DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree, there should be no discussion of leaving before first year. The constant talk of transferring only will make her not commit to making friends or immersing and finding her place. Mental health is important but so is grit. Many people have trouble adjusting the first year of college and that discomfort is not"mental health" it's a human experience that people become stronger for working through - it's grit, of which todays kids seem to lack.

If she wants to apply to other schools in the spring, so be it, but I too would aim for more laid back Ivys in a different setting. Like Dartmouth or Brown. NYC has an intensity any way you look at it.

Your DH digging in his heels may be controlling but at the same time, it's controlling for the other side to expect him to take their viewpoint over his own. I would not let my Ivy kid that I just full paid 80K waste their opportunity to stay in the tier 10 schools and go to a party school. That is an extreme overcorrection. Nothing wrong with those schools but clearly the DD has capability for a stronger curriculum.

My DC is a triple major one of which is math. He had straight As through Calc 3 and had some trouble in his freshman math because college math at schools with strong math programs are not like HS or DE classes. He struggled to get a B in the exact same class he got perfect scores in taking at a local university. Anyway, he figured out how math works in these settings and now is back to all As. He just completed his degree requirements for math so now he is done. Anyway, let her transfer after this year but Id recommend it be to another high caliber school in a more rural less busy environment.

WTF is the point of a triple major? Don’t tell me your kid is passionate about these subjects…just a bizarre continuation of the rat race.

Folks, college is so much more than just taking classes.

Hope most of those classes apply to all or overlap. Narrow that down or get a masters. Nobody cares about your 3 majors, I have 2 and a minor.

Disagree--especially if one of the triple majors is a foreign language.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree, there should be no discussion of leaving before first year. The constant talk of transferring only will make her not commit to making friends or immersing and finding her place. Mental health is important but so is grit. Many people have trouble adjusting the first year of college and that discomfort is not"mental health" it's a human experience that people become stronger for working through - it's grit, of which todays kids seem to lack.

If she wants to apply to other schools in the spring, so be it, but I too would aim for more laid back Ivys in a different setting. Like Dartmouth or Brown. NYC has an intensity any way you look at it.

Your DH digging in his heels may be controlling but at the same time, it's controlling for the other side to expect him to take their viewpoint over his own. I would not let my Ivy kid that I just full paid 80K waste their opportunity to stay in the tier 10 schools and go to a party school. That is an extreme overcorrection. Nothing wrong with those schools but clearly the DD has capability for a stronger curriculum.

My DC is a triple major one of which is math. He had straight As through Calc 3 and had some trouble in his freshman math because college math at schools with strong math programs are not like HS or DE classes. He struggled to get a B in the exact same class he got perfect scores in taking at a local university. Anyway, he figured out how math works in these settings and now is back to all As. He just completed his degree requirements for math so now he is done. Anyway, let her transfer after this year but Id recommend it be to another high caliber school in a more rural less busy environment.

WTF is the point of a triple major? Don’t tell me your kid is passionate about these subjects…just a bizarre continuation of the rat race.

Folks, college is so much more than just taking classes.

Hope most of those classes apply to all or overlap. Narrow that down or get a masters. Nobody cares about your 3 majors, I have 2 and a minor.

I would argue nobody cares about your 2 majors and a minor. Why not just one major, and then spend more time getting involved with university life and networking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider transferring to:

Northwestern, Chicago, Vanderbilt, Michigan, Rice.

I don't think the "pressure cooker" level at some of these schools are much different from Columbia.

+1. I thought UChicago is at the same intense level with Columbia, if not more intense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Except ops kid is all over the map with bizarre school choices Florida state ? Come on really?

She is immature some other reason is making her choose those schools

+1. If the DD decided to, say, switch from math to environmental science and identified a set schools strong in that field. I could understand. But these choices make no sense. I am on Team Dad until and unless the DD is able to articulate why she chose those schools.

I would also suggest maybe letting your DD take some time off from school as a mental health break. Most schools have programs now so that you can re-enter without having to reapply.

