Please don’t let your children eat common allergens while playing on public playground equipment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP reminds me of a parent whose child had a peanut allergy in my child's kindergarten class. She insisted on every kid constantly washing hands, she would check lunches, wipe down tables, and constantly talk about how allergic her child was. She would quiz kids and families every morning about what they ate for breakfast. I was sympathetic as a parent of a child with a peanut/tree nut allergy until I found out that over spring break the family flew to Orlando and they went to a bunch of amusement parks. I saw pictures of the child on various rides and activities. If you are that allergic no way can you safely go to Disneyworld and ride most of the rides, hug characters, etc.

OP look into an allergist who will do Oral Immunotherapy or look into a clinical trial. My 14 year old just completed an OIT clinical study and can now eat peanuts and treenuts.

It isn't realistic that you expect everyone else to change what they are doing and eating for your child.

We had a mom like this in my daughter's kindergarten too. She was super obnoxious about it and it was literally her entire personality (she wore "food allergy mom" t-shirts. I'm not even kidding). Her son apparently had a very severe peanut allergy and so we were asked to not allow our kids to even have peanuts or peanut butter or Nutella for breakfast on school days which we accommodated, of course, because we are not complete jerks.

Fast forward a few years and my daughter didn't have the same teacher as this kid for several years and now in 4th grade the kid is allergic to almost everything...he has that eosinophilic esophagus thing (I am sure I spelled that wrong) and mom insists on all treats at birthdays and whatnot being compliant (vs. keeping the severe allergens out of the classroom and sending a compliant "treat" for her own kid, he's apparently not SUPER allergic to these other things, he just can't consume them). And she's still on the offensive constantly... I think the kid just wants to be normal and have his mom shut up and manage his own diet at this point but it's just become so much of a THING for her.

Frankly my experience with her has had the opposite effect that she probably intended...I find this all very irritating and I'm not as sympathetic as I probably should be. I just get so worn down by her constantly forcing others to change their behavior for her kid instead of doing what's absolutely necessary to protect him and letting people otherwise bring normal food to school that won't actually hurt him unless he EATS it (which by 4th grade is on HIM).

My kid grew out of FPIES (thankfully) but EOE is a related disease as well as Mast Cell issues. She is doing everyone with kids who experience food allergies a BIG disservice. My kid knows what he cannot eat (since there are other allergies besides his now outgrown FPIES) and if there is a treat, we provide it. During taste tests in pre-K, he would be left out and we got videos of these taste tests. It sucks but we talked it over and he knows that he cant eat it- its for his safety.
I cant replace everything with a safe food (trust me I have tried) and its not on other kids to modulate their experiences- they dont have any problems with those foods. My kid will have to grow up in a world where all those foods are around him and he cant go vocalizing to every person he meets in a workplace or school or social setting that they have to change what THEY eat based on his limitations.
And being overbearing like that DOES irritate most people and they become less compliant because instead of focusing on 2 or 3 things they want everything minimized. And it does change compliance with requests.

I feel like part of the problem is so many people with sensitivities or preferences make such a federal case out of their sensitivity or preference and it waters down the importance of helping others to avoid TRUE severe allergies. Massive difference between "gluten makes me bloated" or "I don't eat meat because I love animals" or "if I eat too much cheese I'm gassy" and "if I eat a peanut I will literally die".

There is something to this, and I think it's exacerbated by the fact that in certain parent communities (including mine) there are a lot of strong feelings about things like preservatives and dyes in food, organic foods, consuming "whole" foods, etc. And I subscribe to a lot of it. But some people tend to roll it all together with both sensitivities (lactose or gluten intolerance) and allergies. And they are actually all different.

One reason parents get frustrated with the food restrictions at school, for instance, is that there are about 100 different ways that parents try to police what they feed their kids. I have had other parents give me a hard time for serving too many berries at a party (too much sugar, apparently) or for sending fig bars to school as a snack (gluten free, nut free, kosher, no preservatives, only 8 ingredients -- seemed like an easy win!). When you regularly experience this much judgment and and control around food for your kids, having someone yell at you that how dare you bring your kid almonds to eat at the playground is exhausting.

