I got an email telling me my daughter is a mean girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would ignore it - it is anonymous and it could be any crazy person if they don't put their name too it - so I would give it less credence. But I would keep an eye out on how you think her behavior is towards others.

You mean you're going back to just sticking your head in the sand, don't you??

No "crazy person" is sending an email about her daughter.
Don't be ridiculous.

You're the crazy one if that's what you think -- stop watching so much Lifetime TV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ignore it - it is anonymous and it could be any crazy person if they don't put their name too it - so I would give it less credence. But I would keep an eye out on how you think her behavior is towards others.

You mean you're going back to just sticking your head in the sand, don't you??

No "crazy person" is sending an email about her daughter.
Don't be ridiculous.

You're the crazy one if that's what you think -- stop watching so much Lifetime TV.

It must be hard for you to realize that normal people find your anonymous emails creepy and threatening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The description of your DD as a popular girl who is frustrated with expectations that she is friends with everyone is sending up red flags for me. Like Gretchen Wieners cluelessly saying I can’t help it that I’m popular.

I agree it set off red flags for me too.

I totally disagree. I think the red flag is the kid who took the action of anonymously emailing a worrisome message.

Why is that a red flag??
Don't you think they wrote an anonymous email because they're afraid of the blowback they'd receive from her daughter?
If they're already getting bullied by her daughter, of course they're going to remain anonymous... are you joking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The description of your DD as a popular girl who is frustrated with expectations that she is friends with everyone is sending up red flags for me. Like Gretchen Wieners cluelessly saying I can’t help it that I’m popular.

I agree it set off red flags for me too.

I totally disagree. I think the red flag is the kid who took the action of anonymously emailing a worrisome message.

Why is that a red flag??
Don't you think they wrote an anonymous email because they're afraid of the blowback they'd receive from her daughter?
If they're already getting bullied by her daughter, of course they're going to remain anonymous... are you joking?

If it’s true won’t the daughter know who it is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the sender is the mean girl trying to stir up drama? I would probably ask vague social dynamics questions of my kid and if it seems like something is off, probably share the anonymous email with the school counselor. Nothing is truly anonymous. If a kid is sending that kind of message, then the school has a problem they need to address.

Let's walk this through. I'm a teenage mean girl. I want to pick on my "victim" who is popular. My go to move is I anonymously email her parents? That's not very gratifying at all. What does that accomplish exactly?

Rival mean girls knocking off one of the alphas by getting her in trouble. Certainly not unheard of.

This makes ZERO sense.

If they wanted to knock her down, they'd start a rumor about her hooking up with a bunch of random guys or some other rumor horrible rumor that would be difficult for her to deny and people believe her, like she has an STD (saw that on a Dr. Phil, so that does happen).

But this? This is silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The description of your DD as a popular girl who is frustrated with expectations that she is friends with everyone is sending up red flags for me. Like Gretchen Wieners cluelessly saying I can’t help it that I’m popular.

I agree it set off red flags for me too.

I totally disagree. I think the red flag is the kid who took the action of anonymously emailing a worrisome message.

Why is that a red flag??
Don't you think they wrote an anonymous email because they're afraid of the blowback they'd receive from her daughter?
If they're already getting bullied by her daughter, of course they're going to remain anonymous... are you joking?

If it’s true won’t the daughter know who it is?

Not pp, but not necessarily.
If the op's daughter is a stereotypical mean girl (which I'm not saying she is, based on the op's level headed responses) but if she is one, then it's highly likely that there's more than one girl she's doing this to?
No teenager is going to be confident enough to write their name on something like that -- they're just not that confident at that age

[Anonymous]

For those of you who don’t find this creepy/threatening, how old is your oldest child?

My theory is that those of you who don’t see the creepy/threat factor have kids who are middle school aged and younger and don’t have older teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who don’t find this creepy/threatening, how old is your oldest child?

My theory is that those of you who don’t see the creepy/threat factor have kids who are middle school aged and younger and don’t have older teens.

My daughter is in college. While thankfully she didn’t get caught up in this stuff much in HS, I heard about it and knew girls who were. I don’t personally find the letter threatening. I basically agree with OP’s take.

[Anonymous]

For those who are saying no big deal that the email was anonymous and how could you expect a teen to sign their name - if it’s so normal, how many times have you heard of this scenario? Receiving an anonymous email that maligns your kid is pretty damn unusual, and that’s why this discussion is 17 pages long. I’ve never personally heard of a similar situation other than in the news (jealous cheerleader mom, etc).

