Why have people given up on looking attractive when they go out?

[Anonymous]

I agree with so many of your comments re privilege etc. I will ask though that people please use deodorant and wash your damn hair. I just spent 1.5 hours sitting behind a woman who had BO every time she lifted her arm and her hair reeked of oil. You in the lavender cardigan and jeans at WJHS - take a frickin’ shower and have some self respect.

[Anonymous]

I think people work a lot more than they did back then. Certainly more working moms than then. Unless I’m coming from the office I just really don’t have time to do makeup or nice outfits.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:As a man, I think makeup on a woman is very overrated. There is nothing worse than someone who has a face buried in makeup. Have confidence in your natural beauty.

Yet men will be the first to pick apart a woman's looks from her under eye shadows to her zits etc.

No, women do this, not men. Most men aren’t looking at your face in the first place.

I’m just glad that we had a man to step in and tell us that he doesn’t like makeup. That solves it! The man has spoken.

I'll never forget the day about tens years ago when one of my male coworkers came to me, worried that our boss had the flu "because she looked awful, we should get her to go home."
Had to explain to him that she had a hard morning with two young kids and she didn't have time to put on her daily makeup.

[Anonymous]

Back in the 1970s, my mom just wore a house dress or shorts around the house, took off her "nice" clothes as soon as she got home from work, showered once a week, and had her hair done at the beauty salon once a week. She would let her clothes air out, so she could wear them at least a couple times before washing.

Is that what you want to go back to OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mommy had time to put on a full face of makeup to garden. She didn't have a job, did she? Her children weren't involved in the sports/activities that today's children are involved in, were they? Wear make up and fancy clothes if you want, OP. Stop judging others.

JERK.

Yes of course. We all know that no one in the history of human civilization has worked harder than 21st century American women…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was younger, I was much more insecure about my looks so I always put on makeup even to go to the grocery store. Thankfully, I'm much older now, so I don't really care sometimes.

+1
When I was in college, I was so vain and wore makeup *everywhere*. Now that I'm in my mid-50s, I wear makeup very sparingly, if at all - and I look much younger than I did wearing a full face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think we all can agree that basic hygiene and clean clothes are important. The rest is personal preference unless there is a dress code at work. I'm glad to see more women going without makeup as men have always done. Good grooming does not require painting your face.

Completely agree. Pride also doesn’t require painting your face.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:No excuses ladies. You don’t take care of yourselves anymore

You use "taking care of yourself" as code for "striving to appear physically attractive to others". How misogynistic of you.

I'm in excellent health and have excellent hygiene. I usually wear athletic clothing with my hair in a pony tail and no make up. Why should I care whether randos think I'm attractive or not?

I started my professional career, like a PP, being required to wear pantyhose and makeup. I'm SO glad those days are over!

It’s not about others thinking I’m attractive. It’s about respect for myself and respect for those around me. When I’m dressed up and put together, I work harder and do better in everything. You can tell my mental state by the state of my nails.

Besides, it takes just as much time to put on sweatpants as it does to put on a nice outfit. Or do your dressy clothes have some sort of weird contraptions?

I also started off my career in pantyhose and makeup and I wish business formal attire were still a thing. It made most people more present, focused, hardworking and more respectful.

We are degenerating as a society, unfortunately.

Pantyhose =/= respecting others

Perhaps not, hopping out of bed and going out half washed, with your greasy hair pulled into a ponytail, in your leggings to work or the doctor’s office is a huge FU to everyone you encounter.

As long as someone is clean, wearing sweat pants or leggings is not an FU to anyone. Why would you take it personally what anyone else wears?

I do take it personally because it shows a complete lack of manners, proper decorum and respect for others. It’s like picking your nose in public or spitting on the street. Sweatpants are for lounging around your house. They are not proper attire to wear in the outside world. Leggings are not pants. They are for being worn under dresses or for working out. If I see you running in the park, wearing either, I won’t mind, but if you’re wearing that out to dinner or work, yeah, it bothers me A LOT that I have to look at you being that rude.

It’s especially bad if you are the big and beautiful type that likes to wear leggings. I don’t want to see the cellulite in your thighs up that close and personal.

Why even bother getting dressed? Being naked works, too.

