UVA Gang rape

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't necessarily believe the story, but I don't wonder why victims don't come forward either. I'm inclined to believe most accusations of rape, but I also realize that there are women out there who would lie about such things. I reserve judgement in this case. It just doesn't seem that there is enough evidence presented in this article to come down on a particular side. Why are you so certain that the accusations are valid?

It happened to me. I didn't report. Two fraternity members raped me, with my ex-boyfriend's permission. It was planned. I didn't report it because they said no one would believe it. They were right. Nothing ever changes in American society.

How would you know this if you didn't report it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are correct, pp. But it's really tough to discredit a victim like the UVA girl *had she gone to the hospital and gotten a rape kit, photos, etc.*

EXACTLY. PPs can talk until they're blue in the face about how difficult it is for the victim to come forward and no one is disputing this. But if a prosecution is going to occur, the victims MUST come forward immediately, and have everything documented. With that kind of evidence, there wouldn't be any doubt whatsoever and justice would be served. At some point, victims are going to have to step forward. There's no way around that.

Yes. Which is why every time a victim comes forward, gets an invasive rape kit, all is sinshine and roses. What world do you live in? Do you know how many cases where there is even evidence is justice served? Do you assume if someone is found innocent nothing happened?

[Anonymous]

You all need to stop playing Nancy Drew and trying to post frat members names. What if that was your son and he was innocent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all need to stop playing Nancy Drew and trying to post frat members names. What if that was your son and he was innocent?

Another website out there is doing the same, if not worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another parent of a son who is going to be educating him consistently and repeatedly on the concept of consent.

Likewise. So horrified by the stories of the parents threatening to sue the accusers. I assume the parents believe their sons are innocent? I pray that I can teach my child to treat women with respect. I agree that all moms should caution their daughters about the real dangers that are out there, but let's not pretend that the real problem and the critical education lies with those of us raising the men who grow up to either treat women well or abuse them.

Boys need to be taught girls giving up sex freely may signal an issue. They should not take every offer, to be selective with sexual partners. I think this is where the fine line starts and it is a moving line.

So when the girls says yes, the boy should be taught to say no? Does the girl ever have any responsibility in your scenario?

I would love to hear the answer to this. According to all of you, boys are always - ALWAYS - to blame. What about all of the good guys out there who would never in a million years hurt a woman? Let's hear it for those guys. May they never be falsely accused. And no, I'm not talking about the gang rapists in question here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously boys need to be taught how to behave. But I'm a little concerned that most posters here seem to shy away from teaching girls basic behavior as well.

I don't have any daughters (just a handful of sons), but if I did, I would strive to instill in her not only basic safety steps, but also sufficient self esteem so that she wouldn't buckle under pressure to put out or put herself in a dangerous position just because a boy she hardly knows has shown a little interest in her.

Before I get flamed for blaming the victim (which I'm not), let me explain. Some posters have essentially written off parental responsibility by saying that kids away at college are going to do whatever the hell they want. True, but hopefully your kid will have a good moral compass, good self esteem, and a sense of personal responsibility when you send them off. And hopefully they'll be a good judge of character and surround themselves with good people...and not rent friends for four years and opt to be a lemming.

I posted about my rape back toward the beginning of this thread. It was on my 21st birthday. I was a college student, but home on summer break. The rapist was a college student, someone one of my two closet friends knew from school. We ran into him out at the bar where we were celebrating my birthday. He bought me a beer. I wasn't interested in him. I didn't go home with him. The two women he was with drove my friend and I home, and somehow, he ended up coming back to my parents' house with us. My parents were home and awake when we got there - I remember my dad and my sister sitting out on the back deck with us. I don't remember going up to bed, but I have flashes of what happened after that. He raped me on the floor of my bedroom, while my friend slept in the same room, and my parents slept 30 feet away.

My parents taught me good judgement. My lapse: I accepted a beer from a friend of a good friend.

Was the beer spiked?

Why didn't your friend wake up?

I believe so.

I don't know.

So sorry, PP. Maybe she was drugged too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have boys and girls in high school and college. We teach them that they bear equal burden in the party atmosphere. I'm shocked at the extra added weight the pps want to leave at the boys' feet (for example the girl says yes, but that doesn't mean yes). Teach your daughters and your sons. We'll all be better off.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And if girls and women did not participate in this hookup culture . . . .

