BIL wants to use our house to get ready for wedding — WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a wedding - paying for 1 room is really such a big deal?

It sounds really unpleasant for the groom and groomsmen honestly. Like you're in someone else's hair if they aren't really set up for it. I've been in a lot of bridal parties and would hate this.

Presumably the other groomsmen already have rooms at the hotel, so they could all cram into one if they wanted, but they want a bit more space than crowding around a double bed in a hotel room with one chair. That's reasonable....

So they are crowding around a bathroom shared by kids.

So get the kids ready before they come? It's completely obvious how to make this work.

Who would get kids dressed first? They don’t want to sit around for hours in dresses and suits. This is crazy and further confirms how inconvenient the groom’s plan is.

Exactly.

But the groom doesn't want to pay for a hotel room so everyone else must deal with the inconvenience.

I thought the issue was the bathroom. The kids can be cleaned and ready and throw on their clothes the last minute in their rooms. Isn't that what they would do anyway? The kids likely bathe the night before they aren't shaving, showering, putting on makeup, styling hair, 20 minutes before they leave like the adult men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a wedding - paying for 1 room is really such a big deal?

It sounds really unpleasant for the groom and groomsmen honestly. Like you're in someone else's hair if they aren't really set up for it. I've been in a lot of bridal parties and would hate this.

Presumably the other groomsmen already have rooms at the hotel, so they could all cram into one if they wanted, but they want a bit more space than crowding around a double bed in a hotel room with one chair. That's reasonable....

So they are crowding around a bathroom shared by kids.

So get the kids ready before they come? It's completely obvious how to make this work.

Who would get kids dressed first? They don’t want to sit around for hours in dresses and suits. This is crazy and further confirms how inconvenient the groom’s plan is.

Your kids all dress in the bathroom?

[Anonymous]

I think OP has left this chat. She has already made up her mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell DH to book a hotel room for them. It's his brother, he can rent him a room for his wedding!

Why can't the brother book his own room for his own wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a wedding - paying for 1 room is really such a big deal?

It sounds really unpleasant for the groom and groomsmen honestly. Like you're in someone else's hair if they aren't really set up for it. I've been in a lot of bridal parties and would hate this.

Presumably the other groomsmen already have rooms at the hotel, so they could all cram into one if they wanted, but they want a bit more space than crowding around a double bed in a hotel room with one chair. That's reasonable....

So they are crowding around a bathroom shared by kids.

So get the kids ready before they come? It's completely obvious how to make this work.

Who would get kids dressed first? They don’t want to sit around for hours in dresses and suits. This is crazy and further confirms how inconvenient the groom’s plan is.

Exactly.

But the groom doesn't want to pay for a hotel room so everyone else must deal with the inconvenience.

I thought the issue was the bathroom. The kids can be cleaned and ready and throw on their clothes the last minute in their rooms. Isn't that what they would do anyway? The kids likely bathe the night before they aren't shaving, showering, putting on makeup, styling hair, 20 minutes before they leave like the adult men.

I thought the issue was 6 men (groomsmen and groom) would need more than one bathroom to get ready in and they would need a bedroom too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP has left this chat. She has already made up her mind.

I wish her good luck! I think she was in a no win situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband’s younger brother is getting married here in town. My ILs live in a small one-bedroom condo in a retirement community, so they can’t host. We’re the only family locally and live in a modest-size house with kids at home.

The couple has a hotel block, and the bride and bridal party will be doing hair/makeup and getting dressed in their suite the morning of the wedding. The current plan is for my BIL to leave the suite that morning, and since they don’t want to pay for an additional hotel room for the guys, he’s asked if he and his five groomsmen can hang out at our house and get ready.

My husband’s response was basically “it’s up to you.” 🙄

I’m really not comfortable with this. We don’t have a great setup for six adult men to get ready; they’d either be using our primary bedroom/bath, one of our kids’ rooms, or rotating through the guest bath. I have kids here, and we actually live in this space, and we will all be getting ready, too. It feels like a lot to host a group of guys (some I’ve never even met) for hours on a busy wedding morning.

