I think I’m going to have to contact my husband’s affair partner

[Anonymous]

I know of one person who confronted the other woman - but the OW didn’t know he was married and was really young. My friend wanted to hear her side of the story and it helped her heal. She also became friendly with the other OW and that always bothered her husband. Since the girl didn’t realize he was married at the time, it was a different situation and she was embarrassed and regretful for her part (even unknowing).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know of one person who confronted the other woman - but the OW didn’t know he was married and was really young. My friend wanted to hear her side of the story and it helped her heal. She also became friendly with the other OW and that always bothered her husband. Since the girl didn’t realize he was married at the time, it was a different situation and she was embarrassed and regretful for her part (even unknowing).

And she stayed with her husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know of one person who confronted the other woman - but the OW didn’t know he was married and was really young. My friend wanted to hear her side of the story and it helped her heal. She also became friendly with the other OW and that always bothered her husband. Since the girl didn’t realize he was married at the time, it was a different situation and she was embarrassed and regretful for her part (even unknowing).

So knowing that her husband was the only sleezeball in the story helped her heal, huh?

Interesting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Man these threads fire up the OW/APs out there.

Yes they do, the only thing better is reading their posts over Xmas when they are so sad and bitter their soul mate is with his wife and not answering her texts.

You spend your “happy family” Christmas day … reading DCUM posts of APs to take pleasure in their (imagined) sadness?

Wow, your cheating DH seriously screwed up your head. Good luck with that.

My husband doesn’t have an affair partner. And yes, sometimes I grab my phone and look at DCUM the two weeks I have off of Christmas. And the amount of.OW on this site during that time it’s freaking insane.

Don’t even get me started about New Year’s.

Super weird thing to be so intently focused on for someone whose husband doesn’t have an AP!

I’m sure plenty of happily married people with no experience involving affairs not only are *aware* of this rampant, holiday-season, pathetic-OW DCUM posting phenomenon, but annually return to this treasure trove of misery posts to read them with glee over their Christmas morning coffee. Then again on NYE.

AKA stop telling on yourself.

I do have 3 good friends who blew up
Their lives being an OW. It’s amazing to watch people spiral their lives out of control.

I don’t think it’s super weird to wonder why these women self destruct so badly.

I don’t “return annually” but I do notice the uptick of crazy.

OTOH, if you’ve never been an OW you seem very intent on framing my amazement in people throwing their lives away as some deviant voyeurism. Methinks YOU protest too much.

You have me confused with someone else. When did I say I wasn’t an AP?

I am absolutely the office mattress at work, and I get a thrill out of “forbidden” sex. To each their own!

Half of the posts in this thread are obvious trolls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the OP going to chase down all of her husband's affair partners? Because this particular mistress probably wasn't the first and definitely won't be the last. The marriage is clearly lacking if he's screwing around on her. The "remorse" that he's showing will wear off and he'll be back on the apps looking for strange once he thinks the coast is clear. *shrug*

It is the dh who is lacking character by cheating. Op has abided his cheating and he will never leave her. It's not an ideal relationship to many of us, but it is a strong one. I couldn't stay with a cheater, but I was raised by a cheating father and a mother who put up with it. Their marriage lasted through cheating. Eventually, my dad settled down and my mom enjoyed 30 more years without him cheating. They died 3 months apart, having been married 50 years.

This isn't a love story. Your mom was a chump with low self esteem.

I wasn't presenting it as a love story. It was an example of a marriage lasting through infidelity. You missed where I said I wouldn't stay with a cheater. My mom was a lot of things, but she wasn't a chump. She knew exactly what was up and she was ride or die for my dad, even to the exclusion of their kids' feelings. I 100% do not recommend, but if op wants her dh for life, she has him because it is hard for anyone to walk away from unconditional love. And, yes, I know it's not ideal.

Your mom was a loser. He only stopped cheating because he got too old. Disgusting.

He was 43 when he stopped, so not too old. My mom wasn't a loser, she was hopelessly in love with my dad. Believe me, their fockery messed up my childhood. That said, they had 30 years without cheating and were devoted to each other.

Too bad he didn't feel the same. Never be the one who is more in love. Pathetic actually.

If a man sticks his penis in others...I wouldn't be hopelessly in love.


Your mom had VERY low self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll chime in, because OP I don’t want you to get hurt. These things may not go the way you hope they will. I was the OW when I was in my mid 20s. (I’m a very different person now, so please don’t judge).

I broke up with the guy when his wife found out. She confronted me about a month later. I told her point blank “your husband told me that I gave him the single best sexual experience of his life. What do you imagine we did together?” She started to tear up and just walked away. Looking back on it, I feel horrible for what I did. So just please be careful OP. A confrontation may not go the way you want.

She was probably shocked and saddened and her husband’s horrible taste in ap, not aghast at your weird sexual dominance display, fyi.

Exactly. And, btw, men always say that. My husband and I didn’t leave the bed except to get water and whatever was in the cabinets for 3 days. We were insane. He could go several (4 times on our wedding night) times a night. There’s nothing we haven’t done in 20 years.

But, hey, a new body is just that: variety. A guy will always go on about that was the best blah blah blah. Fwiw, the only thing the AP said to me is “I was always so jealous of you”.