Young women want relationships with men but they get to college and see that people no longer date so they go with the flow and end up very disappointed. It does not help that other women call them trashy for wanting relationships before they are thirty (see 26 year old birthday thread).
It will take an entire generation of young women to stand up and say "this hookup culture sucks and yes I do want to date and get to know someone slowly".

It also needs to be okay for boys to say they don't like the hook up culture and want a relationship first.

Most boys will not say this. They are walking raging hormones that will sleep with anyone. Young women need to take control and just say no or they will continue to let the hookup culture thrive. This is not the same as the rape victim in the article. She was not given the chance to say no.

Way to perpetuate this stereotype of boys. As a mom of two very quiet, shy boys (and a girl as well), I despise this blanket assumption that all boys are alpha-males, ready to nail any willing girl. I find the people most eager to paint all boys in this light don't actually have sons of their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here's another thought: teach your kids NOT to accept drinks from men. Teach your kids NOT to go to Fraternity parties.

How about focusing on teaching your sons to respect women? These are our sons doing these acts.

Those were not my sons. Blaming all boys/men because of the heinous actions of a few is reprehensible.

Really? Because you're writing off all men -- you're just putting the burden on the women. Hey, don't accept drinks from any men! Don't go to frat parties! If men are so untrustworthy that women shouldn't accept drinks from them, RAISE BETTER MEN, DAMN.

I'm not sure what you're saying. I'm the PP and I'm saying NOT to write off all men and NOT to blame all men for the acts of a few. The statement above, "These are our sons doing these acts" is incredibly offensive to those of us who have wonderful, caring sons who would never do anything like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are correct, pp. But it's really tough to discredit a victim like the UVA girl *had she gone to the hospital and gotten a rape kit, photos, etc.*

EXACTLY. PPs can talk until they're blue in the face about how difficult it is for the victim to come forward and no one is disputing this. But if a prosecution is going to occur, the victims MUST come forward immediately, and have everything documented. With that kind of evidence, there wouldn't be any doubt whatsoever and justice would be served. At some point, victims are going to have to step forward. There's no way around that.

Yes. Which is why every time a victim comes forward, gets an invasive rape kit, all is sinshine and roses. What world do you live in? Do you know how many cases where there is even evidence is justice served? Do you assume if someone is found innocent nothing happened?

You're right. Victims should never, ever report sexual assault because it just won't do any good! Great solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all need to stop playing Nancy Drew and trying to post frat members names. What if that was your son and he was innocent?

Another website out there is doing the same, if not worse.

Which website is that?

[Anonymous]

I agree it would be best if rapes were always reported to the police, but I understand why they aren't. That's why I feel it is the school's responsibility, if a student reports a rape, to notify the police. A young person away from home for the first time should not be left to make this decision on her own. Not to mention the negligence of letting the rapists go free so they can continue to rape with impunity.

There should be zero tolerance for rape anywhere, and especially on college campuses.
Though I can imagine UVA administrators saying: "the rapes did not occur on the Grounds. The fraternities are not located on the Grounds of the University."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here's another thought: teach your kids NOT to accept drinks from men. Teach your kids NOT to go to Fraternity parties.

And here's another thought - teach these "men" that are your SONS to have RESPECT for women - to not to drug their drinks. To not to gang rape women. Then there won't be a problem with women attending frat parties.

Whoever wrote the post that I am commenting on is a dreadful parent who obviously accepts NO responsibility for their male child's behavior.

[Anonymous]

I am glad to see the earlier accusing and name identifying post was removed! To be clear, a 3rd year student in the Spring of '12 would not have graduated in '13, assuming a typical track they would be class of '14.

Fall '12 - 1st sem JR, Spring '13 2nd sem JR
Fall '13 - 1st sem SR, Spring '14 2nd sem SR - clear??

Adult Swim College Promotions at Superfly is associated with late night cartoon TV programming and has nothing to do with lifeguarding let alone swimming!!

I hope "Jackie" changes her mind and decides to press charges, but we should be careful before posting a student's name especially if it is done inaccurately and anonymously!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am glad to see the earlier accusing and name identifying post was removed! To be clear, a 3rd year student in the FALL of '12 would not have graduated in '13, assuming a typical track they would be class of '14.

Fall '12 - 1st sem JR, Spring '13 2nd sem JR
Fall '13 - 1st sem SR, Spring '14 2nd sem SR - clear??

Adult Swim College Promotions at Superfly is associated with late night cartoon TV programming and has nothing to do with lifeguarding let alone swimming!!

I hope "Jackie" changes her mind and decides to press charges, but we should be careful before posting a student's name especially if it is done inaccurately and anonymously!