DD wants to transfer out of top university but DH won't allow it

[Anonymous]

dcmom12345 wrote:The Ivy is Columbia for clarification. Loved NYC and campus when visited now says she feels stressed not only by intense students but of the intense and fast pace vibe of the city.

Hi OP. I wanted to put in a plug for Rice. Great math program, academically driven kids yet a culture of kindness, and a sense of humor. And Houston is not NYC but Rice is in a wonderful part of Houston that is urban and with easy access to museums and food etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

dcmom12345 wrote:The Ivy is Columbia for clarification. Loved NYC and campus when visited now says she feels stressed not only by intense students but of the intense and fast pace vibe of the city.

Hi OP. I wanted to put in a plug for Rice. Great math program, academically driven kids yet a culture of kindness, and a sense of humor. And Houston is not NYC but Rice is in a wonderful part of Houston that is urban and with easy access to museums and food etc.

I agree with Rice as well. I attended Rice and is was a great environment and located in a great part of Houston.

[Anonymous]

Jeez, even the updated list is very challenging schools. Your kid is not going to make a lot of friends by arriving and saying “yeah, I decided to come here to UNC because it would be easier.”

[Anonymous]

I agree, there should be no discussion of leaving before first year. The constant talk of transferring only will make her not commit to making friends or immersing and finding her place. Mental health is important but so is grit. Many people have trouble adjusting the first year of college and that discomfort is not"mental health" it's a human experience that people become stronger for working through - it's grit, of which todays kids seem to lack.

If she wants to apply to other schools in the spring, so be it, but I too would aim for more laid back Ivys in a different setting. Like Dartmouth or Brown. NYC has an intensity any way you look at it.

Your DH digging in his heels may be controlling but at the same time, it's controlling for the other side to expect him to take their viewpoint over his own. I would not let my Ivy kid that I just full paid 80K waste their opportunity to stay in the tier 10 schools and go to a party school. That is an extreme overcorrection. Nothing wrong with those schools but clearly the DD has capability for a stronger curriculum.

My DC is a triple major one of which is math. He had straight As through Calc 3 and had some trouble in his freshman math because college math at schools with strong math programs are not like HS or DE classes. He struggled to get a B in the exact same class he got perfect scores in taking at a local university. Anyway, he figured out how math works in these settings and now is back to all As. He just completed his degree requirements for math so now he is done. Anyway, let her transfer after this year but Id recommend it be to another high caliber school in a more rural less busy environment.

[Anonymous]

dcmom12345 wrote:Update!
After much talk this is our updated list:

UMich
UCLA
UCSB(computer science)
University of Illinois(engineering)
UCBerkley
Utexas
Ohio State(engineering)
Wisconsin
NC State(engineering)
MSU(engineering)
UMD(engineering)

I think her top choice is Texas but we know that is super hard out of state. We got her father to expand the list by doing certain majors for some schools

Thank you for updating, OP, and I truly wish your daughter well in this process.

FYI while Texas is hard to get into from out of state, sophomore admissions is MUCH easier than freshman admissions at UT. Don't give up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree, there should be no discussion of leaving before first year. The constant talk of transferring only will make her not commit to making friends or immersing and finding her place. Mental health is important but so is grit. Many people have trouble adjusting the first year of college and that discomfort is not"mental health" it's a human experience that people become stronger for working through - it's grit, of which todays kids seem to lack.

If she wants to apply to other schools in the spring, so be it, but I too would aim for more laid back Ivys in a different setting. Like Dartmouth or Brown. NYC has an intensity any way you look at it.

Your DH digging in his heels may be controlling but at the same time, it's controlling for the other side to expect him to take their viewpoint over his own. I would not let my Ivy kid that I just full paid 80K waste their opportunity to stay in the tier 10 schools and go to a party school. That is an extreme overcorrection. Nothing wrong with those schools but clearly the DD has capability for a stronger curriculum.