If the only time someone ever gave me a hard time about kid-related food issues was regarding serious allergies, my life would be so much easier. Sadly, I deal with kid-related food issues about 14x a day and still somehow apparently do not do it to the satisfaction of other parents. It makes me a little bit prickly about the subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP reminds me of a parent whose child had a peanut allergy in my child's kindergarten class. She insisted on every kid constantly washing hands, she would check lunches, wipe down tables, and constantly talk about how allergic her child was. She would quiz kids and families every morning about what they ate for breakfast. I was sympathetic as a parent of a child with a peanut/tree nut allergy until I found out that over spring break the family flew to Orlando and they went to a bunch of amusement parks. I saw pictures of the child on various rides and activities. If you are that allergic no way can you safely go to Disneyworld and ride most of the rides, hug characters, etc.

OP look into an allergist who will do Oral Immunotherapy or look into a clinical trial. My 14 year old just completed an OIT clinical study and can now eat peanuts and treenuts.

It isn't realistic that you expect everyone else to change what they are doing and eating for your child.

We had a mom like this in my daughter's kindergarten too. She was super obnoxious about it and it was literally her entire personality (she wore "food allergy mom" t-shirts. I'm not even kidding). Her son apparently had a very severe peanut allergy and so we were asked to not allow our kids to even have peanuts or peanut butter or Nutella for breakfast on school days which we accommodated, of course, because we are not complete jerks.

Fast forward a few years and my daughter didn't have the same teacher as this kid for several years and now in 4th grade the kid is allergic to almost everything...he has that eosinophilic esophagus thing (I am sure I spelled that wrong) and mom insists on all treats at birthdays and whatnot being compliant (vs. keeping the severe allergens out of the classroom and sending a compliant "treat" for her own kid, he's apparently not SUPER allergic to these other things, he just can't consume them). And she's still on the offensive constantly... I think the kid just wants to be normal and have his mom shut up and manage his own diet at this point but it's just become so much of a THING for her.

Frankly my experience with her has had the opposite effect that she probably intended...I find this all very irritating and I'm not as sympathetic as I probably should be. I just get so worn down by her constantly forcing others to change their behavior for her kid instead of doing what's absolutely necessary to protect him and letting people otherwise bring normal food to school that won't actually hurt him unless he EATS it (which by 4th grade is on HIM).

My kid grew out of FPIES (thankfully) but EOE is a related disease as well as Mast Cell issues. She is doing everyone with kids who experience food allergies a BIG disservice. My kid knows what he cannot eat (since there are other allergies besides his now outgrown FPIES) and if there is a treat, we provide it. During taste tests in pre-K, he would be left out and we got videos of these taste tests. It sucks but we talked it over and he knows that he cant eat it- its for his safety.
I cant replace everything with a safe food (trust me I have tried) and its not on other kids to modulate their experiences- they dont have any problems with those foods. My kid will have to grow up in a world where all those foods are around him and he cant go vocalizing to every person he meets in a workplace or school or social setting that they have to change what THEY eat based on his limitations.
And being overbearing like that DOES irritate most people and they become less compliant because instead of focusing on 2 or 3 things they want everything minimized. And it does change compliance with requests.

I feel like part of the problem is so many people with sensitivities or preferences make such a federal case out of their sensitivity or preference and it waters down the importance of helping others to avoid TRUE severe allergies. Massive difference between "gluten makes me bloated" or "I don't eat meat because I love animals" or "if I eat too much cheese I'm gassy" and "if I eat a peanut I will literally die".

There is something to this, and I think it's exacerbated by the fact that in certain parent communities (including mine) there are a lot of strong feelings about things like preservatives and dyes in food, organic foods, consuming "whole" foods, etc. And I subscribe to a lot of it. But some people tend to roll it all together with both sensitivities (lactose or gluten intolerance) and allergies. And they are actually all different.