Also, I am having a hard time believing that math at Columbia is filled with super-intense people. It’s not Caltech or MIT…

This is a dumb post. Are you trying to say only Caltech and MIT are intense? Why speak about things you know nothing about?

No, I am saying Columbia is not known for its mathematics and hard sciences so the super intense people in those majors would be elsewhere

It has excellent hard sciences actually. Many top research scientists are at Columbia. Premed at Columbia is brutal

I think that is true for post grad, but not undergrad.

Undergrad students at Columbia are super, while most graduate schools students (not law/medicine) are just medicore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can usually only transfer to start your junior year.

I can understand Columbia being intense and the city being stressful. However, other schools like Berkeley and Chicago and MIT on the list are also known for the same.

I feel transferring to a much lower ranked school is not the answer, but to apply to other comparable schools that are less intense, perhaps Brown, Northwestern, Pomona, Princeton, etc.

Nope.
Most Ivies won’t give you a diploma unless you have done at least 3 years there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can usually only transfer to start your junior year.

I can understand Columbia being intense and the city being stressful. However, other schools like Berkeley and Chicago and MIT on the list are also known for the same.

I feel transferring to a much lower ranked school is not the answer, but to apply to other comparable schools that are less intense, perhaps Brown, Northwestern, Pomona, Princeton, etc.

Nope.
Most Ivies won’t give you a diploma unless you have done at least 3 years there.

Not true, many Ivies grant transfer status to incoming juniors:

https://admission.brown.edu/transfer/eligibility-requirements
https://admissions.upenn.edu/how-to-apply/transfer-admissions/eligibility-guidelines

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can usually only transfer to start your junior year.

I can understand Columbia being intense and the city being stressful. However, other schools like Berkeley and Chicago and MIT on the list are also known for the same.

I feel transferring to a much lower ranked school is not the answer, but to apply to other comparable schools that are less intense, perhaps Brown, Northwestern, Pomona, Princeton, etc.

Nope.
Most Ivies won’t give you a diploma unless you have done at least 3 years there.

Don't you mean 2 years ? Even Princeton accepts rising juniors as transfers.

[dcmom12345]

Update:
Socially everything has gotten better and I fee DD is enjoying the city but academics have even gotten a little worse which is adding more stress(multiple phone calls home crying over exams and homework). Thinking about switching major(wants to ensure ad least a 3.0 gpa) but she has never enjoyed the humanities before and is a little sad about "losing math".

[dcmom12345]

Nervous about this repeating as with my other child who is a senior and already committed ED to top LAC for STEM but believe the LAC environment might make this less likely.

[Anonymous]

dcmom12345 wrote:Update:
Socially everything has gotten better and I fee DD is enjoying the city but academics have even gotten a little worse which is adding more stress(multiple phone calls home crying over exams and homework). Thinking about switching major(wants to ensure ad least a 3.0 gpa) but she has never enjoyed the humanities before and is a little sad about "losing math".

If she's never enjoyed the humanities, how will those classes be less stressful than classes she enjoys? I haven't read the whole thread, but is she using all available resources to get help (office hours, tutoring, etc.)?

[Anonymous]

My daughter hated her first college. As much as she tried by reaching out and joining clubs, she could not find a cohort. Sometimes it just doesn't work, and it is hard when you look around and see that everyone else seems to have found their group. She put in transfer applications -- just in case -- and then opted to transfer when she got her decisions in the spring. Personally, I am glad we followed her wishes. She made friends easily and was happy at her new school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she needs a more relaxed social environment but still needs to stay in a place that has rigorous math curriculum. Harvey Mudd, or Williams (?), Pomona, Swarthmore.

Swarthmore is very intense.

[Anonymous]

Your husband sounds selfish and controlling.
I predict he will have little contact with your daughter in a few quick years (when she has more choice in the matter).

Cautionary tale here:do go into a marriage that is so unbalanced that you have no vote .

[Anonymous]

Can your DD drop a class or switch it to pass/fail to ease the pressure a bit to make it thru this semester?

[Anonymous]

dcmom12345 wrote:Nervous about this repeating as with my other child who is a senior and already committed ED to top LAC for STEM but believe the LAC environment might make this less likely.

Not again!