OP, I would treat the two issues separately. Whether your daughter was mean to other kids is one issue that you will have to work out with her. Receiving an anonymous email with a possible veiled threat is another issue. You may be reluctant to bring it up with the school because they might assume your daughter is guilty of being a bully from the contents of the email. But teachers who know her will know if this is true. And as a pp said, this might not be the first time this has happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you who don’t find this creepy/threatening, how old is your oldest child?

My theory is that those of you who don’t see the creepy/threat factor have kids who are middle school aged and younger and don’t have older teens.

My daughter is in college. While thankfully she didn’t get caught up in this stuff much in HS, I heard about it and knew girls who were. I don’t personally find the letter threatening. I basically agree with OP’s take.

Your daughter didn’t get caught up with this stuff, but I’m assuming your reply means that you heard about other parents receiving emails from anonymous people like OP’s situation. What happened in those cases? Did they ever find out who sent the emails or letters?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who are saying no big deal that the email was anonymous and how could you expect a teen to sign their name - if it’s so normal, how many times have you heard of this scenario? Receiving an anonymous email that maligns your kid is pretty damn unusual, and that’s why this discussion is 17 pages long. I’ve never personally heard of a similar situation other than in the news (jealous cheerleader mom, etc).

OP, I would treat the two issues separately. Whether your daughter was mean to other kids is one issue that you will have to work out with her. Receiving an anonymous email with a possible veiled threat is another issue. You may be reluctant to bring it up with the school because they might assume your daughter is guilty of being a bully from the contents of the email. But teachers who know her will know if this is true. And as a pp said, this might not be the first time this has happened.

+1 I've only heard of something similar in the context of a friend whose husband had a literal secret second life/girlfriend and she got an anonymous tip off that ended up being true. So, like Dateline / Lifetime movie stuff. The anonymity + statement that "someday people won't put up with it" are what makes this creepy, and I agree it's separate from the issue of whether OP's daughter is possibly mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ignore it - it is anonymous and it could be any crazy person if they don't put their name too it - so I would give it less credence. But I would keep an eye out on how you think her behavior is towards others.

You mean you're going back to just sticking your head in the sand, don't you??

No "crazy person" is sending an email about her daughter.
Don't be ridiculous.

You're the crazy one if that's what you think -- stop watching so much Lifetime TV.

It must be hard for you to realize that normal people find your anonymous emails creepy and threatening.

+1
It's telling that those quick to defend the anonymous email and cast OP's DD as a mean girl are the same ones responding vitriolically on an anonymous forum. Real brave online. Thinks this kind of behavior should be normalized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Delete it and pretend you never got it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would ignore it - it is anonymous and it could be any crazy person if they don't put their name too it - so I would give it less credence. But I would keep an eye out on how you think her behavior is towards others.

You mean you're going back to just sticking your head in the sand, don't you??

No "crazy person" is sending an email about her daughter.
Don't be ridiculous.

You're the crazy one if that's what you think -- stop watching so much Lifetime TV.

It must be hard for you to realize that normal people find your anonymous emails creepy and threatening.

+1
It's telling that those quick to defend the anonymous email and cast OP's DD as a mean girl are the same ones responding vitriolically on an anonymous forum. Real brave online. Thinks this kind of behavior should be normalized.

+1

Spot on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The description of your DD as a popular girl who is frustrated with expectations that she is friends with everyone is sending up red flags for me. Like Gretchen Wieners cluelessly saying I can’t help it that I’m popular.

I agree it set off red flags for me too.

I totally disagree. I think the red flag is the kid who took the action of anonymously emailing a worrisome message.

Why is that a red flag??
Don't you think they wrote an anonymous email because they're afraid of the blowback they'd receive from her daughter?
If they're already getting bullied by her daughter, of course they're going to remain anonymous... are you joking?

If it’s true won’t the daughter know who it is?

Not pp, but not necessarily.
If the op's daughter is a stereotypical mean girl (which I'm not saying she is, based on the op's level headed responses) but if she is one, then it's highly likely that there's more than one girl she's doing this to?
No teenager is going to be confident enough to write their name on something like that -- they're just not that confident at that age

That's a lot of assumptions. If the daughter is being this awful to some girl guaranteed she's going to have some guesses as to who it is. The anonymity is not a bright idea.