One reason parents get frustrated with the food restrictions at school, for instance, is that there are about 100 different ways that parents try to police what they feed their kids. I have had other parents give me a hard time for serving too many berries at a party (too much sugar, apparently) or for sending fig bars to school as a snack (gluten free, nut free, kosher, no preservatives, only 8 ingredients -- seemed like an easy win!). When you regularly experience this much judgment and and control around food for your kids, having someone yell at you that how dare you bring your kid almonds to eat at the playground is exhausting.

If the only time someone ever gave me a hard time about kid-related food issues was regarding serious allergies, my life would be so much easier. Sadly, I deal with kid-related food issues about 14x a day and still somehow apparently do not do it to the satisfaction of other parents. It makes me a little bit prickly about the subject.

My best friend is super picky about what foods she allows her kids to consume and has adopted a policy that I think is awesome: She srictly controls their diets at home and for their packed lunches but lets them eat whatever when they are with friends, at a party, etc. That way they are eating the foods she's comfortable with at least 95% of the time. Obviously you can't do this with severe allergies...but I think it's a great tactic if you have preferences based on things like eating organic, avoiding dyes, etc.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't wash my child's hands after eating. Wipe on a napkin, or realistically your pants or mine, and off you go.

Just an FYI, the equipment is really never cleaned so it is also covered in bird feces, squirrel and rodent schmutz, probably some fox and raccoon poop in the mulch. Probably some mold in the wood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP reminds me of a parent whose child had a peanut allergy in my child's kindergarten class. She insisted on every kid constantly washing hands, she would check lunches, wipe down tables, and constantly talk about how allergic her child was. She would quiz kids and families every morning about what they ate for breakfast. I was sympathetic as a parent of a child with a peanut/tree nut allergy until I found out that over spring break the family flew to Orlando and they went to a bunch of amusement parks. I saw pictures of the child on various rides and activities. If you are that allergic no way can you safely go to Disneyworld and ride most of the rides, hug characters, etc.

OP look into an allergist who will do Oral Immunotherapy or look into a clinical trial. My 14 year old just completed an OIT clinical study and can now eat peanuts and treenuts.

It isn't realistic that you expect everyone else to change what they are doing and eating for your child.

We had a mom like this in my daughter's kindergarten too. She was super obnoxious about it and it was literally her entire personality (she wore "food allergy mom" t-shirts. I'm not even kidding). Her son apparently had a very severe peanut allergy and so we were asked to not allow our kids to even have peanuts or peanut butter or Nutella for breakfast on school days which we accommodated, of course, because we are not complete jerks.

Fast forward a few years and my daughter didn't have the same teacher as this kid for several years and now in 4th grade the kid is allergic to almost everything...he has that eosinophilic esophagus thing (I am sure I spelled that wrong) and mom insists on all treats at birthdays and whatnot being compliant (vs. keeping the severe allergens out of the classroom and sending a compliant "treat" for her own kid, he's apparently not SUPER allergic to these other things, he just can't consume them). And she's still on the offensive constantly... I think the kid just wants to be normal and have his mom shut up and manage his own diet at this point but it's just become so much of a THING for her.

Frankly my experience with her has had the opposite effect that she probably intended...I find this all very irritating and I'm not as sympathetic as I probably should be. I just get so worn down by her constantly forcing others to change their behavior for her kid instead of doing what's absolutely necessary to protect him and letting people otherwise bring normal food to school that won't actually hurt him unless he EATS it (which by 4th grade is on HIM).

My kid grew out of FPIES (thankfully) but EOE is a related disease as well as Mast Cell issues. She is doing everyone with kids who experience food allergies a BIG disservice. My kid knows what he cannot eat (since there are other allergies besides his now outgrown FPIES) and if there is a treat, we provide it. During taste tests in pre-K, he would be left out and we got videos of these taste tests. It sucks but we talked it over and he knows that he cant eat it- its for his safety.
I cant replace everything with a safe food (trust me I have tried) and its not on other kids to modulate their experiences- they dont have any problems with those foods. My kid will have to grow up in a world where all those foods are around him and he cant go vocalizing to every person he meets in a workplace or school or social setting that they have to change what THEY eat based on his limitations.
And being overbearing like that DOES irritate most people and they become less compliant because instead of focusing on 2 or 3 things they want everything minimized. And it does change compliance with requests.