I cannot believe how people can be so oblivious to how rude they are.

So anyone who doesnt prescribe to DCUM user 555984832738's definition of style is "rude"? LOL puh-lease. You are delulu and are in fact, the rude one. Fat shaming too? Cherry on top.

Aw, and here we have it: a BB type who wears leggings to dinner…and wants all of us to ignore it because she’s fabulous just as she is.

Why are you busy obsessing over what other people are wearing rather than enjoying the company of your dining party and the food? I couldn't tell you what other people are wearing when I go out and I truly can't imagine their sartorial choices preventing me from having a good time.

For me going out to bars and restaurants is for people watching, not just for food/drinks and conversation with my friends and family. I cannot help but notice an obese woman in skin tight leggings as pants a table over from me. Perhaps, I’m not a self-absorbed as others are. I like to look at other people, not to judge, but to observe. I like seeing well dressed, manicured people. It makes me happy. It makes me feel good that others care about putting their best foot forward. It’s no different than when a stranger smiles and says hello rather than walking by me with a frown.

And if you’re dressed terribly in a nice place, I see it and take offense to it. It’s like you cannot be bothered with keeping a basic dress code for the sake of decency. I cannot make you dress decently, but you cannot make me see it as anything but disrespect and rudeness coupled with extreme self-satisfaction and self-absorption.

Lady you have issues. Perhaps look inside yourself to find happiness. No one cares if you are offended. Just like we don't care what you think of us. At least the grown adults don't. But stew away.

If you don’t care, then why are you responding? Not caring means, just that, not caring. You do care.

Like I said earlier, it’s been deeply amusing to see so many posters who thought that no one noticed their inappropriately bad clothing. We do. We don’t say anything, but we do. And yes, it does speak to us about what type of person you are. These accurate observations have absolutely nothing to do with our personal happiness. It just means we are observant.

And what we are trying to say is that we are not here for your pleasure. We truly do not care what you think about us. I guarantee you that I have more fun when I go out then you do because I am focusing on my food and my companions, not what some random people are wearing.

Keep telling yourself that. Why would a badly dressed woman have more fun than a put together one? Because you’re so fun and carefree you don’t need to try to look nice? Maybe the type of person who openly cares looking nice for herself and other people, feels more to begin with, which is why she cares about looking nice. It’s called having empathy. I think that people with more empathy have more fun.

NP. Wow you made me laugh out loud. Thanks. No. Empathy has nothing to do with whether you care about “looking nice.” That is going on the top 10 dumbs things ever said on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:In my hometown in the 1970s women would wear curlers in their hair to the grocery store, and sometimes slippers. Because they were getting ready to go out to dinner or host a party. Not everyone dressed up for everything then either.

Yes, and in the past women used to get their hair done once a week (there were apocryphal stories about women having bugs in their beehives--I would think because maybe they looked dirty?). Men used pomade instead of washing their hair. Women wore shapeless housedresses and aprons or earlier versions of leggings--capri pants and not everyone looked like Mary Tyler Moore in them. People have always been slobby, tacky and fat, it's just a different version of it now.

And everyone smelled like perfume and cigarettes layered on top of each other! And if they were old, scented powder. When I was a kid I had a constant headache between that and school bus diesel fumes.

Sometimes, though, I am in line near an unwashed hair person and I wish I could go back to the days of heavy perfume and smoking.

[Anonymous]

Not all of us are as perfect as you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my hometown in the 1970s women would wear curlers in their hair to the grocery store, and sometimes slippers. Because they were getting ready to go out to dinner or host a party. Not everyone dressed up for everything then either.

For my mom, even in the 80s!, it was pin curls. She would, though, cover her hair with a bandana ala Rosie the Riveter.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You live in the DMV. This is why.

This is part of it. It's a frumpy crowd who doesn't care much about looks. Hit up Miami or LA and you'll see a higher percentage of people who at least avoided wearing stained clothing out that day.

I moved to Greenwich, CT a few years ago and it's like a different world. People dress up to go to the post office here. Or their friend's house for tea. A constant fashion show in town. It took me a while to get used to but I actually love it.

