First sleep over for my daughter, and the mom was drinking wine.

[Anonymous]

It seems most people here are in an uproar because it was wine. What if it had been a shot of vodka, a 40, or a Long Island Ice Tea? Just because it was wine that seems better? I just don’t get how wine has become this responsible, respectable, totally okay to have anytime drink. Why is that? Does is carry an air of sophistication and class? Some is artisan made, like a craft? We have a wine cabinet in the house, and we have been to Napa Valley and many wine vineyards and breweries. So I’m not a teetotaler by any means. But, I think hosting a sleepover is just one of those times where alcohol doesn’t fit in. Wine is alcohol, let’s not forget that. And for the record I would never offer someone a glass of wine right before they left, unless they were staying for some time. Buzzed driving can cause accidents, just like drunk driving can. I have lost many friends to buzzed and drunk drivers, most were in high school, and I just don’t see the need to have one for the road.
It just bugs me a bit to see so many posters type “It’s just wine” “It was just a glass of wine”, when I believe if it had been any other type of drink, people would sing a different song. And I personally don’t believe that the posters that brought up the point of examining your relationship with wine were calling out alcoholics. It just seems the defense of wine on this topic is a bit extreme.

[Anonymous]

why don't you all become chinese mothers and not let your kids go to sleep-overs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or would you just assume it? The thing is, some people assume that somebody watching their child won't have ANY wine. So if that person shouldn't assume no alcohol, you shouldn't assume 1 or 2 glasses. You shouldn't assume anything. It SHOULD be a given that if you host a sleepover, you won't be drinking. But sadly, it's not. And by the way, this has nothing to do with being incapacitated or performing CPR, in my view. It's just that some people do not want their children around a person who has been drinking.

As long as each of us is making up our own SHOULDS here's mine:

It SHOULD be assumed that the host parents will do pretty much the same thing at a sleepover, as they do when they have just their own kids at home.

If I generally have two glasses of wine with dinner on a Saturday night, and then let my kids watch a PG movie and then tuck them into bed, I'll have the same two glasses of wine when your little Marianne is spending the night with us; and I'll let HER watch a PG movie and will tuck her into the same bedroom my daughter sleeps in.

If I generally drink a beer with dinner, and let my 10 tear old play Wii games rated teen... then at a sleepover, I'll probably also have abeer with dinner, and let YOUR 10 year old kid play a Wii game rated teen.

If you aren't comfortable with the way I parents than you shouldn't let your kid sleep over at our house. If you don't know me well enough to know what Iusually drink, what ratings I let kids play and watch -- then you shouldn't send your kids over o my house for a sleepover either.

What you SHOULDN'T do is assume your standards are the same as EVERYONE"s standards, or SHOULD BE the same.

[Anonymous]

serious question - would you have sex in your master bedroom if you were hosting a sleepover? what if sometimes you get noisy?

[Anonymous]

There will always be kids who are more of the risk-taking, push the limits, seeking excitement type and others who are more cautious and safety-conscious. There's also in between. Guess what? These same types become adults and parents. It's not really hard to figure out the way people tend to parent, so allow your child to spend the night with those who parent similarly to your style. For other friendships, encourage fun times that don't involve spending the night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or would you just assume it? The thing is, some people assume that somebody watching their child won't have ANY wine. So if that person shouldn't assume no alcohol, you shouldn't assume 1 or 2 glasses. You shouldn't assume anything. It SHOULD be a given that if you host a sleepover, you won't be drinking. But sadly, it's not. And by the way, this has nothing to do with being incapacitated or performing CPR, in my view. It's just that some people do not want their children around a person who has been drinking.

As long as each of us is making up our own SHOULDS here's mine:

It SHOULD be assumed that the host parents will do pretty much the same thing at a sleepover, as they do when they have just their own kids at home.

If I generally have two glasses of wine with dinner on a Saturday night, and then let my kids watch a PG movie and then tuck them into bed, I'll have the same two glasses of wine when your little Marianne is spending the night with us; and I'll let HER watch a PG movie and will tuck her into the same bedroom my daughter sleeps in.

If I generally drink a beer with dinner, and let my 10 tear old play Wii games rated teen... then at a sleepover, I'll probably also have abeer with dinner, and let YOUR 10 year old kid play a Wii game rated teen.

If you aren't comfortable with the way I parents than you shouldn't let your kid sleep over at our house. If you don't know me well enough to know what Iusually drink, what ratings I let kids play and watch -- then you shouldn't send your kids over o my house for a sleepover either.

What you SHOULDN'T do is assume your standards are the same as EVERYONE"s standards, or SHOULD BE the same.

Ok, we are nudists at home. Should we be nudists when we host the nursery school parent coffee? We allow our children to drink a sip of wine for for religious reasons...so I give your kids some wine when they're here? My kids get narcotics when they're coughing. Should I just give your kids some when they cough? My kids don't buckle up in the car. So when your kids are in my car, they don't have to buckle up either. Come on..use some common sense. I would never want my children under your supervision under any circumstance.

[Anonymous]

The WINE-WINE-WINE extremists really do sound as if they have a problem with/dependency on alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The WINE-WINE-WINE extremists really do sound as if they have a problem with/dependency on alcohol.

Exactly who has been a WINE-WINE-WINE extremist?

[Anonymous]

Not everyone saying it is okay has been extreme. But I'm surprised that none of the pro-wine at sleepovers posters has answered these questions:

How do you know it is only one glass or two glasses?
How many glasses are okay when you're supervising other children?
If pot were legal, would you allow someone to smoke it around your children?
Would you be okay if the parent invited you to have a shot of tequila with the other moms?
What about if the parents were smoking?
Allowing the kids to smoke?
Would you be okay if the host parent got noticeably drunk around your children? Would you assume that she would not?
Do you agree that the host parent "should" not get "drunk" at the sleepover?
Do you really think it is a big deal to abstain from alcohol for one night now that you know it would make many people uncomfortable? Are you really that oblivious or uncaring that you wouldn't even care slightly that people were worried about their kids in your care? I'm not sure I even believe that. I bet a lot of people wouldn't drink OPENLY if they were hosting kids now that they've seen this thread.


I don't get some of you. I think it IS extreme to continue to do something that many other people have patiently explained upsets them. BTW, concern about children is not limited to America, nor is concern about alcohol consumption strictly an American concept.

[Anonymous]

Why do people think that wine is not as bad as any other kind of alcohol?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do people think that wine is not as bad as any other kind of alcohol?

Because it has less alcohol than liquor.

[Anonymous]

I think so many of you are missing the main point that the OP didn't KNOW these people well enough to know that she could trust these people, than she showed up with her daughter, they did something she was not comfortable with, and than STILL LEFT HER THERE, only to come home and post something to the nutjobs here about why she felt uncomfortable, probably hoping for some kind of "it's going to be fine" hugs and bubbles kind of answer, and if she even ever checked back, she hasn't responded AT ALL..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:interesting that one of the PP would ask the host if there are guns in the house. if they said yes, would that be a dealbreaker? What if the guns were locked in a gunsafe and the host was an off-duty police officer or military?

we have guns in our house, locked away securely in a gun safe, and it never occurred to me that it would be an issue when having kids over.

As someone who knows the statistics on accidental gun shootings, unless the guns were locked in a gun safe, I wouldn't let me daughter play if there were guns in the house.

[Anonymous]

Ack, DD just got invited to her first bday sleepover!

[Anonymous]

If you know the host, and trust him/her to be a responsible drinker (1 glass of wine and that's it, assuming that 1 glass of wine doesn't render him or her drunk), then what is the problem? If you don't know the person well enough, then why are you leaving your kid there?