I feel like part of the problem is so many people with sensitivities or preferences make such a federal case out of their sensitivity or preference and it waters down the importance of helping others to avoid TRUE severe allergies. Massive difference between "gluten makes me bloated" or "I don't eat meat because I love animals" or "if I eat too much cheese I'm gassy" and "if I eat a peanut I will literally die".

There is something to this, and I think it's exacerbated by the fact that in certain parent communities (including mine) there are a lot of strong feelings about things like preservatives and dyes in food, organic foods, consuming "whole" foods, etc. And I subscribe to a lot of it. But some people tend to roll it all together with both sensitivities (lactose or gluten intolerance) and allergies. And they are actually all different.

One reason parents get frustrated with the food restrictions at school, for instance, is that there are about 100 different ways that parents try to police what they feed their kids. I have had other parents give me a hard time for serving too many berries at a party (too much sugar, apparently) or for sending fig bars to school as a snack (gluten free, nut free, kosher, no preservatives, only 8 ingredients -- seemed like an easy win!). When you regularly experience this much judgment and and control around food for your kids, having someone yell at you that how dare you bring your kid almonds to eat at the playground is exhausting.

If the only time someone ever gave me a hard time about kid-related food issues was regarding serious allergies, my life would be so much easier. Sadly, I deal with kid-related food issues about 14x a day and still somehow apparently do not do it to the satisfaction of other parents. It makes me a little bit prickly about the subject.

It is very true that you just cannot win with food and it is very draining. And a lot of it is coming from misguided places, making it so frustrating (eg, on no planet is blueberry overdose a thing lol). I still think we owe as much empathy as we can muster for severe allergies but I can definitely agree with this sentiment overall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here, also with a child with both anaphylactic nut allergy and a hard time gaining weight.

OP you have to do the work yourself, and I’m sorry. Parents—particularly mothers— have very full plates and they can’t take any of your burden onto themselves. But you can find ways to help people help you.

I always go to the park or library with a loaded bag— epis and Benadryl yes but ALSO spare, protein heavy, nice snacks. Horizon makes yogurt pouches, for example. It is much, much easier to approach a parent who is giving her kid a larabar (my child is allergic to cashew) and ask if she wouldn’t mind putting it away when I can *also* show that I realize having a hangry or hypoglycemic kid is a burden for her that *I* have thought of by offering something else. You have to come out of yourself a little bit and it’s so hard because you’re worried about your baby, but the way you’re going to find your people is to show that you care about other babies as well. Hang in there it will get easier!

(And, make sure you’re seeing an allergist who is aggressive on treating allergies— we went from 3 life threatening allergens to 2 which was HUGE for our quality of life)

Thank you for being sane. I really think a lot of the pushback OP is getting is not because people don't want to do reasonable things to keep her kid safe, but because her post (and those from some of the people in the same position) seem to ignore that a lot (most?) parents, especially moms, are truly doing the best they can. I don't have a kid with allergies but I do have a special needs kid. I absolutely do whatever I can to keep other kids safe, whenever I'm aware of an allergy I do what I need to do to make sure we don't unintentionally expose the child, and we of course wash up after eating anything at the playground and also remind our kid about not walking around with food or trying to share her snacks.

But yes, my main objection to OP was just the idea that I need to be thinking about her kid in 100% of my decisions. I just can't do that. If someone at the playground told me that a snack we had posed a danger to their kid, of course I'd put it away. But yes, it would be great to be offered an alternative because especially for non-peanut allergies, I might be limited in what I have with me (it's incredibly hard to pack snacks for kids that don't contain at least one of the common allergens).