LOL. It’s easy to look good when you are wealthy and can focus all of your energy on personal care. If I could outsource all cleaning, laundry, children, errands, grocery shopping, cooking and landscaping I’d look fantastic!

My poor, uneducated immigrant mom always found a way to dress well, so there goes that excuse….

I think you've found the answer. People without privilege think they need to look and dress a certain way to be treated the way they want to be treated. Those who don't doubt their status have what I like to call slob privilege. Your poor immigrant mother probably worried that someone was going to ignore her or not treat her kindly - she dressed well to try to avoid that happening. Same with the ridiculous class anxiety you see on this board all the time - what do I wear to the country club? what will the private school moms think of me if i wear this dress or that one? how does old money dress to go to the horse stall?

The people who are comfortable in their status in life, dress how they like - that might be fancy, it might be slobby, it might depend on the day. But they aren't worried about not being allowed on the airplane if they don't have on the right outfit.

Lol, back in the day people treated her unkindly as soon as she opened her mouth and spoke with a thick accent. It didn’t matter how she was dressed. She just likes looking nice and managed to do so with very limited means and a very busy schedule of cooking, cleaning, child rearing and working.

The funny thing is I was responding to a poster who said that only wealthy people were privileged and free enough to put an extra effort into looking nice.

So which is it? Privileged people look nice because they have the resources to afford it? Or people without privilege try to look nice to improve their status?

I think it’s neither. I think it’s goes back to being a respectful person who tries to put his or her best foot forward regardless of their social status or financial resources. It’s amazing the excuses that people will come up with to excuse their slovenliness. It really comes down to you don’t give a damn about what other people think because you don’t value their opinions or them = narcissism.

Narcissim doesn't mean what you think it means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:No excuses ladies. You don’t take care of yourselves anymore

You use "taking care of yourself" as code for "striving to appear physically attractive to others". How misogynistic of you.

I'm in excellent health and have excellent hygiene. I usually wear athletic clothing with my hair in a pony tail and no make up. Why should I care whether randos think I'm attractive or not?

I started my professional career, like a PP, being required to wear pantyhose and makeup. I'm SO glad those days are over!

It’s not about others thinking I’m attractive. It’s about respect for myself and respect for those around me. When I’m dressed up and put together, I work harder and do better in everything. You can tell my mental state by the state of my nails.

Besides, it takes just as much time to put on sweatpants as it does to put on a nice outfit. Or do your dressy clothes have some sort of weird contraptions?

I also started off my career in pantyhose and makeup and I wish business formal attire were still a thing. It made most people more present, focused, hardworking and more respectful.

We are degenerating as a society, unfortunately.

Yes. Society is dying for its lack of manicures.

You’re an idiot.

No, you misunderstood the point. Have you ever heard the saying by Benjamin Franklin “if you want something done ask a busy person?” If you’re put together, you have time to do the little things like manicures. If you’re a disorganized mess, you don’t. If you can’t even manage to put on a pair of slacks instead of sweatpants or leggings, what else can’t you do?

A family member stopped saying that when she had to adopt her late daughter's orphaned kids. She realized life can turn on a dime and people get overwhelmed.

+1 Two of my three kids have SN, WOH FT, have no family nearby and have a HHI of less than $150K. I have good hygiene but prioritize comfort over style. Yoga pants and bike shorts are my top choice for my fat, cellulite-ridden legs. I'm long past the point of caring what strangers think. Haters gonna hate.

[Anonymous]

ask yourself why the opinion of others matters so much to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:As a man, I think makeup on a woman is very overrated. There is nothing worse than someone who has a face buried in makeup. Have confidence in your natural beauty.

Yet men will be the first to pick apart a woman's looks from her under eye shadows to her zits etc.

No, women do this, not men. Most men aren’t looking at your face in the first place.

I’m just glad that we had a man to step in and tell us that he doesn’t like makeup. That solves it! The man has spoken.

I'll never forget the day about tens years ago when one of my male coworkers came to me, worried that our boss had the flu "because she looked awful, we should get her to go home."
Had to explain to him that she had a hard morning with two young kids and she didn't have time to put on her daily makeup.

I'll never forget the day many years ago when I forgot to wear eye liner to work. Multiple people asked me "are you okay?" before I realized why.