[Anonymous]

The way to truly heal is to leave your cheating husband. As long as you stay with him you will never heal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The way to truly heal is to leave your cheating husband. As long as you stay with him you will never heal.

I agree with this if the OP is not able to get over the affair. Confronting the AP likely won't help with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ll chime in, because OP I don’t want you to get hurt. These things may not go the way you hope they will. I was the OW when I was in my mid 20s. (I’m a very different person now, so please don’t judge).

I broke up with the guy when his wife found out. She confronted me about a month later. I told her point blank “your husband told me that I gave him the single best sexual experience of his life. What do you imagine we did together?” She started to tear up and just walked away. Looking back on it, I feel horrible for what I did. So just please be careful OP. A confrontation may not go the way you want.

She was probably shocked and saddened and her husband’s horrible taste in ap, not aghast at your weird sexual dominance display, fyi.

pp is a human being. She has grown since then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the OP going to chase down all of her husband's affair partners? Because this particular mistress probably wasn't the first and definitely won't be the last. The marriage is clearly lacking if he's screwing around on her. The "remorse" that he's showing will wear off and he'll be back on the apps looking for strange once he thinks the coast is clear. *shrug*

It is the dh who is lacking character by cheating. Op has abided his cheating and he will never leave her. It's not an ideal relationship to many of us, but it is a strong one. I couldn't stay with a cheater, but I was raised by a cheating father and a mother who put up with it. Their marriage lasted through cheating. Eventually, my dad settled down and my mom enjoyed 30 more years without him cheating. They died 3 months apart, having been married 50 years.

This isn't a love story. Your mom was a chump with low self esteem.

I wasn't presenting it as a love story. It was an example of a marriage lasting through infidelity. You missed where I said I wouldn't stay with a cheater. My mom was a lot of things, but she wasn't a chump. She knew exactly what was up and she was ride or die for my dad, even to the exclusion of their kids' feelings. I 100% do not recommend, but if op wants her dh for life, she has him because it is hard for anyone to walk away from unconditional love. And, yes, I know it's not ideal.

Your mom was a loser. He only stopped cheating because he got too old. Disgusting.

He was 43 when he stopped, so not too old. My mom wasn't a loser, she was hopelessly in love with my dad. Believe me, their fockery messed up my childhood. That said, they had 30 years without cheating and were devoted to each other.

Too bad he didn't feel the same. Never be the one who is more in love. Pathetic actually.

If a man sticks his penis in others...I wouldn't be hopelessly in love.


Your mom had VERY low self esteem.

The heart wants what it wants. I am not defending her choice; although she got what she wanted: my dad.I don't have all of the details, but I believe it was similar to op's situation. I do know my mom had had it and gave him a choice: her or the ow(en). She meant it and he knew she was serious. He chose my mother and got his act together. They had 30 years of love and fidelity. They started over with renewing their vows, etc. Again, their fockery was not good for my childhood...I felt that their love took precidence over their children. You and I may not understand the gift of unconditional love, but we shouldn't call someone with that capacity a "loser" or say they have "low self esteem". My father knew full well he didn't deserve her, but he accepted her gift of forgiveness and they had a happy 30 years after that, til death. Not the choice I would make, yet a valid choice for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The way to truly heal is to leave your cheating husband. As long as you stay with him you will never heal.

What the AP hopes for anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The way to truly heal is to leave your cheating husband. As long as you stay with him you will never heal.

Not true. People can surprise you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This will be bad karma for you.

Focus on what you want in your life. Let her live her life. You trying to mess with her in any way just means that you feel weak inside and hurt. You need to deal with those feelings in a healthy way. Confronting her doesn’t take away those feelings. It’s an illusion. It actually feeds your hurt and is a way of keeping you tied to this whole mess instead of becoming free of it.

I get that you’ve been traumatized and feel that something outside of your choice happened to you. I think that now you have choices, and if you choose to keep being controlled by this and letting it have power over you, you’re going to end up in a victim position and that will not lead you to a better life.

Karma doesn’t exist. It’s something people tell themselves to believe that people by whom they feel wronged will “get theirs.” Nope. Sorry.

not OP

This has not been my experience.

+1 it can take a long time though

[Anonymous]

Former OW here and I really never thought about the BW as a rival or wanted her life. If I thought about her it was mostly in an impersonal way thinking how different her inside vs outside lives were, and what it was like for her to know about us (we all knew about each other) and how she (and he) managed to compartmentalize to maintain their apparently very positive marriage and parenting alliance & luxury lifestyle. My involvement was with her DH not her. They are still married.

It looks crazy now when I look back on it but at the time he had emotional hooks into me long before it turned sexual, so I put up with the compromise. Learned a ton but at great cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Former OW here and I really never thought about the BW as a rival or wanted her life. If I thought about her it was mostly in an impersonal way thinking how different her inside vs outside lives were, and what it was like for her to know about us (we all knew about each other) and how she (and he) managed to compartmentalize to maintain their apparently very positive marriage and parenting alliance & luxury lifestyle. My involvement was with her DH not her. They are still married.

It looks crazy now when I look back on it but at the time he had emotional hooks into me long before it turned sexual, so I put up with the compromise. Learned a ton but at great cost.

Are you certain she knew? That’s a common lie told to APs- she knows and us ok with it, it’s an open marriage, etc. which is just another complete lie.