As a parent of a kid with SN, I know about the balance of advocating for your child while also recognizing that there are limits to what you can ask of others, and that sometimes you need to ready to remove your kid from a situation, or take extra steps to help others accommodate your child. It's hard. But it's good to remember everyone is trying and most people are stretched thin, and most of the time people aren't going out of their way to make your life difficult, they are just doing their best. Giving a little good will is a great way to get some back.

Aww thanks I’ve never been called sane on DCUM before!

Really there’s a whole lot of “no win” here for parents. Give your kid a snack at the playground— wrong. Don’t give your kid a snack on the playground— bet that same mom is saying you’re wrong for having a kid have a hanger tantrum. Keep your kid home at all snack times— why isn’t your kid getting more fresh air and exercise?!??

Our kids will only learn empathy if they see it. I can be terrified (and I deeply sympathized with the poster who experienced watching doctors save her child, I did too and my heart will never recover) and still spare a drop of empathy for the mother who has to take her kids Bamba away even though it’s his favorite snack and now he’s going to melt down in public, and I can plan to be empathetic by having something to offer her to make her day that 2% easier even while
she does something to make my day 5000% easier. Yeah the kid won’t die if he doesn’t eat bambas. But I won’t die if I give a mom a different snack for her kid, either, and hey look my kid is learning about sharing her snacks safely!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't wash my child's hands after eating. Wipe on a napkin, or realistically your pants or mine, and off you go.

Just an FYI, the equipment is really never cleaned so it is also covered in bird feces, squirrel and rodent schmutz, probably some fox and raccoon poop in the mulch. Probably some mold in the wood.

Very good points.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't wash my child's hands after eating. Wipe on a napkin, or realistically your pants or mine, and off you go.

Just an FYI, the equipment is really never cleaned so it is also covered in bird feces, squirrel and rodent schmutz, probably some fox and raccoon poop in the mulch. Probably some mold in the wood.

Very good points.

They are 2 very different things though. My kids have allergies but I couldn't care less about bird poop and raccoon crap. I really don't mind what snack other kids eat but I think it's selfish and odd to eat a sticky peanut food ON the playground equipment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't wash my child's hands after eating. Wipe on a napkin, or realistically your pants or mine, and off you go.

Just an FYI, the equipment is really never cleaned so it is also covered in bird feces, squirrel and rodent schmutz, probably some fox and raccoon poop in the mulch. Probably some mold in the wood.

We put peanuts and nut butters in our squirrel feeder. I hope none of the squirrels pass through the playground after leaving our yard, as they likely have nut residue on their paws and faces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP reminds me of a parent whose child had a peanut allergy in my child's kindergarten class. She insisted on every kid constantly washing hands, she would check lunches, wipe down tables, and constantly talk about how allergic her child was. She would quiz kids and families every morning about what they ate for breakfast. I was sympathetic as a parent of a child with a peanut/tree nut allergy until I found out that over spring break the family flew to Orlando and they went to a bunch of amusement parks. I saw pictures of the child on various rides and activities. If you are that allergic no way can you safely go to Disneyworld and ride most of the rides, hug characters, etc.

OP look into an allergist who will do Oral Immunotherapy or look into a clinical trial. My 14 year old just completed an OIT clinical study and can now eat peanuts and treenuts.

It isn't realistic that you expect everyone else to change what they are doing and eating for your child.

We had a mom like this in my daughter's kindergarten too. She was super obnoxious about it and it was literally her entire personality (she wore "food allergy mom" t-shirts. I'm not even kidding). Her son apparently had a very severe peanut allergy and so we were asked to not allow our kids to even have peanuts or peanut butter or Nutella for breakfast on school days which we accommodated, of course, because we are not complete jerks.

Fast forward a few years and my daughter didn't have the same teacher as this kid for several years and now in 4th grade the kid is allergic to almost everything...he has that eosinophilic esophagus thing (I am sure I spelled that wrong) and mom insists on all treats at birthdays and whatnot being compliant (vs. keeping the severe allergens out of the classroom and sending a compliant "treat" for her own kid, he's apparently not SUPER allergic to these other things, he just can't consume them). And she's still on the offensive constantly... I think the kid just wants to be normal and have his mom shut up and manage his own diet at this point but it's just become so much of a THING for her.

