor of friendships.
https://steemit.com/steemiteducation/@aceaeterna/psychology-of-interpersonal-relationships-proximity#:~:text=Proximity%20is%20the%20strongest%20indicator,a%20factor%20in%20interpersonal%20attraction.

Are you a bot? All those studies are from the 1950s-1970s before kids had most of their free time scheduled and before it was commonplace to commute to a private school instead of sending kids to the nearest public. It doesn't work like that in most UMC places nowadays. All the kids on the block are in their structured weekend activities, travel sport, often go to different schools too, and generally do not hang out together nearly as much as good friends do. Nice fantasy, but it's just not realistic these days.

I'm not a bot. I'm an academic. I actually kind of love that I sounded like a bot. This finding has been replicated consistently though. I just posted the first link I found, which is obviously going to have the classic studies. There is unlikely going to be research conducted specifically focusing on "UMC places with structured weekend activities," and that may certainly diminish the effect, but I doubt it would go away altogether. If you are considering a play date or a carpool, proximity would again come into play. The bigger point is that proximity absolutely drives friendships, which pp said was untrue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a “honeymoon period” like this when several families with elementary school aged kids all moved in during Covid (with social period the year or two after). Eventually, there was drama. Now certain families are close, and certain kids hang out. It was fun while it lasted. Never reached the point of trips to Napa — more like wine nights or backyard family parties on a frequent basis.

Yup, this also happened in my neighborhood. It’s much more fractioned now due to drama. I’d still like to move. I don’t like my house.

[Anonymous]

I swear some of you might be my neighbors. We had a weird trend of people guilting those who weren't so eager to socialize. If you don't join, you're accused of being lonely and if you join, you regret it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone want this? The only thing you have in common with all these people is you are all parents living on the same block. That doesn't make a friendship. I guess I'm just very picky.

Because it's great for kids and teens to have friends they live near. Idk, the whole neighborhood scene was so important to me growing up, I would have hated not having it. The adults in our neighborhood were really social as well.

It's weird that people think proximity is the main ingredient for friendships. That probably works in lower elementary. By age 10, personalities and interests are apparent and two neighbors who have nothing in common aren't going to be friends just because it's a short walk to each other's house. It's great when nearby kids can be good friends, but it's not something you should expect or take for granted.

I don't get it, are kids just suddenly supposed to drop their neighborhood friends? I had my neighborhood friends and then a small group of school friends. I thought that was normal.