My DC is a triple major one of which is math. He had straight As through Calc 3 and had some trouble in his freshman math because college math at schools with strong math programs are not like HS or DE classes. He struggled to get a B in the exact same class he got perfect scores in taking at a local university. Anyway, he figured out how math works in these settings and now is back to all As. He just completed his degree requirements for math so now he is done. Anyway, let her transfer after this year but Id recommend it be to another high caliber school in a more rural less busy environment.

WTF is the point of a triple major? Don’t tell me your kid is passionate about these subjects…just a bizarre continuation of the rat race.

Folks, college is so much more than just taking classes.

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t St Olaf have the highest number of students going on the PhD is math?
Maybe a small liberal arts college that is known for math? Harvey Mudd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t St Olaf have the highest number of students going on the PhD is math?
Maybe a small liberal arts college that is known for math? Harvey Mudd?

Mudd is not a low stress school. Lots of miserable kids there.

[Anonymous]

I think she needs a more relaxed social environment but still needs to stay in a place that has rigorous math curriculum. Harvey Mudd, or Williams (?), Pomona, Swarthmore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t St Olaf have the highest number of students going on the PhD is math?
Maybe a small liberal arts college that is known for math? Harvey Mudd?

Mudd is not a low stress school. Lots of miserable kids there.

Depends on the kid, but yes not low stress. But kind of hard to have it both ways; excellent math program and low key students overall.

[Anonymous]

About grit and transferring.

I didn't do a good job of picking my first state flagship because I was naive and everything looked and sounded good based on short visits.

What I found when I got there was an underdelivering liberal arts college, an underdelivering honors college, and a poor social experience driven by a culture of what I considered to be alcohol abuse and roommate I also felt borderline unsafe in my dorm.

I gritted myself out of there by transferring with straight As. The only thing I regret is going there in the first place.

Sure, many kids struggle in their freshman year, but just like bad jobs happen where it might be necessary to quit quickly, college choices can be that way too. The trick is to leave with the most credits and best grades possible.

[Anonymous]

^and roommate issues.

A bad roommate really sets the tone. Also what admin does when you ask for a switch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree, there should be no discussion of leaving before first year. The constant talk of transferring only will make her not commit to making friends or immersing and finding her place. Mental health is important but so is grit. Many people have trouble adjusting the first year of college and that discomfort is not"mental health" it's a human experience that people become stronger for working through - it's grit, of which todays kids seem to lack.

If she wants to apply to other schools in the spring, so be it, but I too would aim for more laid back Ivys in a different setting. Like Dartmouth or Brown. NYC has an intensity any way you look at it.

Your DH digging in his heels may be controlling but at the same time, it's controlling for the other side to expect him to take their viewpoint over his own. I would not let my Ivy kid that I just full paid 80K waste their opportunity to stay in the tier 10 schools and go to a party school. That is an extreme overcorrection. Nothing wrong with those schools but clearly the DD has capability for a stronger curriculum.

My DC is a triple major one of which is math. He had straight As through Calc 3 and had some trouble in his freshman math because college math at schools with strong math programs are not like HS or DE classes. He struggled to get a B in the exact same class he got perfect scores in taking at a local university. Anyway, he figured out how math works in these settings and now is back to all As. He just completed his degree requirements for math so now he is done. Anyway, let her transfer after this year but Id recommend it be to another high caliber school in a more rural less busy environment.

WTF is the point of a triple major? Don’t tell me your kid is passionate about these subjects…just a bizarre continuation of the rat race.

Folks, college is so much more than just taking classes.

Hope most of those classes apply to all or overlap. Narrow that down or get a masters. Nobody cares about your 3 majors, I have 2 and a minor.

[Anonymous]

Make sure you read the transfer process for each school. You need junior status to transfer to Michigan

[Anonymous]

dcmom12345 wrote:To add- we live in Maryland so I brought up in UMD as an option with DD seemed okay with but DH put on list of "will not pay for". He gave a list of universities he would consider acceptable which was limited to Chicago, Duke, MIT, Stanford, Caltech, AWS, JHU, Northwestern, RICE, Vandy, Michigan, and Berkeley.

She would probably enjoy Vandy or Rice. Go visit over a weekend.