Frankly my experience with her has had the opposite effect that she probably intended...I find this all very irritating and I'm not as sympathetic as I probably should be. I just get so worn down by her constantly forcing others to change their behavior for her kid instead of doing what's absolutely necessary to protect him and letting people otherwise bring normal food to school that won't actually hurt him unless he EATS it (which by 4th grade is on HIM).

I had a child in our class whose mother said she could not consume gluten. So I got lots of gluten-free snacks. The child, however, insists she can eat tons of stuff with gluten in it that other children in class are eating. I kept telling her no, that’s not a snack approved by your mother, and she would just ignore me and eat it anyway. I have no idea if she is being affected by this, but short of taking them away from her, she just literally doesn’t listen to me. What do parents with allergic children do if their child chooses these things?

This reminds me of my daughter's "vegan" friend who inhaled two slices of pepperoni pizza at a birthday party before I could stop her (I had a frozen vegan pizza I had purchased and baked for her but she got to the other pizza before I could stop her).

Neither gluten nor pepperoni will cause anaphylaxis. So it’s not the same as the top eight allergens. Which have all killed people, including kids who accidentally ate them or ate them out of FOMO. Even sesame has killed people.

Both kids described above may have had intestinal upsets later that puzzled their parents, but they weren’t in danger of suffocating even after to Epi Pens.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you just build a playground in your backyard and let your kid play there? Or play video games at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP reminds me of a parent whose child had a peanut allergy in my child's kindergarten class. She insisted on every kid constantly washing hands, she would check lunches, wipe down tables, and constantly talk about how allergic her child was. She would quiz kids and families every morning about what they ate for breakfast. I was sympathetic as a parent of a child with a peanut/tree nut allergy until I found out that over spring break the family flew to Orlando and they went to a bunch of amusement parks. I saw pictures of the child on various rides and activities. If you are that allergic no way can you safely go to Disneyworld and ride most of the rides, hug characters, etc.

OP look into an allergist who will do Oral Immunotherapy or look into a clinical trial. My 14 year old just completed an OIT clinical study and can now eat peanuts and treenuts.

It isn't realistic that you expect everyone else to change what they are doing and eating for your child.

We had a mom like this in my daughter's kindergarten too. She was super obnoxious about it and it was literally her entire personality (she wore "food allergy mom" t-shirts. I'm not even kidding). Her son apparently had a very severe peanut allergy and so we were asked to not allow our kids to even have peanuts or peanut butter or Nutella for breakfast on school days which we accommodated, of course, because we are not complete jerks.

Fast forward a few years and my daughter didn't have the same teacher as this kid for several years and now in 4th grade the kid is allergic to almost everything...he has that eosinophilic esophagus thing (I am sure I spelled that wrong) and mom insists on all treats at birthdays and whatnot being compliant (vs. keeping the severe allergens out of the classroom and sending a compliant "treat" for her own kid, he's apparently not SUPER allergic to these other things, he just can't consume them). And she's still on the offensive constantly... I think the kid just wants to be normal and have his mom shut up and manage his own diet at this point but it's just become so much of a THING for her.

Frankly my experience with her has had the opposite effect that she probably intended...I find this all very irritating and I'm not as sympathetic as I probably should be. I just get so worn down by her constantly forcing others to change their behavior for her kid instead of doing what's absolutely necessary to protect him and letting people otherwise bring normal food to school that won't actually hurt him unless he EATS it (which by 4th grade is on HIM).

I had a child in our class whose mother said she could not consume gluten. So I got lots of gluten-free snacks. The child, however, insists she can eat tons of stuff with gluten in it that other children in class are eating. I kept telling her no, that’s not a snack approved by your mother, and she would just ignore me and eat it anyway. I have no idea if she is being affected by this, but short of taking them away from her, she just literally doesn’t listen to me. What do parents with allergic children do if their child chooses these things?

