I think I’m going to have to contact my husband’s affair partner

[Anonymous]

OP, you have NO pride. You stayed with a cheater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the OP going to chase down all of her husband's affair partners? Because this particular mistress probably wasn't the first and definitely won't be the last. The marriage is clearly lacking if he's screwing around on her. The "remorse" that he's showing will wear off and he'll be back on the apps looking for strange once he thinks the coast is clear. *shrug*

It is the dh who is lacking character by cheating. Op has abided his cheating and he will never leave her. It's not an ideal relationship to many of us, but it is a strong one. I couldn't stay with a cheater, but I was raised by a cheating father and a mother who put up with it. Their marriage lasted through cheating. Eventually, my dad settled down and my mom enjoyed 30 more years without him cheating. They died 3 months apart, having been married 50 years.

This isn't a love story. Your mom was a chump with low self esteem.

I wasn't presenting it as a love story. It was an example of a marriage lasting through infidelity. You missed where I said I wouldn't stay with a cheater. My mom was a lot of things, but she wasn't a chump. She knew exactly what was up and she was ride or die for my dad, even to the exclusion of their kids' feelings. I 100% do not recommend, but if op wants her dh for life, she has him because it is hard for anyone to walk away from unconditional love. And, yes, I know it's not ideal.

Your mom was a loser. He only stopped cheating because he got too old. Disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my partner sneaks off to get drunk and high, I don't gl an talk to the alcohol and drugs about how they made me feel, for closure.

I can't see it as anything but being in denial that you married a person who offended your values so deeply, ao you try to push it out to the AP like the AP was some disease your partner caught.

That’s a ridiculous analogy. The booze isn’t texting your husband, nor does it have a brain or heartbeat. You would expect more from a person than a shot of jagermeister. The bottle of booze also isn’t looking you up OM social media and doing a deep dive into your friends SM and doing drive-bys.

So wives should go find the drug dealers then, right? And they should contact the liquor store owners too. And the gambling places too.

We called the cops on my sisters drug dealer and he was charged in federal court.

Because selling illegal drugs is a crime, unlike having a consensual relationship with an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my partner sneaks off to get drunk and high, I don't gl an talk to the alcohol and drugs about how they made me feel, for closure.

I can't see it as anything but being in denial that you married a person who offended your values so deeply, ao you try to push it out to the AP like the AP was some disease your partner caught.

You’re married to a dunk. Get your house in order before you espouse to have any credible advice.

No one with a house in order has any advice for OPs disordered house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the OP going to chase down all of her husband's affair partners? Because this particular mistress probably wasn't the first and definitely won't be the last. The marriage is clearly lacking if he's screwing around on her. The "remorse" that he's showing will wear off and he'll be back on the apps looking for strange once he thinks the coast is clear. *shrug*

It is the dh who is lacking character by cheating. Op has abided his cheating and he will never leave her. It's not an ideal relationship to many of us, but it is a strong one. I couldn't stay with a cheater, but I was raised by a cheating father and a mother who put up with it. Their marriage lasted through cheating. Eventually, my dad settled down and my mom enjoyed 30 more years without him cheating. They died 3 months apart, having been married 50 years.

So if you were raised by a cheating father, how did you avoid picking a cheater? Did you get married at all?

I took my time getting to know each guy I dated. I never got serious before 6 months, because I knew people reveal their true character slowly, over time. I was 20 when I met my dh. We dated for 7 years before living together and we married 2 months later. We both were raised in profoundly dysfunctional families (different issues) and wanted more than anything to have a loving marriage, a stable home and to raise children together. Cheating, fighting or other abuse is not acceptable to either of us. We have been happily married for 27 years and our children are thriving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man these threads fire up the OW/APs out there.

Yes they do, the only thing better is reading their posts over Xmas when they are so sad and bitter their soul mate is with his wife and not answering her texts.

You spend your “happy family” Christmas day … reading DCUM posts of APs to take pleasure in their (imagined) sadness?

Wow, your cheating DH seriously screwed up your head. Good luck with that.

My husband doesn’t have an affair partner. And yes, sometimes I grab my phone and look at DCUM the two weeks I have off of Christmas. And the amount of.OW on this site during that time it’s freaking insane.

Don’t even get me started about New Year’s.

Super weird thing to be so intently focused on for someone whose husband doesn’t have an AP!