I adore my BIL and want to be supportive, but this feels invasive and stressful. Am I being unreasonable? Would you say yes, or suggest they get another hotel room?

Wow! Absolutely. I would also make it so very special for my BIL and his groomsmen at my house that they would feel the warmth and hospitality.

But to your point if you think this will be supremely inconvenient for you then as an elder brother and sister-in-law why would you not spring for the hotel room and food for them as a sweet gesture of sibling love and support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell DH to book a hotel room for them. It's his brother, he can rent him a room for his wedding!

Why can't the brother book his own room for his own wedding?

Why are people so miserly? Should a sibling not help? If the parents cannot host, should a sibling not step in? What a disgusting mindset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I would say yes. But you can certainly say no.

Actually I might say yes or I might buy them another hotel room.

Just BIL, yes.

But this is the best solution. GIFT your BIL another room for this purpose.

I've heard of weaponized incompetence. I guess this is weaponized cheapness

Works like a charm.

Basically you don’t say anything. Ever.

Only with family. Friends catch on really soon and stop inviting you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a wedding - paying for 1 room is really such a big deal?

It sounds really unpleasant for the groom and groomsmen honestly. Like you're in someone else's hair if they aren't really set up for it. I've been in a lot of bridal parties and would hate this.

Presumably the other groomsmen already have rooms at the hotel, so they could all cram into one if they wanted, but they want a bit more space than crowding around a double bed in a hotel room with one chair. That's reasonable....

So they are crowding around a bathroom shared by kids.

So get the kids ready before they come? It's completely obvious how to make this work.

Who would get kids dressed first? They don’t want to sit around for hours in dresses and suits. This is crazy and further confirms how inconvenient the groom’s plan is.

Exactly.

But the groom doesn't want to pay for a hotel room so everyone else must deal with the inconvenience.

I thought the issue was the bathroom. The kids can be cleaned and ready and throw on their clothes the last minute in their rooms. Isn't that what they would do anyway? The kids likely bathe the night before they aren't shaving, showering, putting on makeup, styling hair, 20 minutes before they leave like the adult men.

I thought the issue was 6 men (groomsmen and groom) would need more than one bathroom to get ready in and they would need a bedroom too.

That doesn’t really add up. Are the guys local or not? If not local wouldn’t they already have a hotel room? If local then they are probably showing up showered already. Nobody is traveling and checking into a hotel for a night or two, then checking out only to check back in later same day. It doesn’t even save money. I bet the guys are local and this is much ado about nothing.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are being unreasonable. You either offer your home for a few hours or you offer to pay for a suite for them to get ready in. You sound horrible.

[Anonymous]

This is cheap behavior

What six grown men want to hang out and get dressed at a brothers home the day of a wedding?
Knowing they have a house full - three kids ?

Plan accordingly, spend the money and no your home is not a hotel for him and his groomsmen.

[Anonymous]

This grown man is about to marry and face all kinds of challenging decisions, especially financial, as a husband and he's already starting off, not wanting to pony up a $100 to $200 for a space for he and his boys to get dressed for his wedding. So his plan is to use you and your house. No. Welcome to being an adult and a husband. Also why are you having six groomsman and a wedding $200 is going to break you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I would say yes. But you can certainly say no.

Actually I might say yes or I might buy them another hotel room.

Just BIL, yes.

But this is the best solution. GIFT your BIL another room for this purpose.

I've heard of weaponized incompetence. I guess this is weaponized cheapness

Works like a charm.

Basically you don’t say anything. Ever.

Only with family. Friends catch on really soon and stop inviting you.

Exactly. It’s a repeat game with family.

Forcing your other family member to always pay or host you or fix your issues only works “because they’re family.”
You can set boundaries if things are getting out of hand or there is zero thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are being unreasonable. You either offer your home for a few hours or you offer to pay for a suite for them to get ready in. You sound horrible.

Why can't the groom pay for the hotel room. He sounds like a horrible, entitled jerk expecting his brother rearrange his life in order to save $100 bucks.