This reminds me of my daughter's "vegan" friend who inhaled two slices of pepperoni pizza at a birthday party before I could stop her (I had a frozen vegan pizza I had purchased and baked for her but she got to the other pizza before I could stop her).

Neither gluten nor pepperoni will cause anaphylaxis. So it’s not the same as the top eight allergens. Which have all killed people, including kids who accidentally ate them or ate them out of FOMO. Even sesame has killed people.

Both kids described above may have had intestinal upsets later that puzzled their parents, but they weren’t in danger of suffocating even after to Epi Pens.

Wheat allergies -- as separate from gluten intolerance or celiac -- can cause anaphylaxis. Alpha-gal syndrome could trigger anaphylaxis from pepperoni, but I think probably only from ingestion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP. You have to learn to be ruthless. As you can see, these people don’t care about your kid. They don’t care or she lives or dies. They only care about their child and their comfort.

So what do I do? Grab the snack and throw it out. I don’t care if I make an enemy out of every parent and nanny in the park. You will have to learn to aggressively put your child first because everyone around them won’t ever.

Let them be angry. My child’s right to life is more important than your kids snack.

That’s assault against a child. Hope you have a lot of money for legal bills.

“Grabbing a snack” is not “assault against a child.” How asinine. And you’re the people claiming OP is dramatic.

If someone grabbed a snack out of my kid's hands, it would not end well for them, at all.

Sure, Internet Tough Gal. And the real assault charges (not the joke “someone took my kid’s snack! Assault!!!”) would definitely not end well for you, at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are going to eat what we decide they’ll eat, thank you very much. Also, they won’t be calling you “Ms.____” either, unless you’re their teacher.

Ah, you’re an adolescent raising children. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you all keep dissing kids who are eating at the park? DH works late one night a week, so my kids and I have a tradition of packing sandwiches (yes often PBJ) and eating dinner at the playground. I see lots of kids eating lunches and dinners there.

So eat your sandwich at home, wash your hands and go to the park. A “tradition?” GTFOH.

No thanks. You do you. I'll eat my sandwich at the playground picnic table.

You’re a toddler. Your poor kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here, and I have not read much of the thread. But as the parent of a kid in kindergarten, this is something I've thought a lot about.

I understand OP's request and why she would make it. If my child had a serious allergy, I'd of course worry about this too, and do whatever I could to protect my kid. That's what good parents do. I get it, I really do.

But here is the problem. I have a kid with ARFID who relies on nut butters and nuts to get enough protein. I expend a ton of energy worrying about my kid's diet. And what you are asking me to do is worry that some of the very few foods my kids will eat might leave a residue on her fingers that could be transferred to a piece of playground equipment and then harm your child.

I'm sorry, that's too much. It's too much! I have to worry about my own kid. Is the risk from a peanut residue actually that dangerous to your kid? If so, I think that like me, you need to take the responsibility for your child's unique situation on yourself -- wipe down equipment if you are concerned, have your kid wear gloves, even be ready to let other families at the playground know the situation so that they can make reasonable choices in the moment.

But to ask me to simply refrain from allowing my kid to eat one of a very small number of foods she will eat at the playground, especially when these foods are already not allowed at her school, is too much. I can't. I'd like to help you, but I can't. Just like you can't help me.

Good luck to you.

NP. Of course you child should eat what she needs to eat.

And then, if you're on or going to a playground, you can wash or wipe down her hands.

There! Your child gets the nutrition she needs and does not spread substances that potentially can make someone else's child ill. But nowhere in your otherwise supposedly reasonable post did you ever mention YOUR "taking the responsibility for your child's unique situation on YOURself" by wiping her hands.

You do realize, PP, it is easier for a parent to wipe or wash ONE child's two little hands than for the OP to have to go all over a playground wiping down every rung on every ladder, every slide, every pole--? Oh, you cannot take a few moments to wipe your child's hands but OP should "wipe down equipment if you are concerned," as if that is an effort equivalent to your just wiping your kid's hands. I'm betting you'll come back to huff and puff and say of course you wash or wipe your kid's hands. Eh, if you do, why bother to post at length about how this is really all on OP, then?