I’m sure plenty of happily married people with no experience involving affairs not only are *aware* of this rampant, holiday-season, pathetic-OW DCUM posting phenomenon, but annually return to this treasure trove of misery posts to read them with glee over their Christmas morning coffee. Then again on NYE.

AKA stop telling on yourself.

I do have 3 good friends who blew up
Their lives being an OW. It’s amazing to watch people spiral their lives out of control.

I don’t think it’s super weird to wonder why these women self destruct so badly.

I don’t “return annually” but I do notice the uptick of crazy.

OTOH, if you’ve never been an OW you seem very intent on framing my amazement in people throwing their lives away as some deviant voyeurism. Methinks YOU protest too much.

You have me confused with someone else. When did I say I wasn’t an AP?

I am absolutely the office mattress at work, and I get a thrill out of “forbidden” sex. To each their own!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the OP going to chase down all of her husband's affair partners? Because this particular mistress probably wasn't the first and definitely won't be the last. The marriage is clearly lacking if he's screwing around on her. The "remorse" that he's showing will wear off and he'll be back on the apps looking for strange once he thinks the coast is clear. *shrug*

It is the dh who is lacking character by cheating. Op has abided his cheating and he will never leave her. It's not an ideal relationship to many of us, but it is a strong one. I couldn't stay with a cheater, but I was raised by a cheating father and a mother who put up with it. Their marriage lasted through cheating. Eventually, my dad settled down and my mom enjoyed 30 more years without him cheating. They died 3 months apart, having been married 50 years.

This isn't a love story. Your mom was a chump with low self esteem.

I wasn't presenting it as a love story. It was an example of a marriage lasting through infidelity. You missed where I said I wouldn't stay with a cheater. My mom was a lot of things, but she wasn't a chump. She knew exactly what was up and she was ride or die for my dad, even to the exclusion of their kids' feelings. I 100% do not recommend, but if op wants her dh for life, she has him because it is hard for anyone to walk away from unconditional love. And, yes, I know it's not ideal.

Your mom was a loser. He only stopped cheating because he got too old. Disgusting.

He was 43 when he stopped, so not too old. My mom wasn't a loser, she was hopelessly in love with my dad. Believe me, their fockery messed up my childhood. That said, they had 30 years without cheating and were devoted to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would she get? He dropped her the minute I discovered it and has been completely no contact, doing everything he can to show remorse, work on marriage, etc. this is for me…

You would be giving her great satisfaction. It would show all is not well in your home or with you.

Please talk to a therapist instead.

There is no way you will not regret reaching out to her.

Stick to the high road.

My therapist recommended it. (No OP)

No she didn't

Yes she did. Not at first, after much discussion.

I’m not afraid of conflict and I don’t like to leave anything on the table so we decided together, for me, it was the right move.

+1 the reason they don’t advice it is for their own malpractice insurance/cover your @ss. If something violent comes out of it they don’t want culpability.

I did it and then told therapist. Therapist actually thought it was fantastic after the fact and saw how it provided closure, not that he would have advised it if I asked first.

No, she didn't. A qualified therapist wouldn't recommend it. All she told you was that she couldn't stop you and then said you did what you had to do. She did not recoomend it or commend you for it . Stop your bullshit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, is nobody here going to comment on the fact that she wants to like, stuff a camera or recorder in the certified mail she sends to the AP to watch her response?

This is a troll folks, or someone who belongs in a hospital.

Yes, Op is a troll as are all her supporters.

[Anonymous]

I totally missed the camera comment.

Impossible to know if it was the OP who said it, though.

[Anonymous]

I’ll chime in, because OP I don’t want you to get hurt. These things may not go the way you hope they will. I was the OW when I was in my mid 20s. (I’m a very different person now, so please don’t judge).

I broke up with the guy when his wife found out. She confronted me about a month later. I told her point blank “your husband told me that I gave him the single best sexual experience of his life. What do you imagine we did together?” She started to tear up and just walked away. Looking back on it, I feel horrible for what I did. So just please be careful OP. A confrontation may not go the way you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ll chime in, because OP I don’t want you to get hurt. These things may not go the way you hope they will. I was the OW when I was in my mid 20s. (I’m a very different person now, so please don’t judge).

I broke up with the guy when his wife found out. She confronted me about a month later. I told her point blank “your husband told me that I gave him the single best sexual experience of his life. What do you imagine we did together?” She started to tear up and just walked away. Looking back on it, I feel horrible for what I did. So just please be careful OP. A confrontation may not go the way you want.

