why does my inlaws intense love for my kids bug me so much?

[Anonymous]

Because a (healthy) parent child relationship should be the strongest one there is. But when a grandparent or someone is THAT effusive it seems a little put-on if that's not your love language. It's not that they love the kid more than you do, but they express it differently and they have the space to, without the mental load of parenting. But it's a totally different and very separate relationship.

Let the kids and the grandparents enjoy the relationship. It sounds like you already know that as long as boundaries aren't being crossed, it's not a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here - oh how i wish this wasn't real. but it is - we have the only grandkids, they had only one kid (dh) and were unable to have more though they very much want to. so there's a lot of pent up love / loving there. i just want to be able to smile indulgently at it instead of feeling agitated every time i go in their house and see even more pics

I envy people when their worst “problem” isn’t even a problem. Grow up and be thankful your in laws give an F about kids who come from someone so petty and ungrateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:op here - oh how i wish this wasn't real. but it is - we have the only grandkids, they had only one kid (dh) and were unable to have more though they very much want to. so there's a lot of pent up love / loving there. i just want to be able to smile indulgently at it instead of feeling agitated every time i go in their house and see even more pics

I envy people when their worst “problem” isn’t even a problem. Grow up and be thankful your in laws give an F about kids who come from someone so petty and ungrateful.

this isn't my worst problem, its the annoying thing on my mind today to avoid other problems. even people in dire circumstances still get annoyed with other people...i don't think many people posting on here are posting their "worst problems"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:op here - some of these responses have been helpful in softening my pre-emptive annoyance (we are heading to their house soon, there will be many more pictures i'm sure).

Particularly the ones about their worlds narrowing with age and their trying to define an important identify when a lot of their old markers for it are gone (worker, daughter, etc)

I definitely was not raised with my parents or grandparents treating me this way - I don't feel pain or sadness because of it, more just a shared value that you're doing your kids a disservice if you act like your kids are perfect or they are your entire world or that they're better or more special than anyone else. I guess one set of grandparents acting that way is harmless

Hi troll, I mean op.

[Anonymous]

They sound like caring loving grandparents OP. This is fairly normal.among caring loving families. My family was / is not like this at all, so I wonder if OP didn't have this in her childhood at all either?

[Anonymous]

And to reply to your comment, your family and grandparents treating you like you are the very best is optimal, and gives you confidence in yourself. That was not my family and I've always struggled with confidence and self esteem. It's actually good for your kids to feel loved and like someone thinks they are the best.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know but you have no idea how lucky you are. One of the strangest posts I’ve seen.

[Anonymous]

Be happy. My mom doesn’t even ever ask about my kids and forgets their birthdays and gives them a $25 gift card for Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Geez. OP. Let it go. Is this really what you feel compelled to complain about? How about being happy that they love your kids. Get some perspective.

[Anonymous]

My grandparents on one side treated me and their other grandkids this way and it was wonderful. I loved them so much and have many fond memories.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it has to do with your or your spouse’s relationship with them? I was close to my mom’s mother. She never said anything but later I learned that their relationship hadn’t been great and my mom was abused by her. It was hard for her to accept the relationship because she was giving me the love she hadn’t gotten. However, she never said anything to me at the time and was philosophical about it, that people can change.

All my grandparents died young and she was the only one I was close to. I’m happy I had that.

[Anonymous]

You sound insecure. What a gift it is to have grandparents that adore their grandkids so much. I don’t get how you see this as a bad thing unless you’re worried your kids will love them more than you? I truly don’t get your annoyance

[Anonymous]

OP isn’t describing adoring grandparents, she’s describing obsessive anxious grandparents. Obsessive behavior triggers annoyance or red flags with normal people. It feels off, something is not right etc. No one enjoys being the receiver of someone else’s anxiety. Sometimes it’s benign and other times it’s something to watch out for more weird behavior.

I have a relative who is obsessed with their little dog. I could write OPs post just inserting dogs name, dog mommie for grandparent and latest trick or poop for speech. It’s annoying because it’s weird. It’s benign to us because it’s her life. The worst for us is having to look at ten thousand dog photos and say uh huh a lot during dog raving monologues.

If it were my kids, I would feel uneasy about the obsession. What happens when the kids get older and spend less time with them? Will they be able to adjust or will they throw fits and try to smother them?

The over the top worrying whenever they are sick is them forcing their anxiety on you. This is annoying. If anything serious ever happens, these types make it worse by really falling apart when you need support.

[Anonymous]

Love is great.
Love without boundaries is smothering.

[Anonymous]

They sound awesome. Let them have their fun. Obviously they get a lot of joy out of being grandparents. My in-laws barely notice my kid's existence.