There have been nasty knee-jerk name-calling posts on here by trollish little creeps. Yet somehow your rational, reasonable, "I've got a kid with seriousl issues too, it's so hard!" post is even worse to me. You do not possess the empathy you might think you do, PP.

PP here. Of course my kid washes or sanitizes her hands at the playground after eating. And just in general. Of course we do this. But that is actually not what OP is asking.

She is asking me to be vigilant about it, as though to assume that any child at the playground could have a severe allergy that could kill them if my child's food somehow got onto playground equipment. She is asking me to avoid bringing these foods to the playground at all, or if I do, to be very careful about only consuming them away from the equipment and then making sure that my child has no residue on her hands before playing. She is asking for a level of care and vigilance that I am simply not capable.

I sometimes forget to have my kid use a wipe or sanitizer after she eats. Usually I remember, sometimes I don't. Kids are all over the place. In many cases, I've just spent the previous 15-20 minutes going through a routine we learned from our OT for her ARFID that is supposed to help her relax around foods and try a new food or an old food in a new way. I am expending a lot of my focus on that and sometimes I might forget to get the sanitizer or hand her a wipe.

Also, she's 6, so she wipes her hands at varying levels of competence. Sometimes I supervise and will note that she didn't get it all, but I miss things. I am an imperfect person with my hands full. And my own child does not have a nut allergy, she has a different but seriously difficult issue with eating and I am focused on dealing with that. Also, maybe something gets on her clothes an I miss that. I miss things, I am flawed, I am at the playground not in an operating theater.

If another parent approached me at the playground and said "Hi, my son has a serious peanut allergy and I would love if you could make sure to eat any tree nuts in another part of the play area and also to make sure your child washes her hands thoroughly before getting on the equipment?" I'd say "oh, of course, happy to" and then I would be extra vigilant that day and make sure my DD knows that we need to be careful around this kid because of the allergy. The same way I never send anything with peanuts to school because of allergies there.

But I cannot be that vigilant all the time. It's too hard and I have too much other stuff on my plate. I'm sorry. I really am.

You made OP's kid's situation all about you and the stuff on your plate. We get it, life is hard with a kid who has a condition. I think OP knows a lot about that too. But you aren't seeing that if OP has to stop and ask ask ask ask every parent on a playground please to wipe kids' hands etc., well, her kid's playtime is over by the time she's approached everyone individually. She's not aiming this just at YOU. She's saying she sees multiple kids eating on equipment very frequently, so her plea is a broader one to parents in general to stop that. I"m sure all those parents will say "I cannot be that vigilant all the time" and like you will be nice if asked, but you don't see that the constant asking is as wearing for a parent like OP as focusing on your kid's issues is wearing on you.

No, you're not getting it.

I know OP's problems aren't about me, anymore than my problems are about her. My point is: we all have problems, and what OP is asking is for me to prioritize her problems. And I'm not even saying I don't want to. I'm saying I can't. I am at capacity. I am not capable of taking the level of care OP is requesting in order to ensure that her child is safe. It is beyond me, not because I don't care, but because I am incapable of caring to the degree that she needs me to, because I have my hands full taking care of my own problems.

She is asking the impossible.

Yes, you are. You really are. It’s a very simple, small ask. It’s not that you “can’t.” You’re just refusing, like a toddler.

NP

So you really think it’s appropriate to ask a mom who clearly has her hands full dealing with her own family to remember to actively change her behavior concerning nuts because they might possibly come into contact with someone who has a severe nut allergy?

I know you’ll never admit it, but that is not a reasonable ask. At all.

It absolutely IS a reasonable ask, ARFID mom writing multiple multi-paragraph self-pitying posts doesn’t change it (“I’m sooooooo overwheeeeelned that my kids can’t eat their peanut butter sandwich at home before going to the playground) and ridiculous “my kids simply MUST eat their peanut butter at the park and not before we go to the playground. It’s a tradition!” mom notwithstanding.