She was probably shocked and saddened and her husband’s horrible taste in ap, not aghast at your weird sexual dominance display, fyi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man these threads fire up the OW/APs out there.

Yes they do, the only thing better is reading their posts over Xmas when they are so sad and bitter their soul mate is with his wife and not answering her texts.

You spend your “happy family” Christmas day … reading DCUM posts of APs to take pleasure in their (imagined) sadness?

Wow, your cheating DH seriously screwed up your head. Good luck with that.

My husband doesn’t have an affair partner. And yes, sometimes I grab my phone and look at DCUM the two weeks I have off of Christmas. And the amount of.OW on this site during that time it’s freaking insane.

Don’t even get me started about New Year’s.

Super weird thing to be so intently focused on for someone whose husband doesn’t have an AP!

I’m sure plenty of happily married people with no experience involving affairs not only are *aware* of this rampant, holiday-season, pathetic-OW DCUM posting phenomenon, but annually return to this treasure trove of misery posts to read them with glee over their Christmas morning coffee. Then again on NYE.

AKA stop telling on yourself.

I do have 3 good friends who blew up
Their lives being an OW. It’s amazing to watch people spiral their lives out of control.

I don’t think it’s super weird to wonder why these women self destruct so badly.

I don’t “return annually” but I do notice the uptick of crazy.

OTOH, if you’ve never been an OW you seem very intent on framing my amazement in people throwing their lives away as some deviant voyeurism. Methinks YOU protest too much.

You have me confused with someone else. When did I say I wasn’t an AP?

I am absolutely the office mattress at work, and I get a thrill out of “forbidden” sex. To each their own!

Oh yea clearly your disordered thinking gave it awAy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would she get? He dropped her the minute I discovered it and has been completely no contact, doing everything he can to show remorse, work on marriage, etc. this is for me…

You would be giving her great satisfaction. It would show all is not well in your home or with you.

Please talk to a therapist instead.

There is no way you will not regret reaching out to her.

Stick to the high road.

My therapist recommended it. (No OP)

No she didn't

Yes she did. Not at first, after much discussion.

I’m not afraid of conflict and I don’t like to leave anything on the table so we decided together, for me, it was the right move.

+1 the reason they don’t advice it is for their own malpractice insurance/cover your @ss. If something violent comes out of it they don’t want culpability.

I did it and then told therapist. Therapist actually thought it was fantastic after the fact and saw how it provided closure, not that he would have advised it if I asked first.

No, she didn't. A qualified therapist wouldn't recommend it. All she told you was that she couldn't stop you and then said you did what you had to do. She did not recoomend it or commend you for it . Stop your bullshit.

Yes she did. Yes they wound. It was the right decisions for me, that is how therapy works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man these threads fire up the OW/APs out there.

Yes they do, the only thing better is reading their posts over Xmas when they are so sad and bitter their soul mate is with his wife and not answering her texts.

You spend your “happy family” Christmas day … reading DCUM posts of APs to take pleasure in their (imagined) sadness?

Wow, your cheating DH seriously screwed up your head. Good luck with that.

My husband doesn’t have an affair partner. And yes, sometimes I grab my phone and look at DCUM the two weeks I have off of Christmas. And the amount of.OW on this site during that time it’s freaking insane.

Don’t even get me started about New Year’s.

Super weird thing to be so intently focused on for someone whose husband doesn’t have an AP!

I’m sure plenty of happily married people with no experience involving affairs not only are *aware* of this rampant, holiday-season, pathetic-OW DCUM posting phenomenon, but annually return to this treasure trove of misery posts to read them with glee over their Christmas morning coffee. Then again on NYE.

AKA stop telling on yourself.

I do have 3 good friends who blew up
Their lives being an OW. It’s amazing to watch people spiral their lives out of control.

I don’t think it’s super weird to wonder why these women self destruct so badly.

I don’t “return annually” but I do notice the uptick of crazy.

OTOH, if you’ve never been an OW you seem very intent on framing my amazement in people throwing their lives away as some deviant voyeurism. Methinks YOU protest too much.

You have me confused with someone else. When did I say I wasn’t an AP?

I am absolutely the office mattress at work, and I get a thrill out of “forbidden” sex. To each their own!

Weirdo